The Lie I've Lived
Flawed Assumptions
By JBern
Reviews
mac_gin posted a comment on Saturday 17th March 2007 12:28am for Flawed Assumptions
Sorting Hat - is a very foul mouthed object, but dealing with Stumbledork for many years would send most people nuts. And DD bashing can be fun!
Interesting twist on the memory merge, time travel harry has been overdone. The question is when does the "James" memories stop?
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoy it. Chapter 21 of Bungle is next, but then I am coming back for chapter 3 of this. The next 2 chapters should answer your questions.~Jim
cjonbloodletter posted a comment on Thursday 8th March 2007 9:57am for Flawed Assumptions
Nice a first person story. Way to many people only tell them in third person, which is cool and all, but you don' get the depth of character with them like you do with first persons. And the story type is actually perfect for the type of story you're trying to make(this is assuming that I actually know what kind of story you're trying to make), as you can't really get the self conflicion, or how close to the edge of insanity Harry's pushing it wih this whole possession thing.
Alright I'm done saying a whole paragragh of nothing.
Keep up the good work,
Cjon the Bloodletter
Conqueor of the Dark Realms
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. I mainly wanted to try 1st person because I haven't done one yet and the storyline fits perfectly with 1st person. Chapter 3 will be out soon. I hope to hear from you again.~Jim
Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Wednesday 7th March 2007 2:08am for Flawed Assumptions
I've read the Happy Sorting Hat, the Alcoholic Sorting Hat, the Slytherin Sorting Hat, but never the filthy-minded, foul-mouthed, skull-fucking Sorting Hat and it's wonderful. I can't wait to see what you do with the Tournament. I agree that spreading them out that far always seemed a bit strange. More please. Great chapter.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. Chapter 21 of Bungle is coming first, but then I am back to chapter 3 of this one. As a thank you for all the reviews, I will leave you with the opening paragraph to chapter 3. ~Jim
"And I wonder what revelations await us tonight, Potter? I never had Evans pegged for doggy style stuff the face in the pillow type. She always seemed like such a missionary prude. Just goes to show you how the years can change a person, doesn’t it?"
damien posted a comment on Monday 5th March 2007 10:07am for Flawed Assumptions
your story is original
can you make james an unspeakable so harry has the training of an unspeakable
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. I don't think I'll go the Unspeakable route. I'm definitely not going the Auror route. I am most likely going the route that James was not affiliated with the Ministry. He was training to become a Professional Duelist or at least that was his cover. Why is it that James went from Rabble Rouser in school and suddenly straightened up and became an I'll join the establishment kind of person?
Hope that answers your question.~Jim
silent_jae posted a comment on Monday 26th February 2007 3:38pm for Flawed Assumptions
I just wanted to let you know, this has got to be one of the most entertaining versions of the sorting hat I have ever read. I love where you are going with this story and I cant wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I'll be starting on chapter 3 shortly. I hope to keep the entertainment level as High as I possibly can for this story.~Jim
CootiePatootie posted a comment on Saturday 24th February 2007 9:22pm for Flawed Assumptions
Jim,
This is great. Your sorting hat is, err, psychotic. Jeez louise, he's seriously got problems. Harry (err, James?) is a smooth character, though - love his reasoning for getting the hat to #4.
Things that could be interesting: James' smart mouth in the Dursley household; James' flirtatious nature (what you showed with the chasers) with Ginny (ha! she wouldn't know what to do!); Harry's power with James' spell knowledge - especially those learned in combination with the Marauders (animagus, anyone?)
For the love of Pete, don't make him a raccoon animagus (the first chapter)!! blergh!
The extended TriWizard Tourney is a good idea. I've always wondered exactly how the three tasks showed real differences between the schools. Obviously there are different ways to approach a Dragon, but do you really think they taught "Veela hypnosis" at Beauxbatons?? No, that was something only Fleur could do. Anyway, I'm interested to see what your mind comes up with.
This is good. I'm glad you told me about it.
ta,
Cassie
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. Depending on how much of James' memories and personality is what is going to determine our hero's nature. James was in his early 20's when he died. Guys in their early 20's probably won't want anything to do with 13 yr olds like Ginny. She actually will figure into the story at some point, but this is Harry/Fleur for a reason.
