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Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 7:13pm for Black Widow Rush

Um...not to be a nag or anything, but back at the beginning of the story you had Kreacher's decaying body at the foot of Mrs. Black's portrait, but in this chapter, you've got 'self-cleaning' elves. Just a minor inconsistency twitch I probably wouldn't have even noticed were it not that I seem to be under some sort of compulsion to read this monster all the way through without pause.

Andrius posted a comment on Tuesday 28th October 2008 4:19am for Black Widow Rush

What's wrong with Sirius? I thought he was pretty experienced in combat.

JBern replied:

The paintings can only do minor spells.

Brian Donnely posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 7:44pm for Black Widow Rush

Dammit, you just love cliffhangers, don't you? Looking forward to the coming confrontation, I really am. I'm a little shocked at Dobby's sudden death. I could see it coming, but damn, something about that little guy just tugs at my heartstrings. I'm not as sorry for Sturgis, he went out a way any man would want to. To quote Futurama, "Death by Snu-Snu!"

I really hope that you don't have Lavender killed off. I see it coming... and I really don't want it to happen. :( She's one of my favorite tertiary characters.

JBern replied:

At least you don't have to wait for the conclusion of the cliff hangers.  Lavender amused me in this story.~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Wednesday 18th April 2007 9:31am for Black Widow Rush

Wow. Not sure Fleur could have lived with herself after that but still. Wow. Amazing chapter. You do have a slight double standard when it comes to Susan and Ginny standing up to Harry when he's going nuts but oh well. With such wonderful action scenes, I can forgive such minor foibles.

JBern replied:

I still can't believe I'm this far behind on review replies.  I'm ashamed.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Sunday 4th March 2007 4:04pm for Black Widow Rush

The death of Dobby saddnes me more than I could imagine.

Tense situation, but on to the fight with Snape.

JBern replied:

Well at least be happy that Dobby went out like he wanted to - helping Mr. Harry Potter.~Jim

Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 8:23pm for Black Widow Rush

Why did you reduce the text size halfway through the chapter?

JBern replied:

There was some weird HTML error that repeated several paragraphs.  See previous reviews and replies.  When I fixed it, it must have altered the font size.  I'll look into it more today.

Strange and mysterious thing this internet....

Jim

M. R. Moore posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:34am for Black Widow Rush

Damn... See this is why I always say that a smart man fears the women in his life, especially my last girlfriend who could have kick-boxed my butt up one side of the room and down the other.

JBern replied:

Well you know what they say, behind every great man is the fear of what his woman will do to him if he isn't great.~Jim

Arvin Betancourt posted a comment on Sunday 10th December 2006 3:27pm for Black Widow Rush

hurry up and update!!!

JBern replied:

Chapter 27 is in progress.  Real life has been slowing me down with the holidays coming.  Plus I need to make the Harry versus Snape fight more than just another fight.  It needs to be memorable.~Jim

jmcqk6 posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 6:56pm for Black Widow Rush

Damn, I stayed up way too late catching up with this. It's so dark at times, I'm tempted to quit, but I know the ending will be that much better if I stick with it - as long as it's not "everyone dies"

...although, that could make a very interesting ending :P "The final battle makes it impossible for life on earth, or land at least"

Dark Gritty, I really thought Harry was going to completely lose it for a while there with the Abbot situation. You wove that sections together extremely well.

One thing, and I might have missed this, but what happened to Penny's baby? I must admit that I was just skimming the earlier chapters since I had already read them once.

I have a good joke for you, but I'm still working on it. I'll send it when I figure out the details.

Great work, on both of your stories! You've quickly become my favorite fanfic writer, and I look forward to reading more!

JBern replied:

Thanks for the long review.  Hmm a final battle where everyone loses?  Very ... interesting...

Anyway, pregnant Penny was sent to America under a new identity to take teaching position at one of the smaller schools.  She is going to start building a network for her Godfather there.  Hope that answers your question.  I am starting on chapter 27 today and hope to have it done real soon.~Jim

MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Thursday 30th November 2006 5:03pm for Black Widow Rush

What I like best in your take of the war is how each side has both substantial wins and loses along with able leaders. Voldy is patient, cruel, and clever while Harry is far more practical than canon. Rufus is also no fool.

The fight scenes are great and show a very creative use of magic. While Harry is clearly very powerful, he isn't insanely so. I'm glad that his animagus form is something so mundane.

Feel free to kill off Snape; I'm having far more fun reading about Peter. Please keep Peter around as long as possible.

JBern replied:

I start writing chapter 27 today now that 15 of Bungle just went out the electronic door.   Snape versus Harry.  That should be fun.  If you haven't had a chance to read the latest from Old-Crow on ff.net.  Give it a whirl.  I think you'll be pleased.  His Rufus is no fool either.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 11:30pm for Black Widow Rush

How do your stories get better this is really good! I like the conept of the Black Widow Rush, it practically turns a Veela into a praying mantis superb.

Nice to see that you hadn't forgotten the Coedus character, I especially like that he is helping Neville. When he tells him to pretend to still be weak I definitely like that as well.

Voldemort just likes being personal, poor Aberforth. I liked that he still managed to turn two of the death eaters into goats. It shows how despicable he is and how accomplished at mind games he can be when he wrote the message for Lavender. Your still holding no punches I see. Sturgis and diggle and Aberforth all dead. Its nice to see a fic where Voldemort doesn't strike back and just fail to kill anyone you care about.

Will you make any tension between Harry and Bill considering that you killed of Fleur. Nice use of the portraits.

Your Goblin interactions seem very real. Its nice that Harry seems to have to earn their respect rather than automatically getting it for being the Boy Who Lived.

Its not really that evil a cliffie though, as you know Harry will kick Snape's ass. It may not be easy but it should be fun, and I look forward to more.

I want to find fault and balance out this amazingly kind review with some constructive criticism but this is getting up to the quality of the other authors of this site like bobmin
and whydoyouneedtoknow! Practially Faultless!!

Thanks for writing such a good story.

Monkey

ps - I just glanced back at the story and forgot that you killed Dobby, thats just mean!! Also authors really like to have Dobby make the ultimate sacrifice for his most noble master! yay, I could complain if only a little!

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliments and the long review.  There is plenty of fault to be found in the story, though I am trying my best.  I am just happy you turn a blind eye to it.  In my forum on this site and the discussion thread on DLP, I have posted the Darkness Obituaries breaking down the deaths by chapter.  Sorry you were bummed about Dobby's demise. ~Jim

duke_bonez posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 3:53pm for Black Widow Rush

P.S. Yeah the new chapter looks fine now.
P.P.S. Emotionally, I am kind of surprised that Harry barely noticed Dobby's death in the chapter. I had half expected him to leap out screaming bloody murder, probably literally. Though given your story he would have probably died for it - leaping out in a rage has never been a good strategy. Berserkers rarely survive the battle. But yeah - it just seems more like a detached observation from a narrator than something Harry is thinking/seeing/feeling. <frowns> Hmmm. I don't know - rereading i missed a lot, I guess the action got too fast for me, so maybe it's fine. And I do love 'Even in death...', in a sad way, but love it none-the-less.

JBern replied:

Harry hasn't had time to digest Dobby's death.  It'll come eventually.  Thanks again~Jim

duke_bonez posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 3:23pm for Black Widow Rush

Nice. Just catching up on the last three chapters, and I have to say - very nice: Dementors, Goblins, Veelas, OH MY! I still think I like Bungle better, but the two are so different it's hard to tell. This is dark. But without going overboard and certainly brings a sense of realism that you don't often see. It's hard not to forget that the heroes don't live charmed lives-and that lives are fragile things when you are talking about things like fireballs and flying at 100 miles per hour(without a seatbelt, I might add - though I wonder what kind of protective spells are standard on brooms. I would imagine that the general consumption ones would probably packed jamfull of safety features like auto-collision avoidance, but a custom made Firebolt for a star quidditch player would probably have most of those removed so as not to interfere with its performance).

Nice scene with Neville and Vampire introspection. What's Tonks doing these days?

For that matter how did Snape get into the headquarters?! You'd think the order would have removed him from the access list - they did for Hogwarts didn't they? Though I suppose they have had a lot on their plates lately. Still they knew about is defection before a lot things really started comming to boil, and perhaps they couldn't really do much about removing him from Fidelius list, but the original Black wards should have been reset. I was kind of afraid that Harry wouldn't be in when Fleur (and the rest) arrived. After all with all the havoc occuring I had half expected him to be out there trying to figure out how to stop it. Didn't think you would kill Fleur, ruthless that. But well done. And Dobby's last blaze of glory =[. Great scene.

I wonder if there is going to be political fall out from Fleur's death. She seems like a pretty prominent figure: Triwizard contender, fully trained witch and veela which has to be pretty remarkable considering all the restrictions placed on magical creatures. Will Harry be able to turn Voldemort's forced use of what has to be a very restricted potion to his advantage and maybe gain another ally or will he get blamed for the 'accidental death'?

Oh one question though: why did the portraits' spells affect Fleur when she just shrugged Harry's off?

I wonder what a Patronus feels like from the other side - how will they affect Harry's Animagus form?

[Gimme] BUNGLE! Oh and your evil cliffie, you are making me wonder if I should be screaming DARKNESS!

JBern replied:

You ask some very good questions.  Later chapters will provide some if not all of your answers.  In all the hubub, they never had a chance to recast the Fidelius charm on #12.  As for the Black wards, remember the team of contract cursebreakers - well they are the ones outside negating those wards and with the anti-floo, apparation and portkey wards.

Tonks and Remus will turn up shortly.  I wanted to come back to Coedus and Neville to remind the readers that they are still there.  The political fallout from Fleur's death will come and Harry will feel what a patronus feels like eventually.

Now back to the fun that is Bungle in the Jungle.  That story is my guilty pleasure as an author.~Jim

Gardengirl posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 2:17pm for Black Widow Rush

Good golly, dude! You gonna leave anybody alive at the end of this??? Fleur I could see, but Dobby? *sniffs miserably*

JBern replied:

As previously stated, the HP-Lexicon says I still have plenty of characters at my disposal.  I have barely made a dent so far.  Sorry about the Dobster, but it was necessary.  Harry versus Snape next chapter.~Jim

duke_bonez posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 9:52am for Black Widow Rush

Oi, the link to the newest chapter isn't there. Hell I didn't even realize Black Widow Rush was here until I saw the chapter title and said, Huh? My usual eloquent brilliance at work.

JBern replied:

It might be beacuse I was doing some maintenance on the chapter through the admin console for my little part of the site.  Check it now. ~Jim

LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 2:50pm for Black Widow Rush

A goblin, a centaur and a dark lord walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at the centaur for a long moment, then turns to the others and says, "Is that a goat or are you just happy to see me?"

Good god, man, is there going to be anyone left alive bythe end of this story?

JBern replied:

Like I said to Ken in the previous review.  The HP-Lexicon says I still have plenty of characters left....

Not a bad joke, I'll keep it in mind.~Jim

Ken Warner posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 2:05pm for Black Widow Rush

nasty cliffy there Jbern - but hey the author definitely has the right - very enjoyable story - loved the conversation that Harry had with his goblin account manager; just exactly the right touch for a young teenager. Too bad to see Fleur die - ut you do seem to be killing off the canon characters at a frantic pace.
thanks and warm regards - eagerly looking forward to the next installment of either of your stories.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.  According to the HP-lexicon I still have plenty of characters left.  It's been what - 7 chapters since I last killed a Weasley.  I am probably going to create a list starting with chapter 1 of who dies in each chapter.  Both Fleur and Dobby's deaths have significant meaning in the story.  Dobby was yet another person to sacrifice himself to save Harry.  As for Fleur, Harry has shown that he is capable of killing his enemies even in cold blood.  Fleur wasn't really his enemy.  She wasn't even in control of herself and her death is his first real experience with unintentional homicide (outside of book 1 and Quirrell and even then he didn't really understand what was going on).  This time he was well aware of how the fight could end and was trying to avoid it.  He failed.~Jim

 

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 1:48pm for Black Widow Rush

Whoa, that's quite the cliffie of an ending. The extra wait was worth the excellent story. 'Sides, it makes a very nice birthday present to me. ;)

JBern replied:

Well Happy Birthday to you!  Glad you didn't mind the wait.  I should be pretty much back on track now.  So look for the big battle in 2 weeks.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 1:09pm for Black Widow Rush

I thought the reconciliation between Susan and Harry worked pretty well. She got lucky and pressed just the right buttons at the right time. I'd like to see a bit more time spent on the two of them together.

I like the jaguar from Bungle better than the raven, but you wouldn't want to repeat.

Goblins having their own media was nice touch. Broke away from the different fanon stereotypes nicely. Goblins using trial by combat... Well, at least you didn't require Harry to get involved directly. :-)

I loved Lavender's reaction to LV trying to call in his own attack.

Too bad about Fleur, but if I were him, it would have been AKs after Dobby went down.

Hopefully, Harry's going to tear Snape a whole new digestive tract. Pity the two 'masked Death Eaters' (who I assume are Hestia and Emma) are likely to be colateral damage.


Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

JBern replied:

It's a careful balance between the action/adventure and the romance.  They will be getting more 'together' time in the next few chapters as the story moves to Hogwarts.  Assuming of course, that Harry survives the cliffhanger...

I personally think the Goblins probably would have their own media.  I wanted to do the trial by combat, but I thought it was tacky to involve Harry as anything more than a spectator.

I've got a soft spot for Lavender.  Already a few responses have trickled in for the 'joke'.  The animagus part is important to the story, but not integral to the story like it is in Bungle.

Harry was in a bad spot with Fleur.  He knew she was drugged and dangerous.  Yes Emma and Hestia are the two masked Death Eaters.

Thanks for the review.~Jim

 

MarkH posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 12:39pm for Black Widow Rush

OK, so this story is excellently written and imaginative.

But, Jesus, is it depressing....... Too many good people being tortured......

Anyhow, I really like what your doing.

Thanks for writing it.

JBern replied:

Well I do profess to trying to write gritty realism.  Wars are just that.  I am glad you appreciate the effort.  There will be less widespread killing in the next few chapters.  Though some specific people will be departing...~Jim