Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 8:33am for I Belong to Nowhere

So excited to see this continued. I loved Tracey's back story and then HJ's diagnosis. Even better was the Sorting Hat's appearance. I suspect Fawkes nearly doused himself laughing at that. I didn't expect that ending to the scene! Interesting twist on the Bloody Baron. The whole switching bit was great, as was HJ's subtle manipulation of Ginny through Michael.

Poor Harry getting yelled at by a Howler and the twins. This is really mean of them, especially to poor Neville. I love that ending - especially as HJ knows enough conversational French to insult Fleur right back again.

Excellent chapter as always. The quicker you update, the happier I am. Love this. More please.

PS - I have a confession to make: I really miss the Sorting Hat. Monkey tries but can't be quite that offensive (though just as filthy) and it really leavens the story.

JBern replied:

The Hat will be back next chapter.   This story will be coming of hiatus shortly.   I hadn't realized that I was a month behind in my replies.   I apologize.~Jim

migele posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 8:30am for I Belong to Nowhere

Really good stuff. A bit shortened. I like the way you handled Ginny. HJ is kinda sarcastic, but it works out truly well. And now the real fun starts.

generally speaking this was a tad short for how much time it covered compared to the other chapters and those pranks promised never appeared.

Making the bloody baron a Potter of ALL things was a very nice twist I had to read that part three times so I actually believed it.

Neville fits kinda as well. Do you have plans for Tracy? Her setup has potential for some nice scenes.

migi

JBern replied:

Sorry for the 1 month delay in replying.   This story has been on hiatus, but it will be coming off hiatus shortly.   Look for a new chapter in 3-4 weeks.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 7:40am for I Belong to Nowhere

Great chapter.
As ever the hats comments about the incident with the slytherins in the hospital wing really had me giggling.

Why are you getting Harry to Alienate the Weasley's so much? I would think that James Potter would have loved the twins, thinking them great fun but your making them butt heads qutie a bit.

I only have one criticism and that would be, when Harry is using Dobby to train you mention something about transfiguration and conjuration being wasteful branches of magic. I can agree with conjuration but I would think transfiguration is quite efficient as your able to change existing things rather than create new things entirely. I would think that spells and jinxes far more draining as you using magic to directly effect someone Those are just my thoughts. Hope you appreciate them.

Thanks for writing, can't wait for more.
Monkey

JBern replied:

Wow.   I'm way behind on answering these reviews.   Conjuration is the most wasteful, but transfiguration is IMO (which in this story is the one that counts) more wasteful than say shooting a direct bolt of magic, but it is *way* cooler!~Jim

Shepherd posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 6:21am for I Belong to Nowhere

Another excellent chapter. I'm glad to see how realistically you're handling how the more mature Harry is interacting with the other students.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I have a long response about the other students and Fred/George in the forum scetion.

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

Jim

Muad'Dib posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 5:50am for I Belong to Nowhere

Brilliant story. The sorting hat is amazing, I love his wit and penchant of finding Harry in the most dubious situations.

I really hope Harry and the twins get friendly again sometime soon, Ron and Hermione be damned, but I do like those two. I'm quite looking forward to some Snivellus action as well, it has been quiet on that front.

Well done so far, excellent story.

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

Thank you very much for the review.   In the link above, I disscuss the twins and the rest of the student body in general.   I'm glad you continue to enjoy it.~Jim

CaptainG posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 5:12am for I Belong to Nowhere

I'm really starting to get into this one - I was a bit bored by the beginning and the summer, but I really like the interaction at school - The hospital wing section was genius.
Othe rhighlight of the chapter was the somment about doing it all over was boring. Also lol on the thoughts of Fleur.
I think there was slightly too little speech in the last half of the chapter and the descriptions got a little too long - obviously there needs to be description, but interaction would be nice as well

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Noted on the more speech less dialogue, but by the same token it was over 11000 words and that is long for one of my chapters.   I needed to push the timeline along.

