flynhghr posted a comment on Friday 20th November 2009 10:45am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

You are definitely weaving a crazy complicated but devastatingly interesting plot. I must commend your efforts and supply that this is: The Most Awesome Action Fic I've Ever Read!!!!

I like the message to Dumbledore but it should have been more in the face with your basic insults, I would've thought Harry would have spewed obscenities for hours. ANother thing, Harry's note doesn't mention that Bill's alive, just mentions 3 wizards etc. Let the gore commence!

fyrecat posted a comment on Saturday 27th December 2008 10:01am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Ah ha. You clever bastard! You had been planning Thundercloud's death all along. I wonder how Lauren would feel about that?


Editorial notes:
"...and blasts you off your feet and spinning into the wall."
- and sends you spinning into the wall.

"I want to go to."
- I want to go too.
- too = also, as well, in addition.

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Thursday 10th January 2008 9:40am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Good chapter.

gunny

JBern replied:

Gracias!   (Sorry 5yr old daughter watching Dora)~Jim

Fasor posted a comment on Thursday 12th April 2007 11:21pm for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

brilliant story :)

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim

joe lemen posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd April 2007 11:18pm for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

I don't know how much I am looking forward to the up coming fight! I don't believe the entire crew will make it back to Hoggyville, but that place is beggin for a huge pile of Korean Hitwizard.

As for the great and powerful Albus, I'll quote on of your other stories "Oh, I’ve got a song to sing when the reaper finally catches up with that worthless bag of ass spackle!"

Keep up the great work!

Joe from DC

JBern replied:

Thanks for the good laugh.   I apologize for my very late reply.     Your review must have slipped through the cracks somehow.~Jim

MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Monday 2nd April 2007 2:50am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Great fight scenes. My favorite idea though is Voldy being a copy cat of Chilotha's.

Nice work with the demon. I've come across them in fanfic before, but your handling of it doesn't seem so totally out of bounds as the others. Probably because they usually appear in TooSuper!Harry fics.

I have enjoyed the pov of this story. Hope you keep this fic going past getting out of the dead city. I'd like to read of Harry's return to England.

Exceelent jod with Dumbledore's letters. They sound very in character.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.   I hope it has raised the bar for what people look for in a final battle.   The epilogue is now out, which is why I am so far behind on my replies.~Jim

mikek posted a comment on Saturday 31st March 2007 3:55pm for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

The first person perspective was a little odd at first but once I got used to the style it made the story seem more funny(with harry's commetry) and more intense at times.

JBern replied:

Wow.   I don't know how I missed replying to your review.   Sorry about that.   Hope you have continued to enjoy my story.~Jim

kain posted a comment on Saturday 31st March 2007 10:55am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

All I can say so far is WOW! I tried reading this when it consisted of like three chapters and found the writing style hard to read. However someone told me to try it again now that the story has developed some more and boy I can't wait to finish this sucker. Great job keep the work up

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Somehow I missed replying to this.   Glad you enjoyed it.   The epilogue is now up.~Jim

Erik Wiggins posted a comment on Friday 30th March 2007 9:50am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Ok, JBern this story is my first introduction to your stories. I now believe that to be a part of Fanficauthors.net means you are in the "Elite". I am amazed at the quality of your work. You are truly talented and I must say that this story truly kicks butt! I love the characters, I love the villains. This is definitely one that I will be checking everyday to see if you have updated!

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliments.   Obviously, you look past my mistakes in grammar and punctuation to enjoy the stories.   I have 3 stories in progress at the moment.   I'll be updating Darkness and perhaps The Lie I've Lived before I come back to Bungle.   It'll probably be at least 3 weeks.   You might want to just set up an email alert on my stories instead.   Give my other stories a try, you might like them as well.~Jim

a_wanderer posted a comment on Thursday 29th March 2007 1:18am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Hmmm, what about "holy symbols" those might work, similar to runes, against this thing. Every little bit helps.

JBern replied:

A possibility, but I don't know if they'll find religion before the Daemon finds them...

