Keeroo92 posted a comment on Wednesday 23rd February 2011 1:47am for Percy: The Other White Meat

I like Penelopes role ineverything. Clearly, you don't have to be a DE to be a little nuts. I agree: Ron and chess seem to be a package deal; you get one, you've got both. I want Clue: Hogwarts! Or Diagon Alley Monopoly! They sound fun!
Great chapter, I really enjoyed Percy having his moment. So many writers see him as the expendable weasley, he deserves better.
A Weasley is bound to die here and there though. It's war. People die.
Well done!

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Wednesday 10th February 2010 12:05pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

I don't care too much for Percy overall, so killing him off isn't so bad. But, if you don't mind, I will take issue with the Penelope the muggleborn must be half-blood. There is a trend to explain away muggleborns as unrecongized half-bloods. I think it goes with the rationalization of magic; there must be some genetic/biological component (I think St. Vines wrote something on that) that explains magic, and given that, there really can't be a true muggleborn -- they must be actually a half-blood or a descendant of a forgotten squib. Personally such rationalization is rot and undermines the whole story basis; after all, if it has an explanation it isn't actually magic. Beyond that the notion that a lot of "muggleborns" result from pureblood entertainment doesn't wash. Oh, the deaters and other unscrupulous purebloods might well see themselves as free to do what they want with muggles (just as a number of slave owners did with their slaves a couple centuries ago -- though interestingly some of those were prosecuted), I don't think many children would result. That would be an offense to the purebloods -- they would make sure no children would result. The deaters -- after playing they would "dispose" of the toys.

Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 5:04am for Percy: The Other White Meat

No one minds when Percy dies because he's against Harry in canon - it would be like trying to cry for Fudge dying. I do love how you've switched things around here, though.

fyrecat posted a comment on Thursday 18th December 2008 7:45am for Percy: The Other White Meat

I love it. I think that, in a similar situation to Percy, I'd have committed suicide - just to spite them all. After all ,what does he care if his core self destructs, he's going to die anyway!
Love the games idea too. There is a new and original wizarding game in the fic I'm toying with too.

JBern replied:

A far different version of Penny Clearwater than the one in Lie.   You'll note that it was all about the choices she made, since I used the same backstory.

Tammy Driver posted a comment on Wednesday 25th June 2008 3:32am for Percy: The Other White Meat

Penny as Voldie's goddaughter. I never saw that coming.

JBern replied:

Glad I can keep you guessing.~Jim

Brian Donnely posted a comment on Sunday 23rd December 2007 5:07pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

I feel so bad for Percy. :(

Though I can't help but wonder how he died, as you didn't mention how... I'm thinking suicide, at the moment.

JBern replied:

Thanks for all the reviews.   I'll reply in more detail to each one later, but I'm glad you are enjoying the story.~Jim

tryptophan36 posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 12:28pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

Oh wow, as soon as I saw the chapter title, I immediately thought Voldemort was going to eat Percy. I...have no idea why my brain made that connection. Blegh. I loved Clue the Hogwarts edition!

JBern replied:

Actually, Voldemort sort of did if you think about it.~Jim

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Sunday 25th March 2007 1:16pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

"I would hazard a guess that the true culprit is Harry Potter in Ms Myrtle’s bathroom using the sorting hat."

LOL! Now there is a game that sounds fun.

JBern replied:

Wonder if they would market Clue the Hogwarts edition?   Probably too many licensing issues along the way.!Jim

Merle Corey posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 6:56am for Percy: The Other White Meat

The Penelope twist was a really good one. Never seen that before! Boo to smothering Ginny! I've often read of Harry cowering before an irate Molly Weasley. Well, its a good things she's scarier and more dangerous than Voldemort. Harry's rebuttal is something that I've often shouted at the screen!

JBern replied:

I get a lot of mileage out of Penny in this story.   Why can't she be an ambitious girl willing to use a man for her own means.   Why's Percy always the bad guy abandoning his family.   How many guys are led astray by the pretty woman whispering in their ear, "You're better than they are?"   Glad you liked Harry's retort.~Jim

koppe posted a comment on Tuesday 2nd January 2007 9:43am for Percy: The Other White Meat

Great so far.
Absolutly *loved* the enchanted version of "Clue"... hope Snap will catch someone playing at school -- or discover it sold at a bookstore or something.
Surprising with Penelope -- poor Percy -- hope Pen and the baby will eventually make contact with the Weasleys (if for nothing else, than to lead them into damnation).