Glad you enjoy this.   Hope to continue impressing.~Jim

dave84768768 posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 4:52am for I Belong to Nowhere

What an interesting twist to the back-in-time merged-potter twist. Very good writing, funny as all hell, (your hat's comments remind me of a rather foul mouthed drill instructor I used to have...) Looking forward to more. Thanks for writing.

JBern replied:

Alot of us ex-military folks seem to have that same opinion.~Jim

lordblack posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 4:30am for I Belong to Nowhere

love it, can't wait for the next update.

JBern replied:

Thanks~Jim

ShadeHawk posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 4:26am for I Belong to Nowhere

I'm eagerly waiting for "Turn Me Loose"...

JBern replied:

Look for  chapter 1  sometime this weekend.~Jim

Ravenclawchaser68 posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 4:18am for I Belong to Nowhere

This is a very good story so far, and it's got a lot of potential. H/J's internal dialogue is funny, and the sorting hat usually is too. The one thing that I'm wondering about is Harry's old friends. I understand that Harry suddenly becoming more mature would cause some problems, and I thought his relationship with Oliver was great, but I think at some point he would want to make an effort with Ron and Hermione. I hope that the changes in Harry will cause R/Hr to grow up so they don't get completely left behind.

With that said, this is a very entertaining story, and I'll stick with it no matter where you take it...even if it ends up as bloody as TFTCD. Thanks for writing!

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

I don't specifically address Ron and Hermione in that thread yet, but I do talk about all the rest of the students in the school and how they view HJP.

I doubt it'll be as bloody as TFtCD.~Jim

silverleafhp posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 3:55am for I Belong to Nowhere

As always Jb, another excellent installment to this story. I honestly think that this one surpasses your other ones (at least for me).

Although, I have never been fond of a Harry that hides what he can do, in this case you put just enough of him actually doing "great" things for his age, for me to not worry about that aspect as much.

Only part that bothers me a little bit is what HJ is letting Fred and George get away with. I am not recomending him hexing them or anything of that sort, however, James Potter was/is one of the best pranksters alive, no?

Anyways, great chapter, keep it up

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

I discuss F&G in this thread and it would be easier just to steer you here then repeat myself over and over again.   Much more and HJ will strike back and it won't be pretty.

Once the revamped tourney starts HJ won't be able to hide his talents much.~Jim

Lufio posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 3:28am for I Belong to Nowhere

--,'{@

Ooo! It has begun.
Changes to characters set.
Tournament starts now.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   You'll see the changes to the tournament next chapter.~Jim

PerfesserN posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 2:17am for I Belong to Nowhere

Whoa! Every now and then I feel like life is just too busy to spend an hour or two writing, and then I see you juggling three, count em' three plots simultaneously.
Really enjoying the retelling of GoF here, it'll be interesting to see who the more mature Harry winds up with when the all the chips settle.
Write on, write on!

JBern replied:

Yes I'm   excessively busy right now and it doesn't look like I'll have room to let up anytime soon.~Jim

proftlb posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 2:14am for I Belong to Nowhere

I'm really enjoying this so far. I think your characterization of an adult stuck back in a kids body is excellent! This is also the most amusing portrayal of the Sorting Hat that I've ever seen:) I'm on pins and needles for the next chapter... As bad as the reaction was in GoF, I imagine it will be even worse here and I can't wait to see how 'HJ' deals with it. Thanks for sharing this with us!

JBern replied:

Thank you.   I like to take chances with characterization and the Hat was the big one in this story.   I'll do my best to keep impressing you when I write the next chapter.~Jim

Jeremy DuCharme posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 12:38am for I Belong to Nowhere

Hmm, so the fracturing of the Golden Trio started even before the Goblet drawing? The Golden Trio replaced by the Outlaw Duo of HJP and Neville?

