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Quizer posted a comment on Wednesday 8th November 2006 5:13pm for End of the Line

I really liked the 'whirlwind' no-nonsense version of Narcissa you present. She is portrayed as a good character in several stories, but I have never seen her show such a decisive personality. It is like a breath of fresh air, and this change is highly appreciated.

Your ruminations about the Gringotts vaults make sense. Personally, I think it's not too outlandish for people to store other things than gold and gemstones in the vaults, like heirlooms, but I agree that on closer examination, it is unlikely that Harry finds the keys to Voldemort's defeat in there. Like you pointed out, anything that would be of use to Lily and James would not be in the vault. An author could still have Harry find useful stuff there, but it would have to be something that is of no benefit to L&J, either because they are additional duplicates that don't bring them any further benefit, or it is something they can't use in the first place.

The 'love potion' discussion was quite interesting. I don't particularly like 'Saint Lily' either, and while I'm not exactly sure who is being implied to have taken the potion and who is supposed to be targeted by it, it gives a little more spice to the usually bland background of Harry's parents.

The arranged marriage theme isn't one of my favorites, and I can see where this will end up going, but for now you have managed not to slip up and it is still refreshing and fun. It all depends on the characters' reactions. I guess I will see if you manage to keep your footing on this one... ;)


JBern replied:

I have resisted numerous calls to bring 'whirlwind Narcissa' back to the storyline.   I agree that she should have a more decisive personality.

As for Harry's parents, I wanted people to remember that they were in their early twenties.   I remember my monumental stupidity at that age and I tried to make real people in a bad situation.   The letter from James in the next chapter doesn't answer as many questions as it proposes.   As it should be.   I don't like stories where the letter from James, Lily or Sirius basically gives Harry the 'roadmap for success'.   If they had all the answers then, why didn't they use them?

Thanks again,




Quizer posted a comment on Wednesday 8th November 2006 4:34pm for End of the Line

The first part of the chapter came as quite a shocker to me. I'm not sure why people are so fond of turning Ginny in a vitriol-spouting bitch at odd opportunities. I had not expected you to fall for that trap. It makes a good opportunity for Harry and Susan to get closer, but I think this is well out of proportion. It is an attitude that I cannot fathom, and if I was in Harry's shoes, I would stamp her down brutally. She may hurt because of Percy's death, but this is no way to deal with pain.

The conversation between Harry and Susan is well done and refreshing for a change in that the characters actually talk about relationship-related stuff in your story, instead of the usual obliviousness.

I wrote this after reading only a third of the chapter (can you tell I feel quite strongly about this?), so I'll continue now.


PS: just noticing the bottom of your Author's Note: Please take note that 'cannon' is a large artillery gun, while 'canon' is the original material that exists about a work of fiction, in contrast to 'fanon', which is what fans contributed to it. This misspelling is another pet peeve of mine and I wanted to alert you to it, in case it is a simple case of ignorance.

JBern replied:

Yeah, gotta fix the cannon crap!   As for Ginny, in so many stories, she is a take charge hell on wheels kind of girl.   I wanted to go for a real youngest child and only girl.   I pictured her as slightly coddled and overprotected by her mother and she has never really known loss before in her life.   Percy dies and she takes her guilt/anger out on Harry.   He could save Susan, why couldn't he save Percy?

More on Ginny later...


Viridian posted a comment on Tuesday 7th November 2006 6:21am for End of the Line

Nice take on things. Having Ginny blow her chance with that emotional reaction is one of the more realistic ways to scuttle things for her. The end of line manipulations is even craftier. Remus is going to be a while getting out of the doghouse for this one.

I've seen "Sirius's will done by a portrait" before, so I'm not sure if this was the first, but the extra bit about the luxuries therein was hilarious.

Narcissa was hilariously over the top. Definitely related to Sirius in this story.

Saint Lily may be a cliche, but it does have some basis in canon. Her sacrifice *is* a matter of canon. But I'll reserve opinion until I see how you run this.

JBern replied:

Whoops!   I thought I had responded to this one already.   Apparently, not.   Hopefully you have seen I how did chapter 9.   Lily's willingness to sacrifice herself was never a question.   How many others she would be willing to sacrifice is a whole different question.~Jim

Amamama posted a comment on Tuesday 7th November 2006 5:30am for End of the Line

Now this is and interesting twist. Lily took love potions to fall in love with James? At least one of them loved the other dearly. I kind of like the trashing you give Ginny. This kind of behaviour is indeed more in line with an overly protected girl her age. Way cool! So, I have a feeling there's a Harry/Susan marriage contract waiting around the corner. A Sirius portrait is just perfect, hope he'll manage to be serious every now and then.

Thanks for sharing!

JBern replied:

Well it's only alleged.   I gave the readers enough info to draw their own conclusions.   Too often in fanfiction, Ginny is this awesome kick butt and take names girl.   Instead, I wanted to give a realistic 14 almost 15 year old with an infatuation on our hero.~Jim

KenF posted a comment on Monday 6th November 2006 11:12pm for End of the Line

Well, that's a different take on James and Lily. I kinda like it. And Cissy was a riot... poor Voldie has just taken one in the back of the neck (financially speaking) and doesn't even know it yet.

JBern replied:

One thing that always bugs me is that James and Lily are saints.   I don't know too many people in their early twenties that are/were saints.   I strive for believability and realism in this story.   I searched for a valid reason why the Dursleys would hate Harry so much, but not to the point that they would get rid of him.~Jim