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Bungle in the Jungle

Author Notes:

Disclaimer - If you're lying about being Veras Chilotha being Harry Potter, why can't you lie about owning your rights?   Oh well, it's probably not a good idea to make enemies with lawyers and Dark Lords, so you still don't own any rights to this.   It's still a work of fanfiction.

Acknowledgements - As always, thanks to the folks at Alpha Fight Club for helping me straighten out dialogue and improve things in general.   My chapters wouldn't be nearly as good without their assistance.   Aaran St. Vines with the editing work.   Thanks especially for your effort.

Chapter 5 — Or No Way at All

"… and that’s what Riddle is going to think — that I am Veras Chilotha possessing my body and impersonating Harry Potter.   I will of course require a bit of assistance on your part to carry this off."

That’s the look you were waiting for, bulging non-twinkling eyes and a wrinkled face flushed with anger.   He looks just about as angry as when he broke down the door and confronted the fake Alastor Moody.   Nearly a minute passes before he says anything.

"If this is an attempt at a joke, Harry, I am not amused."   You resist the urge to flinch as his eyes bore into you.

"It’s not a joke."

"Do you even realize how much you have damaged our chances to recover his remaining Horcruxes?"

"Obviously he doesn’t know where the locket is.   Only your thief does at the moment.   Narcissa already tipped his hand by saying he knew what we were up to."   Rowena Ravenclaw herself told you that the cup would be the surest test of your skills.

"As Mrs. Malfoy is almost certainly unaware of the Horcruxes, she could have been referring to almost anything--or bluffing."

"I’m assuming he isn’t an idiot.   The third floor of the castle is getting remodeled right now after I spent a summer in Brazil.   That’s a bit difficult to ignore isn’t it?   Face it, he already knows.   He has two left and one has gone missing."

"Very well, we are in agreement that he is now aware of our objective.   It seems irresponsible to show our hand before getting him down to the final Horcrux.   This was clearly not the correct time for such a ploy."

"I showed him my hand.   You conveniently keep forgetting that you didn’t tell me anything about the Horcruxes.   I had to learn about them from Bill, while I was escaping the Love potions and Obliviations."

He relaxes and tries to project an air of ambivalence.   "I do recall having this discussion with you already.   Is there some new ground you’d like to cover?"

"Fine, new ground it is.   Did you set any wards at the place where you retrieved the ring?"

"No, I was preoccupied with saving my life at the time, Harry."

"And in the months since then?   Shit!   Why the hell not?   It’s probably already too late to set a trap there."

He doesn’t like being taken to task on something, "It was not appropriate at the time and could have alerted him.   Again, had you involved me, we could have made such an arrangement, but in your haste to assert your independence from me, it is unlikely that we can capitalize on that opportunity.   I must ask; did you fail to consult me out of spite because of the oath to protect the castle?"

You flush with anger, but know he’s trying to provoke you.   Bill prepared you by using the same type of arguments Dumbledore might try.   Throw it back at him, "I failed to consult you because I don’t trust you.   Spite has nothing to do with it.   You reap what you sow.   How many straight answers have I gotten from you over the years?"

"I can, in fact admit when I am wrong and have done so quite recently as I recall."

"Right before getting me to commit to an oath, but that was about your version of the greater good wasn’t it?   Well this is about my version and I’m sorry if it conflicts with yours."

"This plan you have concocted has far too many variables.   What is it you expect to gain from this ploy?   Please educate me."

"He’ll make a mistake…"

"And how are you positioned to react to his mistake?"

"The Peacekeepers here are on high alert and the Ministry in Brazil will be keeping tabs on all arriving visitors with our accents.   Someone asking questions around here won’t raise too much interest.   In Sao Paulo, that’s a different story."

"This assumes he will expend resources to determine how much of a threat you now pose.   Instead it may drive him to unprecedented levels of carnage as he hurries to consolidate his own powerbase in response to yours."

"He committed his entire inner circle to the Department of Mysteries.   Flushing Riddle out into the open, where he can actually be fought, is better than waiting for him to strike.   Wasn’t that the objective of your organization last year?"

"That is a drastically oversimplified way of stating it.   We were seeking to force him into revealing himself so as to alert the world to his presence.   That was successful in spite of your interference.   Your plan seems to involve starting a fight with a person that is currently immortal.   That is hardly sound logic."

"Just because he can’t be killed doesn’t mean that he can’t be beaten.   You’ve driven him off and so have I.   Do it a couple of times and his Death Eaters start to lose faith.  Without his followers, he’s just another powerful wizard.   One who can’t adapt very well despite being Salazar’s heir."

"I’d like to hear how you’ve come to that conclusion, Harry."

"He panicked and came to the Department of Mysteries exposing himself to the world after spending a whole year trying secretly to get at the prophecy.   He panicked again when you showed up and tried to possess me; then he fled only managing to rescue Bellatrix.   The year of the tournament he had this drawn out convoluted plan to capture me.   I’m tied to a statue and he has most of his inner circle right there.   He panicked again the moment our wands connected, right after boasting to all his followers how he overlooked the ancient magic my mum invoked to protect me.   That’s how I see it."

"Forgive me if I do not see these events from your optimistic perspective.   You seem to have forgotten, Harry, that his 'convoluted' plans for you have also been successful. He easily lured you to the Ministry and was able to pull you from Hogwarts grounds in the middle of the largest event in the recent history of the school."

Dumbledore’s display of ongoing arrogance really brasses you off.   Time to engage in a probably ineffective effort of ego-busting on the publicly proclaimed and self-convinced Greatest-Wizard-for-the-Light.

"Those two events were not his successes so much as your failures.   We have these discussions again, Headmaster, because you seem incapable of remembering that I went to the Ministry simply because you did NOT inform me of the prophecy and the fact that only Tom and I could touch it.   I guess you’re saying your masterful success at drawing Riddle out into the open was six students going to the Department of Mysteries to fight twelve Death Eaters.   And as to his ability to steal me away from Hogwarts, he succeeded then because you spent a year in close proximity to a Death Eater and never realized he wasn’t one of you closest, long-term friends."

