The Lie I've Lived
Plans are Subject to Change
By JBern
Reviews
dwilken posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 9:23am for Plans are Subject to Change
Great stuff, young man! Love reading a story and feeling disgustingly cheerful at the end. My only point of sadness was that the "Sam Kinneson" sorting hat song you'd hinted at didn't really materialize. I'll give you points for your semi-recovery with HJ and the Hat in the infirmary. Just a minor quibble.
HJ's memories show he knew Alastor Moody in his previous life. Sooooo .... are you foreshadowing the possibilility of HJ spotting the polyjuiced Barty Crouch Jr. earlier than "canon" because a certain disguised death eater does something horribly out of character or doesn't remember something he should? That could be a nice, tense, and dangerous scene. (I suspect that you're already cackling with glee over the thought of writing it, you cheerfully cynical sicko, you.)
Since you've already made it clear that this is a Harry/Fleur story, I hope you do her justice similar to your creation in "Bungle in the Jungle" - I rather liked that Fleur. So next chapter: Is it going to be lust at first sight for our anti-hero HJ? Motivation enough to violate the age barrier and put his own name in the hat? :)
And finally: Lord Baron William Potter? Ack! Gag! Barf!
Definitely looking forward to whatever you do with this one,
Doug
JBern replied:
Thank you for a very long review. With the chapter almost at 10k the song would have been difficult. Fleur will be a bit like Fleur in Bungle, but she's younger and has a some flaws of her own. Well, you'll see...~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 9:09am for Plans are Subject to Change
Great job on this chapter, I found it to be an enormous enjoyment. For one thing, I can appreciate the hat a lot better now that it's not trying to fuck up Harry's life in genuinely nasty ways. I love the interaction with it in this chapter.
Also greatly enjoyable is HJ's plan to get rid of Snape - and what we already have of its execution. I'm going to love HJ stirring up all of Snape's colleagues against him and make his life hell.
I like how HJ deals with with the people around him, for example Hermione, Neville and Madam Pomfrey. He seems to be pretty good at persuasion and it's nice to see him using it to good effect.
Fudge not being totally incompetent is also interesting. Most people just go the easy way and display him as an eternally bumbling idiot who can't tie his own shoelaces with or without the benefit of a wand, but the possibility that he is actually somewhat competent when his position isn't threatened (or when he is busy sticking his head into the sand) is also quite interesting and should make for a more balanced view.
The battle at the World Cup was pretty cool, too. With HJ putting his focus on combat transfiguration, future fight scenes should also be interesting and novel.
The Bloody Baron being of the Potter line is another simple, but inspired idea. I'm looking forward to see what that turns into. Myrtle becoming HJ's girlfriend might be a bit impractical, but the idea becomes workable if HJ decides to learn astral projection and astral travel...
The answer to your Author's Note question is probably that canon!Dumbledore and/or the other parties responsible for organizing the tournament and the other schools' stayovers lack the creativity of modern educators. They probably wouldn't see the point of creating an action-packed schedule of events and contests for the students to face off in, producing a lot of extra (=unnecessary) work for everyone involved. If you decide to have them take a more proactive approach, I certainly won't complain. Your version of the 4th year promises to be very interesting and fun to read.
Quizer
PS: Two small mistakes caught my attention: --But you’ve have you spoken to any elves about this yet?-- and... --while I made sure my I didn’t have a punctured lung.-- Both have excess verbiage which should be disposed of.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the massive review. The Hat knows when to mess with HJ and when to play nicely.
Glad you liked the plan to get rid of Snape. It seems like something JP would do.
I'll fix the two mistakes that managed to get by Zanymuggle. He did an excellent job of catching all my others!
Most of the inter-school activities will just be mentioned in passing, but at least they will be mentioned.~Jim
MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 8:19am for Plans are Subject to Change
Great chapter!
So many good lines so little review space. I loved the hidden message in the sorting hats song.
It never really occured to me that Hermione's plan with Spew wouldn't work. How would House elves do laundry if they couldn't touch clothes, so very clever and well thought out counter argument.
I keep forgetting its only the beginning of fourth year and that there is still a year until Harry met Tonks in Canon, where she would probably be a full auror.
I love the stuff about helping Frank go after his mother for quashing Neville's confidence so much.
All of the stuff regarding the GoF and the age line really make sense, I like that. It was a little weak in canon that it seemed so easy for Fake Moody to trick the Goblet. Oooh, good question. When Moody appears in your hearing, is he "fake Moody" yet?
Thanks for writing
The Sorting Hat Monkey
JBern replied:
Who do you think obliviated Crabbe Senior? Thansk for the compliments as always.~Jim
Yojo posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 7:10am for Plans are Subject to Change
Very nice job in the fight: you kept it at a realistic skill level, yet kept it interesting. I was very pleased by your characterizations of Fudge and Malfoy at the trial, as they were both believable and intelligent.
The verbal battle with Snape was a work of art, but I have to ask: who is Sarah Underhill that it would matter to Flitwick about Snape being a DE?
Defusing Hermione was very well thought out, and I praise you for doing something unique with the tournament. So many people just look to Canon blindly and don't use their imaginations: your explanation of why was very well thought out. Keep up the good work.
JBern replied:
Sarah Underhill will become important in later chapters. It's Marauder era stuff that will come to light in the next few chapters.
I believe the more realism that can be injected into a story - the better. Fudge can still be an idiot, but he doesn't have to be a bumbling idiot. You catch my drift...
I've always wondered why Hermione thought by leaving clothes around it would free the House Elves - they're supposed to clean up, so I added the caveat that only giving an elf clothes in anger or for the express purpose of freeing them will do this.
Hopefully, you'll like the tournament. A preview of one of the task is drawn from the Olympic Biathlon. The champions will Apparate around to floating platforms and shoot piercing curses at targets as a test of speed and skill...
Regards~Jim
Shepherd posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 7:10am for Plans are Subject to Change
I just read your reply to another review for this chapter (regarding Dumbledore's actions regarding Snape). I've always secretly believed that Snape is Dumbledore's bastard child. Looking at a Potterverse timeline indicates that he was conceived at around the time that Dumbledore became Headmaster. Perhaps acknowledging a child conceived out of wedlock would have resulted in somebody else (perhaps a pureblood supremacist) getting the job.
Snape also seems jealous of the attention that the Headmaster gives to Harry and angry when Dumbledore sides with another against him while Dumbledore is always trying to cover for Snape's deficiencies. This sounds like a truly screwed up family relationship to me.
JBern replied:
Interesting theory. Of course that would make Snape the Full Blood Prince. I'll do my best to stay as close to canon for Dumbledore without harming the story.
Of course another idea is that Snape, while mean and often cruel, isn't necessarily the b-tard towards everyone else that he is towards Harry and by extension his classmates. Maybe that's how he has kept is position so long...
Oh well, there's some food for thought.~Jim
Renzo7 posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 7:09am for Plans are Subject to Change
Great work, nice touches with the additions to the triwizard, hopefully we'll see more tasks, too. Funny message in the song. Keep up the great work and please help HJ get some soon with one of the girls :P
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you approve of the changes. I hope it makes it more interesting.~Jim
Prince Charon posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 7:01am for Plans are Subject to Change
Brilliant! You're very good at this.
Thank you for updating.
More soon, please.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I appreciate the compliments.~Jim
Shepherd posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 7:00am for Plans are Subject to Change
A great chapter. The school year is already diverging greatly from canon and the Sorting Hat is at its foul mouthed best.
JBern replied:
Yes, but the cretins don't understand the Hat's brilliance! Perhaps one day...~Jim
jb238 posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 5:27am for Plans are Subject to Change
I like it when Harry lets his inner Slytherin show and doesn't take any BS from Snape.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. Next chapter in 2-3weeks.~Jim
Fishburne posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 4:46am for Plans are Subject to Change
BOO YA!
Kickass battles, goofy chicas, and a snarky hat. What more could a confused Teen/Father want?
Oh yeah, to have the castles most arrogant ghost as an ancestor.
As Always JB, you astound and entertain. Thank you!
Fish
JBern replied:
As always, I appreciate your compliments.~Jim
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 3:40am for Plans are Subject to Change
Love the plan to get rid of snape. That makes so much sense.
Don't have much to say except to tell you how much I'm enjoying this.
Thanks for creating it.
Tom A.
JBern replied:
I hope your writing is going strong as well.~Jim
uthamm posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 3:29am for Plans are Subject to Change
You have an awesome writing style that I can really appreciate. I didn't think I would like this story - it was pretty . . . raw at first. I am excited to see what you have planned for the tournament & I like the 'flawed' James & Harry that you present. The thing about the age line on the liquor cabinet was great and so is the Bloody Baron Potter. Snape Mayhem, anyone?
