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Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 10:25pm for Utter Chaos

OMFG.

You drove Neville completely off the deep end and then killed him with Draco, of all people. I'm beginning to wonder if this particular story will have anyone survive to see the end!

fyrecat posted a comment on Tuesday 23rd December 2008 6:47pm for Utter Chaos

What poor spell choices Neville made! He should have been using lethal things like cutters and blasters, not bludgeoners and a stupid arrow! Even the fire was a poor choice, people survive fire all the time, but people rarely survive being bisected.
Ah well, thus ends nearly-not-lame longbottom. Too bad, I was actually starting to like Neville with a spine. He even failed to take out Pansy and Daphne. I guess once a looser, always a looser.
OH! that means his line has ended. I wonder what repercussions that will have?

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.~Jim

Andrius posted a comment on Tuesday 28th October 2008 1:02pm for Utter Chaos

Some way to go out... Respect, Neville :)

JBern replied:

I enjoyed writing that part.~Jim

Patches posted a comment on Sunday 18th November 2007 5:11pm for Utter Chaos

Oh this is bad. Poor Neville has snapped. He has driven Pansy to kill Ginny and now he is in big trouble. On top of that Harry and Susan know someone used the necklace to force someone to do things they didn't want to do. His Uncle has fled the castle and Neville has attacked the Slytherins only to be killed himself. That is so sad. I know things are probably gong to become worse before they get better. Thanks for writing. pms

JBern replied:

The Neville story arc was good, but ultimately it did seem to distract from Harry in this story.  In reality, I should have broken it out into it's own story, or broken Charlie/Narcissa into a seperate story.

Still, I'm pleased with the finished product.~Jim

penguins4me posted a comment on Monday 10th September 2007 1:06pm for Utter Chaos

Hehe, I could so see Neville in the cloaked hood. Very revenge of the sith of you. I have not seen crazy bad ass Neville before. But, geez, how many of the Weasleys are you going to kill? I like all the rest of them. Okay, so Ron has his days....

JBern replied:

There's still a few Weasley's left.  There's still a few chapters left.  We'll see.~Jim

Fenris Ulf posted a comment on Tuesday 4th September 2007 1:46am for Utter Chaos

Wow so Neville finally went off the deep end. You have to feel sorry for him in a way as so many outside influences played into this story. Bet Harry is going to feel bad about leaving his uncle alive.

Rob

JBern replied:

Yup.  You guessed it.  After chapter 38, Harry's probably going to feel a lot worse.~Jim

darthme1011 posted a comment on Friday 10th August 2007 7:04pm for Utter Chaos

ginny is dead?

JBern replied:

Yes.  Ginny is dead.  Next chapter coming soon.~Jim

KingsleyforPM posted a comment on Monday 6th August 2007 1:49pm for Utter Chaos

poor neville, good read though, finish pretty please

JBern replied:

Thanks.  Chapter 37 is with my beta for final editing.  It should be out before the weekend.~Jim

DiscountNinja posted a comment on Sunday 5th August 2007 7:53am for Utter Chaos

Damn =) you're one ruthless author, and I more than respect you for that! It's finally nice to see that it's not just the dark side that do bad things - it's surprised me that more characters havn't gone dark in a story (they're generally always already dark and a spy), and it was a real treat to watch Nevilles dissent - his quest for vengence consuming him.

As for the rest of the story, I have a similar amount of awe - it's been open season on everyone and anyone, no knowing for sure who everyone is aligned with, or what clever trap willbe sprung next, with more twists and turns than I could shake a stick at! I greatly enjoyed your breaks from the normal, Neville, Penny, Susan, Peter and Voldy stand out especially =) Fenrir's bit was short, but a work of art while it lasted

Not to mention the way that you're able to draw in what were minor characters and give them a real life and personality (mainly evidenced in the Slytherins and the Death Eaters, but also in some order members and Rufus - I do like his Alice in Wonderland escape method)

I am really looking forward to the next chapter! =)

JBern replied:

Thank you.  My apologies for the tardy reply.  I've been swamped this month.  Chapter 37 is on final editing and will be out by the end of this week.

I'm glad you enjoyed Neville slipping into the abyss.  When I started this story, I wanted to do the HP fanfic equivalent of Saving Private Ryan.  The fact that people have described it as such a disturbing read is actually a compliment.

