miahtech posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd June 2010 11:49am for Cry Havoc

Please please do make that sequel. This has instantly become one of my more favorite fics and I sincerely want more. :)

cherrypit8 posted a comment on Tuesday 4th May 2010 5:14pm for Cry Havoc

I really really enjoyed this! I think your take on the Triwizard tournament, with the events and whatnot, made a lot more sense than how they were portrayed in the book. You had the Champions [u]prove[/u] that they were worthy of being chosen, so for that I thank you. I didn't particularly like your characterization of Fred and George, since in the books they are two of my favorite characters, but you did it realistically enough in relation to your story that it worked. I especially enjoyed HJ throughout...so witty! I was dying of laughter during several scenes and was thankful that no one else was around. :) I hope to see a sequel to this soon!

Mistress of Potions posted a comment on Friday 23rd April 2010 7:41pm for Cry Havoc

Quite an intense bit about Dumbledore. No wonder HJ is as nasty as he is later (I don't think I'd be even that nice). Are you really going to write a sequel? I hope so, although topping this will be difficult.

Zicou posted a comment on Tuesday 20th April 2010 2:12pm for Cry Havoc

Arrgh i reread it, and as awesome as ever :)
When will you begin a sequel ?
Z.

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th February 2010 2:57pm for Cry Havoc

That was great Jbern! Sorry its been so long since I have reviewed or read your work. I haven't been reading fanfiction for quite a while. Life gets in the way and all that.

I liked your Epilogue and I especially liked Harry's eulogy for Dumbles. It was very good and quite powerful. Have you considered a career as a political speech writer? ;-)

A very good and clever story, I can't wait for you to write a sequel to this. I'll try to catch up some more over the next few days.

Thanks for writing, as ever.
Monkey

Bob Swagger posted a comment on Thursday 18th February 2010 4:35pm for Cry Havoc

I read your fictions over and over again and they NEVER get old. Thank you for writing.

Argonith posted a comment on Saturday 16th January 2010 3:44pm for Cry Havoc

I just finished reading, after three long nights, and good saturday lie-in, and a few subpar days at work; which, in other words, means I enjoyed your story immensely and made huge sacrifices to finish reading it quickly.

Things I liked:
-characterization. Your character's 'internal consistency' as I term it was excellent. Your characters actions/reactions were almost always consistent with what the readers would expect them to be, given what the reader knows about them at any given point
-original characters: the hat! Vulgarly exquisite. Aimee - loyal friend and a strong person, but her age shows through well.
-plot: plenty of imagination and twists
-romance: you hit all three criteria I think - believability, a tender openness, while also not overwhelming the story itself

Small Points of Improvmeent:
-Length: Definitely on the longer side, but that often happens in fan fiction, where the 'micro' of each chapter is well-edited, but the 'macro' view doesn't often get changed. The author formulates a storyboard at the beginning and executes it through every detail faithfully, leading to overly long stories.
-Small character inconsistencies: I personally felt HJ, especially J (as he was the one betrayed), would be more intent on tracking Pettigrew down. Especially after Dumbledore learns of the HJ part, and especially after the conversation in the Durmstrang boat where Pettigrew is mentioned. I understand it was a foreshadowing technique, but I don't think it was needed and it didn't add to the story.
-Lack of Harry in HJ: this is just a personal thing, but I felt the James personality dominated the new creation
-Too many side storylines: The focus on quidditch early on with Puddlemere doesn't seem to add much to the story, especially since afterward HJ isn't even all that interested in the sport (passing up on watching both Hogwarts all-team games); Luna's interview (so far) is a dead end; characters appearing and disappearing - Katie & the older quidditch housemates factors a big way earlier on, then essentially disappears. I understand that you're writing faithfully what HJ's year likely would have been like, with certain people becoming more or less important as the year goes on, but it added a lot of extra verbiage/unnecessary character development without commensurate plot advancement.

Now, I must apologize. I tend to become verbose when I begin giving critiques, as most people I know typically value that more than the praise. Nevertheless, I want to say that out of the hundreds of stories I've read in fan fiction, this is definitely up there in the top 10, and I thank you profusely for the amount of entertainment I've derived from your free work. I will certainly consider looking into your original work Jim.

znensey posted a comment on Sunday 10th January 2010 9:08am for Cry Havoc

Just finished reading the story. I enjoyed it greatly, given you actually took time to build the relationship. Most people would have pushed it all together and meeting the Parents or Aimee's injury wouldn't have been major bumps in the road that were resolved a few hundred words later.
One thing that maybe you could have done better was to increase the number of characters who changed throughout the story. At times there seemed like there was no material impact from the events on characters like Viktor Krum or Athena Manos.

btwood posted a comment on Friday 25th December 2009 3:05am for Cry Havoc

Can wait for the sequel man! Should be killer!

