Jim_xinu posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 4:12pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Good chapter. I did, however, notice a mistaken word: "I can emphasize with it." emphasize -> empathize.

Showing Bartemius Crouch on the Map in DD's office while Moody's in 'his' office, and then around the castle later, is a seriously nice touch! It plugs a gaping JKR plot hole, IMO.

Reading the references to Sarah Underhill in the previous chapter and this one, I'm now guessing that she's someone Snape killed? As part of his DE initiation maybe?

While it's kinda sad that HJ's not getting along with his friends, it's kinda unavoidable. It doesn't really matter what they do, they're still going to be mostly annoying to him now. It's a shame about the twins, especially. In canon, I've always thought that they were some of Harry's most loyal supporters.

HJ's initial impressions of Fleur are surprising poor for the stated ship. It'll be really interesting to see their first interactions. :-)

Turn Me Loose coming this weekend? Awesome.

Thanks for sharing this with us.

JBern replied:

Moody is only visible when he is out of the trunk being interrogated by Barty.   Like Barty knows anything about teaching!   He wasn't visible when HJ saw Crouch with Dumbledore, but since HJ is only looking at the map when he is training, if he doesn't see Moody that's a good thing.

Don't expect Barty's deception to last much longer.  

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

I discuss the twins and other students (not Ron and Hermione though) in this thread on the forum.   It's easier for me to point you there for my perception of why people are acting the way they are.

Sparks will fly between HJ and Fleur and not in a good way.

There's more on Sarah Underhill coming in the next chapter.   You'll see then.~Jim

MarkH posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 3:45pm for I Belong to Nowhere

You know, when I first read this chapter, I was questioning the seeming OOC nature of many of the characters. But then, I thought about it a bit more and realized that their behavior really isn't OOC at all. In fact, it may be a little too In-Character for my liking ...;-)

On the other hand, not everyone at school follows along with the gossip and/or crowd, which would mean that more people would be less hostile to Harry in your story.... Not necessarily Ron or Hermione, but certainly some of the other Lions etc...

Anyhow, loved the story.

Mark

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

I posted there about Fred, George and the average Hogwart's students.   It's easier to point you there then continue to repeat myself.   Feel free to join in the discussion.   Glad the story continues to impress.~Jim

xalphardx posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 3:29pm for I Belong to Nowhere

EXCELLENT!!

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim

Matt Harris posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 3:02pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Well, with this chapter I am now as hooked on this as I am on Bungle. I like the way Harry's fourth year isolation starts before the Triwizard tournament.

Also interesting that Harry/James doesn't pick up on the fake Moody, despite having known him. The line "It’s the same creepy shit that Death Eaters would do with children in front of their parents." is pure genius IMHO.

Anxiously awaiting the next installment, as always.

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424  talks about Fred George and the other students.

HJ notes especially with MM, that people change in 15 years.   He also hasn't extensively question Moody at this point.   He figures that Moody is struggling trying to teach his whole Auror routine to a bunch of wet behind the ear kiddies.~Jim

uthamm posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 3:00pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Nice chapter. This story has grown on me. I will be interested to see how you get from 'the princess doing her best beauty pagent imitation' to a relationship. Very nice spin on the mature Harry. Obviously he will find people a bit childish but I like how you temper that with flaws (not realizing what is up with Crouching Moody) and bursts of maturity (seeing through the Malfoy ploy). Good characterization.

JBern replied:

Glad to hear you are enjoying it more and more.   Sparks will fly and probably not in a good way either between HJ and Fleur.   Now that he knows someone is out to get him, don't expect old Barty to get away with it for long.~Jim

haphazard1 posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 2:58pm for I Belong to Nowhere

HJ really has incoming from all directions, doesn't he? It's true that he doesn't really fit in as a fourth year anymore, but he isn't doing himself any favors by pissing off so many people. Given how he's already viewed, reaction within Hogwarts to his name coming out of the Goblet is NOT going to be good.

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next, but more of TFtCD or a new story will certainly be most welcome as well. Keep up the outstanding work.

JBern replied:

You're correct about the reaction to his name and the GoF.

I'm hoping to wrap TFtCD by the end of September which is why this one gets back burnered for a time.~Jim

Greg Johnson posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 2:54pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Another great chapter! I'm quite surprised at the way you went with the date. Although I enjoyed it immensely. Keep up the good work.

JBern replied:

As long as you were believably surprised then I'm happy.~Jim

Yo posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 2:35pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Absolutely gorgous! I have become so biased to this tale that nothing I can say would be contructive at all, unless you would like to hear how a monument should be built in your image...

I hope you update soon!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   But what kind of monument did you have in mind?   :-)

Jim

Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 2:07pm for I Belong to Nowhere

This is the best chapter so far. I really like your approach with Harry, especially as he's dealing with James' memories and trying to keep everything under wraps.

Another nice touch is how his relationships with everyone is not so much falling apart but changing.

I can't wait for the next chapter of this story.

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

I posted a pretty long view of why I have most students acting the way I do in this story there.   Glad you enjoy it and that you see it as continuing to improve.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 2:00pm for I Belong to Nowhere

This is excellent:
"Because I’m Harry bloody Potter. Not much goes on in this castle that I don’t know about."

Great work with Neville. I like the idea of Harry and Neville against the world and winning.

Fine set up leading to the Goblet.

Cheers!

JBern replied:

Thanks as always.   After I submitted this chapter, I couldn't remember if it was this or Turn Me Loose that you had commented on.   Either way you deserve plenty of thanks all around.~Jim

Cuey posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 1:57pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Great chapter Jim. This was a long chapter so I'll save any specifics for the FFA forum but everything is looking good, unless you are HJ of course.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Already responded in the forum!   Hope to hear more from you.~Jim

Decumo9 posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 1:53pm for I Belong to Nowhere

this is taking a quite interesting turn....

JBern replied:

Thank you very much for the compliment.~Jim

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 1:45pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Excellent. I am, surprisingly to me, enjoying greatly your spin on this with HJ becoming an outcast. It will be interesting to see how he and Fleur get together.

Just a few notes for you:

Should this phrase have 'then' instead of 'them'?

-- No Potter had ever been placed in Slytherin since them.

Should this phrase include empathize not emphasize?

-- "Crucio!"  That thing really lets loose. I can emphasize with it.

Should be 'wand' not 'want' in the following:

-- I levitate the stone shield wandlessly and use my want to cast the clearview charm on it allowing me to see through the shield.

Thank you for writing.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I hate when I miss the little stuff.   I'm getting better, but that just means I get more annoyed.   I fixed all of them plus the big egg on my face gaff of using Tracey at the beginning and Daphne later on at ffa.   Have to get to ff.net later.

Hopefully, everything remains believable and realistic.   I strive to impress.~Jim

MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 1:43pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Just because I carry three bezoars in my belt pouch doesn’t mean I’m paranoid…
-made me laugh

With his new wand, he’s not exactly setting the world on fire, but on the other hand, he isn’t setting other things on fire either.
-Another good line

I like how he and the Baron are using each other. Haven't read it done quite that way before.

"Turn Me Loose"..excellent.

I'm waiting for you to finish TFtCD before picking it up again. I want one good long enjoyable read without agonizing cliff hangers.

Thanks for writing!

JBern replied:

I hope to have TFtCD finished by the end of September.   Glad you are enjoying this one so much.   Thanks for this and all your previous reviews.~Jim

Drake posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 1:43pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Heh, the Weasley's are such prats.

And so is the rest of the Wizarding world, but that's a given. Can't wait for the next chapter. I rather enjoy this unique point of view on Hogwarts.

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424

I posted a lengthy reply about Fred, George and your average Hogwart's students in this forum.   Glad you enjoy it and thanks for the review.~Jim

aboulhosnc posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 1:42pm for I Belong to Nowhere

I guess the only thing I am disappointed in this chapter, not the grammar, or the plot, or even the tense. NO frankly what I am disappointed with is that I have to freaking wait for another one. Also perhaps the weasleys should get their commupance

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424  has a discussion about this chapter.   You might find it interesting.

Glad you continue to enjoy.~Jim

Kadmos posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 1:39pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Great chapter! Draco's attempt at embarrasing HJ was hilarious. Loved the cliffie, can't wait for the next installation. Keep up the good work!
~K~

JBern replied:

Thanks for taking time to review.~Jim

QOShea posted a comment on Monday 27th August 2007 12:47pm for I Belong to Nowhere

Nice chapter, and it reassures my opinion of human nature that Gryff's are every bit as biased and stupid about things as the Snakes.

Keep up the good work!

JBern replied:

http://forum.fanficauthors.net/showthread.php?tid=1424  has a long discussion about how the other students view HJ in this story.   Hope that you continue to enjoy and thanks for taking time to review.~Jim