BlackNight posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 11:09pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Excellent!

"Maybe Neville could rest in piece now."

That line made me laugh, though I assume you meant to say 'peace' and not 'piece'.

JBern replied:

oops.   I'll fix it when I get a chance.~Jim

Teaos posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 10:13pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Honestly the battle was a bit antil climatical.

I see what you were doing with Dumbledore. Showing his arogense get the better of him and not die to honorable death we all expect but it just seems wrong.

After a few shapeter of build up about the massive battle to come we get very little.

Rather than a battle we get a bunch of small duals. Harry vs Darius, Dumbledore Vs DE's a small airial battle.

You'v already had several good duals in this story and it would have been hard to beat.

But this shouldn;t have been a dual anyway. Wormtail blew up a strret killing 13 people when he disapeared and he is a shit wizard. This would have been a great time to show what wizards can really do. No shitty curses but full blown battle.

I would have cut the Voldemort stuff right back and shown the ministry army a bit more along with some proper fighting.

Honestly for me the best bit was the end with Narcissa narrating fighting.

Also after the hype of Fluffy the Dragons and undead they seemed to be rather boring.

JBern replied:

Sorry you didn't care for it.   When I was laying out the chapter, I thought about using joe-schmo Ministry footsoldier.   Then, I realized that it wouldn't really be using established characters to advance the plot.   To do that I used Narcissa at the end, which you seemed to like.

As for the undead, I had Zombies eating Molly in front of her ghost of a son?   I thought that went over well.

Oh well, to each his own.   Some people seemed to enjoy it.   Others not so much.   I'll do my best to give you a conclusion that you'll like.~Jim

joeBob posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 5:52pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

What the hay?

Darius is out of practice with magic and Harry is at top form and with more power.
The Darius duel should have been very one-sided and much shorter. How could Harry train with Dumbledore and/or Flitwick and still be so bad?

What's the point of a Super Harry if the bit players can pwn him so easily?

Also, Voldemort is smarter, plans better, and has the initiative. Harry and Dumbledore are mostly counter-punching. In the real world Voldy would win. It almost makes you feel sorry for him as Harry blunders and brutes to victory. ;-)

JBern replied:

Darius had a full month to get back into form and if you recall, he rivaled Dumbledore in his previous life.   Harry was also hampered by Darius using Sinistra's body as a shield at one point.

Darius was far from   bit player and you'll note that Harry wasn't wearing down by the end of the battle (partly due to the proximity of the Dementors).   The only time Harry was taking any punishment was when he was funneling his magic into the corporeal patronus and Darius was assaulting the same.

Jim

morriganscrow posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 3:42pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Wow! That was FABULOUS!
You write some of the best battle scenes I've read, either in fanfic or pro books. I think it's the combination of the human emotion and experience mixed in with the tactics, fighting and trauma.
A wonderful chapter, leaving me breathlessly wanting more.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   Some have, some haven't.   I guess that's a price to pay when people have expectations for what they are about to read.   Now I need to start writing the final chapter.~Jim

Fenris Ulf posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 1:38pm for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

So Longbottom finally met his end... Can't say I will miss him :) he was wonderfully evil. Voldemort trapped behind the wards with no floo password is hilarious. Can't wait to read more!


BTW Loved what you did with fawkes.


Rob

JBern replied:

Funny you should mention Fawkes.   I'm waiting for a person who reviewed TML and went off on me about Phoenix's not being the avatar of goodness and purity.   I responded that I give different versions of characters in different stories.   Fawkes in TML can sense a wrongness with both Harry and Hack, reacting to them on a primitive level.   Fawkes in The Lie I've Lived seems more intelligent and has a decidedly humorous streak especially dealing with the Hat for so long.   Fawkes in this one was a loyal monster that didn't do a pretty song of lament when its master was killed, instead it cut loose on Peter and company.

Different stories, different versions of characters.~Jim

rune1806 posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 10:16am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

great update!! love tom and albus getting traped, nice twist with fawkes well done! kill on

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I looked at various versions of Fawkes that had been offered up over the years and hadn't recalled an avatar of chaos being used.~Jim

Cuey posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 9:13am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Oh wow. Dumbledore dead, Fawkes roasting DEs, lots of good action with Harry. What is not to like?

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I hope to give the story a fitting conclusion next chapter.~Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 8:08am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Oh My Gosh. Dumbles dead, Yay! Wormtail Dead, YAY! Darius Dead, YAY! Sinistra Dead, um so? Voldie sort of stuck, woo.

Now we need to see those 2 fight!

Excellent job on destroying Hogsmeade.

JBern replied:

And they will, next chapter.   Glad you enjoyed it.   There's a conclusion just around the corner.~Jim

DrT posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 8:05am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

<jaw drops> Voldie using a time turner? So simple and brilliant. I'm glad you created complications.

And Fawkes the atomic phoenix? Interesting concept. As usual, an excellent chapter.

"T"

JBern replied:

Why can't the bad guy have a Time Turner?   There should be complications with using one.   I recall  stories devoted to him training in a magical trunk with whole chapters dedicated to laying out Harry's elaborate training schedule and what not.

My head hurts when I read those.   As for Fawkes, someone a in TML was getting on me about how Phoenix's are neutral and not avatars of light and purity.   I responded by saying that I use different versions in my stories.   In this one, I decided that a phoenix is an avatar of chaos.   In the Lie I've Lived, Fawkes is a bit more intelligent and has a streak of humor that it needs to be around the Sorting Hat.   In TML, it senses the wrongness of Harry and Hack similar to what it sensed about the creature in the COS.

Glad you found it interesting.~Jim

dwilken posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 7:02am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Excellent! Jim, you had your Voldemort actually make a mistake - his inability to trust and his tendency to get overly complicated and clever finally made him miss something critical.

For want of a nail, alas .....

The Dark Lord also made the foolish mistake of thinking that Albus Dumbledore was his most dangerous enemy and focused a huge amount of his limited assets on the Headmaster. He nailed the battleship figuring he could handle the aircraft carrier. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

So, while Riddle is trapped a few hours behind the battle, you have Harry in the process of destroying every asset of Voldemort's he can find. In the process Harry may or may not be transforming into something very dark and horrible. The way he mercilessly killed Darius Longbottom when the former auror taunted him .... brrr.

Nice setup for chapter 40!

So it looks like by the time Voldemort returns to the present it is going to be just him, the resident Dark Lord, vs. Harry Potter, who may be the replacement Dark Lord. And Harry will still have powerful allies at his side.

[FWIW, I recall F&G's 'magic eight ball' predicted that Voldemort would die because of something the Hogwart's house elves do to him. I'm looking forward to your no-doubt very clever and entertaining method of doing this little bit of pest control.]

I really hope your Harry doesn't have to be killed by his own people - when his back is turned of course - to save themselves from what he's turning into. Or the Ministry troops kill Harry with massed fire.

But it's wonderful stuff! You're mind is pleasantly twisted in a general literary sort of way.

[Note: That was a compliment.]

<the sound of a humble bow of appreciation from this end>

Doug W.

JBern replied:

Wow!   Long review and I do take that as a compliment.   Just wait until the day you see some of my original stuff to see how twisted I really can be!   I already have the epilogue written and I hope that you find it interesting.

Now I just have to go and write the conclusion...~Jim

CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Saturday 29th September 2007 7:02am for One Last Moment in the Setting Sun

Good stuff. My favorite TFTCD chapter in quite some time. Looking forward to the finish, looks like it will be strong.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   Now I just need to start on the conclusion.~Jim