Curlism posted a comment on Saturday 14th November 2009 8:15am for Cry Havoc

I liked this one, especially how you made Harry change more progressively than most people, it was still a little jolting but i thought you got around that nicely with the whole Harry/James combined business.
Also i think this story has that best way of bringing Harry and Fleur together of any of this ship i've read so far. To be honest the part i liked least was Harry calling Hermione - Granger, although thats not important. Thanks for writting this gem.
Curlism

Banner posted a comment on Sunday 8th November 2009 12:52am for Cry Havoc

I just reread this story from the beginning. I love it - especially the epilogue. The action scenes are heart-pounding, but for me the best part is watching HJ and the chaos around him. He reminds me of Miles Vorkosigan...

lorddwar posted a comment on Wednesday 1st July 2009 8:08pm for Cry Havoc

Excellent story. I found Hat to be the funniest character I have read in many stories.

Your story has enriched me.

Harriverse posted a comment on Saturday 27th June 2009 10:45am for Cry Havoc

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Authors like you, who can take a set of characters and re-invent the world that is as good as the original, is why JK dislikes fanfiction. Congratulations on your first novel. I'll look forward to seeing what my favorite character does for you or you do with him, in the future.

Decumo9 posted a comment on Saturday 20th June 2009 2:15pm for Cry Havoc

Awesome! plain awesome, I knew I could count on you for a story that shines above and beyond most others. I also bought your Deadeye novel, and I got to say, once again, original, and very captivating. I read like its my job, and in over the 6 or 7 thousand books I have read, you and your stories entertain me the most, and keep themselves fresh, not becoming stagnant and formula like, which is an affliction that seems to affect most other authors. Bravo, and well done, Sir.

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Tuesday 16th June 2009 4:04am for Cry Havoc

Very original fight and resolution for the story. I'll most definitely be looking forward to the sequel. It should be rather interesting to see the reactions to Harry operating out of the Flamel estate and the French governemtn mnot able to touch him.

warpwizard posted a comment on Saturday 13th June 2009 5:32pm for Cry Havoc

Solid chapter. Lots of good content. I'm always a fan of Fawkes transferring his loyalties to Harry if DD dies. It just makes sense. You surprised me with killing him off. Good job. :)

zxcvb posted a comment on Thursday 11th June 2009 5:13am for Cry Havoc

I have somewhat mixed feelings about the ending... which I am sure it is a comment other reviewers have said already. However, to me personally, this impression is mostly due to the sudden shift in tone and style that you have made here. Most of your story is... well, not exactly lighthearted, but more like humorous, action-oriented fic. Yet, this last chapter is much more violent and darker: something that would have looked much less out of place in "To Fight the Coming Darkness." This change, in my opinion, doesn't really fit with the story you had written so far, which I think gives "Lie" a bit of an akward feeling of incongruency.

Besides, forgive me for being so blunt, but both of the charecter deaths that took place in this chapter were kind of stupid, pretty much on par with Sirius's death in canon. However, I think I can see why they had to go (and, even if I didn't, it is your prerogative to do what you feel is best for your story), and with regards to the ending, I get the feeling that you perhaps gave up on giving and satisfying conclusion to "Lie" in order to provide an appropriate setup for a truly spectacular sequel... Which, I admit is not ideal, but it is fine by me.

So, good job. I think that, compared to "Darkness" and "Jungle," this one is the least solid of the three, but it is not a bad fic by any means.

Sterling posted a comment on Friday 5th June 2009 6:05pm for Cry Havoc

Your work is really good. Think I may have to check out your novel! Thanks for a good story and I look forward to seeing more.

amulder posted a comment on Friday 5th June 2009 4:20am for Cry Havoc

Dark but energizing.

There are SO many Harry-paired-with-Daphne stories out there in fanon these days that the epilogue was actually a bit of a shocker. Kind of sneaky how you don't really let on just how much time has passed between the epilogue and the main story. I'm thinking it's been a while, based on the content.

Also I have to say it is rare to see a story with Sirius living and Remus gone. Rare. Good creativity there, too bad it's right at the end, I'd like to see that unfold more.

That is one thing... is Harry back in school or not, if not, then is Sirius now more in the story? I'll have to wait and see.

Thanks for sharing.
...art

SelenaWolf posted a comment on Wednesday 3rd June 2009 11:50am for Cry Havoc

Very dark, but nice. Can't wait for the sequel. Dunno really what to say, but this was a good one. The 'Turn Me Loose' series is definitely my favorite of yous though. ^_^