At any rate, Harry's isolation starts early, and I'm not sure he will be so forgiving as canon Harry was after the first task, assuming it is the same. Will HJP point out to the sheeple that accuse him of placing his name in (how? IIRC didn't he spend the 24hour submittal time flat on his back in the Infirmary?) that the last Potter to compete in the TriWizard Tournament was in 'The Tournament No One Won?' Hermoine will natural asked how no one could win, and Harry (or a very grave Neville) could snap back because the contest killed all the competitors?

Hmm, how is Neville's French? I could almost see this HJP asking Fleur to suggest some Beauxbatons girls for his good friend, Nev, to escort to the Yule Ball?

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   HJ wasn't flat on his back in the infirmary prior to the selection.  

As for his status at school, well the old adage, "Everyone loves a winner" applies, but HJ will remember how people treat him.   Glad you enjoyed the chapter and hope to continue impressing.~Jim

Edem posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 12:26am for I Belong to Nowhere

Nice chapter. You really manage the whole adult inside a child theme well. I can't remember any fics where Harry timetravel from anywhere between the age of 18-40 and gets annoyed with all the kids he has do deal with. Except if he's from another dimmension or some sort and Neville is the BWL
"For anyone that’s ever dreamed of going back and doing it over, here’s my recommendation — don’t!" Brilliant.

"With his new wand, he’s not exactly setting the world on fire, but on the other hand, he isn’t setting other things on fire either."
Also a good point, I've read fics where he suddenly turns from practically squib brilliant with plants to the "I can see why he could be an alternative for BWL" guy just by changing his wand.

Keep up the good work

JBern replied:

I figure Neville will eventually become a solid wizard, but just getting a new wand shouldn't cause an instantaneous transformation.

Thanks for the compliments.~Jim

Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 12:19am for I Belong to Nowhere

Very nice. Harry can't get a break no matter what, can he? Now he's lost even Hermione as a friend (but at least he's got Neville.)

Sounds like he's going to be well trained when he finally encounters the noseless wonder.

Are you modifying the Triwizard events? Or just the way Harry handles it?

The Tracy and Millicent scene was interesting. Wonder if that's going to produce fruit.

Thanks for writing. I'm always looking forward to this story.

Tom A.

JBern replied:

As long as the scene produces a few laughs - it produced some fruit!   The original 3 tasks will be there, but there will be roughly seven more added.   If you look in the forum on this site you'll see where I describe one or two of them.   To answer the other question there will be great modification of how HJ handles everything...

Thanks for the compliments - now when's your next update? ;-)

Jim

Crys posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 12:16am for I Belong to Nowhere

> Potter, two witches, one of them naked, two ghosts, a painting and an elf? Sounds like the start of an interesting joke. What’s the punchline?
You forgot the Sorting Hat and phoenix. From his PoV, they shouldn't be included, but from ours . . . Well played, Harry. Well played.

Mature!HJ is a large improvement over GoF!Harry. Though everyone else around him acting juvenile while he's acting mature is . . . aggravating. The explosion over Ginny being a case in point.

Glad the potions thing is working out. Makes Snape look like an utter idiot as well, which is a nice side effect.

Come on, HJ. You had Moody as a tutor before. You're seeing Crouch all over the castle (and once Crouch disappears, that'll be VERY suspicious). Put it together.

Having him team with Neville looks like it's going well.

Though we knew it was coming, that ending is going to cause a LOT of problems. Unless you use one of the plot holes to get him OUT of the situation. "As I didn't enter my own name, that means I'm NOT obligated to participate."

JBern replied:

Starting the moment that HJ's name comes out, he's going to be damn suspicious.   You'd be right to think that old Barty Jr. ain't gonna last too long in that environment.   Nope, no getting out of it.   Barty used a homework assignment where Harry had written his name and ripped it off.   Harry actually did write the name down.   Sucks to be HJ right about now...~Jim

Quizer posted a comment on Tuesday 28th August 2007 12:02am for I Belong to Nowhere

Great chapter. The first scene in the hospital wing quickly sent my WTF!-meter off the scale, but it all resolved neatly when it became apparent that it was just a plot, with HJ pulling his own counter-plot. Nicely done!