JBern replied:

Well by now you'll know that Snape won't be catching anyone with that game anytime soon and Penny has been and gone leaving trouble in her wake.   Thanks for the review.~Jim

Patches posted a comment on Tuesday 12th December 2006 11:48pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

I am really enjoying this story. I understand that Percy is usually up for grabs in the "We need a Weaseley to die" scenario. The really sad thing about this one is that he doesn't get to die a noble death. His death helped Voldemort! That and Percy's child is going to be raised by the wrong side! Anyway you can rescue Percy's child? As for the question "Why don't more people review?" Part of the problem is time. People want to read the story and not take time for the reviews. That and sometimes it is read a story or do some chore that they want to avoid. Another reason people don't review is because they are like me and they don't know what to say to 1. Help the author.
2. They think whatever they say is stupid compared to the great story they are reading. 3. They don't feel qualified to critique the story. Myself, I am just amazed at the quality of writing I see in fan fiction. I can't write a one page story that makes sense without copying someone else. I just feel inadequate. So if I send a review that says "great story" please keep writing. Please accept that as real appreciation for your talent and efforts.
Please keep writing. I am a Harry Potter Junkie and I neeeeed more HP stories. Thank you for your efforts. pms

JBern replied:

"Patches, I'm depending on you...."   Sorry, always liked that song.   Anyway, thanks for the review.   Percy was the first Weasley to die.   He isn't the last.   You'll see all about Penny and her child in the coming chapters.   Hopefully, it will keep you on the edge of your seat.

I appreciate your review and hope you continue to enjoy my works.~Jim

MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 4:16am for Percy: The Other White Meat

Love the chapter title and Evil!Penny.

JBern replied:

I've seen all these stories with Penny being Percy's salvation and the one who knocks some sense into him.   I've never seen one where she is the little voice whispering in his ear about how he is better then his family and how they're holding him back.~Jim

Hesuse posted a comment on Sunday 19th November 2006 2:52pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

FYI: In England, a ball-point pen is called a biro.

Hesuse

JBern replied:

Noted.   I'll add it to my list for editing when I get a chance.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 1:56am for Percy: The Other White Meat

Clue: The Hogwarts Edition was brilliant!!!!! Murdering Snape as a constant - three cheers!

Interesting perspective on the Weasley women caring for/smothering Harry. Two sides to most coins.

Excellent Harry-consoling-Charlie at the end.

JBern replied:

It's too bad there are so many licensing issues, otherwise I would pitch it to Parker Brothers (I think they make the game. - I guess it's called Cluedo over in England as some reviewers on ff pointed out.)~Jim

Quizer posted a comment on Wednesday 8th November 2006 4:11pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

Another thing - Harry keeps using the word 'gift' in conjunction with him being a 'killer'. I can see why Dumbledore would be a bit concerned about that; 'gift' is not the right word. Harry would rather say it is his burden to bear, but 'gift' isn't the word I think he would use.

Also, I think 'killer' might be too strong a word, too. Is someone labeled a killer if they kill a person in self-defense? I had the impression it has a very negative connotation. Harry feeling squeamish about having to kill the bad guys is one of my pet peeves in many fanfiction. I'm glad your Harry doesn't show this attitude, but his choice of words should reflect that.

hope my comments helped you. Feel free to let me hear about them!

Quizer

JBern replied:

As you will see in later chapters, much of this story is about the Darkness within Harry as the Darkness he is fighting externally.   Thanks again for the long and detailed reviews.~Jim

Quizer posted a comment on Wednesday 8th November 2006 4:00pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

Hey, just wanted to drop by to say that I did mind Percy getting whacked. It depends on how Percy is portrayed in the story, whether he is a twit or actually cares about his family. I guess you did a pretty good job describing him, since you managed to make me regret him dying. Though maybe it's more because of that betrayal, as I have a strong dislike for a theme like that.

The whole 'Voldemort's Goddaughter' ploy seems forced and not terribly well thought out. Voldemort doesn't seem to be the type to commit to such an attachment, even if it was only in name. Voldemort inspires loyalty through fear, and even if he acts like this in every fanfic, I can't really see him do anything else. Also, the source of Penny's evilness is explained poorly at best. You don't go Death Eater just because your birth records show your illegitimate father was one. To choose that path, she has to have had such tendencies already before that. You should put a bit more effort into explaining her motives, especially if you intend to keep her around. Because she's normally a 'good' character, you can't get away with just letting the reader assume.

The Marauder's Map analogue to Voldie's lair is a sensible and logical idea. I'm surprised that Peter knew enough to be able to recreate it (or assist with the process) on his own, but I guess it is possible.

I agree with your statement about wizarding recreational activities, and just things in general. Because JKR doesn't put in a lot of effort, most authors don't feel compelled to go further than she has. A good author is able to expand on the original material in unusual ways like this. I loved the 'Clue - Hogwarts Edition' thing, especially the Snape reference! I can totally see such an adaptation of the game! :)

Other than that, the story is quite well written. You come up with several unique ideas that not every writer would think of. Voldemort as a hands-on villain seems to be turning out quite well, too. On the other hand, I think you might be making him too human. I think he's a tad too pleasant to Perce in that scene, even if it makes more sense in light of the betrayal. Also, the insight in his thoughts and inner workings is deeper than I would probably choose to display. Penelope's 'Why I became a villain' speech also seems a little forced.

On the whole, these are small flaws, though, which do not notably detract from the story. Stories like this, where lots of people die, especially ones that I as the reader have become attached to, usually don't range among my favorites, but I'll stick around a while longer and see where this is going.

Quizer

JBern replied:

Wow!   First let me thank you for putting so much effort into your reviews.   I am honored that you would actually take so much time.   There is a much greater backstory to Penny.   After all, the original escape of Bella, Antonin and the others was never really explained.   It is in a later chapter.   If you can't wait for my chapters to get up on this site, you can see them on ff.net and ficwad.   I currently have chapter 25 posted and there should be several explanations for a few of your comments.   I slowed down the rate of posting so I can get them rebetaed to improve the quality.~Jim

Ishtar posted a comment on Wednesday 8th November 2006 3:57am for Percy: The Other White Meat

"You are so wrong! It was my time to fight when I was 11 and had to kill Quirell. It was my time to fight when I had to go face the Basilisk down in the chamber. It was my time to fight when Crouch entered me into the Triwizard tournament. How many Dark Lords have you fought Mrs. Weasley? How many bodies have you seen lately? I’ve fought him and seen four dead bodies since last night. One by my own hand! Do I want to be a killer? No I don’t, but it seems that is my gift."

Love this passage. About time somebody said this to Molly. It could, perhaps, have been made stronger if he asked her if she would have rather he let Ginny die because it "wasn't his time"? And if she didn't want him to let her daughter die, how could she want him to let anybody else's? Hit her with the double standard.

JBern replied:

Why thank you!   I wanted a 'not perfect' rant.   Harry is a young man, so I wanted his style to come off good, but not perfect.   In too many stories he morphs unexpectedly into the smooth sophisticated James Bond of the Magical world.   I'd rather try and make the reader see his growth, both in power and as a person.   He'll stumble.   He'll grow.   He'll make mistakes.~Jim

Viridian posted a comment on Tuesday 7th November 2006 5:37am for Percy: The Other White Meat

Clue - The Hogwarts Edition was brilliant!

And the twist with Percy was certainly unexpected.

You definitely some fresh ideas, but you don't come up with irrational things 'just to be different' - good show!

JBern replied:

Thank you.   I am shooting for realistic and believable with this story.   I don't mind spinning old cliches on their ear.~Jim

Amamama posted a comment on Tuesday 7th November 2006 4:41am for Percy: The Other White Meat

Ouch. Damned be Penny. Damned be the stupid, noble, gullible Percy. Shit. You do write well, and I find you're definitely homing in on your goal to make the characters real. Good work with "Clue - the Hogwarts edition," those kids need other games.

Well done, I'm off to the next chapter... Thanks for sharing!

JBern replied:

Surprisingly enough, I found out from Brit Pickers that it is called Cluedo over there.   I am working on it.   Thank you for the review and praising my attempts at making believable characters.   I am slowly putting the rest of my work, up on this site.   I want to get one of the really good betas to take a look at improving the mechanics of my writing.   But if you are curious, you can find up to chapter 25 on ficwad or ff.net.   Just be kind and review! ~Jim

KenF posted a comment on Monday 6th November 2006 9:51pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

I did like your version of Penelope.

JBern replied:

I thought it was interesting to do this version of Penny.   After reading countless stories where Percy is 'redeemed' by Penny, I decided to do one where she was the one whispering in his ear.~Jim