closet_fan posted a comment on Sunday 14th December 2008 8:33am for The Dykstra Shuffle

Jim,

I really enjoyed the prank on the twins. Their bullying tactics really needed to be answered. Perhaps a similar prank should be played on Vernon and Dudley in the future.

I've been slightly disappointed in Fleur's character in this story. She is extremely well written and developed but there is just something about her that screams high maintenance. Perhaps I prefer her kinky, sexual, infinitely more friendly character from Bungle/Turn Me Loose. Having read those stories first, I find myself comparing TLIL's Fleur to the former stories. I look forward to seeing how their relationship develops.

In comparing HJ to the "Cursebreaking Animagus (or is it Animage?)" I've found HJ to be more clever and intelligent but significantly less powerful. Is this because of an age difference, lack of a connection to his animal form, a higher moral standard or am I just reading into it too much? HJ's skills in transfiguration are admirable but seem inadequate for battling Dark Lords. The learning by experience that is present in Bungle and TML has given more insight to a potential "win" in the final battle but HJ just doesn't seem to have what it takes in this story. The Deus Ex Machina that seems unavoidable to me, will most likely be overcome by your exceptional writing talent, and you'll surely find some way to dazzle us all.

I look forward to your future updates as well as your original publications.

A.

JBern replied:

I'll address the last point first.   My LVs differ from story to story.   In To Fight the Coming Darkness, LV was a powerful, driven wizard who relied more on his guile than raw power.   In Bungle/TML, he hasn't really been introduced yet but it's safe to assume that Harry is at a disadvantage.   In this story, he doesn't even have his body back yet and he is fully capable of only seeing HJ as a very talented 14 yr old rather than the combination of Harry's power and James's skill.

As for Fleur, in Bungle/TML, she's confident/comfortable in her own skin.   She's also a few years older and more mature.   In Darkness, she was shallow, vain, and a bit prissy (before I killed her off).   Here I've struck a balance between those two characterizations.   She is sitting on the fence and could go either way with the support of the "right" man.   In Bungle it was Bill.   In this one it could be HJ.  

There's also the prospect that the actual romance might not start until the sequel.

Muad'Dib posted a comment on Sunday 14th December 2008 8:24am for The Dykstra Shuffle

Excellent chapter. Who needs the Hat, when Harry's been properly influenced by it anyway;)

Switching the lung will earn Harry some brownie points with a certain French witch.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I"m glad you enjoyed it.   Brownie points all around!   More coming soon.~Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Sunday 14th December 2008 3:57am for The Dykstra Shuffle

Great chapter. I believe that HJ needs to go see Dale Carnegie but I suppose he is having too much fun. Thanks for writing. W.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   More is coming soon.   ~Jim

CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 11:58pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

Excellent, as usual.

Harry's solution to the Dragon was unique, although I wonder if he could have found an easier way to go about it. Perhaps he was going for flare and style more than anything else.

Medical scene was top notch. Best I've seen in fan fiction. I'm a little surprised that it didn't seem like Aimee's parents knew who Harry was by sight alone. He's famous and was her date to the Yule ball after all. Or perhaps they were just feigning ignorance.

Fleur dismissing Harry reminded me a bit of Harry deflecting Katie earlier in the story. They both used the "timing isn't right" line. Guess it makes sense, since Harry thinks he's to mature for Katie, and Fleur thinks Harry is to young for her.

I honestly have trouble seeing how you're going to pull off a realistic Harry/Fleur relationship anytime soon. At least until the sequel. I almost hope you wait until the sequel for real Harry/Fleur, just to make it all the more realistic.

I know many people are wondering when Fleur is going to find out Harry is the pronghorn, but honestly I'm hoping that waits until the sequel too. Will likely be some conflict over it, and this story has enough just setting the stage for them to get together.

Still many interesting paths you could take with this story. I'm looking forward to the next installment.

JBern replied:

Well, I can't really tip my hand what I am going to do here, so I won't try to drop any hints.

The Remus conversation was the best reason for HJ's selection.   Like James, HJ did this based on what amused him the most.

Thanks for the review.~Jim

Mrs.TiffanyPotter posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 6:33pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

I'm very happy to see that at least one of the many talented authors on this site is still activly posting. This has long been one of my favorite Harry Potter sites and it's to bad that it seems to be slowly dieing.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest. on to the review...I realy liked the medical scenes. I've always wondered about magical triage. You interpratation fits the bill nicely.

Are you setting the scene for some Harry/Amy before you get to Harry Fleur? It sure seems like it. Then again Fleur will probably be very grateful that Harry went so far to save her best friend. Great chapter. I'm looking forward to the next one.

JBern replied:

I can't speak for the rest, but I have no intentions of stopping any time soon.

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter.~Jim

keebler_elmo posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 3:19pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

Good stuff. I was really hoping for more of a conversation between harry and Madame Beaucourt, but with any luck I will see it next chapter. Harry's plan, while amusing, I found slightly disappointing. Surely he would have realized that time was a factor and done something quicker. But then again, maybe he really doesn't care that much. I am looking forward to the Harry/Fleur conversation that will hopefully appear next chapter. I must say though, I found Harry's conversation with Lupin...slightly out of character. I thought him to be in better control of himself, but I guess not. Anyway, great chapter and keep up the good work.

