Lynn Terald posted a comment on Monday 3rd November 2008 1:25pm

Beowulf? That movie makes me shudder, but makes for an entertaining laugh. You had me hooked at the first chapter yesterday.

This is the first and only first person Harry Potter that I like. The way you've crafted this Harry is almost like a what if, could have been and it feels natural when I read this story. "This" Harry has a more adult feel to him and I find that I can relate better and that just enhances the reading experience to a maximum. I wonder what trouble will next find him? It should be an interesting read when he finally meets up with the old snake wart himself. I almost feel sorry for the bastard...not really, I'll enjoy reading the part where Harry kicks his scaly arse to the moon and back too much.

The Hat I especially love. Just the way it is so cynical and vulgar is refreshing. I've never read a story with the hat like you've created and if I ever run across another one I'm sure that it will pale in comparison to yours.

The way you write the relationships was a little odd, but that was because I was comparing it with the original series. When I stepped back and looked at it on its own I could identify where the problems were and I noticed that none of them were over the top. Especially the Weasleys. I can see how most of the males would cluster around the "baby" and want to protect her, but it was just perfect the way Harry got back at the twins at his birthday.

...Anyways, I think I shall end this before I decide to add anymore.

This is a fantastic story and I shall continue on with my reading so I can find out what Harry will get into next. Keep updating and I'll keep reading, I really like the long chapters, too.

JBern replied:

Thank you for the long review.   I'm glad you can appreciate the more adult feel I try to bring to the characters.   I started with the premise of Snape's common complaint that Harry was just like his father and thought, "What if Snape was right?"

People enjoy the Hat, even if the language makes them a bit uncomfortable.

Regards,

Jim

azrael91 posted a comment on Monday 3rd November 2008 8:27am

A good chapter overall, I know you're still really busy right now. I didn't think the conversation with Dumbledore was written as well as it could have been, but other than that it was good.

JBern replied:

Fair enough.   I just didn't want to do the usual "spleen venting" that is all too common when some version of Harry confronts some version of Dumbledore.   HJ knows exactly why he was left with the Dursleys.   He accepted it.   He knows why Dumbledore always stuck up for Snape, but also sees that Snape is now wearing out his welcome.

Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Monday 3rd November 2008 2:47am

Less fireworks from the revelation than I expected. The talk with the headmaster was also different; I did expect an unrepentant Dumbles. Thanks for the surprise.

The dance was nice. Loved the connection between Harry and Fleur.

Looking forward to more. Thanks for the update.

And congratulations on your sale.

Tom A.

JBern replied:

I'm glad you liked the "tired old man" version of Dumbledore looking back at a lifetime of missteps.

Regards,

Jim

joeBob posted a comment on Monday 3rd November 2008 1:18am

Another fan-tabulous chapter. This story is such a joy to read.

It didn't even seem to need editing except for an occasional typo and this bit: "The quick check of my word alliance shows..."

Thanks for the update.

JBern replied:

I'll have to go through and correct a few things.   Thanks for bringing it up.~Jim

CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 2:52pm

Entertaining, even without much action. A little rough around the edges, but I put that down to being unbetaed. Still my favorite fan fiction WIP, and no other fic really comes close.

Vastly prefer this Dumbledore to the manipulative Bungle/Turn me Loose Dumbledore. He's just much more enjoyable to read and seems much closer to canon Dumbledore.

Love how the Harry and Hermione dynamic is developing. You can really see how Harry maturing would cause them to be even better friends. If you had the underwater task, I suspect Hermione might even be the thing Harry would miss the most. Either that or the Hat, but missing an inanimate magical object more than a person would give the impression Harry lacks basic human empathy and emotions, sentient Hat or no sentient Hat.

Fleur seemed a little too tolerant towards Harry, pretty much to the point of being friendly, considering last chapter she was pretty pissed at him. I thought Harry would have to give a half-hearted apology or something before she'd soften again. Maybe for that reason their moment at the end seemed a bit forced to me. They've had that type of conversation before anyway. The "I receive unwanted attention, you receive unwarranted attention, so we're similar" kind of thing.

A little disturbed by Harry continuing to make passes at Aimee even though he is well aware she has a serious boyfriend. It's one thing to attend the ball with her, it's another to blatantly hit on her. I like Aimee too, but one should draw the line somewhere.

The Veela genealogy was an excellent inclusion. The best explanation I've seen thus far.

Here's to hoping you'll decide to update this before Turn me Loose.

JBern replied:

No, I'll be on TML 10 in a day or two.   Thanks for the compliments and the criticisms.   Glad you liked my take on Veelas.~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 11:20am

Huh. I'm kinda surprised HJ ever told DD the truth. :-)

Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

JBern replied:

HJ figured it had to come out some time and right when Snape is caught conspiring with Karkaroff is about as good as any.~Jim

Bedrup posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 10:32am

You uphold a very standard of storytelling in all your rales. This is awesome. Really like the report you ´ve got going between HJ and Hermione.

JBern replied:

Thanks for the compliments.~Jim

Zicou posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 7:32am

Great, great and very great!
Continuuuuuuuuuuuue!
Z.

JBern replied:

I'll trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

drkjester posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 7:01am

Love the chapter. I have missed this story and found myself jumping for joy when I received the update. Keep it up. The moment between Fluer and Harry was incredible.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I figured that I should at least cast off this "ship" at some point.~Jim

amulder posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 6:49am

second read through found a minor typo: "And what is there punishment" should be "their"

...art

JBern replied:

Yeah, that happens to me more times than I'd like.   Thanks.~Jim

HopelessFan posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 6:06am

i was thrilled to see an update. i'm on pins and needles waiting for the "whirlwind" to hit, but i understand you aren't exactly being paid for this :-p

thanks for your time and energy in bringing this story alive for us.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   More coming soon.~Jim

Ken Warner posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 5:06am

Dear Jim,
great chapter, especially for an unbeta'd work, you pretty much do not seem to need them any more.

I liked the more mature and kinder Harry, with his help to Neville, Aimee and Fleur, as well as the conversation with Hermione.

thanks so much for sharing

JBern replied:

Considering that you're one of them, I definitely still need them, but my prose is improving.   Glad you appreciated the maturing version of HJ.~Jim

Lee Dickie posted a comment on Sunday 2nd November 2008 1:46am

Another great chapter, thanks.

JBern replied:

Thanks for reviewing.~Jim

Ltank687 posted a comment on Saturday 1st November 2008 8:28pm

awesome, been checking every day for an update. thanks!

JBern replied:

You can sign up for email alerts.   It's easier that way.   Thanks for the review.~Jim

Anthony May posted a comment on Saturday 1st November 2008 7:19pm

J-Bern, I must say I love this story. I love Hat - you have given him a dimension that brings great depth and humor to the story. Fleur is wonderful - all your characters are great and few could match your story telling.(Not just in FanFiction but all authors, including NY Times BestSellers) Keep up the great work, can't wait for the next update to all of your works! - Anthony E. May

JBern replied:

Thanks for the compliments.   I hope you'll feel that way when Dead Eye finally makes it's debut and buy a copy.

I posted an original work on this site today.   Tell me what you thought of it when you get a chance.~Jim

kainboa posted a comment on Saturday 1st November 2008 7:14pm

great chapter as usual, loved how Harry came clean with Dumbledore and then got all his expectations of how the meeting would go blown out of the water.

keep up the great work :)

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   Thanks for the review.~Jim

jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Saturday 1st November 2008 6:47pm

Outstanding chapter!!!! So who did Lily cheat on James with???? I hope it wasn't snape that would just be wrong on all levels!!!! Will we be seeing Harry and Fleur getting together at some point???? Are Krum and Paulina dating or was she just a one time date???? I loved Harry's insults to Paulina and Krum all at the same time!!!! Do keep up the outstanding work and update soon please!!!!:):):):)

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   It was revealed in an earlier chapter that Remus and Lily had a brief fling shortly before James and Lily went into hiding.   Odds are yes since this is a HJ/Fleur ship.   Krum and Paulina?   Perhaps.

I put an original piece up on ffa today - hope you get a chance to enjoy it.~Jim

Kaerion posted a comment on Saturday 1st November 2008 6:40pm

Another excellent chapter!

I have to admit that I've been wondering when HJ would confide in Dumbledore (and even if he would at all), so that conversation was a nice surprise. Assuming that he was honest, and I see no reason not to at this point, this Dumbledore is very close to how I see canon!Dumbledore, which was also a nice surprise. I have no idea how this story will turn out in the future, or even how long you plan on making it, but if HJ and Dumbledore do get to cooperate more closely after the Tournament is over, I can only imagine how awesome that will be. It's also becoming clear that Dumbledore has lost a lot of trust in Snape over the course of the year, which is nothing but great news. It's fairly obvious that having Snape out of his immediate control could end up being a bad thing, but having him *too* close (especially when he's also more or less trusted) could lead to even worse consequences, so overall, I'd say HJ's plan to get him out of Hogwarts (and hopefully into Azkaban or an early grave) will end up being a net positive.

I know I've mentioned it before, but you also keep impressing me with the slow build-up of HJ and Fleur's relationship. Something like that seems to be almost extinct in most fics these days, so it's a true pleasure! I will admit to being slightly impatient, and hoping that they'll actually get together soon, but I'm enjoying this too much to ever complain about it, and the way you've chosen is much more suitable anyway. And in combination with the relationships between HJ and his other friends (Hermione and Aimee in particular), and all the action, this is an incredibly wonderful fic on all levels.

As much as I've loved this fic from the very beginning, I actually didn't imagine that it would eclipse Bungle, but it has, and I can honestly say that this is now easily my most favorite WIP.

So thanks for writing, congratulations on yet another sale, and keep up the great work! :)

JBern replied:

Thanks for the compliments.   I am trying to realistically build a relationship between 14 yr old HJ and 17 yr old Fleur that doesn't involve the words soul bond or male veela.

Hopefully you enjoyed my take on the whole pureblooded Veela thing.

Now back to work on TML 10.

warpwizard posted a comment on Saturday 1st November 2008 4:58pm

Good stuff. Much revelation. Good character interaction. Fic continues to grow on me, slowly.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you liked it.~Jim

Jon posted a comment on Saturday 1st November 2008 4:48pm

A rather maudlin chapter, but nontheless I sense that you're building up for the next "arc". What will be in the next chapter, the world wonders? =)

Thanks for updating!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   There are those pesky dragons in the forest to take care of...