Sorry bad joke.~Jim

nezza posted a comment on Wednesday 28th March 2007 9:51pm for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

JIM

goddamn you i thought you'd killed bill off!!!

even after one of your replies to a review was that you were trying to build the realtionship between the two.

good work and i can't wait for the big fight live i have ringside tickets already booked.

also is the conforntation between harry and miss funbags going ot be in this fic or the sequel?

nezza

ps cheers for the fast update i dont think i could have lasted THAT cliffie for much longer :)

JBern replied:

I figured it was wrong to toy with the reader's emotions like that.   So, I went ahead and pushed this chapter out.   Of course, I could have just spared Bill in one chapter only to get rid him next chapter.  

Would I be that evil?~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Wednesday 28th March 2007 12:16am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

I was in shock over Bill and was, perhaps wrongfully, thrilled by the swap. Terrific fight scene - the Bloodfire was particularly good. "The smell of freshly ground bone has always been one of my favorites. It has been far too long" were such fantastically good sentences. Love the imagery of the Daemon. The way he talks about Neville is brilliant. The Dumbledore line was superb. Dumbledore is an absolute idiot if he believes Harry's forgiveness is that easy to gain. Of course I did like the Weasley twist. This final battle is going to be amazing. Love the level of pop culture that gets into this. Poor Luna must be in a bad way. More please.

JBern replied:

Glad you continue to enjoy the story.   I feel I captured Dumbledore very much in character for him.   There's more to that story in the sequel.   Remember this is the same idiot who makes Harry figure out on his own what a Horcrux is, instead of just telling him.

My other stories demand my attention right now.   In fact, I am working on a sci-fi short story this week for a contest.~Jim

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Tuesday 27th March 2007 6:42am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Great section here, and great to see that Bill survived, though some of the others didn't. You know, reading Dumbledore's letter, it seems at time that he is less that he's sorry for what he did to Harry, as more that he's finally been caught in what he was doing. I feel for Harry, he's the savior of the wizarding world, and for the most part, gets treated like crap by that same world. I look forward to what happens next, and if they can get out of this for the most part, what'll happen when they get back home.

JBern replied:

I'd like to think I have adequately portrayed the feel and sound of Dumbledore in his correspondence.   Next chapter is the big battle and after that are 1-2 chapters to wrap this story up before the sequel begins.   I'm pretty psyched to be so close to finishing a story, finally!~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Tuesday 27th March 2007 12:32am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Ooooh!! Was that ever absolutely brilliant. Despite you actually killing Sanchez, I kind of knew you wouldn't kill Bill as you had created to much of a "best friend" relationship between him and Harry. Hence why I didn't complain about his death in my last review. I quite liked how when Harry realised that it was Thundercloud who was dead he suddenely thought of his Granddaughter much like he thought of Fleur. That was a nice touch.

When you mentioned the Daemon I was slightly worried you were going too far our of Canon for this but he really works. I've read quite a bit of fantasy and the best references to demons or daemons are the smart ones who are often both the oldest and the strongest. You'd need to be to be able to survive that kind of life. I like that it has seens the future and the mentioning of Neville sometimes fighting him made me grin quite a bit.

I can't remember, are you writing a sequel to this?

Monkey

JBern replied:

Yes, there is a sequel.   It will be called Turn Me Loose: A Harry Potter Adventure.   Google the lyrics from Loverboy and it should give you the tone of the sequel.

I wanted a serious baddie for the final 'boss'.   Originally, it was going to be just the daemon possessing people.   Chilotha was added later.   Someone had to teach/mentor Voldy in the ways of making the horcrux.

Jim

Patches posted a comment on Monday 26th March 2007 8:52pm for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

This is quite a difficult deal Harry and the others have found themselves in. They are trapped in an ancient underground city that is cursed and they have to fight a Daemon! Is that a "demon"? It sounds like one to me. A really ugly one at that. I am really sorry that Thundercloud died. I really liked him. I hope the rest of them manage to get out of this city alive. Especially Hack. I like Hack and it would be great if he could wow the Troll girls with stories of his bravary in the doomed city! I especially like the way Harry tells off Dumbledore. He deserved it. I look forward to the rest of this story. I am also enjoying "The Lie I Lived"! That is good too. Thanks for writing. pms

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you enjoyed the latest installment.   I can't promise everyone will survive, but I will promise that they will try.~Jim

Renzo7 posted a comment on Monday 26th March 2007 3:50pm for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Nice chapter, I hope to see some updates soon.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   My other projects need some attention, but I'll be back to this one soon.~Jim

ShadeHawk posted a comment on Monday 26th March 2007 10:10am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Thank you very much for wonderfull chapter. Keep up good work.