JBern replied:
Thank you. The story is a bit raw, but I try hard not to write fairy tales. Next chapter in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
Ravenclawchaser68 posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 2:57am for Plans are Subject to Change
Another great chapter. I was a little leery of the sorting hat at first, but I really like how it's developed. I also like your ideas about the tournament. If the whole thing is about people getting to know each other they ought to have more than 3 events plus a ball. Also, the Bloody Baron as a Potter ancestor is a new one-I like it. Could be useful. Anyway, great job as usual, and I'm looking forward to the next update.
JBern replied:
I haven't seen it before, but one or two reviewers say they have, but it is an interesting and little used twist. Hopefully, you'll enjoy where it's headed.~Jim
Disobedience posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 12:34am for Plans are Subject to Change
This continues to be a wonderful story! I look forward to HJ's campaign of terror against Malfoy, Snape, and all the other well-deserved targets. Please try to make Fleur more interesting than in GoF...
JBern replied:
I will do my level best to make Fleur as interesting as I did in Bungle in the Jungle. Let me know how I do.~Jim
aemon_targaryen posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 12:25am for Plans are Subject to Change
Very pleased to see to see an update. HJ-man of action! I love it! I really like how he's getting Pomfrey on his side-he's her favorite patient, after all. Dumbledore-with how he's written in canon, he's become in fanfic the two extremes of being either a devious manipulator, playing chess with other peoples' lives, or a deeply flawed but well-meaning old man paving the way to hell with his good intentions-it seems you're treading middle ground at the moment. Interesting to see you find a plausible way to marginalize Ron and Hermione in this story; I guess we won't be seeing too much of them. Bloody Baron and Moaning Myrtle? Power Couple of Hogwarts!
Side note-I am truly ambivalent about Book7-I have a feeling it will be a disaster. I just hope it doesn't make the good fanfic authors turn away from Harry Potter in disgust. Will you continue to write, no matter what happens in Deathly Hallows?
JBern replied:
Thank you for the review and the compliments. I'm working really hard to keep Dumbledore as close to canon as I can. I have IP82 keeping me honest in all things Dumbledore related. HJ can't help feeling different about his friends. He suddenly grew up and they didn't.
I also have mixed feelings about book 7. I don't plan on quitting writing anytime soon.
Too much fun to be had.~Jim
Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 12:20am for Plans are Subject to Change
Nice part here, and really enjoyed the way things went with Harry and Snape here, as well as Albus' continued efforts to convince Harry that Snape is oh so good, and yet won't bend over to help out others that really need it, and can't wait to see what come of things when a Veela comes by, and also nice touch with Poppy, I get the feeling that she'd skin someone alive if she caught them in the act of harming her patients.
JBern replied:
One of the difficulties in writing Dumbledore is that you have to justifiy to yourself how he lets Snape stay around. In this instance through the Old Man's eyes, Snape is a man struggling with his anger. He needs help and support...
HJ has a different idea of what Snape needs and he's going to try and make sure he gets it.~Jim
taxzombie posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 12:19am for Plans are Subject to Change
Excellent chapter, loved the Snape baiting/manipulation that went on. HJ is turning out to be a most interesting and entertaining character. The last line was a hell of a CH. Definately have to expand on that, can't leave that kind of line hanging.
Bravo!
JBern replied:
Glad you like the evolution of the character as the personalities blend. Next chapter in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
Mickey posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 12:01am for Plans are Subject to Change
Very nice. However what's the Hat's angle in telling Harry about Dumbledore's plans? Or more accuratly why Doesn't HJ wonder/worry about said angle.
About the battle is a sharp piece of metal got jabed into the muscle with sufficent strength that it doesn't merely slip out removing it and throwing/banishing/ etc... it at the enemy would take much longer then you suggest in the story. Also I'm surprised that the healers didn't spot signs of that injury when they checked up on him.
The Unicorn
JBern replied:
HJ is convinced the Hat is his friend. They've spent weeks with each other listening to each other thoughts.
HJ was able to effectively close the cut in his leg. It appeared to the healers as only part of the numerous contusions and lacerations that Amelia noted during the proceeding.
Thanks for the review.~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Wednesday 11th July 2007 11:55pm for Plans are Subject to Change
Excellent. Nice touch there at the end. Haven't come across that angle before.
The sorting hat's trick had me laughing.
I liked the way you handled Malfoy, Sr. He only had a couple lines but he came across as a very polished slimeball.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. As the chapter was already closing in on 10k, coming up with a dirty sounding song didn't appeal to me, so I comprimised and went a different direction.
Hopefully, I will continue to meet or exceed your expectations.~Jim
Greg Johnson posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 9:30am for Plans are Subject to Change
JBern replied: