Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Thursday 25th January 2007 12:02pm for Payback

Since I don't feel like fighting with FF.net tonight, I'll review the chapter here.

I really like these little side plots you've been developing. Like what's going to happen with Draco and now Charlie and Narcissa.

I can really see Ron making most of his analogies using food and/or Quidditch.

Also, I like Neville show a bit of a dark side after everything he's been through. While I can see him getting away with a little, I think after awhile someone would say something.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

JBern replied:

It's official.   I have to keep the Charlie/Narcissa storyline going now.   Ron's a good guy.   Neville has surrendered to his darkness.   He just doesn't know it yet.   Next installment in 2 weeks.~Jim

Jason Phillips posted a comment on Thursday 25th January 2007 11:43am for Payback

Way to go Neville. It is always said,watch out for the quiet ones. Never know what they are planning. Outstanding chapter. Loved the handfasting. Can't wait until the next chapter.

JBern replied:

Well, fighting the coming darkness is on all fronts.   Neville seems to have surrendered to his.   Glad you enjoyed it.   Next installment in 2 weeks.~Jim

jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Thursday 25th January 2007 8:15am for Payback

OUTSTANDING CHAPTER!!!! I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. That was awesome! I loved the whole handfasting scene with Susan and Harry. I like the chicken dance with Fred and Harry that was cool. I'm glad to see that Fred will eventually come back to his old self. I see that Voldemary is still up to his old douche' bag tricks as usual, maybe eventually he'll pull his head out of his ass and stop trying to pick on the big wizards as Harry said!!!! DO keep up the outstanding work and update soon please:):):):)

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   The chicken dance scene was one of my favorites, though Ron's advice about women actually tops it.   Next update in about 2 weeks as I return my attention to Bungle.~Jim

DrT posted a comment on Thursday 25th January 2007 3:23am for Payback

My goodness. Neville! I'm shocked, shocked (and impressed).

"T"

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.   Always nice to keep the readers and other authors on their collective toes.~Jim

Loopy Dane posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 1:20pm for Payback

Yikes, the Dark Lord Neville does sound a little strange, doesn't it?
-Great Chapter!!

JBern replied:

Well he only killed Goyle...Let's not start filling out his Dark Lord Apprenticeship forms just yet....Jim

agent fisher posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 12:13pm for Payback

Holy crap, Neville grew quite a pair.

JBern replied:

Well all that herbology can help you grow things...   I guess.   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

Renzo7 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 12:01pm for Payback

Awesome chapter, hillarious ending, really creative. Keep up the awesome work, I hope you update soon.

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliments.   Next update in probably 2 weeks.~Jim

cmatbmed posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 11:52am for Payback

Thanks for another great chapter.

Neville rocks.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it!~Jim

Sean Dillon posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 11:34am for Payback

Down with Harry!
Way To Go Neville!!!!

He's my new hero.

JBern replied:

Sheesh!   How soon you forget the sushi chef job Harry did on Snape?   Oh well, glad you enjoyed this disturbing look into Neville's mind.~Jim

duke_bonez posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 10:38am for Payback

ROFL. I humbly bow down to your sense of vengeance, and the humor that goes with it. Poor guy probably tried to walk it off! Ah, that's gonna crack me up for the rest of the day, thanks.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed the story and my macbre style.   I hope to continue exceeding your expectations.~Jim

david abbey1 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 9:59am for Payback

Brillient! i love this neville! more please!

JBern replied:

Neville will keep going for as long as he can get away with it....~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 9:22am for Payback

Really liked that Ron happened to be the one with good advice. It was especially funny how he delivered it.

The dance at the handfasting with the canary creams was funny.

You almost had be annoyed at you for killing another Weasley! I was going to ask why you hate them so much, and then he wasn't dead. Brilliant that he was still with Narcissa!

You made Neville a cold calculating killer! Thats new, but clever and so believable the way you've done it.

Thanks for writing, write more please!

Monkey

JBern replied:

My version of Ron is the goofy best friend with an interesting outlook on life.

*Insert chicken dance music here* Evil song.

Nope!   Charlie lives for now.   He and Cissy met with a warm reception after their long abscence.   I'll have to keep them in the story....

Neville has  big plans for lots of little accidents to all the little Death Eaters.~Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 9:06am for Payback

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

GO NEVILLE!!!!

