Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 11:12pm for All the King's Horses

Wow, talk about an intense part here, that was something else indeed. The aftermath shows promise of being extremely emotional and will not be looking forward to Bill's reaction after the adrenaline is over and out of him, as well as Harry's mental state, though was glad that Susan and Hannah got it out of their systems a bit now.

JBern replied:

You have to realize in the last 24 hours Harry has killed a misc DE, Lucius, Piotr Levski, Wormtail (well Harry thinks he did), Fluer, another misc DE (actually the brainwashed Hestia Jones) and Snape.   Add that to the 100+ dementors and witnessing the deaths of Dobby and what was left of Diggle and Podmore and he's about reached his breaking point.

Thanks for the reveiw.~Jim

OnegaiSilver posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:59pm for All the King's Horses

Having Harry slightly lose it as he dismembers Snape.... classic! His taunting of Snape using Snape's first year speech was a perfect, and made this one of the best Snape death/torture scenes I've ever read. Bravo, and keep it coming as I eagerly await more of this and Bungle in the Jungle!

JBern replied:

As I stated in a previous reply, if Snape isn't one of the 'good guys', how his fate is handled is one of the most important things in the story.   I do hope you compare this to the next 20 Harry versus Snape scenes you read.   Off to Bungle in the Jungle.~Jim

LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:22pm for All the King's Horses

Wait wait wait, how come you -save- the tertiary characters? How come the secondary characters are kicking the bucket left and right, like Snape (and arguably Fleur and the Dobbster), but Vance is still alive at the end and Jones took a vacation in the middle of the fight?

I demand equality! I demand satisfaction, sir, and I will have it!

~bitchslaps author with armor gauntlet~

JBern replied:

Well I am sad to report that Jones didn't make it.   A meter long ice spear through the chest tends to do that.   I'd argue that Snape is a primary character and agree that Fleur and Dobby are secondary characters, but don't forget Sturgis and Diggle were also taken out in the same chapter as Fleur and Dobby.   So the net result of the battle of #12 is one primary and one tertiary character survives while one primary, two secondary and three tertiary ones are pushing up daisies.   It's a good ratio.   I award myself bonus points on the basis that the two survivors aren't in their right minds now.~Jim

Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:16pm for All the King's Horses

Wonderful chapter but you just left it hanging at the end...

Its questionable whether Ms. Vance will recover... Also, she might even harm Flitwick or Tonks... or is that something that will happen later on?

JBern replied:

I had a very long and drawn out last scene with Bill creeping through the wreckage of #12, but I shelved it instead and just gave a brief summary to get him to the library for the important scene of Harry 'cracking'.   All the extra details seemed to leech the emotional energy I was trying to use there.   Her fate will be discussed later.~Jim

dahurstsr posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 7:04pm for All the King's Horses

One of the best Harry Snape fights I have read. I loved the spell used to end it.

JBern replied:

Thanks!   I hope it is the standard that you compare the next 20 Harry versus Snape battles you read in fandom.~Jim

ttd posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 6:44pm for All the King's Horses

Brilliant! I hope you're going to explain the odd repetition during the fight, because my sleep-addled brain couldn't quite come up with a reason for it. If I am just nit-picking, then ignore me: the chapter was very good, especially as you gave Snape a messy end without the use of unforgivables. I hope you enjoyed writing it.
Thanks,

Tom

JBern replied:

If it was the odd repetition of certain paragraphs, then it was a HTML error.   Otherwise it was the rapid switching back and forth between Harry and Snape's POV.   It actually was a tough chapter to write.   The need to get this one right was important.   If Snape isn't a 'good guy', then the words that determine his fate are something that can make or break a fanfic.~Jim

M. R. Moore posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 6:18pm for All the King's Horses

I guess it was just me bad version, never mind the multiple veiws thing. Still a great chapter.

JBern replied:

No, like I said below.   It was probably me adding to the confusion.   Jim

M. R. Moore posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 6:16pm for All the King's Horses

Well the duel was a little hard to follow until I realized you were showing it from multiple points all at once. Though to it may be the fact that I should be in bed, today is a school day after all. Maybe I'll try again after some shut-eye.

I don't know about all of Gardner's works but I now at least his book Grendel is chalked full of dark humor on, at times it seems every other page.

JBern replied:

There were some initial HTML problems with the chapter that repeated some things.   It probably added to the confusion.   I went back and fixed them, but it seems to have generated a font size problem.   Strange and mysterious thing this internet...

Thanks again for the review.~Jim

Sean Dillon posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:57pm for All the King's Horses

Yes, it was a good Snape death scene.

There were a couple of spots where you repeated sentences -- maybe a second to last edit version got posted. The mage flare and the grabbing second wands areas need to be looked at again.

JBern replied:

Some quirky problems surfaced with the HTML.   I edited out the duplicates in italics, but now that has altered the font size.   Strange and wonderful thing this internet....

Thatnks for the review.~Jim

mjc posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:47pm for All the King's Horses

Other than some HTML formatting problems, a five star chapter...

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I went back and fixed them, but it seems to have caused some other problems and altered the font size.   I'll have to look at it more later.~Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:45pm for All the King's Horses

"Snape" Burn baby burn! Love it! W

JBern replied:

I had thought that calling the chapter Snape Tartar would have been just a bit too leading.   Thanks~Jim

Finbar posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:39pm for All the King's Horses

DAMM! Snape went out well, in battle, a great scene but a better death than he deserves. I feel sorry for the girls Voldie has brainwashed, but I suppose there is nothing that can be done about them. C'est la vie.

Great chapter, I really enjoy this story for the politics involved. It's rare to have realistic politics in a story, normally it's either in the background or childlike in it's simplicity.

Well done!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Emmy survived and will be 'deprogrammed'.   It'll take a while and it is a minor subplot involving Bill.   I try pretty hard to make the situations as believable as possible and throwing in little tidbits like the economics of the Wizarding world from Justin's pov help. ~Jim