By JBern
Reviews
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Tuesday 12th December 2006 2:55pm
'crushing it like a bull in a proverbial china shop', a suggestion, when you come to a scene like this try not use a the same cliche you did several chapters earlier in a similar scene. I know many people remember cliches like this.
Try something more like... smashing through her tripwires and core shield like a semi through a compact. Something more original.
Either way I sense a duel....
JBern replied:
Good point. Sometimes I have to remember when I have used a metaphor like that to prevent reuse. I will keep it in mind. Hope you like the duel when you see it.~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Tuesday 12th December 2006 2:28pm
I'm in the process of reading Grendel by John Gardner and I swear you took lessons from him on dark humor.
JBern replied:
I've always had a thing for dark humor. I will have to try Mr. Gardner's works, if I remind you of him. Thanks again for taking time to write so many reviews.~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Tuesday 12th December 2006 11:19am
Holy.... Wow...
JBern replied:
Back in my old Dungeons and Dragons days. I always loved a good monster melee. I wanted that battle scene to be everything but the kitchen sink. It came off as well as I could hope for.~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Monday 11th December 2006 3:03pm
Now THAT!!!! was something new. Definately something I'll remember about this story...
JBern replied:
Percy's ghost caught everyone by surprise. It is nice when I can spring one on the readers and have them go, 'Damn! I should have seen that coming!'. Thanks.~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Monday 11th December 2006 12:38pm
I relitively certain that the National Guard and Reserves are purely American, the British equal would be the Territorial Army as it's made up of part-time paid volenteers.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the info. I will keep that in mind.~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Sunday 10th December 2006 4:03pm
Well apart from messing up the name of the roman short sword (it's a gladius not a glaive, sorry but Roman warfare is a passion of mine), this was good chapter.
JBern replied:
One of these days I am going to remember to fix that! Thanks for reminding me. I'll do it right now.~Jim
There it is fixed now!
Arvin Betancourt posted a comment on Sunday 10th December 2006 3:27pm
hurry up and update!!!
JBern replied:
Chapter 27 is in progress. Real life has been slowing me down with the holidays coming. Plus I need to make the Harry versus Snape fight more than just another fight. It needs to be memorable.~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Saturday 9th December 2006 3:54pm
"He mentioned it might be best to read the title of the book first and if it sounds the least bit sinister to not pick it up."
Now you know in the real world it's going to be 'Jill and Jane go to the Market' that takes your hand off. ;)
I like what I've read so far.
JBern replied:
Glad you are enjoying the story so far. It should get even better. If you like gritty realism with a bodycount, you should enjoy. Though hopefully you don't think I kill just for the sake of killing characters off.~Jim
jmcqk6 posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 6:56pm
Damn, I stayed up way too late catching up with this. It's so dark at times, I'm tempted to quit, but I know the ending will be that much better if I stick with it - as long as it's not "everyone dies"
...although, that could make a very interesting ending :P "The final battle makes it impossible for life on earth, or land at least"
Dark Gritty, I really thought Harry was going to completely lose it for a while there with the Abbot situation. You wove that sections together extremely well.
One thing, and I might have missed this, but what happened to Penny's baby? I must admit that I was just skimming the earlier chapters since I had already read them once.
I have a good joke for you, but I'm still working on it. I'll send it when I figure out the details.
Great work, on both of your stories! You've quickly become my favorite fanfic writer, and I look forward to reading more!
JBern replied:
Thanks for the long review. Hmm a final battle where everyone loses? Very ... interesting...
Anyway, pregnant Penny was sent to America under a new identity to take teaching position at one of the smaller schools. She is going to start building a network for her Godfather there. Hope that answers your question. I am starting on chapter 27 today and hope to have it done real soon.~Jim
Rudy Henkel posted a comment on Friday 1st December 2006 5:03pm
This is a really good story, but it's become just a little too dark and depressing for me to continue... I certainly plan to continue reading Bungle in the Jungle though!
JBern replied:
Sorry you feel that way. Staying true to my idea of writing a gritty and realistic version of a wizarding war may cost me a few readers, just like Bungles use of second person, but I need to write the story for me first and the readers second. You will be happy to know that chapter 15 of bungle was just posted.~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Thursday 30th November 2006 5:03pm
What I like best in your take of the war is how each side has both substantial wins and loses along with able leaders. Voldy is patient, cruel, and clever while Harry is far more practical than canon. Rufus is also no fool.
The fight scenes are great and show a very creative use of magic. While Harry is clearly very powerful, he isn't insanely so. I'm glad that his animagus form is something so mundane.
Feel free to kill off Snape; I'm having far more fun reading about Peter. Please keep Peter around as long as possible.
JBern replied:
I start writing chapter 27 today now that 15 of Bungle just went out the electronic door. Snape versus Harry. That should be fun. If you haven't had a chance to read the latest from Old-Crow on ff.net. Give it a whirl. I think you'll be pleased. His Rufus is no fool either.~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Wednesday 29th November 2006 5:38am
Excellent fight scene! Best Hagrid fight scene I've read in a long time.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Hagrid is so underutilized. He has (had) an affinity for dangerous critters...
Thanks again~Jim
MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 11:30pm
How do your stories get better this is really good! I like the conept of the Black Widow Rush, it practically turns a Veela into a praying mantis superb.
Nice to see that you hadn't forgotten the Coedus character, I especially like that he is helping Neville. When he tells him to pretend to still be weak I definitely like that as well.
Voldemort just likes being personal, poor Aberforth. I liked that he still managed to turn two of the death eaters into goats. It shows how despicable he is and how accomplished at mind games he can be when he wrote the message for Lavender. Your still holding no punches I see. Sturgis and diggle and Aberforth all dead. Its nice to see a fic where Voldemort doesn't strike back and just fail to kill anyone you care about.
Will you make any tension between Harry and Bill considering that you killed of Fleur. Nice use of the portraits.
Your Goblin interactions seem very real. Its nice that Harry seems to have to earn their respect rather than automatically getting it for being the Boy Who Lived.
Its not really that evil a cliffie though, as you know Harry will kick Snape's ass. It may not be easy but it should be fun, and I look forward to more.
I want to find fault and balance out this amazingly kind review with some constructive criticism but this is getting up to the quality of the other authors of this site like bobmin
and whydoyouneedtoknow! Practially Faultless!!
Thanks for writing such a good story.
Monkey
ps - I just glanced back at the story and forgot that you killed Dobby, thats just mean!! Also authors really like to have Dobby make the ultimate sacrifice for his most noble master! yay, I could complain if only a little!
JBern replied:
Thank you for the compliments and the long review. There is plenty of fault to be found in the story, though I am trying my best. I am just happy you turn a blind eye to it. In my forum on this site and the discussion thread on DLP, I have posted the Darkness Obituaries breaking down the deaths by chapter. Sorry you were bummed about Dobby's demise. ~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 4:16am
Love the chapter title and Evil!Penny.
JBern replied:
I've seen all these stories with Penny being Percy's salvation and the one who knocks some sense into him. I've never seen one where she is the little voice whispering in his ear about how he is better then his family and how they're holding him back.~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 3:18am
I would run as well!
-Me too. Makes sense. Neville isn't stupid and his use of gillyweed went well with his character.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it! Sometimes discretion is the best idea. Live to fight another day and all that!~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Tuesday 28th November 2006 2:18am
Maybe he picked James and Lily because Frank and Alice were the more threatening of the parents?
-Nice idea.
JBern replied:
That's exactly what I was thinking. Why couldn't that be a possibility?~Jim
erin5 posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 8:15pm
An interesting start. A bit grim, but I really enjoyed the battle sequence. Harry's spontaneous grasp of the Portus charm certainly requires some explanation, but I'll go on faith for a little bit. I think your breif disclaimer ("Not really knowing how he was able to perform this...") worked well here - they often just sound awkward. Thanks for writing. :)
JBern replied:
Glad you find it interesting. I hope to read more reviews from you in the future.~Jim
duke_bonez posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 3:53pm
P.S. Yeah the new chapter looks fine now.
P.P.S. Emotionally, I am kind of surprised that Harry barely noticed Dobby's death in the chapter. I had half expected him to leap out screaming bloody murder, probably literally. Though given your story he would have probably died for it - leaping out in a rage has never been a good strategy. Berserkers rarely survive the battle. But yeah - it just seems more like a detached observation from a narrator than something Harry is thinking/seeing/feeling. <frowns> Hmmm. I don't know - rereading i missed a lot, I guess the action got too fast for me, so maybe it's fine. And I do love 'Even in death...', in a sad way, but love it none-the-less.
JBern replied:
Harry hasn't had time to digest Dobby's death. It'll come eventually. Thanks again~Jim
duke_bonez posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 3:23pm
Nice. Just catching up on the last three chapters, and I have to say - very nice: Dementors, Goblins, Veelas, OH MY! I still think I like Bungle better, but the two are so different it's hard to tell. This is dark. But without going overboard and certainly brings a sense of realism that you don't often see. It's hard not to forget that the heroes don't live charmed lives-and that lives are fragile things when you are talking about things like fireballs and flying at 100 miles per hour(without a seatbelt, I might add - though I wonder what kind of protective spells are standard on brooms. I would imagine that the general consumption ones would probably packed jamfull of safety features like auto-collision avoidance, but a custom made Firebolt for a star quidditch player would probably have most of those removed so as not to interfere with its performance).
Nice scene with Neville and Vampire introspection. What's Tonks doing these days?
For that matter how did Snape get into the headquarters?! You'd think the order would have removed him from the access list - they did for Hogwarts didn't they? Though I suppose they have had a lot on their plates lately. Still they knew about is defection before a lot things really started comming to boil, and perhaps they couldn't really do much about removing him from Fidelius list, but the original Black wards should have been reset. I was kind of afraid that Harry wouldn't be in when Fleur (and the rest) arrived. After all with all the havoc occuring I had half expected him to be out there trying to figure out how to stop it. Didn't think you would kill Fleur, ruthless that. But well done. And Dobby's last blaze of glory =[. Great scene.
I wonder if there is going to be political fall out from Fleur's death. She seems like a pretty prominent figure: Triwizard contender, fully trained witch and veela which has to be pretty remarkable considering all the restrictions placed on magical creatures. Will Harry be able to turn Voldemort's forced use of what has to be a very restricted potion to his advantage and maybe gain another ally or will he get blamed for the 'accidental death'?
Oh one question though: why did the portraits' spells affect Fleur when she just shrugged Harry's off?
I wonder what a Patronus feels like from the other side - how will they affect Harry's Animagus form?
[Gimme] BUNGLE! Oh and your evil cliffie, you are making me wonder if I should be screaming DARKNESS!
JBern replied:
You ask some very good questions. Later chapters will provide some if not all of your answers. In all the hubub, they never had a chance to recast the Fidelius charm on #12. As for the Black wards, remember the team of contract cursebreakers - well they are the ones outside negating those wards and with the anti-floo, apparation and portkey wards.
Tonks and Remus will turn up shortly. I wanted to come back to Coedus and Neville to remind the readers that they are still there. The political fallout from Fleur's death will come and Harry will feel what a patronus feels like eventually.
Now back to the fun that is Bungle in the Jungle. That story is my guilty pleasure as an author.~Jim
Patches posted a comment on Tuesday 12th December 2006 11:48pm
JBern replied: