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Reviews

karen posted a comment on Monday 6th November 2006 3:17pm for Percy: The Other White Meat

I'm enjoying the your story. Very interesting, with some quite unique takes on the characters instead of following the usual crowd. The only negative thing I have to say, is that people usually talk in contractions. Your dialog doesn't contain very many and it comes off as stilted, stiff, and formal. Where Dumbledore, McGonnegal and the Malfoys might rearly be heard using contractions in their speech, all the teenagers, at least, should be talking in contractions. If you go back and read one of your chapters, I think you'll agree, and inserting more contractions will only improve your story. Just MHO. Looking forward to the Will readings. Will we be seeing more of Neville? I like Harry and Neville friendships.

JBern replied:

Thank you for the review and the commentary.     Early on there was a debate on whether I should have the Pureblooded children speak more 'properly'.   I could picture Draco getting a caning for not speaking correctly and whatnot.   The dialogue becomes more realistic later on.   One day when I am finished with this, I will go back and revise some things about this and that will be one of them.   I was also never pleased with the Percy/Voldy confrontation in chapter 7.

Until then, on with the show...

Jim