Kontrast posted a comment on Sunday 29th July 2007 3:03pm

I just started this story to kill the time until you start on the sequel to Bungle. ;)
I'll leave a more detailed review to Bungle and this story later on but wanted to point out two things:

1. Sirius isn't Bellatrix' brother - he's her cousin. Bellatrix only has two sisters: Narcissa and Andromeda. Sirius has a brother: Regulus.
2. You change the POV a tad too often for my tastes, but that's your choice.

These points aside, good read so far.

Greetings from Germany...

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I thought I edited that early error.   I'll get it next time.   Sorry you don't like the pov shifts, I think I've gotten better at it as the story has progressed.

Bungle sequel chapter 1 in the first week of September.~Jim

noylj posted a comment on Sunday 29th July 2007 9:18am

I hope that Harry gets some real happiness soon. Hope Pansy dies soon. Hope Draco dies soon. Hope Neville gets committed soon, though I have no sympathy for his victims up to now.

JBern replied:

Hope is a four letter word isn't it?~Jim

Meghan posted a comment on Saturday 28th July 2007 3:59pm

As unbelievable as I have found Neville's change in character (I guess my view of him as the nice butterball boy just is too hard to sway) you've written him very nicely and explained him very well. Draco was hilarious at the end, those were the perfect choice of words for him.

Eagerly waiting the next installment,
Meghan

JBern replied:

Apologies for the tardy reply.   Thanks for the review.   Chapter 37 is just about done and should be out by the weekend.   I hope it continues to impress you.~Jim

dwilken posted a comment on Saturday 28th July 2007 10:55am

[contains a SPOILER to Deathly Hallows]

Jim,

I find myself envious of your sadistic literary imagination. Pansy finding a work-around to Neville's control and killing Ginny, then being ordered to jump to her death; Neville still having Harry Potter envy even as he goes on a mass-murdering spree and Draco Malfoy offing the psycho-herbologist with a pen knife. Hee, hee. Are you saving Draco for an even more sad ending? The thought that his body had been intended to be the new form of Coedus was ... fascinating.

BTW does *anybody* we know and love (hate?) still alive at the end of your fic? Hope so, because I kind of like your Susan Bones character.

[Aside: You may be writing a dark fic, but God help me, I'm getting more entertainment out of TFTCD than "Deathly Hallows". I just finished chapter 16 (Godric's Hollow) and so far I will say that it's not Jo's best work. I will grudgingly admit that it is better - so far - than Half-Blood Prince. Maybe things will improve. Maybe not. I'll find out in time. I took a break from "Deathly Hallows" after the first four chapters and read "Von Neumann's War" by Ringo and Taylor instead. Have you ever considered writing "Posleen/Aldenata Legacy" fanfiction? Seriously, you couldn't possibly do any worse than Ringo's collaboration in "Cally's War".]

Back to TFTCD. I was thinking about the voodoo attack via Lily and James Potter - it wasn't quite clear to me that Harry had perfected a defense against this form of attack. He did his animagus transformation IIRC and neutralized the voodoo James, but I didn't realize it had completely solved the problem. I noted that your Harry appeared to be at full strength this chapter - he certainly had no trouble zinging Coedus the vampire. What did I miss (or forget)? At any rate, in the next few chapters you get to wrap up the vampire sub-tale, the voodoo sub-tale, the Rufus Scrimgeour sub-tale, and a whole slew of other things. I keep reading (and finding entertaining!) this story as you post chapters and God knows what that says about the makeup of my character (a fellow sick-o?). But at the same time I'll be glad when it's over. If that makes any sense.

BTW I did want to compliment you on making Tom Riddle into a capable villain instead of the inane cartoon character that Jo Rowling developed. I always figured that since we see everything from Harry's viewpoint in her story we don't see the full picture. However, in Chapter 1 of "Deathly Hallows" - and no Harry Potter perspective involved - we see Tom Riddle publicly humiliate some of the core of his loyal followers. That is an act of astonishing stupidity by any so-called "leader". *Bad* way to start a book. Put me off anyway.

My compliments on what you did with Narcissa. She's sexy and I like her. I hope she survives your fic as well.

Good grief, this got wordy. Eagerly anticipating "Turn me loose".

-Doug

JBern replied:

Thank you for the very long review.   I apologize for the time it has taken me to reply.   Someone survives to the epilogue.   I can promise that.

I didn't particularly enjoy DH.   It was better than HBP, but that's not a ringing endorsement.   I haven't heard of the fanfic realms you've mentioned.   I'll stick to HP for now.

No, Harry isn't at full strength.   He snapped off a couple of basic spells at Coedus, but he's nowhere close.   Chapter 37 will be out this week and it focuses on how Harry is adjusting to it.

The things I hope people remember from this fic - Voldemort as a real villain, Neville the psycho and the battle scenes.

There's a preview of Turn Me Loose in my section of the forum.   The first chapter will be released in the first week of September.

Thanks again for the compliments~Jim

warpwizard posted a comment on Saturday 28th July 2007 12:16am

Nice slaughter. :)

JBern replied:

Thanks.~Jim

rune1806 posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 8:30pm

hi very enyoyable as always.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.~Jim

Wolfric posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 6:11pm

Utter chaos indeed! Well at least Harry got a bit of a break this chapter. Something tells me it won't last. Thanks for the chapter. W.

JBern replied:

Yup, but the break is over starting next chapter.~Jim

Alorkin posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 2:25pm

Too bad about Ginny. Really it's Neville's fault for not being specific. Pansy was smart to use that to her advantage, took the time to gloat instead of running. Oh well.

Now the secret of the necklace(sounds like a great Disney film!) is out, that particular avenue is blocked from further use.

That uncle Coedus departed so precipitously was not unexpected. He has always shown a certain penchant for self survival. He's taking an awful chance flying during the day,though.

Scumgouger's hidey-hole is a really good idea. You've made him intelligent, ruthless and ambitious. Wonder what house HE was in?

Your Voldy is getting even more vicious. Nice idea, with the crucification. if that doesn't demoralize the population nothing will. On the other hand, Scrimgeour's 'Miraculous survival/ resurrection' ain't gonna help him any.

Well, it looks like Neville's gone berserker. You developed him well. I wasn't surprised that he'd tried to kill all the snakes, as I believe he lost it some time before. Ginny's death bumped him fully over the edge. Although I disagree with his choices, I can easily understand them. All in all, he died well. (Too bad Drakey poo lived. (I don't like Drakey poo!)

Until next time. And don't worry about book seven. After all, every author makes (HUGE) mistakes form time to time. Alorkin

JBern replied:

Draco isn't out of the woods yet.   No one is.   The best part is that the woods are currently on fire!!!   More coming soon.   Thank you for the long review.   I thought book 7 was better than book 6, but a colon screening was better than book 6...

Hope this story continues to impress you.~Jim

Matt Harris posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 2:04pm

The amazing thing about this chapter is how I was rooting for the Slytherins; I never do that. Considering the way the house system works and the fact that students are all armed, makes me wonder if Hogwarts ever had a Columbine like massacre.


I also like how you cut
Rufus Scrimgeour down to size. ;-)

JBern replied:

Glad I got the desired reaction out of you.   Next chapter coming in 2 weeks.~Jim

Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 9:29am

First, like I joked on the forum, will anyone survive this story? It seems like there's someone picked off every chapter.

Aside from the constant deaths (but you have that in war), I really like the universe you've created.

I'm really interested in seeing how you bring everything together in the end and finish.

JBern replied:

I'm sure someone will survive - I think....

Glad you can appreciate a story where the good guys might not be so good by the end of it all.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 6:55am

Great chapter. Neville going all rampage on the Slytherins was kind of out there. Especially when he told Draco he wanted to see him bleed.
Its amazing how quickly ones plans can unravel. Still think it was a little cruel that you let Parkinslut live and Ginny die, definitely not a fan of hers are you!
I will review to you DH email seperately.
Monkey

JBern replied:

Ah but didn't you like how Neville still had his twisted hero worship of Harry at the time.   He said I was worth ten of you!   I especially enjoyed writing Draco crawling along the ground in a leg locker (shades of book 1 where he did the same thing to Neville).

I guess I'm cruel to Ginny; I'm seeking help for it...   :-)

Jim

DrT posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 3:34am

My, the Minister is a bit sneaker in your version (as he should have been). As usual, an interesting chapter. If Neville is gone (and unable to confess), then his 'uncle' will likely be in Harry's sights.

"T"

PS -- I didn't like DH much either. Better than HBP, but that ain't saying much in my view.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Yes Coedus will probably be facing Harry's wrath in the near future.   Odd that Coedus really isn't guilty of that...

I liked DH better than HBP.   I joked that HBP was the literary equivalent of a 'dead cat bounce' in the financial markets.   DH had nowhere to go but up after HBP.   It simply didn't go high enough to make it anything other than an average read.~Jim

Princess Fictoria posted a comment on Thursday 26th July 2007 1:33am

Wow! I was wondering just what was going to happen now that Neville had gone way way too far for even a tiny shred of hope of getting away with it. Amazing just how stupid he was, though. All he had to do was stand and act like he was under the Imperious curse, or otherwise enchanted by the big bad and evil vampire. But now that he is dead he will still be remembered fondly as everyone will assume that he was under some sort of curse or as Harry called it, Brain washing.

At least his body won't be taken over by his supposedly loving uncle. I hope that Harry doesnt blame himself for this since he could have killed the vamp long ago.

Nice escape by the minister, though it was sad that he had to use an unforgiveable in order to escape. Wonder how voldie will feel when he learns he was bamboozled.

Havent read the book, and in no great hurry to do so since most of the people who have are rather dissapointed in it. AS usual, your story is great.

JBern replied:

Well Rufus has been going through bodyguards at an alarming rate.   It's getting harder to find people willing to take an AK for him.

If Nev had all the info available to the reader, he might have played 'dumb' and gotten away with it, but in his deluded mind he was - THE HERO!!! - and heroes go out in a blaze of glory.

Thank you for the compliments.   I hope that you continue to enjoy as I bring this to a conclusion.~Jim

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 10:35pm

Man, when Nev melts down, he doesn't do things halfway. The most intense chapters yet, and considering Neville from canon, this one is out past Pluto, or was. I do hope that Coedus gets his, as well as Rufus, who is showing he's just as mean as Tom in his own way. Looking forward to the aftermath of this fight, as well as what this will mean for Hogwarts, and how things will go with the houses now, as I see whatever trust there might have been totally shot now.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked the intensity.   Many people deserve to 'get theirs', but like the real world some might elude justice.

The school will be a different place next chapter.~Jim

fraupapst posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 10:15pm

What a way to finish the Neville sub-plot (it is finished, isn't it?). Killed by the pain in the arse. Excellent. Shades of grey and people going bad in the fight on the 'good' side is one of the many things that were completely absent from Deathly Hallows.

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliments.   You could definitely say that the Neville plot thread is 'dead'.   Next chapter in 2 weeks.~Jim

Edem posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 8:53pm

that was some chaos, I liked it =D
I really wonder how the rest of the school will react

JBern replied:

The school will be a much different place next chapter.   Gald you enjoyed it.~Jim

potterfrkintx posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 8:30pm

Holy shit!! That chapter was aptly named!! CHAOS indeed!!! haha Neville went off the deep end BIG TIME! * Haven't read book 7 yet, so I dunno which route you took, but anyways.... * See you in the funny papers!!

JBern replied:

That's what I was aiming for.   You'll see how my Neville differs from DH Neville when you read the book.~Jim

Blocker posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 8:19pm

Damn. That was intense

JBern replied:

Thank you for the compliment.~Jim

Machiavelli Jr posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 8:02pm

Amazing. Draco being a spineless little shit and managing to do something useful anyway. Wonders may never cease [/sarcasm]. Great job with Neville going completely off the deep end at last and Daphne looks interesting too. Nice chapter; whilst I don't agree with you about DH this makes for a nice change of pace and is immeasurably better than all the knee-jerk post-DH fics floating around.

JBern replied:

Well, I'm glad you enjoyed DH.   It didn't meet my expectations.   I am even more glad that you enjoy my story.   As you can see, the deep end is rather murky.   Next chapter in 2 weeks.~Jim

Rebel Goddess posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 7:16pm

I "Eeek!"ed repeatedly first at Pansy's fall, then the attack on the Ministry. You're really racking up the tension! Neville is so far off the deep end I think he's got benthic marine organisms growing in his hair.

Loved the Alice in Wonderland style escape plan and it was interesting to read about the lesser used Slytherins. Intriguing use of Draco in the end scenes, though I can't blame him for swearing when he realised who it was. As always, great chapter. More please.

PS - Out of interest, why did you dislike DH?

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed the chapter so thoroughly.   Next chapter coming in two weeks.   As for what I didn't like about DH, I don't have the space for it here, but it just didn't do it for me.   Here's a brief summary of why...

There were glaring plotholes and inconsistencies with her previous books.   Dues Ex Machina plot devices were introduced too late for my liking, and it became apparent that it was the wand that makes the wizard (insert penis metaphor here).   After not having a vision the entire book 6, Voldyvison returned with a new fall lineup and HP had the all access pass to view pretty much whenever it was necessary.   There was too much exposition as JKR felt it necessary to prove beyond a reasonable doubt the motivations of DD and SS that took away from the fact that this book should have been about HP.

I could go on, but it's not necessary.   Email me off line if you want further detail.   Back to this story.   The next chapter is in two weeks.   I'm hoping that 4 chapters will be enough to get me to the end without it feeling rushed.~Jim