Keeroo92 posted a comment on Friday 25th February 2011 1:38pm for Payback

Wow Neville's a badass! I'm not sure if I like him so harsh or not. It seems like he wouldve given a warning first, but then again, he has been training with a cynical vampire. Anyway, I loved the chicken dance. Good job!

fyrecat posted a comment on Monday 22nd December 2008 3:01am for Payback

I love the new and improved Neville!

JBern replied:

Yay all caught up on this story now!   Thanks for all the reviews.~Jim

Andrius posted a comment on Tuesday 28th October 2008 9:51am for Payback

Wow, has Neville changed or what?!

JBern replied:

Yup, he has.

Brian Donnely posted a comment on Saturday 29th December 2007 7:29pm for Payback

Alright! There's some of the Charlie/Narcissa content I've been craving!

Also, Neville's badassery has also started. Excellent. I do feel bad for Goyle, though. Terrible way to go.

JBern replied:

Death by gillyweed.   Not the first deat and not the last.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:34pm for Payback

"Hermione was out on the grounds, just off the path from the castle to the Owlery."
The owlery is part of the castle. Nowhere in canon does Harry leave the castle to get to the owlery; in fact, on the few occasions when he goes there at night, there's no report of him going downstairs and out the Entrance Hall; rather, he goes up.

"Bernie Bott’s bean" Bertie

JBern replied:

I used the movie in this case with the Owlery on the outside of the castle.

Argh.   More errors.~Jim

KingsleyforPM posted a comment on Sunday 5th August 2007 5:45pm for Payback

hahhaha nevelle u sneaky bastard

JBern replied:

He gets a bit greedy though...~Jim

Cynthia1850 posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd May 2007 4:31pm for Payback

Okay, please stop killing off all the Weasleys. No more now. In fact, don't kill off any more good guys. It's becoming really depressiong...well, not enough to stop reading of course but...

JBern replied:

I think one of the things that stands out in the story is that the deaths are memorable and interesting - or at least they hopefully are.~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Wednesday 18th April 2007 7:33pm for Payback

Ron's advice was surprisingly good and insightful. Nice to see him written as something other than an insensitive blockhead for once.

I've been wondering how Fred would cope without George. As cruel as it sounds, he must sometimes wish he died with him. Loved the Chicken Dance.

Did Neville actually just kill him? I'm shocked, just as he was finally getting some characterisation!

JBern replied:

You do realize that the chicken dance is evil and must be stopped.

Yeah, too bad about Goyle... not really, but his death was interesting.

I think that one of the things that stand out in this story is the deaths are interesting.   People die violently and memorably.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 5th March 2007 6:24am for Payback

Using Ron to help Harry with Susan and Hermione was very well done with a realistic Ron-like approach. The "two-Beaters-and-an-eclair" line was choice.

I like the Neville you're creating - one not seen anywhere before that I recall.

JBern replied:

I actually started to write Ron's analogy of 'Scholastic Achievement is like a chocolate cake', but then I stopped.   Again, so many authors turn Ron into 'super squad leader' Ron.   What is so wrong with bumbling best friend Ron who has occasional insights and his own unique humor.

I recall one story where Harry was taking an enchanting items class taught by Dumbledore.   Crabbe and Goyle were also in the class and the author wrote them in an almost Abbott and Costello manner.   It was a delight to read such characterization of third tier characters like that.

I draw a good deal of parallels between Neville and Peter in my stories.   I figured since I had done alot with Peter in this one, that Neville deserved some serious attention.~Jim

Louise Postlethwaite posted a comment on Sunday 4th February 2007 4:45am for Payback

I'm impressed, I think I like this story even more than bungle, and that's an achievement.

I like how everyone is going crazy in a different way... and I keep wondering who is going to catch on to Neville, and how many are going to die before he is stopped, and if it's Harry I'm not sure he would stop Neville.

Charlie and Cissy part was amusing, I was wondering where Charlie had gotten to, and when they would both be back, you gave Narcissa too good a spin to just leave her off-screen.

Ron's a good friend, and it's nice to see him not being completely clueless about girls, and funny to learn how he managed to force a peace-treaty between Hermione and the House Elves.

I'm looking forward to your next update, but I don't mind waiting too much since I just found I like your stories this week.

Thanks for writing, and I hope you had as much fun writing as I did reading.

Louise

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliments!   Bungle is actually an easier story to write.   It kind of flows off the keyboard.   Darkness I have to kind of force myself into an angrier mood when I write it.   I'm writing chapter 30 at this moment.

You make a good point about whether or not Harry would stop Neville.   It's food for thought.   Charlie and Cissy have a minor story arc that will continue for the next few chapters.

I like Ron the good buddy rather than superstrategistRon! as seen in many stories.

Thanks again.   Hope I continue to exceed your expectations with both stories.~Jim

jb238 posted a comment on Thursday 1st February 2007 7:45am for Payback

I especially liked the rumor about Draco being almost a girl. And of course the revenge of Neville on Goyle. I look forward to more of the bad guys having "accidents" :-)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I start laying out chapter 30 today.   Hopefully, it will be ready by next weekend.~Jim

Jason9 posted a comment on Wednesday 31st January 2007 3:11am for Payback

I love sneaky Neville, haven't seen that done much, but you do it well. Can't wait to see some more.