JBern replied:

As Remus reinforced, HJ, like James was employing the strategy that amused him the most.

On that topic, this is the first time HJ - in full command of his memories encountered Remus.   Immediately after dealing with the dragon and pumped full of adreanaline.   It's a bad recipe.

warpwizard posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 12:18pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

Good stuff, I like your Dark-evolved medical magic.

Very meaty chapter. Satisfying. Good character interactions. The events of this chapter will complicate things nicely with the Harry/Fleur/Aimee situation.


Error check: "draw taunt" = draw taut

JBern replied:

Thanks for the error check.   Glad you enjoyed the chapter.~Jim

WorldOfLilyEvans posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 10:08am for The Dykstra Shuffle

Loved it! Hope you update soon.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'll work on it.

NWL posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 7:40am for The Dykstra Shuffle

Great chapter, incredible medical part of it.

That said, I may have to pull a Dumbledore on this. While it may be a crime to remake any song but 'Ruby Tuesday' (according to Dumbles) and while 'Paint it Black' may have a bit of appropriateness given Sirius, consider the following:

Harry is fighting a dragon.

How in the world can any Stones song other than "Play with Fire" be used in that situation? (And yes, "Play with Fire" can be quite good when Howled)

JBern replied:

You make a valid point about Play With Fire.

Thanks for the review.~Jim

Anthony May posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 6:20am for The Dykstra Shuffle

I cannot tell you how much I enjoy your writing and look forward to your updates. I get depressed when I realize I'm on the last few paragraphs. I do hope the Weasley twins can be salvaged - but it's your story and I'm prepared to go down any path you lead me. My children do not like to read (Much to my horror) but when I tell them your update is out, they immediately gobble it up. - Keep up the great work and I hope we have more before Christmas! - That would be a great present. Remember, it is better to give then receive - So hopefully you can GIVE us updates on both stories - think of the graces you'll receive. lol

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   We'll see what happens on the update front.   I make no promises.~Jim

rune1806 posted a comment on Saturday 13th December 2008 3:16am for The Dykstra Shuffle

You alway come with something new and in the world of ff that is hard to do. The whole healing scene was griping and so very funny at the end, well done.

JBern replied:

Thanks as always.   Glad I could keep the excitement level up.~Jim

xanos posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 10:49pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

i like it. this is just as good as bungle in the jungle...might even be better if it reach the same lenght! good work!

JBern replied:

It's actually almost as long in word count as Bungle already.   I plan for this one to go to about 25 chapters.   Then, I'll take a few moths off to prepare for the sequel.

Jizzle posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 9:48pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

So incredible. The conversation between Fleur and Harry was filled with great wit, good character development, and some almost painful dramatic irony. "You're too young." Bzzt. Sorry Fleur, care to try again?

And that medical scene? Holy crap. Aimee's injury seemed so sudden, though there was a slight build up of tension. Then it was full on panic mode, and just so cool. Not only was your "magical medicine" spot on perfect, you totally nailed it just as a dramatic medical emergency scene. It made me think of the best frantic emergency moments of, say, House.

Seriously, just an incredible chapter.

JBern replied:

Someone on dlp pointed out the irony that HJ pretty much used the same method of putting off Katie Bell.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed the chapter.   I like it when I try something different and it is well received.~Jim

HopelessFan posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 9:38pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

Very good medical scene :-)
i like your "changing gears" here - its a good author that realizes you need a change of pace now and then.

the switch had me wince. that must be extremely painful (but of course brings up the idea of battlefield uses (switching voldemorts brain with a rock, for one)

JBern replied:

Well there are limitations, such as they had to be able to see the lungs to switch them.   If HJ can see Voldy's brain, the battle's pretty much over.

tim ludvigsen posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 9:28pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

very very good
nicely shows why the tri-wizard tournament
have not been run for over a hundred years.
the contestants can be killed/maimed even if
external forces don't interfiere.

the medical scene: feels like ER or something

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   More coming soon.~Jim

Vukk posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 9:03pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

I think he should have conjured or transfigured everything instead of summoning it. While it might have been funnier, it wasn't quite as realistic (yes I know I am talking about imagination and all that) as it would have been.

If the second main task is the water task, and HJP for some reason saves Gabrielle as well, will Fleur consider dating him then...

JBern replied:

If I use the water task, it will be highly modified.   Thanks for the review.~Jim

James13 posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 8:17pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

Nice! I did like the med scene, but why Aimee?

JBern replied:

If I did it to Athena, who'd care?   Krum and people would cheer.   Cedric was a possibility ... though.

Jim

rajinrune posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 7:30pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

bwahahaha! this is the best chapter yet! keep them coming!

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim

heathw posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 5:04pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

Extremely enjoyable chapter. I do like your healing magic twist. My greatest hope is that this will lead us to the introduction of my favorite jbern recurring character: The Necrodragon!

JBern replied:

How about Hat piloting the Necrodragon?   Just kidding.   I don't know about a Necrodragon in this story.

Then again...

 

Mesterio posted a comment on Friday 12th December 2008 4:55pm for The Dykstra Shuffle

I love how you always let a little hint about something that has happened or will happen out right at the end of your chapters. 'rolling stones' indeed.

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim