To Fight the Coming Darkness
By JBern
Personally, I like the way you worked Neville in. He's the epitome of "quiet bravery." Story is very well done. I like it!
Thanks for the early review. I wonder how your opinion of Neville will change over the story?
Regards,
Jim
Bill and Harry seem to have an easy friendship. t is difficult that say how biased Snape's evaluation was, so it will be interesting to see how Harry's abilbities turn out. Weasley's arrived and immediately smother Harry. I like how you pointed that out; Harry doesn't seem the type to be comfortable with a lot of physical affection. Let the circus begin, huh?
I like Bill. He's my favorite Weasley as indicated by my other story. Let the circus begin indeed...~Jim
"He mentioned it might be best to read the title of the book first and if it sounds the least bit sinister to not pick it up."
Now you know in the real world it's going to be 'Jill and Jane go to the Market' that takes your hand off. ;)
I like what I've read so far.
Glad you are enjoying the story so far. It should get even better. If you like gritty realism with a bodycount, you should enjoy. Though hopefully you don't think I kill just for the sake of killing characters off.~Jim
Why do Susan Bones feel guilty using hot water? I mean, it's not like wizards are using gas or electricity to warm water, aren't they?
The magic probably takes time to replenish the hot water. I am guessing there has to be some limits on household magic.~Jim
This is so very different from the mainstream of sixth year fics.
Congratulations!
You are fleshing out the third tier of Potter-positive students in and around Harry's year that have names but only that to distinguish them from 'third student on the left.'
Well done.
I probably could have completely eliminated chapter 5 without disrupting the story at all, I liked the part with Terry and Marietta showing that non-wealthy purebloods are limited in choices. Oddly enough the story was originally conceived as Harry with Marietta as the love interest.~Jim
"...my house was attacked by Death Eaters."
"Death Eater’s attacked my house last night!"
I apologize for my tone, but please, pick one! Apostrophe's never make thing's plural. I really really love where you're going with this story -- it's wholly unique and a joy to follow... but little
things like this are widespread, and make the difference between a good story and an amazing one. Thanks for the quick postings!
I accept your criticsm, but please remember mistakes do happen. The early chapters of the story were not as heavily betaed as the later chapters. When I finish the story I will go back and quality check it. Unfortunately since this story is scattered on three different computers, I ran into some issues gathering all the chapters into one spot on one computer. What I thought was a betaed chapter wasn't when it was posted. I am paying more attention to this as a result.
After chapter 7 I finally did get a beta and she's been with me since. She's pretty good at catching things, but she is also a volunteer. As things are reported to me, I make an effort to fix them and as my story continues my 'mechanics' have gotten better.~Jim
Good story so far. I like the more realistic views you have on some things. Thanks for writing it.
Thanks. I have to run back and do some QA. Apparently, I put up some of the unbetaed chapters with bad spelling and no scene breaks. Oops. The other chapters up to 25 are on ficwad and ff.net. They should be up by the weekend.
Jim
This looks like a decent start to the story, but it's highly annoying that you don't have anything recognizable as scene breaks, and that you keep spelling Hermione's name as Hermoine.
That's my bad! Posting the story so long ago, I have copies of the chapters scattered around on 3 different machines. I grabbed on of the ones that hadn't been betaed by accident. I am working on correcting the mistakes.
*slinks away to hide his humiliation*
Jim
Are you editing stuff when posting the chapters here or are the chapters same as those on fanfiction.net?
For the most part they are the same, but I am trying to do some editing and cleaning up.
Jim
Great story thus far! Can't wait to read more. :)
Thanks. I should have all 25 of the current chapters up by the end of the week, but I still have to do chapter 14 of my other story. Like I said in other replies, if you can't wait it is up on ficwad and ff.net. Just remember to leave a review there.~Jim
I love how you're portraying Neville and all the other characters who seem sidelined in canon and most fics. And biscuits and gravy isn't just a southern thing, ya know! It's also quite popular throughout the midwest and mountain states (pretty much everywhere a hot'n'hearty breakfast is needed when the snow blows outside)... Actually, the only places I've been to where it seems to be a rarity are larger cities on the eastern end of the midwest (Louisville, Kentucky springs to mind - I spend a week there and couldn't find that on the menus until we stopped at a tiny, little diner on our last day).