A raccoon Animagus could be rather useful...couldn't it?
Jim
Imbrium posted a comment on Wednesday 21st February 2007 3:02pm for Flawed Assumptions
I am really enjoying this story. I find it to be quite unique and I am looking forward to all the drama and comic relief that will commence after James begins to emerge more.
JBern replied:
Next chapter should be coming soon as our hero gets to enjoy some memories of what James and Lily did together... oh the hat should get some mileage out of that!~Jim
jb238 posted a comment on Wednesday 21st February 2007 5:00am for Flawed Assumptions
Good start of story. This promises to be highly entertaining. I look forward to encounters with Snivellus :-)
JBern replied:
I'm looking forward to writing them. More coming soon.~Jim
Jordan.spang posted a comment on Monday 19th February 2007 11:16am for Flawed Assumptions
I have no suggestions, just adding one to your review count.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. Hope to hear from you again at some point.~Jim
Cuey posted a comment on Monday 19th February 2007 6:46am for Flawed Assumptions
It is definately a new and interesting take on the Sorting Hat, and a different approach to Dobby as well. So far, it is pretty good for an un-betaed story and I'll definately keep reading. I'm not sure whether I'll like all of the changes to the Tournament, but they seem reasonable and you have done good work with original ideas before so I'm hopeful. Keep up the good work.
JBern replied:
Thank you for witholding judgment until you see what I do with the Tournament. If it comes out like it plays in my head, you should be impressed.~Jim
gaul2000 posted a comment on Monday 19th February 2007 2:48am for Flawed Assumptions
great chapter, enjoyable, wonders what niceties or lack thereof will accompany the that to the summer of dursley, byes
JBern replied:
Next chapter should answer some of those questions.~Jim
Renzo7 posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 4:04pm for Flawed Assumptions
the sorting hat's very funny, and the story is so far quite interesting. glad to see you'll put a different twist to it. Keep it up, I hope you update soon.
JBern replied:
Well as you guessed. I like being different. That's why I don't use the same girl. That's why I don't do H/G or H/Hr stories. (Though I eventually plan to do a H/Hr story.)~Jim
Katey posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 2:52pm for Flawed Assumptions
Oh, wow. I love your potty-mouthed sorting hat. That was brilliant, if slightly creepy (who wants someone who threatens to skullfuck all your descendants mucking about in your brain?). This story is priceless, and cracks me up.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed my take on the Hat. It seems to be well received. I was a bit worried that it wouldn't be. More coming soon.~Jim
Taegeous posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 12:46pm for Flawed Assumptions
Your stories usually strive for realism. There is a series of points in the plot that bridge
canonrealistically. I've always liked this, so I don't really like the fact that the Hat is suddenly dropping the F-Bomb like a drunken sailor. Maybe you're setting up the Hat against Dumbledore for later in the story, still, it seems rushed.
JBern replied:
Well the Hat is mostly a preception of fanon rather than canon. It doesn't have many lines outside of its annual song. It was also created in the 10th century when times were slightly more barbaric. Perhaps its personality is reflective of that? How's that for food for thought? Next chapter coming soon.~Jim
Nathan1 posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 11:50am for Flawed Assumptions
This is an awesome story, your version of the hat is hilarious, i was sitting in an internet cafe cracking up and everyone was giving me weird looks, i cant wait for the next chapter,
Nathan
JBern replied:
Sorry for the weird looks. Had a couple of people admit that they were reading the story at work. Hope they didn't get in any trouble. Glad you enjoyed it. More coming soon.~Jim
ichtys posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 1:24am for Flawed Assumptions
Hi Jim.
I have a couple of comments for this chapter. I know I might come across as a canon-nazi, but I think the story could have been better if you had explained Dobby's appearance. I had an idea for that; hope you don't mind me fooling around for a bit ;-)
Harry meets Dobby:
"Harry has come to visit Dobby?" The clearly excited House-elf is beaming at me. Man, he could use a bit of dental work. Wanting to know why he is working at Hogwarts, when he was ecstatic to be a free elf just the year before, I ask:
"Dobby, what are you doing here? I thought you would enjoy being freed from the Malfoys so much you wouldn’t want to work for wizards again."