"No, Professor, it is you who continues to overestimate Tom.   He’s starting to run short on those artifacts protecting his existence, isn’t he?   Just because he can’t die right now doesn’t mean we can’t Obliviate him until he’s a hollow shell and shove him in the deepest darkest hole we can find.   Or, we could stop him and toss him through the Veil.   If we did do you think his objects can bring him back from there?   I’d be willing to put that theory to the test."   You leave off the idea of you and Kwan giving Riddle the same treatment his followers gave Frank and Alice Longbottom.

The silence wears on for a moment before you offer up something else.   "I have no illusions Dumbledore about what we are up against.   I was the one who destroyed the possessed janitor using a fraction of Riddle’s power.   I’m just telling you that if he walked through that door right now, the two of us together would have a better than even shot of taking him and sending him right back into his ghostly existence.   If necessary I’ll do it as many times as it takes.   Either his followers will give up on him, or they’ll start running short on flesh of the servant willingly given."

Dumbledore stands and paces around the heavily warded study in the Brazilian Embassy.   "So now that the damage is already done, what do you expect Tom’s response will be?"

He cannot admit you’ve raised valid points, so he acquiesces to your plan with an insulting reluctance.

You decide to ignore it.   "He’ll do his best to confirm it, but I’ll be behind the castle’s wards except when we’re out looking for the rest of his objects.   Thanks to you, no one with a Mark can get in except Snape, and he owes me a life debt."

"Just because people do not carry his Mark, does not mean that they will not carry out his will.   What of the people beyond the castle’s protection?"

"Inside the castle, I have Kwan, Bill, and in theory, you watching my back.   The best he can muster inside will be desperate school children.   If we can’t handle school children, then we’re going to lose anyway.   Outside the wards, your people were taking their chances.   Vance already paid the price.   Pettigrew was in the original Order.   I’m guessing he didn’t have any problems telling Riddle who was in it last time.   You don’t have too many new members and those worth a damn were seen during the fight at the Department of Mysteries."

"Since Tom now expects you to be a Dark Lord, what will you do if instead of striking at you directly he kidnaps one of your friends?   Are you prepared to sit by and do nothing if he does manage to get one of your comrades within his grasp?"

It’s a fair enough question.   He deserves an answer.   "That’s your issue Dumbledore.   I’m supposed to kill him.   Sirius’s death taught me one thing, I can’t save everyone.   Thanks to you, there are far fewer people that I’d run into certain doom for.  If he kidnaps a student, well, that falls under your responsibility doesn’t it, Headmaster?   Besides, if he thinks I’m Chilotha, doing that would be pointless."

Saving people is a very "last year" concept to you.   You’re a survivor, not a self-sacrificer.   It’s a fundamental change in your psyche.   There is no doubt that Riddle will try to take someone you value.   He might be shocked to find out how limited his selection will be.  

With that line leading nowhere, he’ll shift tactics.   C’mon old man what’s it going to be?

"I see you have greatly changed, Harry.   Even with your callous disregard for human life, you are simply not ready for him.   Before, he was uncertain because Harry Potter was the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord.   Now, he may think that he is facing merely an embittered rival, one whom he has already beaten before.   There was a reason Chilotha was one of Grindelwald’s warlords and not a true Dark Lord."

"I have no intentions of fighting him alone in some stupid duel with everyone standing there watching.   I want him dodging curses from Kwan, Moody, you, Shacklebolt, and anyone else we can get out there while I’m trying to kill him.   In the meantime, I want him and more importantly his followers looking over their collective shoulders."

"From that, am I to assume you are behind the attacks against some of his faithful?"

Your answer in political speak, "You may assume whatever you want, sir.   I won’t lose any sleep over Death Eaters scrambling to protect their estates.   If they’re doing that, they aren’t out killing people.   I’m sure Amelia Bones, Hannah Abbot’s mum, and Emmeline Vance would agree if they could.   Now the question is are you going to cooperate?"

"It may not be as simple as that, Harry. Your activities, while understandable, are quite illegal, and if your vigilantism comes to light you could easily lose Minister Scrimgeour’s support, or lose him as Minister altogether. His agenda has only tentative acceptance in the Wizengamot, and his government would probably not survive being publicly connected to you. It's also likely that Tom will begin to circulate rumors of your Dark tendencies, rumors that I am becoming less certain that I can deny."

You scoff at his remarks.   "Says the leader of his own vigilante organization!   I’m no Darker than you are.   That probably isn’t saying all that much about either of us.   We just finished a year of ‘Dumbledore is insane and Potter is unstable.’   What’s Riddle going to do, have the wife of a known Death Eater try to tarnish my reputation?"

"You could be questioned under Veritaserum."

"So could the Death Eaters; so could you. I’m not holding my breath for that to start happening anytime soon."

He gives you a scolding look.   "And if Minister Scrimgeour’s government cannot survive?"

"England drops into anarchy.   Maybe that’ll be the cost of getting the ICW involved?   Do you want to be reactive or proactive?   What’s it going to be Dumbledore?   In or out?"

"Don't judge the entirety of Wizard culture on your negative experiences with it, Harry. If you allow the government to collapse and society to fall into chaos, it is the powerless who will suffer. Would you condemn them to the Darkness out of your spite for me?"

"They’re suffering already in case you haven’t noticed, and England isn’t the entire Wizarding world.   On the other hand, one thing I have noticed is that you weren’t really winning back in 1981, and you haven’t changed your tactics since then.   If I’m going to make mistakes, they’ll be my mistakes, but I’m the only one who can kill him at this point.   If he kills me the prophecy is fulfilled.   Anyone else can kill him after that, but I’m not going out without a fight."

"I still contend that you are not ready for him. Your successes have left you very full of yourself, Harry.   I can only pray that you are capable of delivering when it comes time to vanquish, Tom Riddle"

"As for my chances, I’ll tell you this one truth Albus Dumbledore, the sappers we exploded barely hurt that Greater Daemon.   They didn’t destroy it.   I did!   If I can take it, I can take Riddle.   If you want proof, you can see the memory when we get back to the castle."

He looks interested.   In additional to that memory, as much as you don’t want to, Bill convinced you that it would help smooth things over if you offered Dumbledore a financial incentive.     "If you’re looking for a gesture of good faith, I’ll forego any charges against Remus and continue to fund the Order.   However, he’ll have to pass everything through Bill for approval.   Now, we should go to Azkaban to find out what your man did with the locket."

He concedes this battle giving you a critical look as he runs his hand through his long gray beard.   You know this particular war is far from over.     "Very well, Harry.   You seem set on this course of action and have already committed our side to this path.   Let us depart."  

Well that’s as much of a concession as you’re likely to get.

------

Even in the daylight, the prison fortress of Azkaban is a terrible place.   Years here had nearly destroyed Sirius.   A tiny outcropping of rocks, little more than an enchanted sandbar serves as a Portkey platform just outside the wards protecting the island. At the end of the dock is a pedestal with a brilliant blue stone set in it.

Dumbledore places his wand against the gem and motions for you to do the same.   He’s been silent since leaving the embassy.   If he’s trying to make you feel guilty, it’s not working.   This just reminds you of last year when he pretended you didn’t exist because he was trying to keep things from you.  

There’s a bit of lingering resentment there on your part, and you feel justified.   That was another fantastic plan on his part.   You should have also mentioned that plan’s success back at the embassy.   Despite the fact that you were with him in his office confronting Lucius Malfoy, despite all the things Scabbers could tell Riddle about the first, second and third years, and whatever Barty Crouch managed to relay to Riddle, throughout your fifth year Dumbledore wanted Riddle to believe there was no close association between you and the Headmaster.   Maybe he does think Tom is an idiot?

Even with Dumbledore’s oath, you were tempted to bring Kwan, but this is a party for two.   Touching your wand to the stone, you identify your magical signature.   Once you do, one of the small boats detaches from its mooring at Azkaban and floats towards the nearby dock.  

Bracing for it, you activate your Cursebreaker glasses and take a gander at the monster that truly is this prison.

Hogwarts was a kaleidoscope of colors, bright and dazzling.   This is not.   It’s differing shades of darkness.   Putrid looking green swirls, bland gray hues, and clouds of pitch black slowly undulate around the perimeter of the island — no doubt it is Dark magic for a dark prison.

Azkaban looks imposing, but you remember that there have been two mass breakouts in less than a year.   The last occurring over the summer when all the folks captured in the Department of Mysteries were freed.   It’s likely that Riddle used an insider to do his bidding, but nonetheless, Azkaban is a bully with a glass jaw, and it reminds you of one of Bill’s ever present Golden Rules of Curse Breaking.   Wards are only as strong as the people keyed to them.

Both of you climb into the boat and it starts on a return journey to the island.   The air grows colder as you sense the presence of the dementors.   "I thought they had all left for Voldemort’s side."

Dumbledore doesn’t look back at you as he coolly responds, "Perhaps you should consider gathering more information about the combatants in this war.   There appears to have been a rift in their ranks.   Roughly two out of every three departed with the last breakout, but the rest remained, and there are even credible reports of dementors fighting with each other during that breakout.   Minister Scrimgeour has increased the human presence here as a result.     It is quite clear that he does not trust the remaining contingent."

"Sounds like they had some kind of civil war, or perhaps that’s just what they want us to believe."

"That is an adequate summary of the situation, Ambassador.   Our ability to communicate with their ilk is limited to the written word, and they have thus far declined to answer why they have stayed."

You brace to hear the voices of your parents again.   Sad that it’s the only way, outside of crossing wands with Riddle and watching Snape’s memories that you know what they sound like.   James and Lily, they were good people that stood in the way of something bigger than them.   It’s another lesson for you and a constant reminder of what you’re up against.

Approaching the billowing cloaked figures, you wonder what Dumbledore fears the most.

"Learn your place mortal — at my feet! I am eternal. Your words are bold, but you lack any power to enforce them.   I am power! The feeble energies you command are but a flicker of a candle, and I am the burning glory of the sun!"

The Daemon’s voice whispers in your ear and you damn near jump.   Shit!   You should have guessed that just like your Patronus, your greatest fear could change just as easily, probably easier.

Dumbledore appraises your reaction.   Bastard was clearly looking for it.   Wonder if he’ll try to send a boggart your way at some point.   That would be a treat wouldn’t it?

"Are you okay, Ambassador?"

"See the instrument of your doom. Let your tiny minds comprehend my glory.   Know what you will soon face and know that you have no hope. I will feast on your souls. I will grind your bones into powder. The smell of freshly ground bone has always been one of my favorites."

"Just fine, how about you?"   You could really do without reliving the Daemon’s greatest speeches.   Though you have to give the thing points for grandeur.

"Your death will be but the first of thousands."

"They will not approach us while we stay on the path."

"Is this truly your memory or perhaps you carry a connection to me now, as well as all the other links to your essence?"

"Just like they weren’t supposed to attack me on the train or on your Quidditch pitch, I suppose?   Let’s go.   I’ve handled more of them when I was less experienced."

"…winning this battle does not win the war.   Farewell mortal.   I do not say goodbye, for there is always the path where we meet again."

The dementors alternate between staring at you and sharing looks amongst themselves.   You push forward; continuing to listen to the voice of the monster mocking you.   The heavy stone doors don’t close behind you fast enough.

There’s a slight pang of regret.   You actually wanted to hear your mum’s voice.

------

They say prison can change a man.   Based on the smell alone, that definitely seems to be the case in Azkaban.   To be certain, the elves maintain this place.   It is probably cleaner than Hogwarts.   There’s a sterile feel here, but that’s offset by the stench of bodily odors assaulting your superior sense of smell.  

Sporting a scraggly beard, Dung Fletcher looks the way he always does.   Truthfully, he didn’t smell much different.   That’s a sad comment about a sad man.

The Auror unlocks the door and lets you in.   "You’ve got ten minutes."

Fletcher’s wild eyes lock on the old man.   He holds out his grimy hands.   Dumbledore takes one.   You decline the other.   "Dumbledore!   You’ve finally come!   Thank the heavens!   Hello Harry!"

"I hope you have been well in here, Mundungus.   Though I am anxious to hear of your treatment, alas, we find ourselves here on a matter of some urgency.   We require very specific information…"

"You gotta get me outta here!"

"Of course, Mundungus, in good time.   First we need to ascertain the disposition of some of the items you may have appropriated from our special place."

Dumbledore’s obviously the "good cop."   Fortunately you have no problems being the "bad" one.   "More like stole!"

Dung looks away and starts professing his innocence.   Dumbledore takes a placating tone, "Harry, there is no need for such anger.   Let’s be civil.   Now Mundungus, with a bit of cooperation, Harry may be able to wield some influence and get you released."

"Look, Sirius wanted me to have that stuff."

"Like hell he did!   You bloody grave robber!"

"That’s not the way it happened Harry!   I swear!   Sirius wanted me to get him some things to make his stay there more enjoyable and we came to an agreement."

You stop yourself from spitting on the man, "He had access to his vault already.   The elf confirms you were taking things after Sirius died."

Fletcher gets angry, "That elf’s a dirty liar!   He doesn’t like anyone and you know it!"

"But I am his master now, and he can’t lie to me.   You, on the other hand started lying the minute we came in here!"

The thief hems and haws until Dumbledore calls for calm.   "Gentlemen, please.   Let us move beyond the accusations.   The ambassador and I were just having a pragmatic discussion about accepting things and moving on.   I am assisting Harry in taking possession of the Black estate at the moment, and there are some noteworthy discrepancies.   We are far more interested in a few specific items and we need to know whether they are located in one of your various repositories, in the custody of the Ministry, or if you have already liquidated these objects.   With a bit of cooperation, I’m quite certain Harry may be able to expend some of his influence on your behalf."

Dumbledore has the attracting-more-flies-with-honey part down pat, though Dung’s smell is probably doing most of the work in this case, but the old man is a smooth operator.   In contrast, you have some idea of how Lucius and his ilk would approach it.   Probably a Crucio or two and then rip it from his mind with Legilimency.   Let’s move this thing along.   "Oh, the heck with it Dumbledore, it’s not that important anyway!   Let’s just go back to Hogwarts."

"Wait!   Wait!   Don’t get your knickers all in a twist.   Which items are you looking for?"

Dumbledore had you extract a list of items from Kreacher detailing what had been stolen.   The locket wouldn’t be the first item the two of you asked about.   Oddly, Dumbledore seemed reluctant to commit to Obliviating him.

It turns out that Dung had already sold to various shops in Knockturn Alley the knife that drips silver instead of poison, assorted jewels and gems, and other finery.     Five rings, along with a number of candlesticks and the fine flatware are part of what the Ministry has in it’s storehouse as evidence against him.   The table made from the legs of a Nundu and several amulets, including one with a large "S" on it, were sold to an "Arranger."

"What is an Arranger?"

Dung answers, "Well, they buy expensive and rare things for collectors.   People who like fancy things in their collection, but don’t wanna be seen buying them.   Sometimes on commission or other times they gather stuff and have a little private auction."

"Well, I want that table back!   Sirius wanted me to have it!   What’s this man’s name?"   You’re doing your best to be a petulant child for when the Minister’s people likely question Fletcher.

"He ain’t no man, Harry.   He’s a goblin.   Not all of them work in the bank you know.   Don’t know his real name, but everyone calls him Mr. Teeth on account that he redid all his teeth up in gold."

You’ve come to hate goblins — little backstabbing two-faced shits that they are.   The rebel goblins in Brazil tried to kill you, and the ones legitimately in power planned on murdering you in the lost city.   Then they betrayed your location to the Death Eaters and bounty hunters when you bested them.

"Fine, we’ll go see this Mr. Teeth and find out if he still has my property."

Dumbledore turns to you, "For an ambassador, you really should stop sounding so childish, Harry.   It is unbecoming of your new station.   If you are unwilling to be calm about this, perhaps it’s best that you remain silent as we have several more items to cover and not much time left for our visit."

That’s a change in the script!   Both of you had agreed prior to last night’s party that you would act in this fashion. Dumbledore never mentioned that he’d have a go at you.   Trying to digest what he was hoping to achieve, you keep quiet and apply some brainpower to the hidden meanings in his words.   After five or six other items are covered, there’s a tapping at the cell door and the Auror returns.   "Times up, Chief Warlock."

Dung stands addressing Dumbledore, "I’m sorry if I’ve caused a bit of trouble, sir.   I hope you’ll be speaking to the Minister soon to get me out of here."

"Naturally.   Ambassador Potter will do as I instruct him to in this matter."   He turns to you and pats your head like an obedient dog.   "Tonight, you will draft a letter to the Minister requesting the charges against Mundungus be dropped immediately."

"The hell I will!"

Dumbledore looks at you angrily.   "More of your tantrums, Ambassador, over a bunch of silly trinkets?   Why do you refuse my orders?"   Okay, he wants you to be the bad guy in this.   You can easily accommodate Dumbledore’s unvoiced request.

"He stole from me and I still haven’t forgotten what happened last year at my aunt’s house when he was supposed to be on guard duty!   Let him stew in here for awhile."   You spin and walk out into the corridor as Dumbledore hurriedly apologizes to Dung and then joins you.

The trip back through the prison is silent, while you wonder about Dumbledore’s reasons for provoking you.   It was clear that he wants Fletcher to stay in here for the time being.   No doubt the guard will be reporting every detail of the exchange to the Minister as soon as possible.

The warden meets with you and returns both your wands.   The doors open to the path back to the docks.   As you prepare for the dementors, you notice only one standing next to the path.   All the others are standing far away.   You give Dumbledore a curious look and he replies with a barely noticeable shrug of his shoulders.  

Drawing near to the lone dementor, you hear the faint whispers of the Daemon’s voice in the corners of your mind.   It’s quiet enough that you can easily ignore it.   The dementor points a bony finger at you causing both you and Dumbledore to stop.   From inside its cloak, it withdraws a sheet of parchment and holds it out towards you.   When Dumbledore extends his hand the dementor moves it out of his reach and again points it at you.

You should be used to crazy shit like this by now, but just when you think that things won’t get any stranger, the universe bowls a wicked googly at you.   You take the sheet of parchment from it and it slowly backs away.  

"What does it say, Harry?"   Dumbledore’s voice is laced with concern.

The symbols on the page don’t make any sense.   "It’s a runic language.   Glyphs mostly, but nothing I’ve been exposed to."

"Puzzling, they are more than capable of writing in English from what I understand.   We will need to discern what they are trying to communicate to you, but for now we should be off."   He tries to downplay this, but you don’t really believe that and neither does he.

On the boat ride back, you finally ask, "The cheap shots back there were designed to make me leave Fletcher in Azkaban.   Why do you want him there?"

"Because Harry, it is clear from your prior actions that you need proper instruction on baiting a trap, although I do not have all the details yet, only the roughest of starts on such a ruse.   At this time I need my options open, and the safest place for Mundungus right now is within the walls of Azkaban."

"Same old tricks, Dumbledore.   Imprisoning someone for the greater good?"

He ignores your slight and responds, "No, although it may appear that way on the surface.   Similarities can be used to make a ploy look less suspicious.   Should it become necessary, we can make it appear that Mundungus has information much more important than he currently possesses.   Under the correct circumstances that deception could be used to draw Tom into yet another assault on this location.   For now, this is merely an option, which we may need in the days to come."

Yeah, you were right.   Dumbledore is a right foul bastard.

------

After a full hour in the Headmaster’s office allowing Dumbledore to view the memory of the battle with the Daemon, you return to the guest wing.     Did you really want to see it again?   No, but it was necessary to make certain that he didn’t overhear the monster’s "phantom" conversation.   He congratulated you on the imaginative combination of your Patronus and your Animagus abilities and suggested that you consider writing a thesis.   However, he was quick to point out that Tom wouldn’t be likely to fight with you in such a manner.  

What did you expect; that he’d stroke your ego?   Either way, he’s bound to have already reviewed as much as he saw of you fighting alongside of him against Voldefilch.     Dumbledore knows you can play in his league.   You allowed him to copy the dementor’s written message, but kept the original.   Bill deserves first crack at it.  

Concentrating, you search for Hack’s presence.   He’s distant.   Further away than Hogsmeade.   Maybe, Hagrid took him into the forest like he’d planned?

Using your wand to send a simple announcing charm on Bill’s door, you wait for it to open.   The better looking member of the duo greets you.

"Please Harry, come in." Fleur asks. "How did it go?"

"I thought about coming in and acting like I was Oblivated just to see the look on Bill’s face, but it’s been a long day.   Where is, oh … hello Luna."  

Okay, it’s slightly suspicious to see Luna over at the table. She’s either had enough Butterbeers to make her face slightly red or she’s embarrassed that you "caught" her here.   Did you interrupt one of Fleur’s coaching sessions or have you blundered into the equally dreaded "girl talk."   Careful Potter, you’re outnumbered.   "Where’s Bill?"

"He is at the place we cannot name, searching that rather extensive library for something useful.   One would think that he doesn’t want me to leave here.   I also am under the impression that he will be having words with his parents and expressing his disappointment.   I expect him within the next hour or so.   You’re welcome to join us."

"What have you two been up to?"

"Just a few exercises in Occlumency for Luna.   I was giving her a mild probe and we were discussing the results."   Fleur whimsically laughs.   Gee, what memory would Fleur have been looking for that left Luna looking like one of her radish earrings?

Fleur gestures at the table and you obediently sit next to Luna.   "Hi Harry."

"Hello."   Could the verbal and non-verbal language in here get any more stilted?

Fleur passes you a Muggle pop out of her chillbox.   You’re surprised that she remembered that you liked that brand.   She looks first at you and then at Luna - then she rolls her eyes and sighs loudly.   "Please tell us about your day, Harry?"

You look apologetically at Luna and say, "I can’t say too much, sorry Luna."

"Very well, I have a solution to all our problems," Fleur says.   "I need to know and the two of you will not act like boyfriend and girlfriend until I am otherwise occupied.   So, if you will place the memories of today in the Pensieve, I will occupy my time and the two of you can be alone."

Now, both of you are blushing furiously.   Maybe Fleur should just stick to embarrassing you through various acts of nudity?   Again you comply, feeling like she is ordering you around.   Why fight it?   Resistance would only encourage the French witch.   It takes a good deal of time to pull this memory out of your head.   There’s a lot of ground to cover.  

When she enters the basin, you turn to Luna.

"Is she always this awful?" she asks.

"Yes."

"Does she really smother Bill in a hug whenever he enters the room?"

"Just about every time."   On several occasions, she even jumps up and wraps her legs around Bill, but that’s extra information Luna doesn’t really need to hear.

A moment of silence passes before you continue, "What exactly has she been telling you to do?"

If possible, Luna looks even more mortified, "I don’t want to talk about it.   Did you have fun at the party?"

"I wouldn’t exactly call it fun.   Trust me on that one.   I just got back from visiting Azkaban."

"Is it as horrible as they say?"

"Pretty much, but I didn’t expect it to be so clean."

She looks at you for a moment before deciding on a course of action.   "Close your eyes, Harry."

Now if it was Dudley telling you that, it’d be a good time to run, but for Luna it seems safe enough.   Her chair moves slightly and seconds later her lips touch yours.   There’s a sweet innocence to the contact and you respond slowly, not wanting to scare her off.   With Fleur a mere ten feet away, the scene feels somewhat naughty anyway.

A few more kisses and her mouth starts to open.   Sure feels inviting.   But like every good Cursebreaker knows, you should always check for traps.   In most cases you’d conjure something and send it in first.   It’s too much of a bother and a real mood killer to draw your wand, so you’ll just have to send the tip of your tongue to scout ahead.   She stops for a moment the first time it brushes against her lips, but she doesn’t pull away.   You follow with a few more careful and calculated swipes against the perimeter of her defenses, wondering what will happen next.   A few seconds later, she starts moving her mouth against yours and her lips part further — access granted!

Somewhere along the way your two tongues meet still mostly inside her mouth.   Not a bad little exchange until you hear the door open.   Luna jumps back like she’d been Banished as Bill and Kwan enter the room.   Laughing good-naturedly, Bill assesses the situation and says, "Oi, Ambassador, get your own room."

"How was your visit with your parents?"

"Not as productive as I would have liked.   The only family more stubborn than the Weasleys are the Prewitts, and the vaunted library offered only a meager selection on our current subject."

"I have something for you."   You pull out the message from the dementor and hand it to him.

"Interesting, the script is very old, looks similar to Babylonian or maybe Phoenician.   Okay, where did you come by it?"

"A dementor handed this to me at Azkaban.   Could be anything, but even if it’s an invite to a birthday party it might be important."

Bill makes a face.   "Love notes from a dementor!   That’s a new one.   Before I ask any further questions, we should talk about how much we can say in front of Miss Lovegood here.   No offense Luna, but despite our tone things are quite serious."

You pause trying to compose an answer, but Luna beats you to it.   "Why don’t I go across the hall into your room, Harry?"

"I’ll go with you and they can join Fleur in the Pensieve.   We’ll talk in a bit, Bill.   Did Hagrid take Hack into the Forbidden Forest?   He isn’t on the grounds or in Hogsmeade."

Kwan answers, "Troll went with half-giant and will return tomorrow.   We discuss other things as well."   Bill walks over to Fleur and proceeds to goose her on the bum.   Fleur jumps, but keeps her head in the Pensieve.   Her right arm feels around on Bill for a moment, motions for him to join her in the basin, and then puts his hand firmly on her arse.  

The hitwizard’s comments don’t sound encouraging, but you nod and lead Luna towards your room.   Once inside, you hope to resume the ‘clash of the tongues,’ but she stops you.  

"I get the feeling that I’m in the way," She said.

"Not really, but there are things happening, and some of them you’re better off not knowing.   I hope that makes sense.   I do tell you what I can."

Luna shakes her hair and gives you a smile.   "If there is anyone here that understands keeping a secret, it’s me.   Did you solve your problem with your Animagus form?"

"Not really, but there’s no reason not to show you at this point."   Luna has been pretty patient; she deserves a chance to step further into your world.

Stepping away from her, you shift into your jaguar form.   Perspective changes as always and you hear her sharp intake of breath.   She kneels down next to you and strokes the fur on your head.

"When you told me that you had this form, I believed you, but really seeing it is a completely different story.   The books I’d looked at said that the black ones were rarer.   I should have known…"

She smells even better in this form and you nuzzle against her.

"So, what has you all concerned?   You certainly look impressive.   I hope you can teach me!"

You hold up your paw for inspection and she runs her hands along it, feeling the scales and your slightly oversized claws.   You give her a few seconds and shift back to your human form.

"The scales are interesting.   I assume this is what is bothering you?"

"In the battle against the Daemon, I fought it in my jaguar form and ended up swallowing some of its blood or whatever the hell it was.   You can see why this would bother me."

She reaches for your left hand and carefully examines it before giving you a reassuring grin.   "Well, no sign of scales or anything else here, so it’s limited to your animal form.   Offhand, I’d say no snacking on nether creatures and things shouldn’t be a problem."

Eager to change the subject, you ask, "So, are you ready to talk about whatever Fleur was embarrassing you with?"

She crinkles her nose.   "Maybe after a bit more convincing…"

The right side of her neck, from the bottom of the ear down to the collarbone appeared to be the most sensitive area previously.   It seems like a good place to start your interrogation.   You pull her closer and put your back up against the wall letting her feel like she’s the one in control.   Her delicate hands run through your hair and flex periodically, which means she obviously likes what you are doing.

"How’s this for convincing?"   You breathe heavily into her ear.  

"She was probing specifically for memories of you and me together.   Don’t take this the wrong way, but she’s a bit of a perv."

"I think she prefers the term free spirit."

"Whatever."   Additional commentary is squelched by a request to further her education in the art of snogging, and right now you couldn’t really care what she and Fleur were talking about.   You keep your hands busy massaging circles in her back, ensuring that they don’t get any ideas about going lower on their own.

Minutes pass before she breaks contact and backs away.   However, she maintains contact with your hands.   It’s nice to see you have a noticeable effect on her.   "You mentioned something about being intense."

"I suppose I did, but I’m letting you set the pace."

She smiles slightly. "Why don’t we sit for a minute or two?"

"Okay, but I know they’re going to steal me away in a few minutes.   So, have I been convincing enough?"

"I suppose."   She pauses for effect and sits on the couch before continuing.   "Fleur went straight for the memory of you and me ‘negotiating’ over your personal spellbook.   If that wasn’t bad enough, after she found it, she critiques our efforts and started offering suggestions on what I should do next time.   I was positively mortified!"

You shrug and join her on the couch, trying not to picture the things your French friend may have offered as suggestions.   "She’s a Veela in love.   From what I’ve gathered, they’re a very sensual people."

 "And you’re not bothered by her aura?" she says skeptically.

"Not really.   She’s attractive to be sure, but she’s also Bill’s fiancée and very much in love with him.   We have more of a brother and sister relationship going."   At least that’s what you and Bill both hope.

"Sorry, I was just being stupid."

"Don’t worry about it.   I just don’t want there to be misunderstandings like when we were writing each other.   Let’s stop talking about her.   I’m more interested in you."

"Quit." She blushes prettily.

"Well since we’re here and not currently snogging, you could tell me about what Looney has been up to?"

She smiles and launches into a few stories involving the folks in Ravenclaw.   Luna is apparently brilliant at Locator spells.   The stuff her housemates hide from her usually ends up further annoying the people hiding the items.   Luna actually became mildly angry when someone pilfered her favorite pair of shoes.   At two in the morning before an exam last year, those shoes turned up and started doing a tap dance on that person’s headboard.   She demonstrates by taking off her shoes and Charming them.   Smiling, she changes her sitting position and puts her feet in your lap while the animated footwear entertains the two of you.

She starts a second story but a knock at the door interrupts your fun.   Time must have flown away from you or they finished quickly.

"Hello Harry.   Professor Dumbledore sent me."   Nope.   It’s Hermione. She’s staring at Luna’s feet in your lap.   Well at least she knocked.

"What does he want?"

"It’s about our arrangement." She replies cryptically.  

Luna shakes her head and cancels the charm on her shoes, putting them back on.   "Thank you for taking the time to listen to daddy’s complaints about the Rotfang’s influence in the southern hemisphere.   I’m certain you’ll be able to convey the magnitude of the problem to your government.   Good night, Ambassador Potter."

Hermione waits until Luna leaves.   "Harry, are you and Luna dating?"

"What the two of us are doing together is none of your business.   Now what did you want?"

"The Headmaster says that you may have to leave school again at some point in the near future.   He wants me to spend more time around you to charge the wards more quickly."

You gesture towards the couch Luna just vacated.   She sits.   "Does she know about the arrangement?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Hadn’t planned on it, and I don’t want to expose her to any unnecessary risk."

"So you like her…"

"She doesn’t annoy me with questions like you do."

"Well, if you really do like her maybe Professor Dumbledore can transfer the wards to her."

You make no effort to hide the incredulous look on your face.   "Quit looking for someone else to fix your mistake, Hermione.   You signed up for this.   Deal with it."

"That’s not what I meant!   You obviously don’t mind being around her.   I’m just saying you’d probably rather be close to her than me. It might charge the wards faster."

"Now who’s the one with the emotional depth of a teaspoon?   I like being around her, but I don’t want to be forced to be around her, or use her like some kind of a means to an end.   Furthermore, I don’t plan on making her anymore of a target in this war than she already is."  

She fumes for a minute and you couldn’t really give a crap what she’s thinking.   Okay, you’re being hard on her, but she’s earned every second of this.   Ginderella has enough sense to avoid you like the plague, and she probably has the same cavalier idea about love potions that Ron has.   Hermione should’ve known better!  

 "I’m sorry.   Every time I try to talk with you, I make things worse don’t I?"

"No argument there."

"I just have to believe that I can fix this."

"Some things can’t be fixed.   You want some raw honesty, here it is.   You should have bloody well known better!   I’ve got a Pensieve over in the other room if you’d like to see my first real memory of this past summer.   It’s me following you and Ginny around and listening to you talk about me like I’m some kind of fucking pet kneazle!"

"I was wrong!   What more do you want from me?   I’ve already tried to resign as Head Girl."

Considering you just witnessed Dumbledore leave an Order member to rot in Azkaban, it’s not surprising that he refused her resignation.     He probably talked her out of it and made her feel good about the decision by the end of it.   "That’s the point, Hermione.   I don’t want anything from you, not any more.   I can’t trust you right now and you know the Prophecy which means you know what I’m up against.   Think about it from where I’m sitting right now.   Would you trust you?"

She pauses before admitting dejectedly, "No, I probably wouldn’t."

Someone else knocks at your door.   You don’t mind these festivities being interrupted.   Bill looks surprised as he enters the room.  

"Ward charging," you answer the unspoken question.

"Go back to your room, Granger.   I need to borrow Harry for probably the next hour."

Hermione looks, "But the Headmaster said…"

"I’m thirty feet away.   The wards will charge just fine.   I’ll knock on the connecting door when I get back."

You dismiss her and follow Bill back into his suite.   Once inside, Kwan erects the privacy wards, and you start your "war council."

------

Kwan starts, "Easiest problem first.   Mercenaries suffered injuries.   Leader, Sean, wants to bring in more.   Wants more money."

"The Phoenix funds still good, Bill?"

"Yeah."

"Give Sean what you think he needs, Kwan.   You know more about what’s actually required to be effective and when he’s just being greedy.   Bill, you heard me agree to fund the Order from the Black vaults.   Keep an eye on Lupin or whoever Dumbledore assigns to it."

Bill nods.   "Speaking of money, Harry, we have plenty in our trunks, but I want to start discreetly pulling some more out of Gringotts and keep this in reserve.   If the uprising starts in South America, under their ‘shield’ treaties the branch here could refuse you access to your monies   since you’re a Brazilian citizen."

"Good thinking.   Do it.   Move as much as you need.   Next order of business — what the bloody hell was with the dementors?"

Fleur offers, "They specifically gave the message to you.   It could be a warning from this Riddle.   It could be an offer of alliance.   It could be any number of things."

Bill says, "From what I understand, they can write in English, so there is a deliberate reason they chose this script.   When we translate it, we’ll know more.   I can probably do it, but it’ll be faster if we employ an outside specialist."   Bill sounds a bit miffed at outsourcing something in his specialty, but he’s a practical man who knows how much he has on his plate right now.

"Bill is right," Fleur said.   "My father has contacts throughout the world.   He can put me in touch with the proper people and make it look like the request is coming from either the French Ministry or our family personally."

The four of you debate the merits of this for a few minutes, deciding to go with Fleur’s plan.   She starts making a copy of the original.

"Now the tricky part, the goblin Arranger — I think Dumbledore wants to make discreet inquiries and try to buy it back if it’s still available.   Kwan, this is more your area.   How would you handle it?"

"Money first, but prepare to use force if necessary."

Bill doesn’t look happy.   "If it comes to force, we’d better use the mercs to keep our hands clean.   I’ve heard about the ‘Arranger.’ He has enough clout to operate outside of the goblin clan in England.   That’s not an enemy we want to make if we don’t have to."

"Can we have the mercs be the buyers?"

Kwan’s turn, "This delicate.   Stupid mercenaries good for blowing things up, not much else.   I will be the buyer.   Goblins   know of Kwan.   I see what else this goblin can provide."

The conversation goes on; plans are made and options discussed.   After another hour you ask, "Is there any other thing we need to cover?"

Fleur speaks up.   "Do you want to show him, William?"

"I still need to practice more."

"No, no, we all could use a good laugh."

Now, you’re pretty interested in what they are talking about.   "What have you been up to, Bill?"

He glares in mock anger at Fleur.   "I’ve been working with the Mayan armband for over six weeks now, tapping into the power that Thundercloud left in there.   I’ve made a breakthrough."

"What kind?"   You suspect where this is going, but want to see anyway.

Bill chuckles and seconds later there is only a reddish-black mole-like creature where he stood.   It takes a minute of staring to figure out exactly what he just became.  

Fleur produces a galleon and drops to one knee waving it at him.   Oh Merlin!   This is too funny and appropriate.   Bill the treasure hunter is a niffler Animagus!  

"Aw isn’t that cute."   Bill responds with some chittering noises that leave little doubt what he is trying to say.

Fleur laughs, "I am considering getting a gold piercing and seeing if it fascinates him."

A few seconds later Bill starts to move unsteadily.   He leaps forward and snatches the galleon from Fleur’s hand.     The tiny shape scurries under the bed.   If Bill’s stories are to be believed this isn’t the first time he’s hid under a bed before.  

"I see that clarity is a problem."

"Yes, I have been telling him to ask you for assistance for the last few days, but he is stubborn and insists on doing it himself. I do have a Tracker on him and have sealed all the crevices under the bed.   The idea of chasing him all over the castle has very little appeal to me."

Even Kwan is smiling as you consider ways to embarrass Bill.   Fleur bends down to coax him out with a few more galleons from her handbag and some "baby talk."   Seconds later, Bill comes skittering out from his hiding spot and makes tracks towards the stack of coins on the ground.

"Allow me, Fleur."

With a quick movement of your wand, you snap off a body bind.   In light of all this seriousness, perhaps a bit of lightheartedness is in order.   Plus, you’ll need something for Bill’s bachelor’s party.  

Reversing his transformation, Bill returns to human form.   His head lolls to the side and his eyes dart back and forth clearly confused.   It’ll be another few minutes before he’s coherent.

"Do we have time for a quick picture?   Fleur, I don’t suppose you happen to know a spell that will transfigure a bloke’s clothes into, oh let’s see maybe a French maid’s outfit?"

Fleur gives you an evil smile before going to the dresser to retrieve her camera, "If he asks, I’ll swear you cast the spell."   Even Kwan laughs and offers a pointer or two.

Minutes later and completely unaware of his brief fashion shoot, Bill can finally string together a couple of sentences.   "Technically, the armband is a Dark artifact, but it’s a brilliant shortcut through the process.   It took me six weeks to do what normally takes people over a year.   I still need to get this clarity thing you keep talking about down, but it is amazing.   Fleur is going to use it next; she thinks it will help her make the full blown avian transformation."

"Yes, normally it is only the pureblooded Veela that can perform this.   I am very excited to try.   Perhaps it may sound a bit spiteful, but there are several people I would like to demonstrate an Animagus form to.   If you think that you have problems with the purebloods, you have never met the purebloods in Veela society."

------

By the time you have everything hashed out it is right around curfew.   Hermione has already left for her rounds, which means she’ll likely come bother you in another hour or two, but that’s not a bad thing.

You spend a good thirty minutes meditating, reestablishing clarity with your inner animal and storing energy in the totem around your neck.   You might need that energy somewhere down the line.   You’ve been fighting your instincts, especially with Luna, and Thundercloud always stressed that there needs to be balance between your forms.   Clarity is merely a destination.   Balance is the journey that keeps the forms in harmony.

There’s another knock on your door.   It’s too early for it to be Hermione.  

You walk to the door.   "Who is it?"

"Let me in, Potter.   It’s time we had a talk."   The voice grates on your nerves.

Oh, that’s just great.   What a pleasant way to spend the evening, in conversation with Severus Snape.   You don’t need to think about what your animal instincts tell you to do with him.

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Author Notes:

I wish I could have slid some Hack into the chapter, but we'll see our favorite troll next chapter.   As I mentioned previously Bungle in the Jungle is being translated into both Russian and Italian.   See my page on fanficauthors if you want to read either of those translations.   I'm told by people who can read them that both are extremely well done.

Finally, I'd  like to offer up this humorous Omake provided by Garret PI from the TML thread on DLP.   Thanks a bunch for this one.    And now Garret PI as Hack the troll...

Silly reader... Hack not just speak English....Hack is renaissance troll.. he speak (counts fingers and toes) eleventy languages.  Hack just speak in pigeon form.  

You not know? Hack is bon vivant, international troll of mystery, and troll about town.  

Hack know Portuguese, Spanish, English, French, Mandarin, Korean, German, Dutch, Russian, Polish, and Swahi- swazilhi-...Funny african language.

Just because Hack troll... it no reason to think he illiterate.