Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 6:09am for Payback

I do like the way the characters are maturing, here. I especially like the way they're taking payback creatively, not bluntly. I especially like the new Neville and I think that he and this, now wiser, Ginny would make a good couple.

I loved the way Harry dealt with Hermione and Tonks; he's showing a very mature approach there. I suspect Tom is going to be rather surprised, again, at their next meeting.

JBern replied:

We'll have to see about Ginny and Neville....   Glad you liked Harry asserting himself with Tonks and his willingness to work with Hermione on her issues.~Jim

amulder posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 5:36am for Payback

The necromancy? Disturbing. Voldemort's cheery little letter to Harry? Creepy. Charlie surviving? A relief. Neville's actions? Sad what war does to people. The Canary Creme? Just what Fred needs. Hermione's drinking? Completely unexpected. Ron's wisdom? Well played.

Still a hard, dark, challenging story. Gripping, though.

best,
...art

JBern replied:

Thanks!   Well you can't make a good monster without the willingness to saw a few body parts...   Voldy's a busy man, things to do.   He couldn't even get out and get a suitable present for Harry and Susan.   He had to send Peter out for something at the last minute!   I'll probably write a few more of Ron's sayings and stuff them in my author's notes in the forum.   I speak more on Hermione's drinking problem there as well.  

Thanks for the comments.~Jim

loralee posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 5:13am for Payback

Great chpt, Neville's scary. Like the chewing gum. lol.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Neville LOVES his new outlook on life.   It's great!   More on that to come...~Jim

Crys posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 5:04am for Payback

Ron, despite your penchant for Quidditch metaphors, your observations of the female of the species makes a lot of sense.

I really don't like the direction Coedus is nudging Neville . . .

Hmm. Don't know which direction Draco is jumping yet. Interesting to watch that develop.

Oh, Charlie . . . [read further] Oh, you're evil.

> Chicken Dance, flanked by two giant canaries.
[hysterical laughter]

> The remains of his Necrodragon, several acromantulas, the three-headed dog, and the young Norwegian Ridgeback filled the warehouse.
*blink* Scumgouger, you unparalleled idiot! You do NOT leave carcasses of that magnitude just lying around after a fight! *fume*

Nev? Huh. Well, that was a clever attack at least. Though what, exactly, this is saying about your state of mind isn't all that comforting. Not to mention that a decent forensic investigation (if wizards do that kind of thing) will show Longbottom saliva all over the gum. And for your sake, don't make jokes about it in a few days.

Still mostly a dark story, though there was some serious fluff to be had in this chapter. Keep up the good work.

JBern replied:

I'll have to write a few more analogies of Ron's.   I have the one half written about Academic Achievement is like a Chocolate Cake.   I think you'd enjoy it.

Neville LOVES his new direction.   He's seen the light and it's the friggin sun!

With Neville's new training and attitude and Draco's "I'm on my own" I'm actually using two of the usual themes for Indy Harry fics for sub characters.   I'm also putting them on a collision course...

Still trying to decide if Charlie and Cissy were just a spur of the moment addition to the story or the start of something more...

You've obviously been to as many weddings as I have.   The chicken dance must be stopped.   (As must the Macarena, but that's a whole other story...)

As for the bodies Voldy accumulated, remember his forces controlled that battlefield.   They took what they were directed to and left the rest.

A serious investigation in the Wizarding World?   Hmmm let's see, there response to the Chamber of Secrets was 'Last time we threw Hagrid into Azkaban and that stopped the attacks.   Lets try that again...'   I don't know if CSI:Diagon Alley has Neville's saliva on file.   'Fingerprints?   So let me get this straight, we've got a kid who was trying to chat up two girls in his class.   They send him on his way rather rudely and he goes to the baggage cars to be alone.   The big porker stuffs five pieces of Droobles in his mouth and chokes.   Why would we want to look for fingerprints on the gum wrappers.   Looks pretty open and shut to me.'

Do you think we could cowrite CSI:Diagon Alley?   Speaking of which, I need to write down my next death of Lord Voldemort for your consideration.   It's somehting really special...

 

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 4:47am for Payback

Whoa, that was an intense last bit there to say the least, and Neville is definitely not playing around, to say the least. Looking forward to the return, Harry and Susan's married life, Draco making the usual @$$ of himself it seems, Tonks finally pulling it together somewhat, and Narcissa and Charlie. She definitely seems to be on the lookout for the new man in her life, Chalie had just better sit back, and listen to her.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed the show.   Hope you come back for more.   Neville will feature prominently in the next few chapters as will Draco.~Jim

Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 4:28am for Payback

Whoa, Neville seems to be turning rather dark. Methinks uncle has been a very bad influence.

