Heir of Gryffindor posted a comment on Thursday 21st February 2008 2:11pm for Before the Dawn

wow this was amazing. i just read it all in the past day or so, and i am amazed at the depth you went into with it. most times you read a fic, the characters beyond harry and maybe a few others are so one dimensional. not with your "world within a world," so to speak. congratulations on an incredible job well done.

JBern replied:

Thank you very much for reading it all in one sitting.   There are probably some things that I could have done differently and would've done differently, but this was my first attempt at  fan fiction.   I learned a lot from it and hopefully I can take those lessons to my current and future works.
Regards,
Jim

Aelita posted a comment on Friday 15th February 2008 3:08pm for Before the Dawn

WOW, this story was totally different from what i thought it would be and i loved it! Thank you so much for a great story!

JBern replied:

Makes me wonder what you thought it would be?   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

irker posted a comment on Saturday 5th January 2008 9:38pm for Before the Dawn

Wow.

@.@

-irker

JBern replied:

Thanks!   Jim

Brian Donnely posted a comment on Thursday 3rd January 2008 7:41am for Before the Dawn

Damn, that's pretty much the most evil cliffhanger an author can ever write: One without a resolution. At first, I was wondering where you going with that, with Penelope having the last scene of the story. I probably should've keyed into that hint you gave about her being in 'mortal peril' a little bit more. Great ending. Very fitting to the story.

That'll teach Harry that the next time he puts a man into power, to consider how he'll act once the war is finally over.

I gotta tell ya, all the odd pairings you threw in here were a real treat for me. Especially the Charlie/Narcissa interaction. Never seen that done before.

Your battle scenes (it would be a crime to call them duels, much more brutal) were some of the best I've ever read, and your portrayal of Voldemort is definitely the best I've come across. Despite all the power and cunning you bestowed upon him (which is a good thing), he still seemed much more... human. Almost getting killed by Hagrid really drove that point home.

Even though he was majorly insane, I loved Neville. I couldn't find it in me to dislike him for his actions after taking into account everything that had happened to him. Made for a very interesting plot revolving around him.

I feel bad wrapping this up with the generic "great story dude, I loved it." But damn, I did. Fantastic.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it even with the evil nasty ending, that I personally enjoyed writing.

Yeah Harry has his hands (one real and one fake) full, triplets, trying to be a good husband, fascist dictator he helped get into power - you know the usual.

Voldemort was my favorite character of all this.   He felt real.   I'll have to find a way to do him justice in Bungle.~Jim

IceBlades posted a comment on Saturday 15th December 2007 8:54pm for Before the Dawn

You know, of course, that this is a very evil way to end a story. It truly begs to be continued. However, I don't see you doing anything with it. Even if you did, I believe that the universe would be too obscure to engage a good following like this one did. I enjoyed reading this story very much. I'm waiting to see about Turn Me Loose next.

Happy writing!

JBern replied:

I figured that it would inspire the imagination of the readers and I like my epilogue much better than JKR's.   It has such sinister overtones.     Chapter 4 of TML is at final beta and will be released either tonight or tomorrow.   It is 16K words in length and should provide you with considerable entertainment.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Wednesday 5th December 2007 1:52am for Before the Dawn

At first you kind of think, no offence here, that this ending was a bit of wimper to an otherwise epic story. That last bit of ending was very nice though.

I've liked this story from the start, but it felt toward the end like you were forcing yourself to finish it. This has been a great ride and thanks for writing it.

I thought Voldemort died a little too easily but with the ending the way it is I can forgive that! Bravo! Again, thanks for writing!

Monkey

JBern replied:

I'll agree that the ending is  a bit forced (well not the epilogue with Rufus and baby Voldy - that was written months ago).   It was a matter of bringing the story to a conclusion.   I learned a good deal from this story which will only help my stories in the future.   Were I in the mood to rewrite it, I would 1)split the adventures of Charlie/Narcissa into a separate story.  2) End the original story with the trip on the Hogwart's express or Snape's death.   Many people complained about the "lag" in the middle.   Finishing with Snape's death would allow the story arc to start again and ramp up instead of slowing in the middle.   Would it change much of the content?   Probably not, but the change in the reader's perspective would probably make them less critical, if you follow my meaning?

Jim

Patches posted a comment on Friday 23rd November 2007 7:27pm for Before the Dawn

What a great story. I have enjoyed this story so much from the first time I started reading it. It was really different to have Harry paired with Susan instead of the usual suspects. I like the ending but I would really like to read an Epilog to this story. Especially one 19 years or so in the future. It also leaves the possibility of a new threat from an old enemy. Voldemort as Percy and Penelope's son is quite startleling. I would love to see how your work that out. Thanks so much for writing. I also look forward to updates on "Lies" and "Turn". Thank you so much and I would love to read the original stories you are working on to publish. Thanks again for sharing your tallent with those of us who can only consume your efforts. pms

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I'm just catching up on my replies now.   If I do the epilogue, it'll be a while.

Regards~Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Friday 23rd November 2007 4:38pm for Before the Dawn

Congratulations on finishing your fine story. I have enjoyed it. I think some of your other works suit my tastes a little more in that I like a little more humour but I can't fault your action scenes which I do so enjoy. Good luck on your future endeavours and Thank you for writing. W.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it even if it was a bit too dark for your complete liking.~Jim

James posted a comment on Friday 23rd November 2007 10:59am for Before the Dawn

Excellent story ... sometime in the distant future you may want to take a red pen to the story and streamline it?