JBern replied:

He intends to keep on going for as long as he can get away with it....~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:58am for Payback

I like Ron's analogies. Little things like that make him a much more real person than he is in most fics.

Geez, just as I was thinking you might actually get through a chapter without killing somebody, here's Charlie. And then you didn't kill him after. Tease. ;-)

Chicken dance! Is there no escaping the Evil?! I absolutely forbad them to play that at my wedding. Guess how well that worked.

Voldemort, Dark Necrocrafter. :-) Nice to see him doing something beyond the usual sit and crucio.

Crabbe & Goyle speaking! In complete sentences! And cracking wise even! Alert the media! :-)

Go Neville! My word, he grew a spine and a half! I knew you couldn't go a whole chapter without killing somebody. :-)

Good chapter. Thanks for sharing this with us.

JBern replied:

People think I have a beef with Ron and Hermione.   I don't.   I just want to develop their characters on my own terms.   I'm not enamored by SuperGeneralRon.   My version of Ron is a goofy and sometimes thoughtful best friend.

Charlie and Cissa will hang around in a side story arc.   They actually killed several bounty hunters

The Chicken Dance is evil...nuff said!   Sorry you didn't escape it at your wedding either.

You don't get to be a Dark Lord unless your willing to do the dirty work.   Too many fics forget that Voldy had to rise to power.   At some point he had to do all those 'great and terrible things.'

Crabbe and Goyle have to have some brains.   They haven't flunked out of Hogwarts yet!   Snape can only go easy on them in Potions.   They have to pass the rest on their own.

As stated earlier several bounty hunters died already.   If you visit the forum there is a thread in my part with the death toll from the story.   I have to update for this chapter, but I have gone entire chapters without killing someone...(a few)

Jim

 

Lufio posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:16am for Payback

Whoa, Neville. Vicious. I like. And the bit with Crabbe and Goyle laughing at Malfoy, that was funny. But the most humorous bit was the fact that Ron's analogies were always pertaining to food and Quidditch.

JBern replied:

I'll really have to finish writing the Academic Achievement is like a Chocolate Cake analogy that I created for Ron.   C'mon Crabbe and Goyle should have their own thoughts.   It's funnier that way.   One of the more interesting stories I ever saw had one of the two of them manipulating Malfoy.~Jim

Bert Jordan posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:16am for Payback

Wow neville is not more powerful just more vengeful I like it

JBern replied:

You can be vindictive with out being powerful.   It's just like Neville asked Ginny, "What do you want and what are you willing to do to get it?"~Jim

Haeton posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:00am for Payback

Wow, I was ready for Neville to come out fighting but cold blooded murder caught me a bit off guard. Good chapter but a dark and cold ending.

JBern replied:

Neville wants to get away with it.   He really wants to fight the real death eaters, but his uncle says that he isn't ready yet.   So, he wants to do something instead of just killing time.   Sorry, bad pun!~Jim

Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 7:52am for Payback

Ooohh... And here I thought that you had Charlie killed... Pretty evil.

JBern replied:

Charlie and Cissy seem to have been received very well.   I'll have to keep them in the storyline as a side story arc.~Jim

Christopher Patton posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 7:27am for Payback

Well Neville has definitely stepped up to the plate and grown a pair. I really like how he is playing to his strengths and his opponents perceptions of who Neville was.

The bonding was well written and fit nicely with the rest of this chapter. The whole Lady Malfoy bit is a riot, I can just see this being spread around Hogwarts. It be great if Pansy uses it publicly to justify insulting Draco when her family and her realize that he has no intention of continuing with the original betrothal contract.

Thanks and I'll be lookinf forward to more of this and Bungle.

JBern replied:

Neville wants to get away with a series of unfortunate accidents here.   How far he makes it will depend on his luck holding.

Glad you enjoyed the Draco 'lie'.   It will dog him for some time to come... unless Neville catches up with him first!   A preview of chapter 18 of Bungle is in my section of the fourms.~Jim

Keldore posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 6:49am for Payback

Whoa, dark Neville is quite rare, and I like it. Keep up the good work.

JBern replied:

Well hopefully you'll enjoy the next few chapters as Neville works to stage more 'accidents'.~Jim