Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 11:54pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Narcissa's not the only one wondering.

fyrecat posted a comment on Wednesday 24th December 2008 5:26am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

"...your minister plans to make to turn Hogsmeade into an armed camp."
- "to make to turn"-?

"Time to resume our game, don’t you not agree?" - double negative. loose one "not".

"Spinning there was broom rider landing. " - What?

"She conceded the rational for the attack while her magical vision swept to where the east of the town."

- A) "rationale" vs "rational" one is a noun, the other an adjective. You used the wrong one here. www,dictionary.comm.

- B) "...swept to where the east of the town." Huh?

try:
Swept to the east end of town.
- OR -
swept toward the east end of town.
- OR -
Swept to where the east end of town *had been*, *was ablaze*, etc. (some locative description)

"...harassing northern flank."
- harassing their northern flank.

"Scrimgeour’s "army" was getting humbling experience."
- ...A humbling experience.

"her grim look was replaced with a more predatory look."
- try not to repeat the same word twice in a sentence. ...with a more predatory *one* would be better.

Still a great story, and I'm on the edge of my seat wondering about the final outcome of this battle!

Thanks!

JBern replied:

Thanks again for the corrections.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th October 2007 6:02am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Wow! Sorry its taken me so long before I review this, but great chapter.

I was sad and shocked by how you killed Dumbles, but I like the interesting little alternative take on Phoenixes there.

Voldemorts problems with the time turner doesn't ring true as if they can't be used for nine hours after then how was Hermione using them everyday in third year to get to all her classes?

I liked Harry's battle with Coedus/Darius/Frank Longbottom but it seemed a bit brief. I think maybe that should be seen as a good thing and a hopeful sign of Harry's improvement.

Are you going to explain Harry's Dementor link more closely?

thanks for writing.
Monkey

JBern replied:

Chapter 40 is in progress.   It is never stated how many times Hermione used the Time Turner in one day.   By my stipulations she could only use it once every 9 hours.   After all, why wouldn't she have used it again when the werewolf lupin was charging at them at the end of PoA.   That would have been the easiest way to escape him.

More coming soon.~Jim

jdcox61 posted a comment on Tuesday 2nd October 2007 9:16pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Good story, too bad harry's not a vampire, those are sometimes good and usually have good lemons in 'em. Can't wait for the end.
Thanx!

JBern replied:

I actually made Vampires a bit on the pathetic side in this story.   After all, if they were all that and a bag of chips Lord Voldemort would have been one!   Chapter 40 coming in about a week.

Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Tuesday 2nd October 2007 5:20am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Great chapter. LV getting caught in his own trap is a nice touch. It is good to see Harry strut his stuff. Having Fawkes go postal is fun; I wonder if he will be reborn from this adventure? I await your next chapter. Thanks for writing. W.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Sorry for the delay in replying.   I've been rather busy.   Chapter 40 is coming soon~Jim

warpwizard posted a comment on Tuesday 2nd October 2007 4:34am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Very messy. Lots of action. Good stuff. Nice end for Fawkes and DD.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Sorry for the delay in replying.   Chapter 40 is coming soon!~Jim

Crys posted a comment on Tuesday 2nd October 2007 3:13am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Ah, explained why AD used the Polyjuice.

Helluva battle scene.

Not sure why Harry's hand is changing color. Magical exhaustion, maybe.

Not much more to say than, "Impressive chapter. Looking forward to more."

JBern replied:

Man  I'm behind on my replies...

At least you know what I've been up to.~Jim

jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Monday 1st October 2007 5:32pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Outstanding chapter!!!! I can't wait to read what happens in the next chapter. So Narcissa is pregnant with Charlie's son/daughter very cool. I hope its a son. So when will Harry's kids be born because I'm looking forward to that happening in the story!!!! I still say you should have a sequel, even if the Sequel only revolves around Harry and Susan's children but that is just me. Will Harry get a phoenix like Dumbledore had? What a way for Dumbledore to die I like the way you killed him off way better then the way it was done in the books! Do keep up the outstanding work and update soon please:):):):)

JBern replied:

The epilogue should leave it open ended enough for your own imagination.   I still doubt there will be a sequel.   Sorry, other stories to be written...

(Chapter 40 should be out in a week or so.)   Jim

BodoMikE posted a comment on Monday 1st October 2007 8:08am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Excellent new chapter. Well done!
I especially liked the duel with Darius Longbottom. Good job on actually writing out the action, and not summing it up with something like "they traded spells for several minutes", which I've seen too many fanfic authors do.
Your story is, if I may call it so, refreshingly dark.
Why "refreshingly" dark, you might ask? Well, I find that most authors tend to ignore the fact that battles are gory and terrifying to be in. They also tend to have the "good guys" kick the bad guys' asses, without suffering (almost) any major losses. They make the battles appear too easy, having the hero dodge everything thrown at him, while the enemy gets almost every blow.
Fortunately, your story is most definitely not like this. Keep up the excellent work!

