Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 2:16pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

I really like this new and improved Neville. Always did think there was one badass motherfucker under that good boy exterior.

Rettet181 posted a comment on Monday 22nd December 2008 8:52pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

I should have reviewed before this, but I couldn't take the time off from reading! I've read all the way up to this point in the last couple of days, and I'm completely hooked. I am a huge fan of Turn Me Loose and The Lie I've Lived and have followed those two for some time, but every time I started this story, I didn't get past the first chapter.

I could tell this was your first story; the writing just didn't have that same "umph" that everything else you wrote has. I can't explain why, really, it just didn't. Note the past tense. I can literally see your writing skills evolve and improve as this story goes on, and I love it! It's gotten progressively better, not that it was anything but great to begin with.

I should stress that. Even at the start, the story was really good. It just wasn't as incredible as I have come to expect from you. That's the problem with working backwards I guess.


Now, I have to say I love where this is going. Neville is delightfully evil, in an interesting sort of way. I can't wait to see where he ends up, I have a feeling he's losing it. Harry is also slipping into the gray. Can't wait to see what happens next!

JBern replied:

Thank you.   It was my first story and it helped me get where I am today.   I cringe when I look at the first 8 chapters of this story.   Thanks for reviewing.   I hope you enjoyed the ending.

Brian Donnely posted a comment on Saturday 29th December 2007 7:50pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

Loved the sorting hat song.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I put a good deal of effort into it.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 5:24pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

"The Goyles are minor quislings to begin with" Not sure what you mean with the use here of Quisling, which means a traitor or betrayer.

"There’s not been a death on the train since the Pureblood riots of 1822."
The first railroad steam locomotive ("The Rocket") and train was built by George Stephenson in 1825, and ran 9 miles through Wales. Nothing so long distance as London to Scotland would exist for some time.

"It needs a bit of upkeep, but you could it’s yours, if you want to use it,"
Suspect you combined two ideas by accident: either "you could have it" or "it's yours".

Still an impressive story!

JBern replied:

Someone else pointed out the train issue.   I'd probably change it to a later date or consider some type of precursor to the Hogwart's express.

I think I meant underling when I was thinking quisling.~Jim

mathiasgranger posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 8:03am for The Songs Goblins Sing

I'm sorry, but your Voldemort is too good, to be the same person we saw in books 1-5.

Voldemort had too much ego to be this proactive, he expected things to be handed to him...in a way he was like Draco, although Voldemort had to earn his respect before he felt entitled to it.

Thanks for writing,
Matt

JBern replied:

That's the rub.   How could a poor half blooded orphan rise to the top without expending effort.   He had to "get dirty" as it were somewhere along the way.   He had to kiss a little ass and serve as a quisling to other wannabees at some point.

In this story, I offered my own explanations.   The brother wand effect sapped the magic of both the users.   Voldemort was very weak after his rebirth in GoF.   The phoenix cage damaged his newly reconstructed magical core which left him underpowered through book 5 and explained how easily Dumbledore drove him away at the DoM.  

He wasn't "fixed" until he "ate" Percy's magical core to fix himself.   After that, the kid gloves were off, but other powerful witches and wizards were able to give him a run for his money like Kingsley and Mad Eye working together.

Still, in this story he was supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the world with only a handful of others in his league.

Jim

creaothceann posted a comment on Friday 13th April 2007 10:16am for The Songs Goblins Sing

It's always the gardener, isn't it?

[regarding your last comment] It says that there is still hope for you. ;]

JBern replied:

Though sometimes it's the butler.   Glad you are enjoying the story apologies for the tardy response.   I've been working like mad to finish chapter 22 of Bungle before I head of for vacation.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 5th March 2007 6:48am for The Songs Goblins Sing

Fascinating twist on Neville and revenge.

Umbridge getting it from Voldie himself, and the toad being arrogant and trying to negotiate with him. How amazingly like her as I'd imagine.

JBern replied:

Getting rid of Delores was fun.... I don't know what that says about me.

Jim

distempered posted a comment on Friday 2nd March 2007 5:24pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

I have just spent all day reading this story, and while I am in no way coherent enough to provide a proper review, suffice it to say that you have most definitely hooked me. You've made me laugh, made me nervous, and more than made me anxious to see what happens next. Your characters are vivid and your description of the action is phenomenal. Here's hoping you continue very soon - I'm on the edge of my seat!

JBern replied:

Thank you for leaving a review.   I am glad that my keystrokes were capable of evoking a reaction from you.   The next chapter is with the beta and final revs to it should have the story up by midweek.~Jim

Alorkin posted a comment on Thursday 22nd February 2007 12:41pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

Two very well executed chapters. I think I would rather have had anyone but Dumblefutz or Scrimbo bonding me, but I guess since you're writing this, the decision has already been made. *Sigh*

Hermione is going to need therapy for this. Although I am a dedicated H/Hr shipper, her adulation of authrity figures, will be her downfall, and this is only the first, if she cannot learn to think for herself.

Scrim-monger has a valid point(*shudder*). Harry's presence on the train so soon after the devastating attacks on the wizarding world, is vital. If 'The-boy-who-lived' doesn't ride the train, he will be seen as hiding, a point of view Voldy's toady's will certainly exploit. Parents and the generall populade will see only the darkness, adn eventually surrender Voldy wins.

Neville go bye bye! i think he has finally cracked. I can completely understand. his family has fallen to Vldemrt's thugs one after the other, not to mention the attack on him personally. Add thhe influence of his great uncle 'Psychoticus', and you has a very dangerous, uncontrolled element, with only his rather questionable stability to hold him back from dingg sme real damage. On wonders how long it will be before some innocent discovers his plots and becomes an enemy in his eyes.

I see Cho is jeaoous, but I'm wondering how susceptable that would make her to the pureblood line.

Personally I agreee witth Voldemort on this one. Umbitch is far too 'Umbrige' to live. she's mean and nasty and not nice at all. So there!

Neville's 'project' along with his instructions to Bessie, make for a nice private place to mix up some mischief.

As always, I eagerly await the next page of 'To Fight'. Alorkin

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I'm glad you enjoy the chance to explore the minds of other characters rather than just Harry's POV.   I am about to start laying out chapter 31 hopefully today.

Thanks again~Jim

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 21st February 2007 5:24am for The Songs Goblins Sing

I had to add another comment, I really like this Neville. He's not forcing his will on another as much as just setting things up so that, if they behave in their usual manner, they end up doing themselves in (Goyle could have left him alone, he had the power of choice). This reminds me very much of the approach often used on the original television version of Mission: Impossible and I like it.

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it'll take at least three occurances before someone starts to suspect anything ("Once is happenstance..." as quoted by Auric Goldfinger in the James Bond novel).

JBern replied:

Well the first one was a target of opportunity.   Chapter 31 will start with an 'accident'.~Jim

jzysman posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 2:04pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

Have I mentioned that I love Neville? Yes I understand he on the razor thin edge of madness... unless he has crossed over already, but that just makes him more interesting! Will you be letting him have Malfoy? I would think that is the next person on Neville's list... unless he, in his madness to avenge wrongs is going to start in on Luna's persecutors... Great stuff here. Thanks!

JBern replied:

Sometimes madness is ... genius!   Glad you enjoyed it.   More coming soon.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 7:04am for The Songs Goblins Sing

Neville is just so cool. Sinister even, I really like how he gets the house elf on his side. Rather than by using fear an intimidation he is using the House Elves need to be "good" to his advantage.

Is it morbid and wrong that I like your Voldemort passages. You just so successfully make him a scary crazy killer that is still somehow believable and not pantomime.

Thanks for Writing!

Monkey

JBern replied:

Voldemort is my favorite part of the story.   Most don't bother to go beyond the psychotic throne humper.   Next chapter he's going to bring Rita in for an exclusive interview...~Jim

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 2:42am for The Songs Goblins Sing

Great section here, enjoying the way that Neville is going with his own plans, as well as the struggles that Harry and Susan are having, as she seems to be feeling it more now of the BWL syndrome, rather than him being just Harry it seems. That bit with Voldie and Umbridge, really liked that, it shows a Riddle who's more than a goateed bad guy(if he had one) and more like a classy villain. Going to be interesting to see what happens next this year at school.

JBern replied:

When it's just Harry and Susan alone, things are tough.   Now add the crowds and the expectations.   It's a bad recipe isn't it?~Jim

Crys posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 1:22am for The Songs Goblins Sing

I'm really, REALLY worried about what Neville is turning into.

*snicker* LV's thoughts in Umbridge's place . . . That's just priceless.

JBern replied:

Credit where credit due.   Kokopelli really did wonders with the scene.   I couldn't have done it without his assistance.~Jim

Jason Phillips posted a comment on Monday 19th February 2007 7:05am for The Songs Goblins Sing

Once again Neville is showing his dark side. I had thought your Wormtail had been a great idea. But Neville is showing to be even better at becoming a cold blooded killer. If Harry plays his cards right, he could have his own private assasain.

JBern replied:

I draw a number of parallels between Neville and Peter.   Glad you are continuing to enjoy this after 30 chapters.   Hope I can continue to hold your attention.~Jim

kainboa posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 11:53am for The Songs Goblins Sing

great chapter as usual, really love the new neville, more of that mindset

keep up the great work :)

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.   I'm starting to lay out the next chapter today.~Jim

jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 8:40am for The Songs Goblins Sing

BLOODY BRILLIANT!!!! Wow Neville is turning out to be just as bad as any one of the Death Eaters. Voldemort is as dumb as he always is with his attempting to set up Harry and Scumgouger, which if its like any of his other half baked ideas will fail misreably. I can't wait to see what happens next. DO keep up the outstanding work and update soon please:):):):)

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   I think Voldy's a bit smarter than you give him credit for...   Next chapter might have a bit of a surprise in store for you.~Jim

duke_bonez posted a comment on Sunday 18th February 2007 12:56am for The Songs Goblins Sing

Now Bessie on friday, when we have sushi night, I want you to prepare a blowfish for Messrs Crabbe and Nott. Mind that you prepare wrong, we wouldn't want to them to live to enjoy now would we? Bwahahahaha! Oh and put a scorpion into Daphne's slippers!

Dear Goblin Council,
I find your lack of faith disturbing. You should know better than to back out of a deal with a Malfoy, especially one who is now a Black. Due to this unfortunate breach of contract, I am forced to invoke clause 47 of the Goblin Wizard Agreement of 1642.
Sincerely,
Narcissa Malfoy-Black
P.S. please find attached Snapjaw's head. He didn't have any more use for it.

...errr...Right. Great chapter even if a lot of it did seem to be in preparation for chapters down the line. I do wonder where Charlie & Narcissa are headed. Nice touch adding Tonk's doing her bodyguarding duties. It always makes me wonder when Harry gets a bodyguard and then ends up protecting them. The only other thing I want to say Neville's misdirection? Perfect.

JBern replied:

Funny.   Good stuff.   You'll have to wait and see with Neville.   Charlie and Cissy are headed somewhere.   Glad you continue to enjoy the story.~JIm

Patches posted a comment on Saturday 17th February 2007 8:58pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

This is a great story. It is deffinitely dark. I can see by you have it on the DarkPotter list.
I never imagined a dark Neville. That is a new one for me. I can see how that could happen to someone like Neville. It looks like Ginny will be helping Neville at some point or will she come by her information by accident? I am glad Harry Susan's handfasting went well. That was a good set of crosscutting between the reception and Chaarlie and Narcissa's little episode. That was an interesting interlude with the Baron and Draco. I thought it was a good touch when you had Draco more upset about Snape's death than he was about his father's. A lot of intesting plots running together. Thank you so much for writing. I am really enjoying Bungle in the Jungle and The Lie I have lived also. I really like your style! pms

JBern replied:

Thank you very much for the review.   I hope you continue to enjoy my various works.   Next chapter coming soon.~Jim

Lufio posted a comment on Saturday 17th February 2007 6:13pm for The Songs Goblins Sing

Huh. Plans, plans, plans all around. Everyone has a plan of their own. And each person is planning out how to work their plans around/with other people's plans.

I hope you can keep all of this straight.

JBern replied:

Everyone's got a plan.   Some will work and some won't.~Jim