Overall, this was a very good chapter. Loved Cissy's & Charlie's interaction, as well as the Chicken Dance. Harry and Hermione mending fences was great too.

JBern replied:

I'm still trying to decide how much to use Cissy and Charlie.   Might have been just a one time thing or could be the start of something more.   Methinks that what youthinks is probably right.~Jim

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:36am for Payback

Wow! Hella insane chapter! great work with the various char discussions especially harry and ron's...the ron analogies are great! Great work with Voldiewart and his plans and stuff too! Keep up the awesome work, can't wait for the next Bungle!

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I am already hard at work on chapter 18 of Bungle.   I'll have to write up some more of Ron's analogies sometime.~Jim

Yonexcannon posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:30am for Payback

I am really enjoying the story so far. I am not sure where Harry's emotional rollercoaster is eventually going to leave him, but I have no doubt there will continue to be a series of ups and downs in both the near and distant future.

I also like seeing the new assertive Neville, but I am curious what Darius/Coedus's ultimate plan for Neville is.

I was initially concerned that the overall quality of the story would suffer from trying to follow so many people with so many deep psychological issues, but you have done a wonderful job with it.

Keep up the great work. I look forward to new chapters of both your stories with glee.

JBern replied:

The cool part is I'm not sure where Harry's roller coaster ends either...

The nice part for Coedus is that Neville has no sense of curiousity about what plans he has for Neville.

Thanks for the compliments ~Jim

HermioneGreen posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:28am for Payback

A most awesome chapter. I love the new direction Neville is taking . . . sort of a sadistic Forge outlook on life ^_^ Keep up the good work.

thanks for sharing

'Mione

JBern replied:

Well I hinted at it a few chapters ago with Neville in the greenhouse.   He'll feature prominently in the next few chapters as he attempts to weed his little garden called Hogwarts.~Jim

uthamm posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:20am for Payback

Wow. Love the summary of Ron advice - "Something about two beaters and a chocolate eclair . . " Comedy Gold. Cliche Ron - Food and Quiddich. Throw in a chess reference and you are there. I like the LV that you have in this story - definitely sinister. Sent chills down my spine when he is working on Fluffy. Hope you have a wingdinger in store for Harry. Hardworking LV isn't going down with what is in his arsenal right now. Kudos to the 'Darker' Neville. I don't think I have ever seen a characterization like this in FF. Interesting to see if the 'Abyss stares back' at him. Nice work. When do we see the animagus work again? Cool idea with the 'Demented' Raven.

JBern replied:

I actually had half written Ron's infamous 'Academic Achievement is like a Chocolate Cake' analogy, but the chapter was already running long to begin with.

Neville, Draco, Harry and many others are all on a collision course.   Animagus next chapter, I promise.~Jim

MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:13am for Payback

Go Neville! Nice to see the good guys using less than standard methods.

Glad to see Ron being a good influence and Harry reconciling with Hermione.

Wonderful job with Voldy. He comes across as your standard ceo trying to improve the position of his company. He seems so vey reasonable and unafraid of getting his hands dirty. Fight scene next chapter?

JBern replied:

Most have the impression that I don't like Ron and Hermione.   I actually do.   I just don't want to 'do them' like traditional stories.

Most likely someone will be fighting next chapter... can't say who yet.~Jim

mmb posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 2:46am for Payback

Wow! Neville as a premeditated, stone cold killer. Didn't see that happening, but events allowed that to happen in your story.

Nice to see a different Neville other than a nancyboy.

JBern replied:

It was hinted after what had happened to Luna.   Neville will continue to impact the story for some time to come....~Jim

Gardengirl posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 2:20am for Payback

Nice one, Neville! Payback's a bitch, isn't it?

I'm very grateful that you didn't off Charlie (at least not yet). Thanks for that.

I'm wondering how long you project this to be. You're well into it now; are you going to continue at this pace and make it a truly marathon-length fic, or will it be wrapping up sooner than later? Inquiring fans want to know :D

Cheers,
Michelle

JBern replied:

Depending on the response, Charlie and Narcissa may continue to pop up now and then as a bit of a side story.   Currently, I think I can wrap this one up in about 10 more chapters.   It will still be tilting the scales at over 300K in wordcount.~Jim