First, the matter of typo. In the line in current chapter:
I have to be. There's a demon here and the bindings keeping it imprisoned are failing.
(in the letter to Luna) there should be "daemon", not "demon".

Is it just me, but it looks that Dumbledore is sorry not for what he did (to Harry, but also to his friends), but only that he got caught. The mind altering potions and mind altering spells (Obliviate) are not that below Imperio curse, and probably not that legal. (By the way, Harry has learned Avada Kedavra and Cruciatus; will he learn Imperio? Or perhaps I missed it?) Also it does not look like Hermione feelings were taken in consideration when Dumbledre devises "plan for Harry's summer".

I'd recommend that Harry maintain purely contact with Dumbledore purely on professional level, as leader of Order, and as knowledgeable but not necessary wise wizard, at least (well, he did that in letter to Dumbledore). Harry has a bit of leverage over Dumbledore, as Dumbledore is most insistent that Harry is to return to Hogwards. Hmmm... could Harry transfer magical education credit points to, say, Salem Institute, Beauxbatons or Durnstrang? Perhaps magically binding oath, or Unbreakable Vow on Dumbledore side should be required for Harry to consider returning to Hogwards.

As to how to deal with 7 meters tall Daemon, with magic nullification field and some divination powers? The Inferius cattle drive is a good idea... as long as nullification field doesn't de-animate zombies. Well even then it would be useful as long as nullification needs some energy on Daemon part.

Perhaps trying to reconstruct / reinforce the bindings (wards)? 48 hours is not much time for any serious research... Or perhaps there is some way to detect link of body with soul, and destroying soul container?

But I think best bet would be to use physics to destroy its' body. A magic equivalent of rail gun / gauss rifle, i.e. craft propelling or banishing wards and add some fine tuned trigger wards, so the bolt would be accelerated to supersonic speeds. Generating laser ray is rather out of the question; maser (directed microwave ray) is easier to build but I guess physics coursebook are of short supply ;-) Generating gravitational weapon, using tidal forces to do damage to body is out of scope of science, and it would be very hard for magic. All those ideas have advantages that the "bullet" is immune to nullification.

Bombardment, using home made napalm equivalent, various acids, or feather-weighed and shrinked boulders (which of course would expand to full size and mass upon encountering nullifying field) would be rather dangerous from broom. Unless from high altitude, but the accuracy would suffer. No time to build ultralight / parasail...

Experiments with trying to reproduce FAE (fuel-air explosion), beside the fact that Fae works best for enclosed spaces such like buildings, would conflict with idea of Inferi cattle drive...

JBern replied:

Some heavy duty tactical thought in there.   I doubt they will have the necessary time to come up with the magical equivalents of gauss rifles and what not.   They'll do the best with what they ahve.   Being on a broom might be dangerous if the Daemon's abilities can cause a broom to plummet to the ground.

Glad you enjoyed the chapter and I hope my version of the battle will live up to your standards.~Jim

cyd posted a comment on Monday 26th March 2007 9:23am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

Well, colour me surprised to see an update so soon. The cliffie in the previous chapter scared me (scarred even) so much that I tried to blot the possible (probable?) outcome of Bill dying out of my mind. Glad to see him survive, not so glad old Thundercloud died. You do have a way to make your OCs grow on your readers, hats off.

The next chapter, of course, fills me with dread again, even if it is more low-key - much as I want everyone to survive the upcoming battle, each for different reasons, I can see how dealing with a demonic being would not be quite the stroll in the park, even with an army of zombies at one's disposal.

I really hope (wish even) that you don't find a twisted way to have the whole concept backfire spectacularly, the mere thought of it has me quaking. After all, with that divination powers crap, would the Daemon not see also a way to beat what's coming his way?

Looks like a bit of speed-chess, where one player has had just about unlimited time to ponder his moves in advance, while the other has to wing it. Of course, Harry has shown himself pretty good at winging it in the past, but he's not superhuman (another thumbs up for that), though there is that pesky prophecy that complicates matters.

Does it mean that Harry cannot be killed by anyone save LV, a concept fetched too far by too many authors (immortal!Harry), or merely that circumstances will work out in his favour in such a way that he gets to that *final* battle that will put the prophecy to rest? Some timely advice forthcoming from AD finally, perhaps? (Best not tell Harry that though, don't want him getting too cocky either, and immortality does come in different shapes, as LV can attest).

I wish at this point I could add something more productive to this review, but methinks I would need a few days first to have the initial impressions subside somewhat.

One thing I will say is that I am looking forward to seeing how you will have Harry deal with the outside world after being cooped in with a pretty restricted circle for quite some time.

He's shown some quick thinking once in a damn serious non-combat situation already - dealing with the head of the Colastos family (the name excapes me right now). Going back to Britain, of course, will be compounded by, perhaps, having some of his strong preconceptions challenged, as well as having to deal with quite a few people at the same time.

I hope you plan to write the sequel in the second person again - first to keep the series consistent in terms of style, but also because it would be a damn sight to see Harry's preconceptions challenged, and his answer to that challenge, from inside his head. Somehow, I wonder why, I do think you can pull it off :).

I do understand how such a paltry thing as time constraints influence just about everything, so no pressure - wouldn't want to rush you dealing with such a complex fight just for instant, and short-lived, gratification. You've kept the previous bits pretty realistic and I wouldn't want it any other way. Take your time in taking my breath away again :)).

Until that time,
Cyd

JBern replied:

Thanks for the long and thoughtful review.   I need to give attention to my other stories first before I come back to this one.   This week, I am actually trying to finish my first original sci-fi short story for submission in a sci-fi writing contest.   After that, I am doing chapter 32 of Darkness and then I'll be back to Bungle.

Remember, true victory lies in the ability to use an opponents strengths and weaknesses against them...

The sequel will be in 2nd person.   For the chapter title's lyrics I have chosen Loverboy's Turn Me Loose.   Google the lyrics and you might get an idea of the tone of the story.

Jim

neil.reynolds@earthlink.net posted a comment on Monday 26th March 2007 5:47am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

The one thing that strikes me in the sequence of Dumbledore letters is what he doesn't say. I wonder if this is intentional.

He never mentions any reason why Harry wasn't allowed to Sirius' will reading; nor mentions why Harry wasn't even told there was a reading, or what the results were.

I could vaguely see a benign but thoughtless Dumbledore accidentally forgetting to ask Harry's permission before he spent Harry's money. But the will reading was an emotional as well as financial event, it was the closest Harr'y likely get to Sirius' funeral, so for that to have been hidden, and for Dumbledore not to have explicitly apologized for it, means there had to be malicious financial intent.

Dumbledore also failed to disclose how Ron afforded the quidditch camp, if the money came from Harry's funds, then Dumbles must know he was doing something wrong using Harry's money and taking the credit. It'd be hard to pretend he wasn't buying Ron's cooperation. It would be hard to prove that there was a quid pro quo arangement to buy off Hermione, but in Ron's case the evidence is there, and Dumbledore can't dodge it.

Is this a case of Dumbles not mentioning what he has no excuse for, or a case of him failing to apologize because he thinks Harry doesn't know yet?

Either way a very believable criminally meddling old coot who's trying to hide it.

At first I thought that the will reading occuring during the obliviated period was proof of his culpability there too, but I see that Dumbles could claim to have been oblivious to that too.

Is Dumbledore's appeal to not blame Remus sufficient grounds to make Dumbledore financially culpable?

Dumbledore can downplay the love potion, the exchange of favors, and the hiding of information as misguided caring; at least so far as to clear him legally based on reasonable doubt. But the financial handling proves he is really manipulating things illegally in the background. And his failure to own up to this part proves he has yet to start telling the whole truth to Harry.

JBern replied:

Nice long and well thought out review.   Of course DD won't immediately lay all his cards out on the table.   That would be too easy for the readers wouldn't it?

It's possible the will reading was in a place considered too public...

It's possible that Ron wasn't 'down' with Harry being obliviated and he was sent to camp to keep him out of the way....

Just some food for thought.~Jim

 

Patches posted a comment on Monday 26th March 2007 5:27am for I'll Write on Your Tombstone, 'I Thank You for Dinner'

This is quite a complicated senario. Very well done. Great imagination. I look forward to see how they finally get out of this cursed city. The spells are spectacular. Thanks for writing. I look forward to more. pms

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Next chapter is the big battle!~Jim