LordLexx posted a comment on Wednesday 25th December 2019 12:19pm for Before the Dawn

NO. Just NO. Voldemort CANNOT cast a Patronus. Go read up on them. He would literally kill himself just trying it by the very nature of the spell. Fuck some bullshit ass AU excuse. I'm fine with making up how a spell might work or how you could use a spell differently but fundementally changing the very nature of a spell to such a degree is just unacceptable.

rajvir posted a comment on Tuesday 2nd November 2010 8:34pm for Before the Dawn

amazing story I like it a lot great job

Abraxan posted a comment on Thursday 5th August 2010 4:24pm for Before the Dawn

This was a very satisfactory story despite the fact you killed off nearly all the good guys!! And you ended it with a traditional horror story with the evil thing coming back to life - eek! I hope it isn't Harry's or his children's destiny to defeat him - Harry's lost his childhood and his arm and that's enough, IMO! But then again, I'm a fan of happy endings . . .

Abraxan

zyvanume posted a comment on Wednesday 16th June 2010 8:48pm for Before the Dawn

for being "the vanguard of the light," Potter is pretty damb dark. the only person darker than what he used is the thing that used it on him first. I like the way you write and the style you use. you take a icon, rip it apart, throw a bunch of humanity into them, and drag them down to earth. you give perople reason, show the cost of war, and answer logical questions ignored by J.K..

Lilith_L2 posted a comment on Friday 28th May 2010 4:15am for Before the Dawn

amazing fanfic! congratulations!
i think to much people died in this story but it's war like it's suposed to be, cruel and with lots of deads.
you didn't really answered the problem between Harry and the dementors.. if you could it will be nice.
even then, congratulations and good luck with your others stories and original novels! :)

Forever&3moreSeconds posted a comment on Sunday 31st January 2010 7:32am for Before the Dawn

okay, i'm not sure i agree with letting tommy stay alive, but keeping political agendas open-ended and not just having everyone 'skipping off into the susnset' is a good touch. i enjoyed this, despite the fact that every f***ing chapter seemed to be a cliffhanger at about one in the morning and i couldn't stop reading.
ruth =)

simplyElise posted a comment on Wednesday 6th January 2010 12:00pm for Before the Dawn

Thanks so much for the story! I enjoyed so many things that you did with it. It was great that you provided some real back story to the dark lords and fleshed out magic itself. If Voldemort is really able to stave off death then magic must really have a multitude of layers and uses. Also you did make this seem like a real war with the realities of death. We are focused on the primary resistance not a family in the British countryside, so it is only logical that so many of the main fighters would perish. I know you wrote this story ages ago, but you seem to welcome advice so I'm going to go ahead... Yes it is a war, but death is still not so easily accepted in war. My brother-in-law was part of a deep recon unit back in 02-05 in Fallujah and Afghanistan. He's talked about losing friends and how at times it made him go crazy and act recklessly or kick it up a notch and let em have it, but what always resulted was a tightening of the bonds within the unit. Your story is about a war, but it is not a foreign war, so those fighting go home to their loved ones at night. You hinted at some of the personal effects of death and war, but I really felt like this was where your story could improve. Perhaps you weren't trying to convince me that Harry won't be the next dark lord, but you definitely could have shown some grief in Bill, a character whom you chose to flesh out quite a bit then killed off with little reaction from Harry. Maybe this is too much a female perspective but I keep thinking of a quote I read somewhere: "people may not remember what you said, but they will remember how how you made them feel". And reading your story I was thinking about my brother in law who is one of the toughest guys I know who would probably love this story for all the strategy and everything, but he would remember this story if it strikes a chord with him. Everyone has experienced grief and the thought of losing Mrs. Weasley and Dumbledore and Ginny should have made me feel anxious because I've lost people and I can't imagine what I would have done if I had had to fight for my life just after losing someone who was like a mother to me. Don't forget the human element. It is what will make your books memorable. Not all of us can fight like Harry but we can love like him and be scared like him. Thanks again for a great read!

Keats449 posted a comment on Tuesday 15th December 2009 6:28am for Before the Dawn

I enjoyed this story a quite a bit. I think the way you portray Voldemort is much better than the standard 'sits on a throne and gives orders/threatens/tortures his death eaters' version that is seen in many fics. You really balanced the sides and the casualties well. The twists you threw in [crazy-Neville, Death Eater-Penelope, flawed-Lily, etc] were fun to read.

Ken B Barker posted a comment on Wednesday 5th August 2009 7:31am for Before the Dawn

Very good, well written story. It is difficult to find an independent Harry story, espeicially as well developed as this. I look forward to reading more of your work.

dan26 posted a comment on Monday 27th July 2009 6:33pm for Before the Dawn

A truly different end to voldermont to be reborn as a baby

Aurilia posted a comment on Saturday 25th July 2009 1:00am for Before the Dawn

Face, meet palm. Palm, meet face.

So, nobody won. Shoulda seen that coming. Really.

As much as I enjoyed this fic, I doubt I'll spend the time to do a second reading in the future - the ending was a bit too ambiguous for my tastes. I need a solid win on one side or the other to truly love a story. Yes, I know that real life rarely (if ever) has a solid 'winner', so to speak, but that's why I read fiction (fanfic or not).

All in all, a collection of unique ideas and a well-conceived plotline. You could do with some more work on your grammar. Many of the errors I noticed would probably have been caught with a simple read-through just prior to posting.

I wish you luck in your future endeavors, both fanfic and non. Happy writing!

Schwing posted a comment on Wednesday 17th June 2009 3:46pm for Before the Dawn

OMG! AMAZING! dude that was so well done, very realistic, you killed off SO many characters. one of the 2 best stories i've ever read (and i've read a few hundred (or at least attempted 2)) hope to see some updates on TML another great story and maybe i'll look at TLIL seems off beat and not entirely plausible (all things considered) but WTFs with Inner Eye? that's just messed should be worth a laugh. oh and again please update TML soon those battles are EPIC! sorry i need sleep.

Lathena posted a comment on Thursday 22nd January 2009 4:00am for Before the Dawn

wow. This story has a lot of the good qualities I've noticed in your other stories, but I missed the humor from the rest. Pure drama i guess. However, you manage some of the most realistic descriptions of war and how the people reacted to it, obviously your aim. I liked the pet peeves that you created in the beginning. Some where ones that had bothered me as well and others I could definitely see the validity of your points. I liked your Susan and the roll she played which was a necessary one. Many stories try to give Harry a woman who can try to fight beside him, but it would truly just distract him like his friends. I appreciated Harry's reactions to the messyness of war. Also, your three pointed triangle with Harry playing off both was cool.
One of the most unique and probably my favorite things in your stories is that when people make a horrid mistake or get caught in some terrible manipulation, they aren't automatically evil and forever hated. The situations are more complex than that. None of your character, except maybe Susan, are perfect and make no mistakes. It makes your characters more like people instead of one dimensional constructs.
Anywho, while my least favorite of your stories (so 4th) this is still several cuts above most other fanfiction out there. (this site excepted. It seems to have an unusually high percentage of fantastic stories.)

JBern replied:

Thank you for the long review.   Darkness was my "rookie" effort.   I made a lot of errors in it, but it was a learning experience for me.   The things I learned from it helped me to become a better writer.~Jim

fyrecat posted a comment on Wednesday 24th December 2008 9:18am for Before the Dawn

HOhohohohohooo!!! A new Carpenter to lead them... Masterful! And fukt up! I love it!

One last grammar note from this chapter:

"...you are still handing a fortune..."
The expression is handing *away*, handing *over* or handing *off* or even handing *me* - the action of handing needs a destination to be logically complete.

Great writing!
Thanks for sharing.

JBern replied:

Well, I thought that was the proper conclusion to the story.   Almost makes me want to write my 19 years later epilogue...

Jeffrey Meehan posted a comment on Wednesday 10th December 2008 10:13am for Before the Dawn

This story while creative makes me physically ill. You kill off most of the characters only to leave an ending with no sence of closure at all. I also hate your portrayls of many of the characters. Many are very shallow and present a level of sadism in their natures that has no business here.

JBern replied:

To each his own.   I set out to make saving private ryan meets HP.   I think this story sets the standard as to what a brutal wizarding war would look like.

Regards,

Jim

Andrius posted a comment on Wednesday 29th October 2008 11:40am for Before the Dawn

Great story. Very entertaining, and so many aspects to take in.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'm glad you enjoyed this story.~Jim

LKK posted a comment on Tuesday 16th September 2008 2:49pm for Before the Dawn

That was really good. Can't say I like the fact that old Voldy will be reborn. Ah well, beggars can't be choosers. ;P

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'm glad you enjoyed it.   Just catching up on my review replies for my older stories.~Jim

Portus posted a comment on Wednesday 11th June 2008 5:47pm for Before the Dawn

I should have reviewed this as soon as I finished reading it. Shame on me. But in my defense, I was probably a bit shell-shocked at the time. See, I read this fic from beginning to end, after it was entirely completed, and so had no lag time between chapters to internalize how ruthless an author you really are.

You waxed so many major characters, in so many gruesome and undignified ways... well, let's just say I was ill-prepared for the scope of the carnage you brought to bear, and leave it at that.

No, I can't just leave it. You took beloved characters like James and Lily (especially Lily) and throttled the Angelic!Potters image we've all come to accept as immutable. You set Neville down a very, very dark road and made Harry into a cunning, Fight-Fire-With-Fire, if-you-aren't-with-me-fuck-you hero.

But seriously, you even made the Dursley into sympathetic/redeemed (?) characters, which isn't unhear-of, but to do by turning Lily Potter into a cruel bitch, even though she was doing what we'd expect any mother to do? Wow.

Superb fic. One of my favorites, and definitely my favorite involving Harry and Susan.

Thanks again!

JBern replied:

I intended to write Saving Private Ryan meets Harry Potter and give a brutally realistic version of a magical war.   How'd I do?   If you go look in my thread there's an obituary thread listing each chapter in the story.

I'm glad you enjoyed it and hope that you continue to follow my work both fanfic and original.~Jim

Ciroth posted a comment on Saturday 31st May 2008 10:59am for Before the Dawn

Great SL.....I do hope you write another one to this. You did leave a great opening for more then a one shot.

JBern replied:

I've got too much on my plate to come back to this one now, but maybe one day...

Jim

Prongs1977 posted a comment on Monday 14th April 2008 2:37pm for Before the Dawn

I don't know if I've reviewed much, if at all, for this story, as I read it start to finish. First and foremost, BRAVO! This was well written and all that rot (I'm not much for flowery language, hence I'll never be a critic). I did enjoy the bits of humor (Michael Jackson, born a poor black boy and growing up to be a rich white man (woman)), I must admit I didn't see all the Weasley deaths, but it was well done. If you do write a "sequel" to this, I would love to be e-mailed/notified, as it's a GREAT second piece, but if not, it's just "Harry Jr. vs. Tom Jr." or "Harry vs. Tom pt deux". Anyway, enough from me, GREAT WORK!

JBern replied:

Thank you very much for the review.   I'm glad you found to be an enjoyable story and I hope that you find my other works just as entertaining.

Regards,

Jim