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fyrecat posted a comment on Monday 22nd December 2008 4:53pm for The Things We Do For Love

Shit! That's damned low. Using Harry's parents against him that way. Disgustingly brilliant.

I decided to take a few notes as I was reading to pass on to you. I probably should have been doing this since chapter 1, but oh well. If you want me to go back and edit all the chapters, let me know.

"Seconds later, he was skimming the treetops of the forbidden forest and staying low to stay out of site."
'Site' = location. Should be 'sight' = vision.

“What exactly does this ritual involved?” Should be 'involve' - it has not happened yet.

"I figure I’ll use the wall her by the steps" - here by the steps

"He didn’t realize how stress she was under." - how much stress

"Had James Potter had ever felt the same way?" - eliminate the 2nd 'had'

"...knowing it doesn’t make her immune from the heartache."
- OK, A) in this context "...didn't make her..." B) one can be immune TO something or saved FROM something. not the other way around. I'd suggest a rewording.

JBern replied:

If I weren't so busy, I'd pull this thing up and really clean it up, but I've got way too much going on right now.  Thanks for all the corrections.  I do appreciate it.~Jim

KingsleyforPM posted a comment on Sunday 5th August 2007 8:09pm for The Things We Do For Love

Oh well, fuck the French. I never cared for them much anyway. here here!

JBern replied:

Narcissa is quite enjoyable to write.  Thanks for the review.~Jim

Frank Hacklander posted a comment on Thursday 31st May 2007 1:13am for The Things We Do For Love

Problems with syntax/sentence construction still crop up every now and again such as the example below:

"Trixie will be ablest to be freely"

Occasionally you also use the possessive form when instead you wish to use the plural.

but these are just quibbles. it's interesting that in your response to reviews, you've suggested that you view harry, neville and draco all as harry variants and that they (or some of them) are on a collision course. it will be interesting to see how you allow the collision to play out.

neville is developing in surprising ways. why did you not include a scene wherein harry let neville know that he recovered neville's mother? will neville use pansy as a plaything? neville also appears to be a bit cold about harry and susan. is it possible that he will consider them impediments to progress that must be removed?

i like your voldie. some great lines. i'm not altogether sure i get the REVENANTS for the blood betrayer. given the history, strikes me as something that backfire on old voldie.

regardless, waiting for the next chapter. thx.

JBern replied:

Still working on my so-so mechanics.  Thanks for reminding me that I still need to get better.  The train wreck of characters will happen within the next two chapters, I promise.  So much to do and so little time.  Next chapter in 2 weeks.~Jim

 

Infin1x posted a comment on Tuesday 29th May 2007 3:36am for The Things We Do For Love

Every new story and author I read on FFA makes me even happier that i found it. Each author seems to have something interesting they bring and this is no different. This is the single best writing of Voldieshorts I have ever read. Well maybe it's a tie with a story about the psychiatrist, Voldemort and his evil stuffed bear Patches. There are plenty of stories where Neville buckles down and becomes a serious player but I don't think I have ever seen it done quite like this. I must compliment you on the H/S so few authors take the time to have a proper progression when pairing Harry with a small canon character and just have them fall magically in love. However if I remember one thing from this fic it will be Pettigrew: The Motivational Speaker.

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliments.  I'm glad you have enjoyed the story thus far.  I almost killed Peter last chapter, vice Lestrange, but I'm glad I didn't - especially when I have something else planned.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Monday 28th May 2007 4:41am for The Things We Do For Love

I don't really need to say that much other than, thanks for the mention in the acknowledgements.

I like the addition to the chapter, I think it rounds it off slightly nicer than Neville controlling Pansy. Especially now as we're wondering what the hell Lilly Potter now is!

Thanks for writing!
Monkey

JBern replied:

Well, I appreciate all the assistance you have given.  Glad you enjoyed the extra touches to the chapter.  Next update this week.~Jim

Karenelaine posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 8:09pm for The Things We Do For Love

This is probably the most realistic story I have read yet. Its kind of disturbing. I'm not sure that Harry can defeat Voldemort. He might have to become somewhat like Voldemort to defeat him. That connect with the dementors might be a way to do it, but it would appear that Harry would lose himself in the process.
I hope I can actually read the next chapter.

JBern replied:

There's no guarantee that Harry's going to win...

Seriously, glad you enjoy my take on a realistic Wizarding War, where the lines between light and dark start to blur.~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 6:58pm for The Things We Do For Love

That final scene fixed my only problem with this chapter. Loved Harry's "Acme" way of fighting and "The state of reanimation practice in Europe was truly deplorable." was a terrific line. Loved the ending to this. More please.

JBern replied:

Thanks bunches for your comments.  More coming this week.~Jim

skulLXeon posted a comment on Wednesday 23rd May 2007 5:58pm for The Things We Do For Love

Damn... i lost track of the chapters and i was already starting to click on the NEXT link when i realized... that i'd read most of it...
i have to say... its a very good story... at first, i skipped it in order to read bungle in the jungle cause i thought it'd be like one of those Super Harry fics where he outta nowhere has abilities and starts pimp slappin voldemort... but after reading bungle, i said alright... lets see... its a good story... and i must say, the way that voldemort is portrayed here makes alot more sense.... he's more realistic... he is a dark lord and stuff, so i can't say i'm not surprised at the plans he unleashes .... and i gotta say... the light side is definitely in need of... something.... cause for every victory they suffer an even worst loss....
but good fic nonetheless... i'll be on the look out for another update to this.... while i go in search of another great fic... =D adios for now... and see you around....

JBern replied:

Thanks for giving the story a try.  Next update coming this week.  I like writing a realistic Voldemort.  Too many make him a cartoonish villain with no real depth.~Jim

warpwizard posted a comment on Monday 21st May 2007 7:16pm for The Things We Do For Love

Wow. Nasty, dark chapter. You make me suspend my disbelief. Bravo.

JBern replied:

Glad you appreciate a story where the lines between Dark and Light begin to blur.~Jim

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Monday 21st May 2007 2:49am for The Things We Do For Love

Wow!

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim

Crys posted a comment on Monday 21st May 2007 1:53am for The Things We Do For Love

Wow, the whole situation is getting messier and messier . . .

Not a criticism of you at all. The writing is good. Just four major situations to keep track of and only one of them is even partially under Harry's control (the attack on the deez HQ). Nev's still going down his path, Merlin knows what LV is up to, and Narcissa is dealing with her situation but it's still a mess.

Still a dark story, but it is excellent.

Hmm. That thing with Lily at the end could be bad for Harry or be bad for LV (if the ritual screwed up somehow. Or was blocked by her sacrifice).

Anyway, looking forward to more.

JBern replied:

Fortunately, the 'mess' is tidying itself up nicely.  Cissy's on her way to Hogwarts.  Harry and Nev are already there.  So things will get a lot less cluttered.  (I almost wrote the whole Charlie/Cissy thing as an independent side story.  In retrospect it was long enough to probably warrant it.)

If I ever do a sweeping rewrite of it at some point, I'd probably do that and turn it into it's own story.

Stay tuned for more on the ritual.~Jim

jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Monday 21st May 2007 1:27am for The Things We Do For Love

Awesome chapter!!!! I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. Of course the wait for the updates is always worth it because you make it worth it. I still don't think that having Harry's parents come back to life as zombies will do anything exept enrage Harry which it already has done but I'll wait and see what happens next. DO keep up the awesome work and update soon please:):):):)

JBern replied:

Remember what the Voodoo Queen said.  Necromancy without the Blood Magic is just makin de zombies.  They apparently used lots and lots of Blood Magic this time around...

Jim

fraupapst posted a comment on Sunday 20th May 2007 10:40pm for The Things We Do For Love

This was a very scary chapter. What happened to Charlie is horrible, and that ritual gives me the creeps. I liked how you went into the risks and sacrifices involved in using Dark Magic. Bearing in mind that Lily had dabbled in Blood Magic herself, the results of the Revenant ritual can go any way, I think. I'd like it if it was something neither Lily nor Voldemort would have wanted.

JBern replied:

Thanks.  Glad I can give you the woolies.  Just you wait and see what happens to the Revenant...~Jim

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Sunday 20th May 2007 7:53am for The Things We Do For Love

Hmm, I suspect Voldemort isn't going to appreciate Harry's actions any more than Harry is going to appreciate Tom's; I suspect, though, that if Tom's attack doesn't work, he's going to have one coldly dangerous foe coming after him.

The other vignettes definitely were interesting, Neville seems to be moving from Light to, at least, Gray, with fair rapidity. I can understand it, to a degree, but he's going to endanger more than servants of the Dark if he keeps this up. I think Harry's maturing in his personal relationship with Susan as well as his professional one with Tonks.

Finally, the way Narcissa is dealing with the threats facing her is most illuminating, there's obviously a very strong bond between her and Charlie. Now, Madame Delacourt really needs to stop and think, it was a Frenchwoman who betrayed Fleur and brought about her demise, if she's pissed at anyone, it should be that girl's family for not raising her better.

JBern replied:

Grieving parents sometimes assign the blame in the strangest places...

For the people fighting the war, no one is ever happy.  Except maybe Neville, but his sanity is questionable at the moment!

Glad you liked the maturing side of Harry realizing that his actions do indeed affect those around them.~Jim

Vongsawat posted a comment on Saturday 19th May 2007 9:44pm for The Things We Do For Love

love~ cant wait for the next update. still think Bungle in the Jungle is the better fic tho lol.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoy it.  Still, I started this story first and I want to see it brought to the conclusion that's been in my head for a year and a half.~Jim

Alorkin posted a comment on Saturday 19th May 2007 12:30pm for The Things We Do For Love

Well, that was...disturbing. I like your version of Voldemort, He's bot intelligent and ruthless. (I wonder...does it mean someone is ruthfull if he allows his enemies to live?)

The dark ritual was well explained, including the personal costs associated. For some reason most authors seem to feel that the laws of cause and effect have no place n magic. the oldest fairy tales i recall had clear examples. I suppose the message just got lost. thank you for bringing it back home.

Now that Alice Rosmerta and the unnamed hostage are returned, (i wonder what happened to Frank?) and Riddle manor is a smoking hole int eh ground, nicely done, that! What wi9ll Voldyface do. He ain't gonna be happy that he's lost at least one of his senior DE's and several minor lackeys not to mention his prisoners.

I eagerly await the next chapter of 'To fight The Coming Darkness'. Alorkin

JBern replied:

I take a lot of pride in this version of Voldemort.  He's the villain that he should have been in the real series instead of a gross and cartoonish creature.  If all he ever does is sit on the throne and torture his followers, how did he ever rise to the top to begin with?

I agree there should be a personal cost in using powerful magic.  It shouldn't just be a few things and your done.

Frank Longbottom, well, you'll just have to wait and see...

Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Saturday 19th May 2007 5:48am for The Things We Do For Love

Wow, there are a lot of pebbles rolling down the mountain now it will be interesting to see what crops up in the landslide at the bottom. Thanks for writing. W.

JBern replied:

Nice analogy.  Still, I picture it as a wildfire with whatever is standing after the inferno to be worthy of note...~Jim

Lufio posted a comment on Saturday 19th May 2007 5:12am for The Things We Do For Love

Whoa. So many new things here that I've not run across often in other stories. Enjoying the Delacour family being hostile yet likeable. The detailed inclusion of voodoo elements, too. The accents were amusing.

I'm glad it's not just Harry's side that's bringing their game to another level. Neville is pushing his own agenda. It was him that had the house elf look for an item right? Voldemort's making use of his Potter blood. I'm hoping this will all come to a conclusion soon.

JBern replied:

You are correct.  Bessie was assigned to Neville by Sprout a few chapters ago.  Just goes to show you what careless orders can do...

I'm glad you enjoy the different takes such as the inclusion of Voodoo.  I hope to keep the ride lively until the very last chapter.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Saturday 19th May 2007 2:26am for The Things We Do For Love

Twists and turns aplenty.

Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

JBern replied:

Thanks.  I hope to keep the roller coaster ride going into the very last chapter.~Jim

Patches posted a comment on Friday 18th May 2007 7:52pm for The Things We Do For Love

Oh this doesn't sound good. I can't imagine how Harry will react to Voldemort using his parents against him. Thank you for this update. I look forward to more. p

JBern replied:

Depends on if Harry survives what Tom has in store for him....Jim