Abraxan posted a comment on Sunday 1st August 2010 6:50am for Three Stand Alone

That was a well-written battle. I enjoyed seeing how the wards worked, too. Well done!

Abraxan

Vilkath posted a comment on Tuesday 30th June 2009 4:16pm for Three Stand Alone

Not bad though I think in the face of certian death, capture and god knows what to their daughter/niece they wouldn't be using 'ministry aproved spells'. Killing curses would come flying, I am sure head of the auror department and future minister could authorize it.

Truely voldemort's feared power seems come from people throwing 'blockable' curses at him, and he simply blocks them. He never really has to fight against unblockable spells.

fyrecat posted a comment on Wednesday 17th December 2008 5:02pm for Three Stand Alone

Very cool!
I concur with your ideas about the houses. the 'Puffs do seem to have the least going for them in the fics I have read. I really like this concept.
I also rarely have seen good descriptions of wards or battles. In the fic I'm working on, I plan to include good wards and combat sequences as well. Great minds think alike, I guess...
I'm loving this story!
Thanks

Oh, BTW. I realize that this long after finally posting you are unlikely to go back and edit, but the apostrophe (') is used ONLY when indicating possession (Susan's wand) OR to indicate left out letters in a contraction (it's, - short for "it is") .
When making something plural - years, dogs, things, etc. there is no apostrophe.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'm glad you enjoyed the setup to this story.   Susan was an interesting choice - I wanted to buck the trends.   Heck, imagine how many reviews this would have gotten if it was Harry/Ginny?

Andrius posted a comment on Sunday 26th October 2008 7:58am for Three Stand Alone

I think I like your Voldemort. He's actually pretty cool and badass here (wow, did I really say that).

JBern replied:

I tried to make a believeable and interesting villain.

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Monday 8th September 2008 9:04am for Three Stand Alone

I think you did a very good job with the argument between Harry and Dumbledore. Though I think Harry missed a telling point: If I had stayed put, "sir", or taken time to try to contact someone, Susan would probably now be dead or hidden away somewhere being tortured by DEs. I took the only available course of action to save lives." While responding in anger and attacking Dumbledore's poor decision-making may have worked well, it left Dumbledore's and Snapes estimation that Harry acted irresponsibly intact. But neither has offered a viable alternative. Perhaps sometimes the only good choice is the irresponsible one.

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I don't check my completed stories often enough, so apologies for the delayed replies.

Minerva Granger posted a comment on Tuesday 27th May 2008 3:38pm for Three Stand Alone

wow. Holy heck, this is a great chapter, and I feel terrible for Susan. Both her Mum and Aunt killed. Voldie, you are going DOWN!

JBern replied:

Still catching up on those reviews.   The first chapter to this story was a good hook.   I'm glad you liked it.~Jim

KingsleyforPM posted a comment on Saturday 4th August 2007 6:18pm for Three Stand Alone

woooooooooooo just started this story and i am anxcious to rear your different and potentially greta veiw on harry potter

JBern replied:

Thanks for all the reviews.~Jim

Frank Hacklander posted a comment on Thursday 28th June 2007 3:52am for Three Stand Alone

Susan blanched slightly at her aunt's viscous statement, but ... i suspect you meant "vicious"

Every duel was a primal scream of rage at an indifferent universe that did not care who lives and who dies. He would make the universe care!

perhaps better to say "who lived or who died" prefer the use of the past tense and the use of "or" as the connector. does a better job of setting up the necessary opposition.

see what happens when we have to wait on the next chapter? we read what's come before with a more critical eye (despite our non-use of caps a la e e cummings).

Still, it's a great story.

JBern replied:

Same as the other review.   Thanks I'll add this to the errata pile.   Now the next chapter is up so you can enjoy that as well.~Jim

Merle Corey posted a comment on Sunday 14th January 2007 2:54am for Three Stand Alone

This is a really good chapter! I like (I use the term very loosely!) your Voldemort. He is not invincible to all except the luck and will of Harry Potter. Looking forward to reading the rest of the story.

JBern replied:

Wow!   Lots of reviews from you to respond to.   Glad you are enjoying the story.   I'd probably go back and polish chapter 1 a bit more one of these days. The dialogue with Voldy is a bit stilted.  ~Jim

erin5 posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 8:15pm for Three Stand Alone

An interesting start. A bit grim, but I really enjoyed the battle sequence. Harry's spontaneous grasp of the Portus charm certainly requires some explanation, but I'll go on faith for a little bit. I think your breif disclaimer ("Not really knowing how he was able to perform this...") worked well here - they often just sound awkward. Thanks for writing. :)

JBern replied:

Glad you find it interesting.   I hope to read more reviews from you in the future.~Jim

Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 5:45am for Three Stand Alone

Nice start. Right into the action! Only canon problem I see is that I think Susan's parents were killed in the first war against Voldemort. But it's not a big deal.