I hope the story continues to impress you as it draws to a conclusion.~Jim

IceBlades posted a comment on Tuesday 31st July 2007 5:33am for Utter Chaos

Wow. Finaly caught up with this story. Amazing so far. Its too bad Tracey was killed off. It seems like her and Daphne would have been a good team on the light side. I can't wait to see what happens next. I hope that Longbottom dies. No one kills Ginny and gets very far...

Happy Writing!

JBern replied:

Well, there was no guarantee that Tracey and Daphne would align themselves with the light side, but I see your point.  Neville is just as dead as Ginny now.  Next chapter before the end of this week.~Jim

Patches posted a comment on Tuesday 31st July 2007 3:23am for Utter Chaos

Wow! I can't believe that Ginny is dead. That was really unexpected. Neville really went over the edge. Now he is dead and Harry will think he was controlled by Coedus. Will anyone ever know the truth? A really different Neville than I ever imagined. I look forward to more of this story. Thanks for writing. pms

JBern replied:

Death durning war should be random and unexpected.  When I orignally outlined all this months ago, it was supposed to be Hermione getting killed.  Chapter 37 coming soon.~Jim

noylj posted a comment on Sunday 29th July 2007 5:20pm for Utter Chaos

Don't tell me the ferret gets to live!!! You killed off Slyth-cutey and you are going to let Dray live? Bah. Bad enough you killed off Ginny (poor deluded wench), now you are going to get rid of Nev before he completes his task.

JBern replied:

Sadly it happens.  I still need Draco, but considering the story ends in a few chapters, I might not need him that long...~Jim

Meghan posted a comment on Saturday 28th July 2007 3:59pm for Utter Chaos

As unbelievable as I have found Neville's change in character (I guess my view of him as the nice butterball boy just is too hard to sway) you've written him very nicely and explained him very well. Draco was hilarious at the end, those were the perfect choice of words for him.

Eagerly waiting the next installment,
Meghan

JBern replied:

Apologies for the tardy reply.  Thanks for the review.  Chapter 37 is just about done and should be out by the weekend.  I hope it continues to impress you.~Jim

dwilken posted a comment on Saturday 28th July 2007 10:55am for Utter Chaos

[contains a SPOILER to Deathly Hallows]

Jim,

I find myself envious of your sadistic literary imagination. Pansy finding a work-around to Neville's control and killing Ginny, then being ordered to jump to her death; Neville still having Harry Potter envy even as he goes on a mass-murdering spree and Draco Malfoy offing the psycho-herbologist with a pen knife. Hee, hee. Are you saving Draco for an even more sad ending? The thought that his body had been intended to be the new form of Coedus was ... fascinating.

BTW does *anybody* we know and love (hate?) still alive at the end of your fic? Hope so, because I kind of like your Susan Bones character.

[Aside: You may be writing a dark fic, but God help me, I'm getting more entertainment out of TFTCD than "Deathly Hallows". I just finished chapter 16 (Godric's Hollow) and so far I will say that it's not Jo's best work. I will grudgingly admit that it is better - so far - than Half-Blood Prince. Maybe things will improve. Maybe not. I'll find out in time. I took a break from "Deathly Hallows" after the first four chapters and read "Von Neumann's War" by Ringo and Taylor instead. Have you ever considered writing "Posleen/Aldenata Legacy" fanfiction? Seriously, you couldn't possibly do any worse than Ringo's collaboration in "Cally's War".]

Back to TFTCD. I was thinking about the voodoo attack via Lily and James Potter - it wasn't quite clear to me that Harry had perfected a defense against this form of attack. He did his animagus transformation IIRC and neutralized the voodoo James, but I didn't realize it had completely solved the problem. I noted that your Harry appeared to be at full strength this chapter - he certainly had no trouble zinging Coedus the vampire. What did I miss (or forget)? At any rate, in the next few chapters you get to wrap up the vampire sub-tale, the voodoo sub-tale, the Rufus Scrimgeour sub-tale, and a whole slew of other things. I keep reading (and finding entertaining!) this story as you post chapters and God knows what that says about the makeup of my character (a fellow sick-o?). But at the same time I'll be glad when it's over. If that makes any sense.

BTW I did want to compliment you on making Tom Riddle into a capable villain instead of the inane cartoon character that Jo Rowling developed. I always figured that since we see everything from Harry's viewpoint in her story we don't see the full picture. However, in Chapter 1 of "Deathly Hallows" - and no Harry Potter perspective involved - we see Tom Riddle publicly humiliate some of the core of his loyal followers. That is an act of astonishing stupidity by any so-called "leader". *Bad* way to start a book. Put me off anyway.

My compliments on what you did with Narcissa. She's sexy and I like her. I hope she survives your fic as well.

Good grief, this got wordy. Eagerly anticipating "Turn me loose".

-Doug

JBern replied:

Thank you for the very long review.  I apologize for the time it has taken me to reply.  Someone survives to the epilogue.  I can promise that.

I didn't particularly enjoy DH.  It was better than HBP, but that's not a ringing endorsement.  I haven't heard of the fanfic realms you've mentioned.  I'll stick to HP for now.

No, Harry isn't at full strength.  He snapped off a couple of basic spells at Coedus, but he's nowhere close.  Chapter 37 will be out this week and it focuses on how Harry is adjusting to it.

The things I hope people remember from this fic - Voldemort as a real villain, Neville the psycho and the battle scenes.

There's a preview of Turn Me Loose in my section of the forum.  The first chapter will be released in the first week of September.

Thanks again for the compliments~Jim

warpwizard posted a comment on Saturday 28th July 2007 12:16am for Utter Chaos

Nice slaughter. :)

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim

rune1806 posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 8:30pm for Utter Chaos

hi very enyoyable as always.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.~Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 6:11pm for Utter Chaos

Utter chaos indeed! Well at least Harry got a bit of a break this chapter. Something tells me it won't last. Thanks for the chapter. W.

JBern replied:

Yup, but the break is over starting next chapter.~Jim

Alorkin posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 2:25pm for Utter Chaos

Too bad about Ginny. Really it's Neville's fault for not being specific. Pansy was smart to use that to her advantage, took the time to gloat instead of running. Oh well.

Now the secret of the necklace(sounds like a great Disney film!) is out, that particular avenue is blocked from further use.

That uncle Coedus departed so precipitously was not unexpected. He has always shown a certain penchant for self survival. He's taking an awful chance flying during the day,though.

Scumgouger's hidey-hole is a really good idea. You've made him intelligent, ruthless and ambitious. Wonder what house HE was in?

Your Voldy is getting even more vicious. Nice idea, with the crucification. if that doesn't demoralize the population nothing will. On the other hand, Scrimgeour's 'Miraculous survival/ resurrection' ain't gonna help him any.

Well, it looks like Neville's gone berserker. You developed him well. I wasn't surprised that he'd tried to kill all the snakes, as I believe he lost it some time before. Ginny's death bumped him fully over the edge. Although I disagree with his choices, I can easily understand them. All in all, he died well. (Too bad Drakey poo lived. (I don't like Drakey poo!)

Until next time. And don't worry about book seven. After all, every author makes (HUGE) mistakes form time to time. Alorkin

JBern replied:

Draco isn't out of the woods yet.  No one is.  The best part is that the woods are currently on fire!!!  More coming soon.  Thank you for the long review.  I thought book 7 was better than book 6, but a colon screening was better than book 6...

Hope this story continues to impress you.~Jim

Matt Harris posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 2:04pm for Utter Chaos

The amazing thing about this chapter is how I was rooting for the Slytherins; I never do that. Considering the way the house system works and the fact that students are all armed, makes me wonder if Hogwarts ever had a Columbine like massacre.


I also like how you cut
Rufus Scrimgeour down to size. ;-)

JBern replied:

Glad I got the desired reaction out of you.  Next chapter coming in 2 weeks.~Jim

Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 9:29am for Utter Chaos

First, like I joked on the forum, will anyone survive this story? It seems like there's someone picked off every chapter.

Aside from the constant deaths (but you have that in war), I really like the universe you've created.

I'm really interested in seeing how you bring everything together in the end and finish.

JBern replied:

I'm sure someone will survive - I think....

Glad you can appreciate a story where the good guys might not be so good by the end of it all.~Jim