By JBern
Reviews
Sheepstamper posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 11:20pm
It's interesting to see the way the Harry is hiding his past summer?? Good chapter..
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you liked it.~Jim
Wolfric posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 4:43pm
Great chapter. I like the Bloody Baron being a Potter. It is good to see Harry getting a little action, you seem to have a knack for action sequences. If Harry gets into the Triwizzard Tournement there should be some to come, not to mention a little Slytherin bashing along the way. Thanks for writing. W.
JBern replied:
Thank you for the compliments. I hope you'll enjoy what I have planned for the TWT.~Jim
IceBlades posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 3:21pm
Oi, Potter's got an in with the ghosts!!!! Sweet... Great chapter!
Nice battle. I like the ice spear. How did you come up with the incantation?
JBern replied:
I usually use an english to latin translator site. Glad you liked the chapter.~Jim
Mesterio posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 2:53pm
awesome chapter, cant wait for the next.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you liked it. Next chapter in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 2:39pm
I liked this chapter a lot. It seems this story is getting better with every chapter.
Action scene, like all of your action scene's, is well done. Enough detail to get a mental image, but not enough to make the action seem slow. Honestly, you do action scenes as well or better than any fan fic author I've ever read, and as well as quite a few published authors too.
Characters are very well done. None of them seem out of character at all.
Harry's approach to Snape is perfect. Sun Tzu would approve.
Fleur's introduction will probably be a major point in the story. Will it be lust at first sight for Harry? Or disdain? Could go either way, can't imagine Harry reacting well to a "little boy" comment.
If it's lust at first sight, perhaps Harry will actually enter the tournament himself as a potential Hogwart's champion. It'd be pretty humorous if he came out of the GoF as both the Hogwarts champion as well as the fourth school champion via Crouch. Can't imagine that he will enter though, he probably wants to avoid scrutiny as well as life and death situations. Even Fleur might not be enough to even it out.
The Baron being a Potter is interesting. Wonder where that will lead. Info against the Slytherins and Snape? Or something more?
JBern replied:
I'm pleased you think so. If you're the author I think you are, then allow me to say that I am also enjoying your story about Harry as a graduated Slytherin who is planning to run for the Minister of Magic. Anyone else reading this, I recommend you give that story a try look for The Minister, by Android Knight 47 on ff.net.
I think you'll enjoy the what I have planned for the Baron and the tournament.~Jim
jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 2:36pm
Outstanding chapter!!!! Wow who knew the Bloody Baron was related to Harry thats something I wasn't expecting but loved anyways. I agree with you about the Quidditch thing and I also agree with you about School VS School Tournament and the Knowledge Bowl thing sounds very interesting. The whole thing of the Tri-Wizard Tournament reminds me of back when I was in Military school grade 11 in the United States when we had this compatition against a few other schools. Do keep up the outstanding work and update soon please:):):):)
JBern replied:
That's what I thought about what inter-school activities. Most of them will just be mentioned in passing as HJ will be a bit busy.
I think you'll be pleased with what I have in mind for the TWT.~Jim
Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 2:14pm
I like the inter-school contests you're describing as they make a lot of sense in context, a lot more sense than just the three events described in Book 4. I figure HJ is playing with fire, in several areas, here but juggling matters. I loved that last bit of advice from the Hat, I do wonder -how- long ago a Potter was sorted in Slytherin, or was he? I could imagine his ghost getting assigned to Slytherin House as a penalty for something done during his life. Definitely an interesting and different story, here.
JBern replied:
The Baron's story will be covered next chapter. I think you'll be happy with what I have in mind. Next update in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
Princess Fictoria posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 1:30pm
This is a fabulous chapter! I loved the battle and the way HJ covered his tracks. His strategy for Snape is genious. I hope he is able to keep Albus off of his tale.
Total whoa on the bombshell you dropped at the end, though I do have to love the mouth on that hat!
Look forward to more, keep em coming!
JBern replied:
Thank you. Glad you liked it. HJ will have to stay on his toes though...~Jim
Crys posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 1:10pm
That Hat is your evil alter-ego, isn't it?
*chuckle* Lots of fun stuff all over the place in here. Thanks for the by turns action, utter cluelessness of AD, and all sorts of fun chapter.
