flynhghr posted a comment on Friday 20th November 2009 7:05am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Well, the final message to Luna was a bit Sappy, but I guess that's the only way it could have been put without Harry seeming a cold hearted bastard. It's funny that he's risking himself for a bit of gold he probably won't even get. Well, besides the horcrux, but he hasn't really talked about needing to get rid of those at all. Too bad he didn't get to romp with the twins, that would've been fun. I'm gonna laff if the "private" school they go to ends up being a magical school. All that trouble to maintain the statute or whatever they call it, lol.

fyrecat posted a comment on Friday 26th December 2008 11:16am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Finally, we've come full circle! Yay for Bill & Fleur. I hope everything works out with Luna. I was hoping that Harry would score all 3 of the Canadian girls, but that was still a funny scene.

Thanks as always for sharing this story with us all!

Editorial notes:

"...mention you’re situation to Fred and George."
- "your", not "you're"
- "you're" = you are

"They’ll be able to pass it into Dumbledore’s organization."
- pass it *on* to Dumbledore's...

"...exercises to further continue frustrate you."
- continue *to* frustrate you.

"School is starting up again next soon, ..."
- when is next soon? is that between August and September?

"You’re hung up on the semi-crazy girl you didn’t sleep with would think..."
- hung up on *what* the semi-crazy ..."

"They reminds you of the small handheld mirror..."
- It reminds you...

"...and gesturing towards picture."
- towards *the* picture.

"Dumbledore isn’t showing up with the calvary this time."
- cavalry. Calvary is the name of the hill where Jesus Christ was crucified. (If you believe all that Catholic propaganda.)

TxA_GunFighter posted a comment on Thursday 10th January 2008 4:48am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Very good story so far. Really enjoying it.

gunny

JBern replied:

Thanks.

Brian Donnely posted a comment on Tuesday 8th January 2008 3:06pm for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Ooh hoo hoo! Going back to the action you teased us with in the beginning, I like it!

Harry and Luna's relationship is definitely getting more... heated. Harry does seem to have a serious case of foot-in-mouth.

Oh, Amy, you little minx... How Harry covered that whole thing up with her dad and all was genius.

I hope Kwan and Collins make it out okay. :(

JBern replied:

The whole Amy thing was a tribute to all those Porkys, American Pie style movies.

As long as the H/Luna feels like it could be a real relationship lumps and all, I'm pleased.

Define "okay."

Jim

 

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Tuesday 20th March 2007 11:25am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

F&^%*n Brilliant!

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Thursday 8th March 2007 9:37am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

I love the way you make Luna so believably angry. Her letters are fantastic. I also adore the detail you put into the curses and cursebreaking. It makes it a much better read than the vague "Harry twiddled his wand, red lights glowed and the curse was lifted" you sometimes read. Brilliant way of looping it back together. Now I have to re-read chapter 1 before I move on.

JBern replied:

I wanted the relationship to be full of missteps on both their parts.   Luna is a complex character who is struggling with her own inner demons (or is it daemons?).~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Friday 2nd March 2007 2:21am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

The series of missives with Luna are chilling for us to watch Harry go through. You've written this so well, yet heartbreaking.

I re-read the first chapter - still a very fine fight scene that's even more understandable now.

JBern replied:

Long distance writing relationships suffer greatly from overreaction.   Mix in two people with rather poor social skills and a good deal of personal strife and it is a recipe for certain doom.~Jim

Graup posted a comment on Thursday 18th January 2007 10:51am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

I really enjoyed your story. Interesting take on the relationship of Harry and his renegade "Prophecy" team.

I think it is also the first story I have heard to include Bill as a major character. The deviant themes were a bit much, but I laughed regularly at how you depicted Harry's life in Brazil.

I'm not sure, but didn't the Mayan civilization flourish in the Guatemala/South Mexico area? I guess they could have spread that far, but I was just wondering.

Anyway, good story, and can't wait for an update.

Thanks for sharing the story.

JBern replied:

I like Bill.   I think he deserves a shot at being a major character.   So many stories imply how cool he is.   I wanted to give you a story that actually shows him being cool.

There is some debate over how far the Mayan civilization spread.   Assuming there was magic involved, there's no reason to believe that there couldn't be ruins somewhere in South America.   I'm not trying to rewrite the history books or anything, but it shouldn't require too much suspension of disbelief.

Glad you are enjoying the story.~Jim

Jason Phillips posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 10:33am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

This is the first time I have reviewed a story. I have loved this story from the first time I read it. I can't wait to see what is coming next.

JBern replied:

Thanks for taking the time to review my story.   There is a preview of chapter 18 in my section on the forums.~Jim

Exarikun posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 7:47am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! damn, last chapter up... it's good, very good. sucked me in after i realised it was a betrayal fic. for some reason, i like those, cause harry usually goes out on his own then and actually learns something. cool approach on the animagus thing too. incidentally, we both chose the same form for our harry to have :) actually, we both have non-standard ways of gaining the form too.

anyway, hoping you'll update soon, and that things with luna get resolved. tho i suspect they will, since it's a harry/luna pairing. unless i missed the notice that it was a friendship only fic.

JBern replied:

Any physical Harry/Luna relationship will most likely have to wait for the sequel.   A preview of chapter 18 is up in my section on the forums.   Hope I continue to exceed your expectations.~Jim

Donald McLeod posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 4:09am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Posted review on the FanFiction site so the short of it ...WoW!! great job well worth the work on this stile of wrighting. Thank you

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I start working on the next chapter soon.   Hope to hear from you again.~Jim

CRose posted a comment on Saturday 13th January 2007 3:43am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

The next chapter of this is going to be really interesting. I had problems reading this at first and couldn't get past the first two chapters because they made no sense to me at all. Like two completely different stories being told at the same time. Things started to make more sense to me as I finished ch3. Now i'm looking forward to seeing what comes next. This is going to be fun.

Luna on the other hand...hard to say. Good luck!

JBern replied:

Glad you took the time to follow along with the story and that it finally make sense.   There is a preview of chapter 18 in my section on the forums.~Jim

Sterling posted a comment on Thursday 11th January 2007 4:02pm for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

This has been incredibly good so far. I am really looking forward to your updates.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   There is a preview of chapter 18 in the forums section.~Jim

ichtys posted a comment on Wednesday 10th January 2007 10:08am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Hi Jim.
It has taken a while for me to get around to review this chapter. I always prefer to read the chapter twice before reviewing, and with the closed circle I decided to re-read the whole story. It is still a very great story, wit a lot of humour. I really like your Bill (I know I've said it before, but it is still true.)

Harry's last letter to Luna is almost too perfect. I can just picture Luna writing an angry responce to Harry, telling him to stop using Bill to dictate his letter to her. I know you have stated that it will be impossible to send messages to the Dead city, but I would like to see how such a situation could turn out. I'll post this little theory on your forum, to allow others to hack it to pieces.
I also like your Fleur, you have turned her into a very interesting character, and showed that there is a woman behind (or is it inside) the part-Veela. It is nice to see that being Veela isn't always a walk in the park.

I Look forward to read the next chapter.

Regards Ichtys

JBern replied:

I am glad the story stands the test of rereading.   Hopefully, Bill is the 'cool' Bill everyone always makes him out to be.   Fleur should be a complex character.   In most stories she is either fluff or some kind of sex kitten.   I decided to make her a complex sex kitten!

I'll be happy to see your theory about the letters.   I probably won't use it, but I'll be interested in it anyway.~Jim

glorfy posted a comment on Tuesday 9th January 2007 2:11pm for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

woot! another update of much coolness.

this has to be the first time ive read a (good) story where luna acts like and angry angry girl. cant wait to see how it goes

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Technically, she has a lot to be angry for.... Next update in 2 weeks.~Jim

Loopy Dane posted a comment on Tuesday 9th January 2007 8:07am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

damn that is cool. Is that it? Or does it continue?
Either way, great story.
Thank you for sharing your time and talent with us.
-Loop

JBern replied:

It's got another 6-8 chapters before the conclusion of this story and the sequel starts.~Jim

nezza posted a comment on Tuesday 9th January 2007 3:08am for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

DUDE AGAIN GREAT UPDATE

can not wait to see where your going to take this either, also please ensure that funbags granger and the gang get whats coming to them even if it is in the sequel.

maybe harry can use bill's mumification ritual from your other fic. that would be cool. very cool, or maybe he could threaten them with it and make them his bithces?

anyway enough from twisted mind

good work and keep it up.

JBern replied:

Sounds a little cruel for the Harry in this story.   Maybe he'll get Kwan to teach him what he used on the two Lakota women that 'propositioned' him back in South Dakota?   Thanks for the review.   Next update in 2 weeks.~Jim

cyd posted a comment on Monday 8th January 2007 9:35pm for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Oh, and just one more thing - why do I have the sneaky suspicion that the Horcrux will not be in the vaults? If that indeed proves to be the case - looking forward to mass zombie-clearing efforts and some more Goblin-dealing (involving a particular Goblin ghost perhaps? who knows).

JBern replied:

There seems to be a bit of speculation on that.   You'll have to wait and see.~Jim

cyd posted a comment on Monday 8th January 2007 9:30pm for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

Having read the previous reviews so as not to repeat myself, I will have to agree here with one of the reviewers from DLP - i am truly terrified. Up to now, I daresay I had a pretty good idea where you were taking events, and now - it's as if there is a whole new story waiting to be written, and I don't know which way it will go.

I hope you will queue in more cursebreaking as the party goes searching through the vaults, simply because I do enjoy your perspective on the whole business, and your rune combinations are a fascinating read - I am still waiting for Bill's revenge, you know!

I like how you've developed your OC's - though, no doubt, having the second person point of view and allowing us "to hear" Harry's thoughts helped a bit in that regard. I disagree with the reviewer who said earlier that Collins in particular felt more like a stopgap to fulfill a purpose - well, he is the one member of the party (Sanchez also to some extent) with whom Harry had very little interaction until very recently, so I can understand the reason for his "sketchiness".