Lord Bodom

JBern replied:

Thanks for the compliment.   Sorry my reply is long overdue.   I wanted to present a realistic wizarding war.   Glad you enjoy it.   Chapter 40 should be ready soon.~Jim

Loopy Dane posted a comment on Monday 1st October 2007 6:11am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Intense...
Thank you

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Chapter 40 in about a week~Jim

RheaN posted a comment on Monday 1st October 2007 4:26am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

I love the Time-Turner! I've always wondered why more people don't make use of such items in war-time stretegy and you did it wonderfully.

Can hardly wait for the rest of the story, but t the same time, I don't want it to end.

JBern replied:

I know if I was a bad guy, I'd want one!   Sorry for the delay in my reply.   Things have been a bit hectic around here.   Chapter 40 should be ready in about a week.~Jim

DiscountNinja posted a comment on Monday 1st October 2007 3:21am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Good to see Daruis get his ass handed to him! lol also nice to see Voldy get stuck in his little bolt hole ... one suspects that he loses the final battle then, otherwise he probably would have taken his time turner and set him the information about getting stuck?

JBern replied:

Really behind on replies.   Sorry about that!   Chapter 40 is in progress and should be done in about a week or so.~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Monday 1st October 2007 2:51am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Eeek, you killed Grawp! And so simply! Actually Fluffy's reincarnation was worse. Firenze's death was dramatic but I never really loved the character so less affecting.

Voldemort's coldness in the trade-off was almost expected. Fawkes's actions far less so and more enjoyable because of it. Coedus's death proves how well you write action as it was utterly thrilling.

Minor mistake: "Rest in piece" for "rest in peace". Otherwise excellent chapter, especially the twist of Narcissa's point of view in the final overview of the battle. More please.

JBern replied:

Well it was mostly so I could set up Firenze being killed.       Glad you liked the twist with Fawkes and yes I'm finally catching up on my replies, but you know how busy I've been.~Jim

Darak1 posted a comment on Sunday 30th September 2007 4:41am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Not bad, though I wonder where the muggle world is staying during all of this since the way wizard keep secrets is completely outdate when compared to the way muggles store information.

I also cannot help but feel Harry should be able to think a bit more outside of the box seeing as he lived for more than 11 years in the muggle world and as such he should be aware of their weapons and able to at least find ways to replicate them.

JBern replied:

I do believe a few chapters ago Harry used Muggle bombs on the Death Eaters Headquarters.  

Before the school year began, Harry had a bit more freedom to get with the Goblins and others.   Now he's a bit more limited in his movements and I'm not exactly doing the whole Technomage thing in this story.

Jim

Gardengirl posted a comment on Sunday 30th September 2007 4:23am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

And Dumbledore went down in a blazing explosion (more or less). Love the idea of Phoenixes being avatars of chaos. A nice twist I haven't seen before. Looking forward to the cleanup in the next two installments ~

JBern replied:

Always nice when I can give a new twist and still keep the readers on their toes.~Jim

PerfesserN posted a comment on Sunday 30th September 2007 3:40am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Whoa, I'm exhausted. You've captured the chaos of battle and the random nature of death in battle - the combatants don't get to pick and choose who lives and who dies, only the omniscient and omnipotent author can do that. . .
Looking forward (with just a touch of sadness) to the conclusion and epilogue.
N!

JBern replied:

Lots of dead bodies in this one and I haven't even gotten to the final battle.   Looks like a I need a fresh load of bodybags.   Next chapter coming soon.~Jim

Roscoe posted a comment on Sunday 30th September 2007 1:45am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Awesome!!! Love it. I'll be slightly sad when this
story is over, since looking forward to the next chapter has kept me sane.

R

JBern replied:

Sanity is overrated.   Glad you liked it.~Jim

kainboa posted a comment on Sunday 30th September 2007 1:09am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

great chapter, loved the planning from voldemorts side, not too many stories show him as the genius he really was.

keep up the great work :)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'm glad you liked my presentation of Voldemort in this story.   One last chapter to go!~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Sunday 30th September 2007 12:24am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

I've wondered how you would even out Voldie's upper hand in these tactical situations. Things seem to be a bit more even now.

This is still the gut wrenching brilliant tale you started so many chapters ago. And yes, I do feeel the same way I felt half through the final battle in Saving Private Ryan.

Cheers!

JBern replied:

Well, Voldy is fighting on two fronts, against the Order and the Ministry.   He doesn't have enough fighters to offset the Ministry's sheer numbers.

One last chapter to go.   I already have the epilogue written.   Now all I have to do is connect the dots.~Jim

skulLXeon posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 11:46pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

wow... now that was a nice battle.... and interesting insight on the phoenix... great work as always... i'll see you around when you update...
Adios for now...

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you liked it.   Now I just have to start working on the conclusion.~Jim