JBern replied:
The Hat says all the things that I wish I could say.~Jim
Mark Blaine posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 12:51pm
Well done! Looking forward to a properly wanded Neville raising a ruckus. And Ginny's response.
JBern replied:
Don't look for a sudden change in Neville. He's a little too timid still. Let's call him a work in progress.~Jim
MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 12:03pm
Another great chapter, I see you scamed out of the Sorting Hat’s song. I like the touch of the first letter spelling out something. I would love to see Hermione's reaction of Harry showing her what it spells out. It would be quite a laff. I think HJ needs to realize that he may have the memories of an adult, know one but the hat knows so he should deffently use it to his advantage. He does not have to go out and shag every girl. But there is nothing wrong with a little companionship and some snogging.
MPF
JBern replied:
I don't think I could have done a song the justice required of it, so I went a different route.
HJ just can't bring himself to go after a girl that he could use and abuse.
Now an attractive of age part Veela is a different story altogether.~Jim
Blackstone4005 posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 10:32am
Though I'm bitterly disapponted to have missed the 'witch from Nantuckett' sorting song, I am more than thrilled with the anagram equivalent. HAT is becoming my favorite character. His insults are wonderfully original.
I enjoy the Katie/Ginny rivalry too.
The World Cup was a nice spin on the original version. Thanks for not having Harry recover after quaffing a single potion. I've always thought that there should be more recovery time after some of the injuries Harry gets subjected to along the way.
Thanks for another great read.
JBern replied:
Like I told MPF, I don't know if I could have done the song justice without taking a month or so to do it. I believe even magic has it's limits - even the Healing variety.~Jim
Amamama posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 10:07am
Great chapter - this is just soo good. Yay to HJ eeling his way out of Snape's class, the brilliant arguments about elves he gave Hermione, his talking back at the trial, verbally punching Malfoy jr...
SO - the Bloddy Baron is Lord Baron William Potter? Now that's interesting. You will tell us more about it, won't you? And I'm really pleased you're adding some inter-school activities during the Tournament. The hat is just incredible - good for Harry to have that one on his side.
Thanks a bunch! :)
JBern replied:
Glad the chapter caught your interest. More on the Baron next chapter.~Jim
GaelicDragon posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 10:00am
ok...
That ending just landed me in a mental trainwreck.
JBern replied:
Oh.
Sorry about that. I'll clean up the mess in about 2-3 weeks.~Jim
Greg Johnson posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 9:30am
Another great chapter! I eagerly await the next one. Keep up the good work. :)
JBern replied:
Glad you're enjoying it.~Jim
dwilken posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 9:23am
Great stuff, young man! Love reading a story and feeling disgustingly cheerful at the end. My only point of sadness was that the "Sam Kinneson" sorting hat song you'd hinted at didn't really materialize. I'll give you points for your semi-recovery with HJ and the Hat in the infirmary. Just a minor quibble.
HJ's memories show he knew Alastor Moody in his previous life. Sooooo .... are you foreshadowing the possibilility of HJ spotting the polyjuiced Barty Crouch Jr. earlier than "canon" because a certain disguised death eater does something horribly out of character or doesn't remember something he should? That could be a nice, tense, and dangerous scene. (I suspect that you're already cackling with glee over the thought of writing it, you cheerfully cynical sicko, you.)
Since you've already made it clear that this is a Harry/Fleur story, I hope you do her justice similar to your creation in "Bungle in the Jungle" - I rather liked that Fleur. So next chapter: Is it going to be lust at first sight for our anti-hero HJ? Motivation enough to violate the age barrier and put his own name in the hat? :)
And finally: Lord Baron William Potter? Ack! Gag! Barf!
Definitely looking forward to whatever you do with this one,
Doug
JBern replied:
Thank you for a very long review. With the chapter almost at 10k the song would have been difficult. Fleur will be a bit like Fleur in Bungle, but she's younger and has a some flaws of her own. Well, you'll see...~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 9:09am
Great job on this chapter, I found it to be an enormous enjoyment. For one thing, I can appreciate the hat a lot better now that it's not trying to fuck up Harry's life in genuinely nasty ways. I love the interaction with it in this chapter.