Also, I think you have the Harry-Luna interaction spot on. Any sort of long-distance interaction between two people who can only exchange written messages is bound to run into some snags occassionally - the written word somehow is just not enough. Add to that a person who is frustrated and looking for a fight, well, let's just say they will find a fight no matter what. I will miss these brief interludes from the action, but I am looking forward to the resolution of this issue at the end of the story.

That being said, I didn't quite want this story to end too soon and I was encouraged by your slow progress through the lyrics. However, if I remember my JT right (ok, I don't and I had to look it up), you are only halfway through the song, and I already can't wait for the sequel.

Add a fourth clone to that list - one that would exlusively work on BitJ :). That being said, I will not ask for a faster update, but only wish you that you have as much fun writing your stories as we have reading them.

Cyd

JBern replied:

Thanks for taking the time for a long review.   Ah the uncertain future where will it lead....

More curse breaking is a promise.   Not only will they have to get passed the traps Riddle may have left, but who is to say that the Goblins themselves don't have traps laying around still in place.   Who would bother to document the defenses of a Bank that has been lost since the 1960's.

I won't necessarily use every line from the song.   As stated, I only plan for 6-8 more chapters of this story before the sequel.   If I use song title names, I am looking at The Eagles (Desperado or Take it to the Limit), Jethro Tull (Locomotive Breath) and Rainbow (Since you've Been Gone - not Kelly Clarkson's song of the same title).   Rainbow's lyrics actually include the line "You cast a spell, so break it." which  is rather fitting.   Great late 70's early 80's rock song.

Thanks again and hope to see more reviews from you in the future.~Jim

the_silent_legend posted a comment on Monday 8th January 2007 7:45pm for Just Say a Word and the Boys Will be Right There

Solid Chapter. The last few chapters in both this and your other story have impressed me, and I've been a bit...turned off of HP fanfiction as of late. Your works, as well as some of the other works featured on DLP (and here, of course) have helped change that. Now, enough over-the-top praise, time for an actual review. =>

Harry...I like. His emotions, his thoughts, his actions...they are all flushed out amazingly well through using second person, which is certainly a rare find. Only thing that I didn't think was terribly Harry-like was the repeated sleeping with Amy. Yes, I realize that it's a separate-worlds type thing, where it's just physical release... but I can't see him doing it again, after his monologue with himself about Luna and spite... it doesn't quite fit.

Luna...I both like and loathe. As a fictional character, I find her fascinating. Intelligent and acerbic, yet very vulnerable. Yet... I'm not sold on 'looney' being as much of an act as you have it to be. You write 'Luna' as an incredible character...it just doesn't feel like Luna. Not sure what you can do there, except perhaps flesh her out even more, when they meet in person.

Bill and Fleur are solid. I've always been intruiged with the possibilities that Bill's job offered, and you've managed to do a nice job with the warding end. SexualDeviant!Fluer is a riot, great to read. In this chapter, she shows worth that I didn't quite expect, magically, through her memory charms teachings... nice twist.

His tutors are solid, though perhaps a bit more depth to them would have been nice, particurally the hitwizards. They are better fleshed out than most 'extra' characters, but... they seem to just suit a role. Especially Collins.

Full Cycle. Second Person. Cursebreaking. Unique Pairing. Fundamentally sound writing. Manipulation. Sarcasm. Toss in pot, stir, and you get one of the top 3 fics I've ever read. Keep it up.

~The Silent Legend

JBern replied:

Thank you for the long and well thought out review.   As for your assessment of Harry, his dalliance with Amy was purely physical.   Hell, he could have been proxying Amy for Luna.   Notice he steered clear of the offers from Sheila.   He isn't ready for another Witch in his bed.   He isn't ready for a serious relationship.

With Luna, I haven't found my ability to write 'crazy for the sake of crazy'.   I can write pathological crazy just fine.   (Not sure what that says about me?)   I haven't been able to properly portray Luna in her craziness.   In my other story, I essentially killed her off and in this one, I made Looney a mask that Luna wears to hide her anger and fear.   With one of my upcoming projects, I will attempt to correct that flaw in my skills.   I plan to write a one-shot with Luna bumping into Ginny outside Flourish & Botts.   Their cauldrons spill and Luna ends up with the diary of Tom Riddle.   The story will be a purely humorous romp of the Diary trying to convince Luna to do the things it wants her to do with often bizarre results.   I look forward to writing it.

In so many other stories Bill is depicted as 'cool', but rarely do you find one where he is actually being 'cool'.   There's a line  I want to put in  the next chapter where Harry is finally back on his feat after exhausting himself in the lobby.   They go up to look outside.   Harry asks Bill how many are out there.   Bill says 'the enitre Bolivian army' in a reference to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.   That's the kind of friendship I am aiming for with Harry and Bill, something along the lines of Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in the Lethal Weapon series.   How close I get is a measure of my skill as a writer.

Using logical thinking, Fleur should be good at Memory charms.   Usually, when she's some kind of deviant, she's part of a harem or a duo with Tonks.

The other characters - Collins and Sanchez probably get the short end of the stick, though Harry has been spending a bit of time with Collins trying to master the shotgun.   The other two get the lion's share of the attention and character development.

I hope to continue to exceed your expectations.~Jim