lordblack posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 4:18pm for Before the Dawn

I loved it, thank you!

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 11:10am for Before the Dawn

I'm happy, as I'm sure you are, to see this fic finished. It faltered at parts, but finished strong. I liked Voldemorts memories living on. A clever Voldemort would always have a backup plan.

Many of my favorite writers say the key to being a successful author is at least a small amount of natural skill, a moderate amount of imagination, a lot of hard work and a little luck. Seems like you have the first traits, here's to wishing you the last as well.

My personal policy on purchasing books is that I only purchase books by authors I've read and enjoyed and plan to read again. I almost always get a book from the library and read it before I buy it. If it's good and I'll read the book again, then I will purchase it. You have a step up since I've enjoyed two of your stories enough to read them more then once (the Lie and Bungle).

Willing to give any hints about the plot for The Inner Eye of Harry Potter? How about your original work? Do you plan to write them in the traditional fantasy setting (as Tolkein, Martin, etc.) or as modern fantasy (ala Harry Potter, Dresdon Files).

Btw, speaking of Dresdon Files, I'd suggest taking the time to read those if you haven't. The author, Jim Butcher, writes very similarly to how I'd imagine you could write given a bit more finesse and time. Lots of action, strong emphasis on characterization, wit and humor mixed in.

Sorry for going off on a tangent there instead of concentrating on Darkness. Then again, I'm sure you've heard all the critiques and compliments before anyway. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter of The Lie I've Lived. As I'm sure I've mentioned, it's my favorite story of yours.

JBern replied:

There's a lot to make me proud in this story and there are plenty of things to make me cringe.   The Neville subplot dragged on and quite frankly I should have ended the story right after Harry versus Snape and used the rest as a sequel.   It would have made the slower buildup of the chapters seem less awkward.   After I catch up on reviews, I'll make a news article for the JBern mainpage on this site and talk about the original stuff.   It'll be easier to answer that way.

I haven't read Dresden Files.   I did see one or two of the episodes that aired on the sci-fi channel.

The Inner Eye of Harry Potter is a humor piece.   It features a Harry Potter who is partly raised by Sybil T.   He arrives at Hogwarts with a decided appreciation for the subtle art of Divination.   I'll probably post a tease in my section on the forum in late December or Early January.

Thanks for all the reviews.~Jim

dc1 posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 10:04am for Before the Dawn

this was a great read, well done! it was nice to see a final fight that was intelligently done. looking forward to your other stories and original works.

cheers
dc1

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you liked it.   I hope my other efforts continue to impress you.~Jim

mathiasgranger posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 9:25am for Before the Dawn

Well given the construct of the Harry Potter universe, you did bring a fair measure of 'gritty realism' to this AU story.

I still think your Voldemort was fair too powerful, to be beyond the realm of 'realism'. If Voldemort was truly as powerful as you characterized him, then he would have taken Britain and all of Europe long before Harry Potter would have gotten his Hogwarts letter.

That being said, I did enjoy the story despite the overwhelming body count, and while this is my least favorite of your stories, I still enjoyed it a fair amount.

Thanks for writing,
Matt

JBern replied:

I believe I made him powerful, but with faults.   Hell, Molly Weasley of all people injured him at one point.   Dumbledore pushed him pretty hard in their earlier clash and a rampaging Hagrid nearly killed him.   He also had holes in his omnipotenence.   He had to go to the Carribean to solicit the Island Queen's assistance creating the revenants.   He also had checkboxes beyond kill Harry Potter.  

According to canon, he was winning before he ran afoul of Harry Potter.   Most of his Death Eaters were either able to buy their way out of prison or simply fade into the background.   Clearly they weren't losing before Halloween.   I figure he was on his way to a total victory at the time he was derailed.~Jim

morriganscrow posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 8:00am for Before the Dawn

You bet your (I like to think) shapely arse I'll be buying your original fiction!
That was a brilliant ending!
I don't think you could have found a better way to complete what was a hard edged, engrossing and realistic book.
Thank-you for such a satisfying read, for all your blood, sweat and tears.
You are The Shizz!!

JBern replied:

I don't really have an opinion on the shape of my hiney, so I won't burst your illusions by asking if "Flabby" is a shape.

Thanks for the compliements.   I'll know in a few days if one of my short stories will or will not be accepted to an anthology.   Wish me luck.~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 4:35am for Before the Dawn

I think Harry looking worn out would come pretty easy to him at this point. I like Voldemort's absolute faith in his own abilities when they are so flawed.

Killing Draco was an effective move as it added a nice bit of tension to Narcissa's plight.

Remus's language was a great ending to a magnificent fight scene. I especially liked all the wand trickery and the way they used the brother wand effect.

Even better was Scrimgeour's plans for war against France and the masterful introduction of baby Voldemort, with all the accompanying problems. Excellent final chapter to a thriller of a story. Somehow I suspect Harry will manage to prevail in the future though not without some problems along the way. Oh and I can't wait to read Inner Eye...

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.   Much like the aftermath of a war the victors start to eye their allies in the war with suspicion and begin to pursue their own agendas.~Jim

uthamm posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 2:54am for Before the Dawn

Wow. Just . . . wow. Nice job setting up the future with nothing really resolved. Harry seemed to be getting it, but he is totally getting played by everyone in this situation and soon to be facing two Dark Lords! He should have realized that what Bill told him applied to him as well.

Should have married a Slytherin.

JBern replied:

We Rufus is a power monger.   Voldy Mark 2 will have to gauge his own power level in the future before deciding if it's worth his time trying to avenge his former self.   Dunno how marrying a Slytherin would have helped him.

Anyway, much like the end of a real war, there is little resolved and the victors begin eyeing each other in suspicion.~Jim

nezza posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 2:53am for Before the Dawn

jim

wow just wow loved the story. this was the first one of yours i read when i found it on ficwad.

great last few updates. they felt a little rushed towards the end as if the you sped the plot up slowly after the long drawn out scenarios of the earlier chapters but still it was a very nice way to end it.

cheers for the great fic and i hope there are many more to come!!

JBern replied:

Thanks for following it for so long.   I could have drawn it out, but it would have added about 4 chapters onto it and I'm pleased with the results.~Jim

kainboa posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 12:57am for Before the Dawn

great chapter as usual, love the ending.

keep up the great work :)

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed.~Jim

rune1806 posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 8:55pm for Before the Dawn

what a GREAT battle, loved the real world plots going on in the minds of the "winners". enjoyed the ride ty for writing it.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you enjoyed it.   I hope my works continue to impress you for a long time to come.~Jim

Darak1 posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 6:43pm for Before the Dawn

While this is a nice conclusion to this fiction a few things strike me among whom the fact that the traps Harry laid where quite gentle (no explosives and reliant on spells only, He could have gone with putting the tunnel under a flammable solution and set it on fire) the patronum of riddle which stood as strange as the spell typicaly relies on positive emotions, something riddle is quite unused to feeling according to most sources and the fact that nobody bothered with the tracking of his soul despite the fact he already escaped once using a soul split method.

All in all one wonders why the wizarding world is not a whole more thorough in what it does.

JBern replied:

There's a misconception that Voldemort is incapable of positive thoughts.   Crushing his opponents makes him happy.   Killing makes him happy and so on.

As for the traps, Harry used muggle explosives on the surface to try and collapse the tunnel while one of the people he had outside used the poison to drive them towards the mansion.   The poison was obvious and easily countered with a bubblehead charm, but that cut down on their ability to effectively communicate with each other as did the silencing field on the other side.

Given that there is canon support of wizards and witches surviving being burnt alive (Harry's history of magic blurb about the witch who used to enjoy being burnt at the stake back in book 2 or 3) flammable liquid wouldn't have been a showstopper.   It would have worked against the Trolls, but not the Death Eaters.

In this story Riddle didn't use Horcruxes, he made a deal with the Dementors to protect him from Death the first time.   That Riddle died here.   The baby is essentially a clone if you will with Voldemort's memories overlayed on top of his own.   He knows he's not the real Voldemort anymore than the Tom in the Diary would have been (again in this story since we're not dealing with soul fragments).   Since this baby's soul is different, it has no connection to Harry Potter and they share no link.  

Harry no longer feels a link to Voldemort nor the Dementors.   No one saw Voldemort's spirit flee his body along the lines of him leaving Quirrell.   There is no compelling reason for them to continue looking for Voldemort.   I hope that clarifies my position.

noylj posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 5:40pm for Before the Dawn

I hate the "monster that never dies" story and you just did it. Great, until that crap. Oh well. Thanks for writing.

JBern replied:

Sorry you didn't like the ending.   As a person who had cheated death once, Voldemort would have been looking for a contingency plan the moment the Dementors turned him down for the same arrangement they had previously.   (Remember no Horcruxes in this story.)

The other ending I considered (besides Voldy winning - yes I actually thought of writing it) was Penny in some school somewhere with a room full of children and they were all reading a copy of the Diary of Tom Riddle which would have been a true "Boys from Brazil" ending.~Jim

skulLXeon posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 5:12pm for Before the Dawn

That really was a good ending. I'm glad i spotted this story when i did. Good job as usual and yeah, i'll be on the look out for your book. =D I figure, that if you did a kickass job with a HP fic, you can do better on an origal story.

Well, this was a great read and so, I bid thee Adieu.....

AGX[TAIL]

JBern replied:

That's what I'm hoping as well.   Thanks for the review.~Jim

LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 4:26pm for Before the Dawn

Dare I say it? This was an almost tame ending to such a garish amd violent tale. The final battle was top notch but painfully brief, shockingly so in light of all the deaths that preceded it in earlier chapters.

That said, you've wrapped everything up quite well, right down to horrible kids names a la JKR. Dana katherine, though? Do you have a closet X Files fetish we need to know about? : )

JBern replied:

Dana was for Susan's mother.   Katherine was to honor Katie Bell.   Not really much of an X-Files fan.   After the first few seasons lost a bit of interest there.

Sorry you felt the ending was tame, I went with the concept of Harry throwing his sum total of his experiences at Riddle.   I wanted to show that as far as Harry had come, he was still outclassed by Voldemort and needed to do all that to win, thus trying to stay true to the realism that a teenager would acquire the necessary skills to overcome a master of the dark arts - if that makes sense.~Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 4:20pm for Before the Dawn

Brilliant as always, Tonks death was extremely apropos, and I do so enjoy a delacour getting put in its place.

Interesting bit there with Penny and ickle voldie moldies.

Nice turn of phrase, and I can see Sawyer in that statement.

Love your work, can't wait for the next exciting mutterings.


Fish

JBern replied:

Like I said in a review reply above, my original idea for an ending was Penny teaching in front of a classroom and every student reading a copy of The Diary of Tom Riddle...a real "Boys from Brazil" ending.   Glad you enjoyed the story.   Don't really watch Lost if that's the Sawyer you're referring to so the  reference is "Lost" on me.   Next mutterings coming soon.~Jim

Sonicdale posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 4:16pm for Before the Dawn

A fitting end.
And, of course, you'll have the fans screaming over the cliffie ending. ;)

Loved that Harry outsmarted everyone, including Hermione. Great, that.

Good work. Looking forward to your other works.

JBern replied:

Well as a reviewer over at ff(dot)net pointed out Voldy Mark 2 will have his hands full bending the Native Americans to his will and his different upbringing will undoubtedly affect him more than he can conceive.   Glad you liked the ending.~Jim

Alex00 posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 4:13pm for Before the Dawn

Awesome stuff.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 2:48pm for Before the Dawn

Good couple chapters, and a good story overall. Thanks for sharing it with us. And good luck with your original works.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I appreciate it.   I hope my works continue to impress you in the future.~Jim

mjc posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 1:15pm for Before the Dawn

Well, that's all?

For some reason, I don't know, but I keep thinking that little Anthony should be named Damian...

In some ways, this final chapter was a bit of a let down. All the carnage in the story and it comes down to a well placed trap and a slightly over powered blasting curse. Oh, wait...there was the troll flambe, the Banshee Crush, exploding corpses, Dawlish kabob...yeah, I guess the overall carnage level is what we've come to expect.

And for some reason, I just don't see Narcissa really going all to pieces of the demise of her little dragon turd. Yeah, the initial shock of it, but a little later...no.

JBern replied:

Well remember in the early books Draco was getting a care package from his mummy most every day and a few chapters ago she was partially blaming herself for how Draco turned out.   So yeah, that's all.   Though Bungle was completed first, this was my first real attempt at novel length fanfiction and I think it came out pretty well.   There were parts where it got muddled and what not, but overall I'm very proud of the completed story.~Jim

warpwizard posted a comment on Monday 12th November 2007 1:13pm for Before the Dawn

Good stuff. Okay, I take back what I said about Narcissa. :)

I like the "people have agendas" ending. And the creepy Voldemort ending.

Yeah, it was good, especially Violent Neville, but I'm looking forward to more TML. MOAR! With more Luna. ;)

What genre is your novel?

JBern replied:

I thought you might.   The Lie I've Lived is up next, but I'll be alternating with TML for the forseeable future.~Jim