As for your original work, friend of mine has published two historical/biographical books. Both made it onto the top ten and his agent & publisher after 18 months still haven't gotten back to him about the first fictional book he wrote!

Fuck the publishers, ever looked into self publishing?

JBern replied:

I don't honestly know if I would rewrite it.   It was a long endeavor, but I prefer to go forward and not back.   As for publishing, I'll stick to the small and indy publishers to try and make a name for myself rather than going the traditional route of trying to impress an agent followed by having the agent try to impress one of the big 6.

Essentially, it's a modified version of self-publishing.   More on that later.

Thanks for the review.   I'm glad you enjoyed the story.~Jim

slickrcbd posted a comment on Tuesday 20th November 2007 4:05pm for Before the Dawn

Is it just me, or are you trying to parallel the ending of the First World War here instead of the second? Well, maybe not exactly, as there are no crushing reparations being forced on Britain. The idea that the seeds of the next war are already being planted almost before the war is over. I think there's a different set of European wars that this paralles, but I only have taken one World History course back in high school, and can't remember what it is (the war, not the course).

JBern replied:

I wasn't really trying to parallel either.   Most wars see an end to conflict.   Very few see a resolution to that conflict.   The winners and the losers seek to reposition themselves in a post war setting and I left it open ended to give you folks a nice place to indulge your own imagination.~Jim

Eric Oppen posted a comment on Tuesday 20th November 2007 6:13am for Before the Dawn

Wow. What. A. STORY!

Except for the punctuation issues, I thought it was excellent. And the end reminded me of the end of the first _Terminator_ movie.

"I'll be back."

JBern replied:

Yeah, my grammar and mechanics are still only average, but I like to think that I excel as a storyteller.   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

LoganBlackisle posted a comment on Monday 19th November 2007 7:33am for Before the Dawn

*Very* nice ending, and an excellent chapter all in all.

Though, I did wonder; "a necromantic corpse detonation" am I just a geek or was that from Diablo II?

Anyway, great chapter, I'm looking forward the next installment in 'Turn Me Loose' or 'The Lie I've Lived' - whichever.

Logan Blackisle

JBern replied:

I played Diablo 2 for countless hours.   Who doesn't love a good corspe explosion?   Glad you enjoyed the story.   I hope my future works impress you as much.~Jim

Gulfbar posted a comment on Sunday 18th November 2007 10:31am for Before the Dawn

This was a great story!!!

The only things that weren't that good are the hole Evil Neville and dead Ginny thing.

But the rest was great :)

JBern replied:

Sorry you didn't like parts of it, but I'm pleased with the finished product.   Glad you enjoyed it despite those parts.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Saturday 17th November 2007 3:24pm for Before the Dawn

Very good story!

JBern replied:

Thanks again for all the reviews.   I hope my other stories continue to impress you.~Jim

stuart posted a comment on Saturday 17th November 2007 12:41pm for Before the Dawn

so, how do you really feel about the french?
I really enjoyed your story, I have just finished it from the start, and I must say you did a much more remarkable job with Harry than Jk did!!

JBern replied:

I love the French and resent any implications to the otherwise.   :-)

Glad you enjoyed the story.   I hope my other stories continue to impress you.~Jim

joeBob posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 1:11am for Before the Dawn

It's good that you finished this story and thanks for it.

Fight scene was ok. Classic "B movie" "The end?" was nice touch.

This story started out great and had good ideas and a swell Voldemort.

The ending was not bad but might have handled the loose threads better. Or perhaps re-edit the whole story and correct the Checkhov's law violations.

The long span between updates really hurt too. Perhaps one story at a time might help with continuity?

Anyway, still a good story overall and concluded rather than abandoned. Thanks!

JBern replied:

Valid points.   I hope to get it down to where I am only working on one fanfic at any given time.   I don't know if I would ever go back and redit.   I'll certainly fix errors eventually, but I believe in moving forward not backward.~JIm

Edem posted a comment on Wednesday 14th November 2007 9:01am for Before the Dawn

Nice ending to a great story. I like that there's some plotting even after the death of Voldemort. Some places in the story I felt that it was a bit drawn out, but the end result is very good. Definatly worth a reading from start to finish a second time ^^

JBern replied:

War seldom answers everything definitively.   The survivors, both victors and defeated, are often left scrambling for their place in the New World and end up evaluating their previos partners.~Jim

ahsun92 posted a comment on Wednesday 14th November 2007 6:47am for Before the Dawn

Arghghghggh Ultimate cliffhanger. Very pleased with hearing 'The Lie I've Lived' and 'Turn Me Loose' coming off hiatus.
A superb masterpiece!
Well done and I await to see your other chapter!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Didn't you review on ff dot net as well?   Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

00_Knight posted a comment on Wednesday 14th November 2007 3:46am for Before the Dawn

An interesting ending to an interesting story.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

Darak1 posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 7:03pm for Before the Dawn

Thank you for your explanation, I somehow must have missed the part where you explained about the first survival of Voldemort, it does indeed explain why nobody bothered to track his soul.

Concerning the survival of witches and wizards in flames yes there are records of them doing so but they did so by pre-casting the proper charms which isn't that easy to do when on fire (and I still believe wizards wouldn't survive shrapnel or gatling fire but then again it is your story to do with as you want to).

JBern replied:

All valid points, but once again the use of too much  technology fundamentally changes it into one of those technomancer style stories.   Those are pretty difficult to pull off.   Like I said, Harry used bombs a few chapters back and the iron shrapnel was highly resistant to magic (he used anvils to temporarily break the wards in  a looney tune tribute).

Anyway thanks for the comments.~Jim