JBern replied:

Thanks!   I start laying out chapter 30 today.~Jim

KingDark posted a comment on Tuesday 30th January 2007 4:54am for Payback

I have read the story in two days (is that a record or what huh?) Anyway, I love the cynical neville. But isnt he going a little to erh dark? i mean, it isnt in the character of neville to choke his enemies to death. Then again, how would you feel about the fact that the son of the possible father that killed his relatives, is taunting you like that?
Keep it up.
Kenny

JBern replied:

Wow!   I bet your eyes hurt didn't they.   Like many others, you are making the assumption that Neville is still sane.   How many stories do we see on the TV about the kid who was bullied and had a crappy home life and then one day - he snaps.~Jim

BJH posted a comment on Monday 29th January 2007 8:22am for Payback

Oh, nice chapter. What started out as mostly angst and fluff ended with some interesting turns. Voldie being mean again, Peter the Pyro, I can't wait to see what happens with all the necros, will V get them up and running or will the good guys get some intel and burn the warehouses down before most of them are complete?

And Neville!!! Nice payback but it hints that he not only might not be the pure goody-goody, but has a slight dark side. Interesting that what everyone is afraid of Harry doing, Neville has done. And how will this tie in with the weak/recovering Ginny growing relationship with the Boy-who-might-have-been-chosen?

And Harry's line about Draco was priceless.

Then there is Charlie and Cissy! There's just so much.

Really nice.

BJH

JBern replied:

We'll see the army of the dead in the next few chapters one way or the other...

Neville?   There's much more coming.   We're just scratching the surface of his mania.   It's official Charlie and Cissy will hang around in a minor story arc.

I start on chapter 30 today.~Jim

Patches posted a comment on Saturday 27th January 2007 7:27pm for Payback

Wow! Quite a chapter. I like the build up to the hand-fasting. That was good. I'm glad Harry got Tonks to apologize to Hermione. At least it is a step in the right direction. I'm so glad that Narcissa saved Charlie. I was sure for a bit that he was gone. That scene was very well done. I see Neville and Ginny possibly getting together. That would be good. The end was quite surprising. I never would have expected that from Neville. It really screams Neville is growing up and not going to be a push over ever again. A real clever way to use Gilly Weed. thanks for writing and I look forward to the next chapter.
pms

JBern replied:

Well I can't just off Charlie without giving you a bit of emotional investment in him, can I?

In Neville's mind the beauty of it is that no one would suspect that from him.~Jim

 

M. R. Moore posted a comment on Saturday 27th January 2007 5:38pm for Payback

"They won’t belch..." Obviously Ron never met my ex-girlfriend.

Good chapter... To tired to say much else...

JBern replied:

That's probably my favorite line from the chapter.   Ron has a very twisted version of logic.~Jim

ichtys posted a comment on Saturday 27th January 2007 5:51am for Payback

Hi Jim.
Great work as always. I know I've said it before but I prefer Bungle. There are several reasons for this. I enjoy reading the lighthearted humour in Bungle and it is easier to follow Bungle with its single POV. In Darkness there are so many different POV's that I have literally lost count. On top of this the characters we follow also comes from both sides of the war. It can be a bit difficult (it is to me at least) to jump from Harry's POV to Voldemort's, and make the mental adjustments. I hope you can understand what I mean. In "After the End", the first Fan-fiction I read, there also was a lot of POV's, but they were all from the same side of the fence. I know Voldemort was dead, but the reader didn't have to follow the thoughts of death-eaters or Death-nibblers. I tried to re-read this story, but I wasn't focused enough to read it thoroughly.
I'll probably continue to read this story, but it isn't my top favourite at this time.

Thanks for writing and sharing.
Regards Ichtys

JBern replied:

Hmm.   Catching up on my reviews before I start laying out chapter 30.   Sorry it's not your favorite, but I appreciate that you continue to read.   When I set out to do this I wanted something on the grand scale, where you see both sides of the story and actually see where the lines between good and evil start to blur.~Jim

PerfesserN posted a comment on Thursday 25th January 2007 3:27pm for Payback

Whoa, Dark Neville. What is the wizarding world comming to. I don't doubt Goyle was a bullying git but isn't this just a little over the top for Neville? It'll be interesting to see where this beta story goes. Looking forward to it, as always.
N!

JBern replied:

Oh your still making the assumption that Neville is still sane...

Then again, how many times do we see stories on TV about the quiet outsider kid who snaps...

I start laying out chapter 30 today.   Hope to have it done by next weekend.~Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Thursday 25th January 2007 1:50pm for Payback

The Chicken Dance is a wizard marraige custom? I love it. Thanks for the chapter. W

JBern replied:

You and I both know that the chicken dance is evil and must be stopped.~Jim

noylj posted a comment on Thursday 25th January 2007 12:36pm for Payback

Need some serious Harry/Susan time.
I may have to re-read, but right now I see a very whiny Hermy (but I probably have forgotten what justifies her).

JBern replied:

They seemed to have quite a bit of time in the transition from chapter 28 to 29.   Harry spent most of his time holed up with Susan, though he only opened up to her after she surprised both of them with the baby.  

Hermione is upset because she feels guilty about what happened at #12.   Wasn't helped by Tonk's tirade.   She's hit the bottle pretty hard.   She also feels like she's losing Harry's friendship.~Jim