Also greatly enjoyable is HJ's plan to get rid of Snape - and what we already have of its execution. I'm going to love HJ stirring up all of Snape's colleagues against him and make his life hell.
I like how HJ deals with with the people around him, for example Hermione, Neville and Madam Pomfrey. He seems to be pretty good at persuasion and it's nice to see him using it to good effect.
Fudge not being totally incompetent is also interesting. Most people just go the easy way and display him as an eternally bumbling idiot who can't tie his own shoelaces with or without the benefit of a wand, but the possibility that he is actually somewhat competent when his position isn't threatened (or when he is busy sticking his head into the sand) is also quite interesting and should make for a more balanced view.
The battle at the World Cup was pretty cool, too. With HJ putting his focus on combat transfiguration, future fight scenes should also be interesting and novel.
The Bloody Baron being of the Potter line is another simple, but inspired idea. I'm looking forward to see what that turns into. Myrtle becoming HJ's girlfriend might be a bit impractical, but the idea becomes workable if HJ decides to learn astral projection and astral travel...
The answer to your Author's Note question is probably that canon!Dumbledore and/or the other parties responsible for organizing the tournament and the other schools' stayovers lack the creativity of modern educators. They probably wouldn't see the point of creating an action-packed schedule of events and contests for the students to face off in, producing a lot of extra (=unnecessary) work for everyone involved. If you decide to have them take a more proactive approach, I certainly won't complain. Your version of the 4th year promises to be very interesting and fun to read.
Quizer
PS: Two small mistakes caught my attention: --But you’ve have you spoken to any elves about this yet?-- and... --while I made sure my I didn’t have a punctured lung.-- Both have excess verbiage which should be disposed of.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the massive review. The Hat knows when to mess with HJ and when to play nicely.
Glad you liked the plan to get rid of Snape. It seems like something JP would do.
I'll fix the two mistakes that managed to get by Zanymuggle. He did an excellent job of catching all my others!
Most of the inter-school activities will just be mentioned in passing, but at least they will be mentioned.~Jim
MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 8:19am
Great chapter!
So many good lines so little review space. I loved the hidden message in the sorting hats song.
It never really occured to me that Hermione's plan with Spew wouldn't work. How would House elves do laundry if they couldn't touch clothes, so very clever and well thought out counter argument.
I keep forgetting its only the beginning of fourth year and that there is still a year until Harry met Tonks in Canon, where she would probably be a full auror.
I love the stuff about helping Frank go after his mother for quashing Neville's confidence so much.
All of the stuff regarding the GoF and the age line really make sense, I like that. It was a little weak in canon that it seemed so easy for Fake Moody to trick the Goblet. Oooh, good question. When Moody appears in your hearing, is he "fake Moody" yet?
Thanks for writing
The Sorting Hat Monkey
JBern replied:
Who do you think obliviated Crabbe Senior? Thansk for the compliments as always.~Jim
Yojo posted a comment on Thursday 12th July 2007 7:10am
Very nice job in the fight: you kept it at a realistic skill level, yet kept it interesting. I was very pleased by your characterizations of Fudge and Malfoy at the trial, as they were both believable and intelligent.
The verbal battle with Snape was a work of art, but I have to ask: who is Sarah Underhill that it would matter to Flitwick about Snape being a DE?
Defusing Hermione was very well thought out, and I praise you for doing something unique with the tournament. So many people just look to Canon blindly and don't use their imaginations: your explanation of why was very well thought out. Keep up the good work.
JBern replied:
Sarah Underhill will become important in later chapters. It's Marauder era stuff that will come to light in the next few chapters.
I believe the more realism that can be injected into a story - the better. Fudge can still be an idiot, but he doesn't have to be a bumbling idiot. You catch my drift...
I've always wondered why Hermione thought by leaving clothes around it would free the House Elves - they're supposed to clean up, so I added the caveat that only giving an elf clothes in anger or for the express purpose of freeing them will do this.
Hopefully, you'll like the tournament. A preview of one of the task is drawn from the Olympic Biathlon. The champions will Apparate around to floating platforms and shoot piercing curses at targets as a test of speed and skill...
Regards~Jim
PerfesserN posted a comment on Friday 13th July 2007 12:27am
JBern replied: