CRose posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 10:58pm

I'm really not a fan of first person. So I had a little trouble getting into this as it went along. Still, that bit with the runes is quite interesting at least. I hope to see more soon.

JBern replied:

Thanks for giving it a try.   More people seem to have problems with Bungle's 2nd person.   Switching between the two has already proven to be a problem, but that's my problem trying to write 3 different stories in 3 different tenses at the same time.~Jim

jaques posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 10:45pm

what a great start. well thats what you can expect with jbern.^^. can't wait to read more.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'm glad you are enjoying the start next update in 5 days.~Jim

Aku posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 9:11pm

Very nice, I'll look forward to updates. Hopefully it doesn't take to much time away from "to fight the coming darkness" (God I hope that's the name of your other story I read) but it is certainly interesting enough on its own.

JBern replied:

It shouldn't.   I am almost done with chapter 30.~Jim

PhishBulb posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 5:12pm

That's a damn good start to another story. I'll get the, "hate to see this interfere with your other two stories", bullshit out of the way first. While true, the fact that you're writing anything puts you above a hell of a lot of other writers right now. Thanks for posting anything, especially something that has as much potential as this one does.

I'm not sure how this compares with your other stories, but I'm digging the tone so far in this. Harry's remark about Hermione's droning voice, the reflection about the chocolate, the mention of Puffs and Claws, the reflection on Ron and Hermione after a rough night. All of this helps set up an incredibly likeable and interesting main character. You've already established that in the first chapter -- hopefully you can keep the same tone throughout.

I also enjoyed the description of Quidditch. There aren't a hell of a lot of stories out there (that I've read) that have taken the time to actually add a bit of complexity into the game and treat it like the complex sport it must actually be.

It's a good start. Since I only read this shit while drunk the grammar and spelling isn't really an issue. The only thing I might mention is please knock it off with the damn exclamation points.

Thanks for writing something new. Can't wait to see where things go from here. Hope the other author(s) from DLP actually try to keep up.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.   It shouldn't interfere with my other works in progress.   I am going to try and keep chapters in the 4-6k range, but we'll see.   Glad you liked my 1st person perspective.~Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 4:25pm

And to Quote "Jim_xinu"

Verisimilitude!

Now I feel important and using 7 syllable words.

And, oh yeah, this is definitely an original take. I am impressed my good author, in the realm of 10 BILLION stories, you have 3 that REALLY stand out and make people take notice.

For that alone, I commend you.

Fish

Fish

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I appreciate it.   Nice to see you incorporating such large words into your reviews!   :)

In the words of my soon to be 5yr old daughter, "Go Fish!"

Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 4:19pm

Yaaaay!

Now I have 3 fanboy worthy reads from the ever popular and prolific JBern!

You have no reached 9 minutes on the fan boy scale. Well Done!

You rank right up there with such amazing authors as Kinsfire, Tom Clancy, and Eduard the Flatulent!

Fish

JBern replied:

9 minutes!   Wooot!   Soon we'll be talking double digits!   Anyway thanks for the review and the comparisons especially to the Flatulent guy...

Jim

noylj posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 3:19pm

This is just the first of many chapters, right?

JBern replied:

Next chapter in 5 days.   It should answer a few more questions.~Jim

scott2 posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 2:53pm

interesting and hoping for something new but if not at least i know it'll be well written :)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   If you're looking for something different, well I'll do my level best to provide.   I have an overhauled version of the Triwizard toruney to offer up.     More tasks, different champions, just wait and see.~Jim

JVTazz posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 1:20pm

interesting story so far keep it up :)

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Chapter 2 is just about done.~Jim

hytre64 posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 11:41am

Seems like a start to a fascinating story. I can't wait to see how you develop this one. IMHO, you are one of the more talented Potter fanfic writers - Please keep up the fantastic work.

JBern replied:

Thank you very much.   I'll try to do my best to keep exceeding your expectations.~Jim

Mark Blaine posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 9:54am

Interesting. Obviously, some knowlege has come back in time to Harry.

JBern replied:

The big question is what knowledge...~Jim

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 8:56am

Interresting start to the story. I like your premise, it's not one that I have seen much in the way of hints before. Usually, big ideas come from cheap throw-ins of other stories, but this one seems fully original. I hope that you don't have them be two different personallities. I think it much better that there is nothing so blantant as someone talking to him in his head. Your approach is better storytelling.

Thank you for writing.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

Thanks a bunch.   I started with the premise of 'Maybe his father really did save him at the lake' and it went from there.   Next chapter in 5 days.   I'm never a big fan of the talking voice in the head thing.   I've an overhauled version of the tournament on tap with more tasks and different champions (and different takes on existing champions).   Hopefully, you will continue to enjoy.~Jim

Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 7:34am

Interesting start and premise so far. I also liked how you had Harry not notice it right away. Looking forward to the next chapter, should be interesting to see where this goes.

JBern replied:

Harry will actually draw some flawed conclusions in chapter 2 and believe that he is  a Seer of all things.   There's some room for some dry humor there!~Jim

itsme posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 6:35am

Very nice. The idea looks promising. And the writing in first person is allright; it's not like the story you did in 2nd person, which feels very strange to read.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Sadly, I hope I haven't bitten off more than I can chew.   I am writing 3 stories in 3 different tenses at the same time.   Next chapter in 5 days.~Jim

Ravenclawchaser68 posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 5:41am

Looks good so far! I'm looking forward to more.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Next chapter in 5 days.~Jim

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 4:37am

Oh my, this is getting interesting. Is it possession, or has "someone" been buried in his subconscious all along? I'm looking forward with great anticipation to more of this one.

JBern replied:

Questions that will be answered partially in chapter 2.   Thanks for the offer of beta services.   The challenge says I can't use one, but when I finish it, I will be looking for someone to help clean it up.   I'd appreciate the help.   The story needs to be complete by August 1st.   So after that, if you are still interested we'll talk.~Jim

DarQuing posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 4:28am

Nifty. Can't wait to see more. :)

JBern replied:

Only 5 days and you can see some more....~JIm

Mad Ant posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 4:19am

Interesting beginning. Looking forward to reading more.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   The next chapter is due out in 5 days.   I hope you continue to enjoy.~Jim

lordblack posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 4:18am

What a wonderful start. I hope you continue with this and other your other stories. You're a wonderfull writer.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   The next chapter is due out in 5 days.   I hope you continue to enjoy.~Jim

ruby tripton posted a comment on Saturday 10th February 2007 4:15am

OH. WOW.
I think I am in love.

Could you please tell me where in DLP the challenge was issued? I would like to read all about it...

Ruby T.

JBern replied:

If you go onto DLP and look at the general discussion thread you can look at the challenge for next years awards thread started by me and the other thread about 33% of the votes cast thread by Bioplague.   The challenge itself was me getting tired of being panned for being a popular author by people on the site.   I took the two most vocal and challenged them to a competition.   One accepted.

I hope after reading what amounts to a bunch of harping and whining, some by myself that it does not lower your opinion of me.~Jim