I completely agree with your characterist of the other houses view of Hufflepuffs. (But I think the Ravenclaws would view Gryffindor as the "put" house - you're not hard working to be Hufflepuff, and not obnoxious enough to be Slytherin, so the hat had to put you in Gryffindor :-)

The comment in HBP where Susan says she "now knows what it feels like to be Harry Potter" has made me want to write a H/Susan story for a while. I might still, but I have great expectations for this one, given how much I like your Bungle in the Jungle.

Thanks for writing!

Tom A.

JBern replied:

Wow!   Now here I thought you had been reading this one all along on Ficwad.   Interesting perspective on the Ravenclaw mindset.   I've actually had this one going on longer than Bungle.   It's a bit darker, but I think you'll be pleased.   Of course I have to ask, when is your stuff going to be updated?   ~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 13th November 2006 12:35pm for Three Stand Alone

Hufflepuff is the most fascinating house to me. I'm a Gryffindor the test says, but the Badgers are compelling. This is a most interesting start.

JBern replied:

I have always been interested in the Hufflepuffs.   They are an overlooked bunch, for the most part.~Jim

Hagrid posted a comment on Monday 6th November 2006 11:59am for Three Stand Alone

Well better Hufflepuff than Slytherin. I said it ter 'Arry an I'll say it ter yeh. Raw deal about sums it up too. A good first chapter, no question. I've seen stories where there are over one thousand students, some even have so many that not all the students from one house live in the same tower. Coddswallop in my opinion. Now I figure there's less than 300 students, and yer right, all them other stories only use the 'Puffs as canon fodder. Keep up the good work, and don't let them muggles get yer down.

JBern replied:

Well it's nice to meet you Hagrid.   I apologize in advance for what happens later in the story.   Nice review.~Jim

KenF posted a comment on Monday 6th November 2006 10:37am for Three Stand Alone

I've seen some stories that malign the 'Puffs just like you say, but a few don't. The Girl Who Live (on Mugglenet) takes a bit of a better view... the sorting is based on the DOMINTANT trait, not the most obvious. Hence putting Hermoninny in Gryffindor, or an OC who believes she would have been a Hufflepuff, despite being gutsier than Harry.

JBern replied:

I'll have to check that story out you mentioned.   Hopefully, you'll like this story.~Jim

Malaskor posted a comment on Sunday 5th November 2006 1:05pm for Three Stand Alone

Interesting start, it definitly has rised my curiosity about how it goes on :)

Keep it up and thanks for sharing

JBern replied:

I'm working on putting the chapters up.   It will probably take a few days.   If you are in a hurry go to ficwad or ff.net.  ~Jim

Ken Warner posted a comment on Sunday 5th November 2006 10:57am for Three Stand Alone

Looking forward to seeing you develop both Susan and the HufflePuff House as a concept. I agree with you that there is in canon a perception that the Huffs are the "rests", but in truth, if looking for a friend I think unswerving loyalty and kindness are very good traits.

Thanks

JBern replied:

Thanks Ken.   I put my other story up first because it is shorter.   This one is currently on chapter 25.   I'll have the rest up by next weekend.   If you are in a hurry you can find them at ficwad and ff.net.   My author name there is the same.   I think you'll like my version of Susan Bones.   I look forward to further reviews.~Jim

anonymous5 posted a comment on Sunday 5th November 2006 7:50am for Three Stand Alone

Welcome! It's nice to see this elite cadre of authors expanding a bit. This sounds like the beginning of a pretty slick story... I'm a big fan of jumping into action sequences (and well-written ones, at that) right away.

Do have a couple of quibbles. The punctuation could maybe use some work -- periods where there should be commas, commas where there shouldn't be commas, and "opinion's" (in your AN) doesn't make any sense to me as a possessive.

That said, I really like the premise. You had me at "two reasonably important characters killed off by the end of the first chapter"... and at the end, the several-line description of Harry's reaction is perfect. :D Please update soon -- I'm looking forward to this one!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   As I said in other reviews, I will have the other 24 chapters up this week.   If you are in a hurry, you can find them at ficwad and ff.net under the same author name.   Thanks for the quibbles.   I had a second beta go over it when I tried to get it posted on fiction alley.   After pulling what little hair I have left out, I gave up after putting 6 chapters up there.   I'll go back and take a look at my puncutation in the chapter.~Jim

Roxy1 posted a comment on Sunday 5th November 2006 5:50am for Three Stand Alone

Its great to see a new writer here! more for us to read:)

I really like this opening chapter, its very strong. I can't wait to see what the next chapters will hold.

JBern replied:

Thank you.   I uploaded my other story first as it was shorter currently at 13 chapters.   This one is currently at 25.   The rest should be up in the next couple of days.   If you are in a hurry you can find them on ff.net and ficwad.~Jim

Josh S posted a comment on Sunday 5th November 2006 5:48am for Three Stand Alone

Delighted to see a new writer here, looking forward to seeing more of your writing.

JBern replied:

Thank you.   This week I will be working on getting the other 24 chapters up.   If you are in a hurry they are on ff.net and ficwad.   I put my other story up here first.   It is only 13 chapters and was quicker to upload.~Jim