Prince Charon posted a comment on Thursday 27th May 2010 8:41am for Chapter One
Very nice, especially the ending.
Kruste posted a comment on Thursday 27th May 2010 3:45am for Chapter One
Infin1x posted a comment on Tuesday 25th May 2010 10:29pm for Chapter One
We all know that we can count on you for an interesting story and an original take but this is one of those that take the characters so far off of the well tread road and let them grow and be more than what they usually are.
Meandering Fox posted a comment on Tuesday 25th May 2010 8:36pm for Chapter One
Fucking awesome. This might be my favorite of your stories so far. Somehow you manage to turn fanfiction into something so much more. Thanks for writing.
Fozzie Bear posted a comment on Tuesday 25th May 2010 11:26am for Chapter One
Fantastic and wonderful! I had wondered how you were going to pull that rabbit out of that hat with how final things were set at the end there but you did it! I understand you don't plan on continuing it (and understandably so! It has a mood that would be destroyed if you tried to continue it from this point on) but even so I have to admit the characterization of your Harry Potter really draws me in. As does the short description you gave as background for how the world has changed since "The Reveal" and his part in it as 'Goodwill Ambassador' around the world.
Perhaps if it isn't possible to continue Ron's story here it might be possible to approach things from a different direction and tell a story from a different character's point of view? I found myself wondering where Ginny's head is now all these years later. And I'm not a big fan of her character usually, but possibly telling Harry's story from her perspective could work. As would telling a story from Charlie's perspective if you really want to do the older man looking back at his life with hard acquired wisdom voice you used here. There's a a lot to be said for this type of 'End of an era' story and the changes in modernization of the Dragon breeding reserves could be dynamite for that. I was also intrigued by Bill's character the whole assuming the responsibilities of the patriarch aspect...
In short, you have a nice universe here and while I understand it would be wrong to continue this story and Ron's aspect of it, there are some more tales possible in the setting itself.
Regardless, thanks for sharing this tale with us! I really enjoyed it!
00_Knight posted a comment on Tuesday 25th May 2010 11:12am for Chapter One
Heh heh heh!
Misbehaving wizards indeed!
Good read, and Gratz on your 2nd novel! Now give me more TML! =D
Secca posted a comment on Monday 24th May 2010 10:13pm for Chapter One
I'm not really a fan of Ron-centric stories, but I think you pulled it off masterfully. Your characterizations were great, first person only served to enhance the story, and the flashbacks helped to pace the story. Well done!
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Monday 24th May 2010 8:33pm for Chapter One
I can't stomach sports movies, but I did enjoy this a lot. Ron gets short shrift in some many stories, it's nice to see one where he's a more balanced, if flawed, person.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 24th May 2010 8:18am for Chapter One
Well written indeed. Perfect happy ending.
And I loved the solution to Ri's enforced vow.
ToriCat posted a comment on Monday 24th May 2010 3:45am for Chapter One
I loved it! I love how you added little snippets of his life within the story and last couple of lines are flawless!
"Morning Ron," Harry says. "I’m trying to help this Master Arithmancer locate his former apprentice. He can’t stop talking about her. In fact, it appears he’s been cursed. No matter what he tries to say, everything comes out as … well, I guess I should let him show you. Go ahead Master Ri."
The man looks furious, after a minute he opens his mouth and says, "Padma Patil, I release you from any and all vows you have made to me and apologize for my childish behavior."
"That’s a pretty nasty curse, mate. I’ll go wake her."
"Better hurry. If we don’t get it lifted soon, it might just spread to his hands and then everything he tries to write will end up being the same message."
The look on Ri’s face is priceless.
I nearly laughed my ass off!
supergirl3684 posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 11:48pm for Chapter One
I loved this!!
Ken Warner posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 10:50pm for Chapter One
I liked this a whole bunch - I caught the references to the movie right off, as it has been one of my favorites for several years.
this is probably the best portrayal of Ron that I have seen in a very long time,with his evident flaws, but also with the ability, over time, to grow out of them.
I am enjoying Spirals - bought it immediately after getting the announcement - it arrived on the 22nd.
thanks so much Jim for still sharing with us.
Ashwin posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 9:43pm for Chapter One
More of a nitpick than anything....Nishita is more of a girl's name....just a head's up.
