To Fight the Coming Darkness
By JBern
Not entirely sure why Harry defended Snape when he's found at the scene the attack, and maybe even caused Susan's mother or Aunt to die.. and yet not a single Order member showed up to help in the fight. Come on.. how much worse could it look?
Oooooh! Nice. I really like the realistic portrayal of people in this fic! Aurors who think and act like real cops, a Moldyshorts to be truly respected and feared, it's amazing!
Keep up the AWESOME work!
Glad you liked it. Hope you enjoy the rest.
Ohhh, I'm going to enjoy this immensely. You do have a knack for fight scenes, can't wait for more of 'em.
There are some pretty good ones in here. I'll be looking forward to your reviews for the chapters in the early 20's.~Jim
Enjoying! Note:
"She has been so happy since she got rid of her mutt of a brother." Bellatrix was Sirius' cousin, not his sister. Says so in book 5, ch. 6 -- remember the tapestry?
'Oh, yeah, her mother Andromeda was my favourite cousin,' said Sirius,
examining the tapestry closely. 'No, Andromeda's not on here either, look'
He pointed to another small round burn mark between two names, Bellatrix and
Narcissa.
'Andromeda's sisters are still here because they made lovely, respectable pure]
blood marriages...'
Cheers,
David
Probably the most glaring of my many errors in this story and when I do housekeeping, it'll be the first to get fixed. Glad you are enjoying.~Jim
I just started this story to kill the time until you start on the sequel to Bungle. ;)
I'll leave a more detailed review to Bungle and this story later on but wanted to point out two things:
1. Sirius isn't Bellatrix' brother - he's her cousin. Bellatrix only has two sisters: Narcissa and Andromeda. Sirius has a brother: Regulus.
2. You change the POV a tad too often for my tastes, but that's your choice.
These points aside, good read so far.
Greetings from Germany...
Thanks. I thought I edited that early error. I'll get it next time. Sorry you don't like the pov shifts, I think I've gotten better at it as the story has progressed.
Bungle sequel chapter 1 in the first week of September.~Jim
Dumbledore usually has his golden child in the suburbs...HAD probably works better here than "has."
"Make sure you take there wands first." THEIR
and [have] the audacity to plan
edge of[f] the pain
Still dislike the way Harry saves Snape in this chapter, especially when he deservedd to be fed to the dogs.
Thanks. I'll add these to the errata and next time I do some house keeping on the story I'll fix them.~Jim
It's not like Harry to back down from Snape, but I guess he is still feeling guilty over being tricked into going to the DoM. It is good to see him thinking quickly on his feet, and looks like Susan will do so as well. She is becoming an interesting character!
Thanks. You are correct about the Harry and Snape interaction. In this fic, everyone makes mistakes.~Jim
Good fan fiction, I guess it is your first? There are still things that could be improved but the good thing is that it makes me want to read the next chapters :)
Dialogs are maybe not the best, but they usually get better the more you write.
The one thing out of place there was, I think, when Harry felt 'empty' for killing someone. This kind of thing don't happen right after you kill someone. It happens the night after, when you are
alone and have nothing else to worry about. (I'm not speaking of personal experience :p)
When there are battles, people don't rely much on words but more on body language. 'Fight now, talk later' isn't something I would encounter were something similar to happen.
I'm not really good with English, however these things are universal ;)
And you can check and correct these things later. Or get a beta ;)
Anyway I can't tell much until I read further.
Glad you enjoyed it. I do have a beta as of the later chapters. I will be reposting the earlier ones soon.~Jim
Just a great fight scene. I wish Harry had doen in Snape/ I have a feeling he will too before long.
I like Harry's acceptance of the fact that he's a killer now.
You have a profound sense of impending doom... ~Jim
Did I mention in last chapter's review that I liked action? I like action. If the rest of these chapters are a fraction of the fun that the first two have been -- this is spectacular!
Might want to capitalize "Ministry" when Harry is pondering Lestrange's death, but I couldn't find anything else. The way you intertwine character analysis with realtime events is just informative
enough to be interesting without overpowering the *wham* *bang* nature of the scene itself. I'm really enjoying these - this is the first time in five years of fanfic that I'm reviewing
chapter-by-chapter. Thanks for the ride!
Glad you like it. You'll see some more interesting character analysis in chapter 5 featuring Marietta Edgecombe and Terry Higgs of all people. Sometimes purebloods don't have many options.~Jim
Thank fucking Christ for that. I loathe horcruxes (horcruces? horcruci?). My opinion of this tale just skyrocketed on that alone.