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Reviews

anonymous5 posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 12:55pm for All the King's Horses

"snapped" indeed... scary, that. Good show; one of the most vivid fight scenes I've ever read. Thanks for the update!

JBern replied:

Glad you could really visualize the fight scene.   I wanted a brawl vice a fancy duel and I think that I did the best job I was capable of with that scene.~Jim

pip posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 12:38pm for All the King's Horses

superb! my heart's pounding like crazy!

I read the start of this fic a while back, but gave up for whatever reason. i just read it all through again, and really enjoyed, dark no-nonsense harry and realist susan. if it werent 1.30 in the morning id offer some merw critique and praise, but im so tired rite now [hence my degenerating command over the english language]

looking forward to the enxt part!

pip]x
xxx

JBern replied:

Thanks!   I hope to hear more from you later when you are awake.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 9:20am for All the King's Horses

Oh, I also meant to mention--The font on this and the last chapter doesn't seem to use the font size selector at the top of the page.

JBern replied:

I'll look into it.   I have some problems with my chapters on this site for some reason.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 9:16am for All the King's Horses

Quite the battle. It proves that, while powerful, Harry still has a ways to go yet. Without the 'Black Home Advantage' he would have been screwed--and it was a close run thing as it was. He was disadvantaged having already fought Fleur, of course, but war isn't about fighting fair.

Susan reading Harry's feelings was interesting. Confusing at first, but it makes sense after she figures it out.

Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

JBern replied:

I wanted Snape to be a cunning and devious opponent.   In too many Fics Snape just stands there and arrogantly tosses curses until Harry overcomes him.   I would think that Snape didn't get where he was by being anything other than deadly in combat.

Glad you liked the part with Susan.   The bond they share is weak and subject to wide interpetation.~Jim

Lufio posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 8:39am for All the King's Horses

Damn. That was a vivid portrayal of a magical death-match. Kudos. It was well-written.

JBern replied:

Thanks I can't take all the credit, but on the behalf of myself and those who help me - Thank you.~Jim

Renzo7 posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 8:35am for All the King's Horses

Awesome battle scene, I loved the end "Let me show you how to clear your mind, Snivellus" that's a grand finale. Great chapter overall, can't wait to see how Harry's healing will go, what Susan does, what happened in Hogsmeade and the general aftermath of the battle. Keep up the awesome work, and please update soon.

JBern replied:

There was a lot of discussion about ending the chapter on the firewhip scene.   I made the last minute decision to add the shortened scene with Bill entering and finding Harry.   The original scene was too long and drawn out.   It took away from rather than complimented the energy that had been built during the chapter.~Jim

Haeton posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 8:33am for All the King's Horses

Wow, you never fail to entertain, but wow. I look forward to the aftermath of this battle. Harry is building up some serious incidents that could come back to haunt him latter. Let the Abott's see what he is cabable of and they may just run for their lives.

JBern replied:

Hopefully, Harry will get some nice quiet time next chapter.   Then again, maybe not....

Glad you liked it~Jim

Rake posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 7:56am for All the King's Horses

I’m humbled…never before have I seen such a great fight scene (except maybe in your other story) it had it all blood, suffering and the death of Snape. Like I said on DLP I would have liked to see more of the dementor power in this chapter but I guess you’re the writer.

JBern replied:

I am glad you liked it.   I left the option of using that dementor power out there for me if I needed it.   Much like in the coming fight in Bungle where Harry has one of his single use runes in his pocket in the event I feel the need to use it.   I have to credit all the people that help me with the story.   I make it good.   They polish it and help me make it great.~Jim

amulder posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 5:32am for All the King's Horses

this is seriously violent. Are you going to keep this up through the whole story? Seems to be never ending the past few chapters.

JBern replied:

Things are going to back down during the next few chapters.   Both sides will be licking their wounds.   This was Voldemort's last real shot to get Harry before Hogwarts.   Battles are like that.   They come in spurts of violence and death.  I promised a gritty and realistic version of a war.   I hope it is also compelling.

Think about it this way.   You have all sorts of 'redo' fics out there.   In most of them, they go on  at length  about how horrible the war was and how it left emotional scars on Harry.   In this fic, you get to see the horrible war unfold right before your eyes.~Jim

Christopher Patton posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 4:50am for All the King's Horses

Great chapter and a fantastic combat scene with Harry and Severus. I can see Harry going a bit overboard from the stress and the release of all of his pent up emotions regarding Snape. It was a well thought out combat sequence and it was well written as well. I looking forward to more of this story as well as 'Bungle'. While the timing may not be ready yet, I think that Harry and Susan need to have some time to themselves soon so they can build on whatever relationship they have so far.

Thanks for the new chapter.

JBern replied:

I'd like to take sole credit for how well the fight scene turned out, but just about everyone I thanked in my acknowledgements played a roll making that outstanding scene.   Given how many people/dementors Harry has killed in the last 24 hours, he's due for some Post-Tramuatic Stress.   Thanks for enjoying the chapter and reviewing.

Jim

MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 4:28am for All the King's Horses

Great fight scene with Snape! Excellent use of the portraits. I liked how very close it was and how Harry appears to have lost his grip at the end.

Any chance that the mercs were caught? I would think that being in pay of the Dark Lord would merit death.

Looks like Peter is going to get a promotion with Snape gone.

Hope you bring Ginny back in some way.

JBern replied:

The Mercs are mentioned in the next chapter.   Ginny returns soon.   She still has a part to play...

Peter as a potions master?   Nah.   He already is in charge of DE HQ and Voldemort's reading lamp.

Glad you liked the battle.   It took a lot of rework and a lot of input from others to get it into the final form.

Jim

PerfesserN posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 3:36am for All the King's Horses

Okay, Harry's lost it. Will all the king's horses and all the king's men be able to put poor Harry back together again? We can only hope. Good, clear (if somewhat disturbing) imagery. Is the story outline complete? Will Harry ever recover? I guess we'll have to wait for the update.

JBern replied:

I am happy that you were able to follow the imagery.   As for the rest of the questions, you'll have to wait and see....

Jim

Jeff1 posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 3:06am for All the King's Horses

A most fitting end to the greasy git. Please keep up the great work. I can't wait for the next installment.

JBern replied:

You know, grease fires are some of the more difficult ones to put out ....

Thanks for the review.~Jim

MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:41am for All the King's Horses

I hope you don't have Harry lossing his mind. He is going to need some mental help here after all of this. But I still like the way he to Snape down though. Update soon.

MPF

JBern replied:

Well it's not lost, just a little misplaced at the moment.   I wanted to play up the trauma a bit.   He has after all done a good bit of killing in the last 24 hours.~Jim

Gardengirl posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:41am for All the King's Horses

Yes, well done, Gryffindor, well done!

I think Susan had better show up pretty quick, though!

Thanks for the update ~

JBern replied:

Sadly, I don't think the points are going to count.   :(

Next chapter will feature a large dose of Susan dealing with Harry and Bill dealing with... oh that would be saying.

Jim

Crys posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:33am for All the King's Horses

Forgot two things.

Nit: Three female DE's behind curse-breaker team. Hestia, Emmy, and ??? who doesn't ever seem to show up again. Or did I miss something?

Last, great idea to have Snape "trick" the wards out of Hermione. That's so very in character for both of them to do exactly what you described.

Oh, and "faux kedavra"? Tricky move.

JBern replied:

Actually, it was 3 additional DEs beyond Hestia and Emmy.   Their fates are mentioned next chapter.   The Curse Breakers left immediately as they are not contracted for combat on this mission.

Glad you appreciated Hermione being used like that.       You would think there would be a spell out there that simulates the speed and color of the killing curse.   The painting in the Parlor taught him that spell.   Sirius taught him Levicorpus.

Jim

Crys posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:24am for All the King's Horses

Yeowza. Good fight scene.

Watching Susan put Harry back together again (again) should prove interesting.

BTW, are they aware of the emotional bond? If so, shouldn't Susan have been worried when she felt the flash of lust then the emotional backlash of the fight?

You didn't say, but did Tonks and Flitwick catch the ward-breaker team?

Wonder if they'll be able to recover the two Order members who were broken.

Again, gritty story but very good.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   The bond is very weak and is still maturing.   They are also still becoming acclimated to it.   Feeling something is one thing understanding why you are feeling something is another.   Especially with Susan on edge.

There was a much longer ending scene with Bill picking his way through the wreckage downstairs that covered all of what you asked.   It was shelved until next chapter where you will see more of it.

The long and drawn out scene significantly diminished the energy that I had built in the climax to the Harry vs Snape battle.   Vance will be recovered.   There is a minor side story with her deprogramming.   Jones (mistakenly thought to be a male DE by Harry) was the one killed by the Ice Spear spell.   Recover her, yes, but only to bury her.~Jim

Jim

HermioneGreen posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:05am for All the King's Horses

What a most awesome scene. It was well worth the wait. I hope Susan arrives soon to help Harry out of the darkness he had to let himself embrace. Keep up the good work.

Thanks for sharing

'Mione

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   Susan will most likely play a large part in next chapter.~Jim

LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 1:59am for All the King's Horses

"Telum Glacis!"

The Death Eater was straightening up from his hunched over position when the meter long shard of jagged ice struck in his chest. His opponent swayed and dropped to the ground. He needed time, so he cast a smokescreen and scrambled up the steps.

----

I read that part three times before I submitted the review, and now for a fourth time. That STILL reads like Snape got struck with the ice, but was not severely affected. Oh well. On to the next massacre. :)

JBern replied:

I'll slide the word masked in there.   From Harry's POV, he didn't know whether the DE was a guy or a girl.   He just sent a large ice chunk into an enemy.   It was Jones who was hit with a fatal blow.~Jim

redquail posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 12:49am for All the King's Horses

the best snape kill scene that i have read though i wonder if susan must be there for harry to become sane again

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review and we'll see much more of Susan next chapter.~Jim