Nice story overall....leaves it open for more stories....
joeBob posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 6:25pm for Chapter One
As others have said, this is the best Ron-centric fanfic I've ever seen.
Great job showing a flawed but still: skilled, matured, and sympathetic Ron. Some of us remember that he was basically an OK guy, in canon.
All the characters seem real. They all have depth appropriate to the plot, are interesting, and still canon-compliant (minus the epilogue).
You seem awfully familiar with the ex's perspective of a vindictive be-yotch, though. Trouble in the Bernheimer household? ;-)
The Harry cameos were awesome. I certainly hope that THIS Harry didn't have any kids named anything close to "Albus Severus". (BTW, "Severe White" is both my rap name, and my porn name. ;-) )
The writing mechanics were superb for fanfic and almost up to professional standards (pre Aaran St. Vines. version). The story flowed well (except for one scene break), was nicely concise with no detectable inconsistencies or "fridge logic". There were maybe 2 slightly unclear patches.
I noted only about a score of typos, but maybe only one was a "bumper".
I'd say, hook up with a professional editor (no matter how good you are, you can't edit your own work) and your writing skills will be professional-grade.
Anywho, I give this story 1 out of 10, because it's about Ron, had Ron+Hermione pairing, and had too little Harry.
Just kidding! Excellent story. Thanks for a great read.
dennisud posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 3:15pm for Chapter One
Wow one HP story where I actually am happy to see Ron and not curse his
arse when he does something stupid. He does that here too, but we see how
Age and wisdom reaches even our resident stooge!
Great match-up with Padma and in this case arry's filling in for Luna in
the catalyst department!
BrightMikal posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 3:03pm for Chapter One
I really enjoyed this one. I liked how you portrayed Ron, sort of tired personality, as a womanizer-in-regret, Loving Dad and uncle, who has made a load of bad decisions, yet is at heart still a good person. The kid in a candy store metaphor works brilliantly. I can definitely imagine him.
Harry's character in this is superb, the best mate who's always there for Ron, and cheerful as hell. I like that Harry's been successful, and willing to help Ron when he's in trouble.
The dialog between characters, especially Harry & Ron is worded well, and the feelings come out en masse. The reminiscing has the same effect, and it's a good point about the fic.
You've incorporated your view of the future nicely. Muggle and Magical mix well here.
Padma's and Ron's early romance is nice. The family scene at the Burrow was hilarious at places. :)
The idea of Ron being superb fighter is canonical, given Harry would most probably given him tutoring. Plus, Ron's personality. The Quidditch injury is realistic, much more than losing all the bones in a arm. Makes your fic much more relatable. :)
Ron's reaction is so typical, and for once he doesn't seem completely in the wrong, unlike in other fanfics. It's a interesting change. Felt bad for their break up.
Harry's secret job is brilliant. Quick question: Does Ginny know, and made him get the Deathstick? Because I don't think he'd have a secret this big from her.
Your action sequence with Ron saving the goal tries hard to get that thrill, and very possibly manages to pull it off. The quaffle being all his bad decisions is a powerful object.
Their make up, and solution is a fantastic end, and leaves you smiling.
A great fanfic, and definitely will re-read this. :)
delrusant posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 12:29pm for Chapter One
great mix of remembrance, quidditch, and at last use of his brain ;-)
The end was fun with the Harry resolving but the great part was the fabulous mix between the love story and the last stand of a star out of his age.
Thanks for this piece of entertainment
grovepjp posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 11:22am for Chapter One
Great as always... funny as hell.
you might wanna check out http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5915140/12/.
It is not yours but it comes close. Close enough that there may be copy and paste jobs in there.
If it is not the case, which i hope, then it is another interesting read
Crys posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 7:36am for Chapter One
Really the only complaint I can make is due to a personal opinion (I don't like Ron and rather do like Padma), but otherwise a nice, tight story.
Thanks for sharing.
nothorse posted a comment on Sunday 23rd May 2010 7:25am for Chapter One
Very cool story. I like your Ron. He doesn't get a lot of good press in fanfic, but I think this is a realistic and decent portrayal of a decent bloke. Never the wisest, never the smartest, but decent nevertheless.