The other parts are not so fun, what with Harry losing all faction with most of the factions that used to be his friends or were at least supposed to be. Why exactly does it go all pear-shaped for him? Because the behavior is so uncharacteristic for Harry Potter?

So, Fleur has made her entrance. It's going to be interesting to see how she and HJ are going to connect. I guess the HJ perspective combined with Harry's innate resistance to Veela charm are going to eliminate even the last vestiges of unnatural allure - that should be enough to intrigue her.

Also, Harry has just been selected as the fourth Champion... again! I wonder what HJ will make of this. I'm betting he's not going to take it lying down like Harry did in canon. There will be words exchanged, and maybe curses as well, if Snape is present...


looking forward to the next chapter!


Quizer

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I wanted to create a circus atmosphere with that first scene.   I'll post to the forum on this site later a longer perspective on HJ losing connections with his housemates.  

You have your guess about HJ and Fleur.   You'll have to wait and see how the sparks fly.  

It's a good bet that HJ won't take all this lying down and you know Snape will be present.   That's a guarantee.

Jim

 

amulder posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 11:44pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Well I suppose you had to get Katie out of the picture somehow, but I sure didn't expect this. The twins sure seem rather vindictive, which I didn't expect either.

I think you've got one mistake. At the beginning, it is Millicent and Tracy who come to the infirmary, but towards the end HJ makes an offhand thought about himself and Nev double-dating Millicen and DAPHNE. Did you mean Tracy?

I'm also more than a little surprised at how Nev was stuck to the wall for a few hours. That seems beyond the pale, and does not really seem to fit at all with how Nev was treated in Canon. To be sure, he was mostly in the background for the first three books. Still, in book one the Slyth's picked on Nev and Harry and crew all defended him. I really have a hard time seeing them be so cruel to him now.

The next chapter should be boffo. I can't expect Albus to be quite so ... grandfatherly and forgiving as he was in canon, considering how abrasive Harry has been in your story. Hmmm. It should be quite fun seeing Fleur put down the "leetle" boy, and HJ's reaction to same.

Hmm, are you planning to just redo the GoF year, or do you plan to take this further? I don't recall if you've ever said one way or the other. I can see HJ being more capable than Harry, and doing a bit better at the climax this time 'round, which could end things right there.

I am a bit sad to see HJ so distant from his friends. Yes, Hermione is seeming young to him now, but I would expect HER to stick by Harry, considering the way Ron and Harry stuck by her ever since first year, when no one else really has. HJ is already learning to control his "showing off" in front of her, so I would think that from her side, the relationship should be reparable/forgivable pretty quickly.

It would be a lot easier if they could just be told where he went with Neville. The twins, at least, would understand the need for secrecy, and think it a very cool prank. It would be good for him to have F/G on his side. But the Ginny angle might have done that in unfortunately.

I think the hat is being a 'bad' influence on HJ's ability to hold his tongue. But I think that you have too much fun writing the Snarkiness to stop...

thanks for writing
...art

JBern replied:

Thanks for the massive review.   I have fixed the Tracey/Daphne gaff.   Thanks for mentioning it so I can save myself from future embarassment.

Neville?   Normally, Gryffindor's don't do that kind of stuff to him, the Slytherins and the Claws - yes, the Puffs not so much.   Now that they have, Neville has lumped them in with all the rest.

No it's not a simple redo.   There are more than just the original 3 tasks.   DS and BB get to add a second champion (they aren't bound to compete like the other 4, but is the GoF judging the competition, no it isn't so why couldn't they just allow an extra champion?).

You'll see more of Harry and Hermione next chapter.   There's still a chance ...   Then again, maybe not...

I appreciate the effort you placed into this very long review.~Jim