"Oh, no Mister Potter, Dobby enjoys working just as much as the next House-elf, it is the bonding to certain wizards Dobby dislikes."
"Okay, but what are you doing here. There must be many families that would like a House-elf."
"Dobby tried to find work, Mister Potter sir, but wizards doesn’t want to pay for the work. ‘What is the point in having a House-elf if he wants to be paid?’ they ask. In the end Dobby decided to come to Hogwarts so he could be close to the bestest wizard in the world!!" he finishes his statement practically jumping up and down.
Fearing the answer, I decide to ask: "So you came to Hogwarts to be close to Dumbledore?" I really hope he says yes.
Unfortunately he squashes my hope immediately. "No, Mister Potter sir, Dobby came to Hogwarts to be close to Mister Potter. Dobby is sure he is the bestest wizard in the world."
Another thing: The Sorting Hat.
I really don't like excessive swearing. Any teenager could string some curse-words together, but doing that doesn't make the story better. The language the Hat uses is IMO way over the top. To make it interesting you should seriously consider giving it a funny angle. If the hat had cursed in old-English, Gaelic or something else would have added to the scene. Or it could have used a sophisticated language so Harry barely understood he should be insulted. As it stands I can't see it adds significantly to the story. Yes I can see it makes it clear that your Hat isn't the old grand-fatherly figure, who has a pleasant conversation with Harry, and all is well. But you could have made that clear for the reader without going to such extreme measures. I hope you are going to tone the Hat down a bit (or a lot) in future chapters, because I'll likely just read a long BEEP when it goes of on the next rant.
I like that you didn't give the hat a name. I think Jeconais was the first to give the Sorting Hat a name, but now it's used so often that it is cliché.
I like this story, and look forward to where you are going with this.
I have one request, though. Could you please go a different route than Canon with the Quittitch World Cup? I'm thinking about Arthur alerting Molly that everything is all right. In canon Arthur has all his children take the Portkey to Stoatshead Hill and walks back to the Burrow. Hallo?? You have just been at the scene of a major terrorist attack, and you don't want to alert your wife immediately? I'll assume the Ministry placed anti-apparition wards over the whole area to prevent further attacks, but why didn't he send someone home the minute they had arrived at Stoatshead Hill? They could even have side-along apparated the kids home. (Arthur, Bill, Charlie and Percy are capable of apparating, and Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione couldn't, so some would have to make double-trips. However, we know from HBP that Ron has never been side-along apparated, so it's probably very rare.) My point about notifying Molly still stands, though.
Regards Ichtys
JBern replied:
Wow. Lots of good thoughts here. The Hat will relax a bit over the summer. Cursing in old Gaelic, perhaps, but it would have been more difficult to write. You'll notice that the Hat didn't use vulgar langauge with Dumbledore and rather cold and calculating insults.
With the contest seemingly over. I'll probably open the plotline back open for discussion.~Jim
noylj posted a comment on Saturday 17th February 2007 5:25pm for Flawed Assumptions
Ummm, I am sure that I have already reviewed once or twice, but we need an update...
Like this Harry James. Hook him up with Susan or Daphne...
JBern replied:
The story is under Harry/Fleur for a reason.~Jim
Terry Swain posted a comment on Saturday 17th February 2007 4:57pm for Flawed Assumptions
Great chapter. :)
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. More coming soon.~Jim
LiYin posted a comment on Saturday 17th February 2007 10:27am for Flawed Assumptions
Love the pissed of Sorting Hat. I always hated the stories where he is happy and helpful. How helpful would you be if you were stck in a office every day but one day a year? Maybe some background on him
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you are enjoying the story. One of the things I considered is that the hat was created in the 10th century. It would have attitudes and values in keeping with that time. Yes it has changed over the years, but consider what people were like back then.~Jim
Boofers posted a comment on Sunday 18th March 2007 9:20am for Flawed Assumptions
JBern replied: