By JBern
Reviews
Jizzle posted a comment on Tuesday 8th July 2008 6:15am
Woah, rereading, I see that you totally foreshadowed switching spells for the duel with Krum. That's impressive as all hell.
I like how this chapter ends, too.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Still catching up on my replies.
Jizzle posted a comment on Monday 7th July 2008 8:47pm
"only the most rudimentary Transfiguration and Conjuration is beyond his capacity to conceal." needs to be either "even the...beyond..." or "only...within his..."
I like how you define Tonks very well with so few lines.
Rereading this chapter, I'm very curious as to when/if Harry will take Arthur up on his offer. That should be interesting. And again, I really like your Arthur.
"I made sure my I didn’t have a punctured lung." The "my" shouldn't be there.
I like how you bring up the name "Sarah Underhill" out of nowhere, even if it is a bit of disconcerting. But maybe that's just because I've been watching Twin Peaks for the first time. That show drops pieces of information out of nowhere in a way that show they're important without immediately explaining why, and it does it all the time.
Harry shouldn't be kicking himself for nearly calling Lupin Remus. When they parted, Lupin asked him to call him Remus or Mooney.
JBern replied:
Good points on the grammar. I'll fix them at some point.~Jim
Jizzle posted a comment on Monday 7th July 2008 8:07pm
Luna's eyes are gray. For the love of god, why is that mistake everywhere? Honestly, I've seen more blue eyed Lunas then I can count. It's weird.
Speaking of Luna and thinking about the rest of the story, there really isn't enough Luna. Then again, there never is.
I absolutely love your Arthur here. Spot on character wise and a great counter balance to the dickery of most of the other Weaslys.
I love this line: " I’m so crushed by the news, that I almost miss the sincerity in the Hat’s apology." It so perfectly but subtly conveys what HJ is feeling. Very well done.
You use one too many "probably"s in that last paragraph. I mean, it's not incorrect or anything, but it just sounds awkwardly repetitive to me.
JBern replied:
Again, more comments I can use. Thank you.~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Sunday 6th July 2008 10:48am
Excellent chapter as always. Nice to see Kwan and Collins in spectacular action. My favorite part though was HJ's threat to the dementor.
The Hat is as amusing as ever especially with his comment demanding more entertainment. That still has me laughing.
JBern replied:
Wow! It's hard to believe I am over 6 weeks behind on my replies. Sorry about that. At least chapter 15 is now up for your entertainment.~Jim
Philly Homer posted a comment on Saturday 5th July 2008 7:34am
Damnit! Once again I'm late to the update party. Let's move on the actual review. A good chapter, even if it's a little fast paced, with a fantastic ending.
The dementor scene was to be honest with you a cluster fuck, which is exactly how it should be. When you are getting attacked by Dementors, without a wand, there should be a hectic feeling, and that came across well. I don't know if this was intentional on your part or not, but I happened to like it.
Fawkes helping Harry was a bit disappointing. I have seen it in canon, and a lot of it in fanon, to the point where it's gotten old. The bit with how the Ministry controls Dementors was cool, though. I'm surprised that Harry couldn't produce a Patronus, he has been in enough life/death situations, that he should have been ale to keep his composure and produce a Patronus. I can see your reasoning, as to why he wouldn't be able to do so, but I disagree with it.
I definitely didn't see the Agrippa Manos assassination attempt coming. However, it was very refreshing to see someone else being targeted, for once, instead of HJ. The fact that Agrippa owes HJ a favor has me giddy with excitement, and I eagerly await how he uses it. I'm not a huge fan, like others, of the Kwan and Collins cameo, but I can appreciate it as long as they are kept on the backburner.
The blame game between politicians was fun to read, and Fudge actually coming off with the better end amused me. Amelia Bones being knocked down didn't hurt either, especially since you don't see it much. The trio interaction was fine, though I didn't particularly enjoy it, but that is due to my personal hatred of the beaver and the retard.
The ending was definitely full of win. I could clearly picture Fleur's face as HJ put the bitch in her place. I look forward to moar, Jbern!
JBern replied:
Apologies for being over 6 weeks late on my reply. Real life - what can you do? I'm glad you appreciated the chapter. See you on DLP.~Jim
The Midnight Poster posted a comment on Friday 4th July 2008 1:41pm
Ok, just to be sure, this is a Harry and Fleur shipping right? Because it looks like this it turning into a sipping disaster.
Still loving the story though.
JBern replied:
Yup that's still the ship. They're a pair of hot heads. Glad you enjoy it.~Jim
Miles Hance posted a comment on Friday 4th July 2008 5:53am
This chapter feels like a tipping point for the story. I liked the story before, but even though it was very interesting, it felt kind of slow to me. Maybe that was because of your update speed.
That said, great chapter!
The Dementor scene at the beginning was suitably chaotic, and the kicker was that HJ was not even the main target. It helps take the wind out of this story's sails and make everything not about HJ, which is a plus. The BWL is not the only high profile target in the world.
Moving on, the Dumbledore/HJ conversation was interesting. It reminds me of what you said a chapter or two before, about HJ questioning whether or not Dumbledore was still 'there' and if he still had his mojo.
Who knows?
In TML, Dumbledore is a schemer who probably was setting Harry up to take the fall and die. In TFtCD, Dumbledore was equal parts great man, and trusting fool. In this one, the strain may have finally gotten to the Mugwump. Perhaps this Dumbledore is simply a burned out old man trying to hold the center. Harry may have to see this through to the end on his own.
In closing, the Fleur scene was inspired, but to be fair, Ron did come out of left field asking Fleur out. One can only use the 'overcome by Veela aura' excuse so many times. Could you possibly expand on that motif in the future?
But that said, Fleur was still being a bitch when there was no call for it. Pulling a fast one on her and asking Aimee would leave her seeing stars, and may cause undue friction between Aimee and Fleur. Harry is unaffected by her aura, and is seemingly as cold as she is at times, not giving her an inch.
All I can hope is that Yule will be interesting.
JBern replied:
Well, I'll try to pick up my update pace. I've put it on hiatus three times. Once to finish Bungle. Once to finish TFtCD . Once to finish Dead Eye. That's not going to happen again. If anything TML will go on temporary hiatus so that I can finish this.
Glad you like the fact that it isn't always about HJ and I've got some ideas about how to make the winter holidays interesting.~Jim
thangmo posted a comment on Friday 4th July 2008 5:01am
I wonder,when harry and fleur are togather?? I really hope for some sweet scene of them. please soon.
JBern replied:
Don't hold you breath. I'm taking this one slow.~Jim
Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Thursday 3rd July 2008 11:21am
I don't know what I enjoy more, Harry and the Hat going back forth or the Harry/Fleur relationship/competition. Regardless, this is getting good.
Loved the swerve at the end where Harry asks Aimee instead of Fleur just to throw her.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. Next chapter in about 3-4 weeks on this story. Hope it continues to get better.~Jim
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Thursday 3rd July 2008 8:46am
You handled the resolution of the cliffhanger admirally. And Hagrid came out of it alive (yea!)
Asking Fleur out was priceless! That was so funny, both Ron's confession, and Harry switching to Aimee!
However there was one thing I didn't understand:
"I leave off the idea that when I let it slip that I’m the one forcing old Snivellus to step down, there’s no way in hell he’s going to do it, but by then Dumbledore will have had to listen to the other three Heads and he’ll be faced with his needs of the many versus needs of the one problem all over again."
Is Harry saying that he's going to let Snape know that he (Harry) has instigated getting him removed as Head of House to screw with Dumbledore? I'm not sure what he's doing here.
And finally, the next line after the part I quoted above:
"Following that assessment, maybe this time Spock will stay dead this time." Too many "this time"s.
Love the story! Thanks.
Tom A.
JBern replied:
Thanks for this and all your other reviews. HJ will make certain Snape knows who is behind his demotion. HJ thinks that knowledge will be enough to make Snape quit.
Good point about the "times" thing.
Regards,
Jim
Muggleborn Prince posted a comment on Thursday 3rd July 2008 5:46am
Excellent. Drama, comedy, action, perfect chapter.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I do my best to provide quality entertainment.~Jim
Mark Safransky posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 3:28pm
Now that was funny! Keep up the great work!
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. Next up is TML chapter 8 due out in about 2 weeks. Lie chapter 15 is 3-4 weeks out.
Regards,
Jim
bauer posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 7:05am
Gotta love the Hat. The story is interesting and attention grabbing, but it is Hat that makes me want to come back for more. Will he be able to bring Hat with him into the puzzle room if he adds the fire-proofing to it? Thank you JBern.
JBern replied:
Nope. Only what HJ has enchanted and made. I think you'll like what I have in mind.~Jim
Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 3:09am
Wonderful part there, and really liked the twist at the end with Harry and Aimee, and looking forward to the Yule Ball with them, and will be curious to see how Fleur reacts next time. Great to see how things went with the Dementors, and cannot wait to see the build up to the next task.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. Next up is TML 8 in 2 weeks and Lie 15 in 3-4 weeks. I hope my chapters continue to impress you.
Regards,
Jim
razor_M posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 2:51am
oh, shit.... perhaps i'll go and grap some ice for ickle fleur...
JBern replied:
Well, HJ had a decision to make. Bros before hos and all that nonsense.~Jim
Prince Charon posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 2:40am
LMAO!! You're seriously very good at this... speaking of whom, I wonder if Manos will contact Black, when/if he learns what Sirius is doing for Harry.
Thank you for updating.
More soon, please.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. Next up is TML 8 in 2 weeks and Lie 15 in 3-4 weeks. I hope my chapters continue to impress you.
We'll see if there is any room for a Manos connection with what Sirius is doing in France - perhaps in the sequel.
Regards,
Jim
Spidey posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 2:29am
The bit with Fleur,Aimee and Ron was some piece work man, Good Chapter there but a little short compared to your others.
JBern replied:
Well, it was still over 8000 words. That's actually my preferred length. Glad you liked it anyway.~Jim
Stone Cold posted a comment on Wednesday 2nd July 2008 2:09am
Excellent Chapter and well done. I'm glad Harry didn't get penalized for another member of the Hogwarts blowing the task for him.
Well done with the battle, and the "reconciliation" with Dumbledore. I like this balanced view of Dumbledore a bit more than in "Turn Me Loose" but I like both equally as well.
It was a master stroke with Harry asking out Aimee. I was disappointed that Skeeter didn't use her poison quill to slam Krum for leaving Harry all alone to defend three innocents against 6 Dementors.
JBern replied:
Well, Rita would have ended up skewering Fleur as well in that scenario. I try to do different facets of characters in my stories. This Dumbledore isn't the cold hearted bastard in TML.~Jim
Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Tuesday 1st July 2008 10:55pm
So good to see this continued so quickly. I quite like Aimee's tactic, though I'm not sure it would work for long. I was wondering if the Hat had enough soul for it to be sucked out. Loved the balloon animals joke. Poor Fawkes! The Hat's arm joke was superb.
Got to love the crossover characters with Bungle. Nice to see Kwan is still working here too. As always, the Hat gets the last and best laugh. Nice power politics.
Vernon's IRA statement was originally made by the Inquisition about the Cathars "Kill them all. God will know his own" right before they murdered an entire village of "heretics". Good to see nothing changes! The Hat expresses his disgustingly, filthy dirty, hilarious humour as brilliantly as always. I like the Dance line particularly.
The power play between Dumbledore, the politicians and Harry is always fun to watch. I like the way he manipulates him into partially removing Snape. I sense that Fleur is more than a little happier about Harry's place in the Tournament, though when she realises his animagus form, there will be real fireworks again. I absolutely loved that ending. You pulled the rug out - twice! Brilliant chapter. Can't wait for more. I'm grinning now.
JBern replied:
Well Vernon would seem like the type of person to say that. Glad you enjoyed it. Gotta run.~Jim
Jizzle posted a comment on Tuesday 8th July 2008 7:01am
JBern replied: