By JBern
Reviews
Aurilia posted a comment on Saturday 25th July 2009 1:00am
Face, meet palm. Palm, meet face.
So, nobody won. Shoulda seen that coming. Really.
As much as I enjoyed this fic, I doubt I'll spend the time to do a second reading in the future - the ending was a bit too ambiguous for my tastes. I need a solid win on one side or the other to truly love a story. Yes, I know that real life rarely (if ever) has a solid 'winner', so to speak, but that's why I read fiction (fanfic or not).
All in all, a collection of unique ideas and a well-conceived plotline. You could do with some more work on your grammar. Many of the errors I noticed would probably have been caught with a simple read-through just prior to posting.
I wish you luck in your future endeavors, both fanfic and non. Happy writing!
Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 11:54pm
Narcissa's not the only one wondering.
Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 11:21pm
So, the Weasleys are now down to Fred, Ron, Bill, Charlie, and Arthur. With the way this fic is progressing, I've no hopes whatsoever for any of them.
Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 10:25pm
OMFG.
You drove Neville completely off the deep end and then killed him with Draco, of all people. I'm beginning to wonder if this particular story will have anyone survive to see the end!
Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 6:32pm
I'm feeling really sorry for the Weasley family. They're having a rotten run of luck in your tale - first, Percy married a Death Eater and was killed for his effort, then George fell to Voldemort himself, and now Ginny gets thrown down the stairs by a Neville-controlled Pansy. I have to wonder who is next.
Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 6:05pm
I refuse to feel bad for Pansy. Neville's only using her to do dirty work she would eventually have gotten around to doing herself anyway (even if maybe not on the exact same folks). I am a bit anxious about Neville's eventual trouble when all his doings finally come to light - it's not like he's working with anyone (other than the vampire) on this.
Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 2:55pm
Have I mentioned yet how much I enjoy your version of Voldemort? Each time I read a segment that focuses on the Dark Lord, I can't help but recall that Saddam Hussein was considered to be a charismatic and well-loved leader by his supporters for all that he was painted as a bigoted and short-sighted dictator in the press.
Aurilia posted a comment on Friday 24th July 2009 2:16pm
I really like this new and improved Neville. Always did think there was one badass motherfucker under that good boy exterior.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 8:07pm
I don't think I reviewed last chapter - I was too involved with the plot at the time - but I loved how Harry went a little off the deep end with Snape.
As to this chapter, I particularly enjoyed Bill's bit at the beginning; especially how I wasn't at all sure where he was or with whom he was speaking until the end.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 7:13pm
Um...not to be a nag or anything, but back at the beginning of the story you had Kreacher's decaying body at the foot of Mrs. Black's portrait, but in this chapter, you've got 'self-cleaning' elves. Just a minor inconsistency twitch I probably wouldn't have even noticed were it not that I seem to be under some sort of compulsion to read this monster all the way through without pause.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 4:37pm
‘Perfect! Better Living Through Magical Herbs! As boring a subject as there ever was. Though, it would be easier to just ask Peter to kill me now?’ He thought sarcastically. As if in response, Voldemort heard Peter’s voice behind him and felt the swirl of magical energy, "Tonare!"
I know it can't be that easy (not with something like nineteen chapters left), but I cheered out loud at that bit.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 1:22pm
Harry, Harry, Harry. Tsk, tsk. You left off the fact that you managed to get through the day without being physically injured, either.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 12:39pm
Love what you've done with the Percy/Penny subplot. Really. Very muchly so.
One thing you might want to double-check before you post is whether or not you're using the correct 'your' in your sentences. I've seen a couple of times where 'your' was used where 'you're' should have been. Oh, and when quoting thoughts, you have the person thinking refer to themselves with the wrong pronoun a couple of times. Otherwise, your grammar (or your beta's) is much better than quite a few other ficcers I could mention!
Enough with my blathering, I want to know what happens next!
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 11:50am
Two main things about this chapter: I enjoyed how Fawkes appeared when Albus was stunned. Your A/N argument makes a surprising amount of sense and makes me wonder why I've not seen it crop up before. Secondly, I am not a Harry/Ginny shipper in any way, shape, or form - it always seemed a bit too Oedipal for my tastes - and any fic that has Ginny acting like a hormonal teenage witch with a sense of entitlement to Harry (which he doesn't feel towards her in return) is always a pleasure to read. That all goes back to my personal belief that no one knows who they want as a lifelong partner while in their teens; which doesn't detract from the Harry/Susan 'ship presented here at all - they're both under a magical bind to marry within the next year or so, and it's not like there's a whole hell of a lot either can do about it, unless they want to pick someone else. Frankly, I could see myself acting as casual about the whole thing as Harry has been thus far.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 10:59am
Harry really needs one of those t-shirts that read 'Chaos, panic, and disorder... My work here is done' and to wear it anytime he has to sit in on the Wizenwhachacallits.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 10:17am
Hmm... I have to say I really like where this is going (and am particularly intrigued by the relationship that's being generated between Scrimgeour and Harry). And Wormtail is becoming ever more entertaining.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 8:57am
As I'm beginning to expect from this particular fic, entertaining and unique.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 6:23am
Ow. Ow. Ow.
Laughed way too hard at the bit at the beginning. Pettigrew regurgitating self-help books to the Dark Lord... Ow. Ow. Ow.
And I love how you're handling Harry taking control of his life - I've always loved a good independent!Harry fic, and this one's shaping up to be among the best.
As to the bit with the Dursleys... All I can really say is wow. I am truly in awe of the unique stance you've taken on just why they hated Harry. With how you've written it, I'd be hard-pressed not to hate him, too, if I'd been in their shoes.
Aurilia posted a comment on Thursday 23rd July 2009 5:41am
GLEE.
Pure, unadulterated glee.
I've read quite a few fics wherein Narcissa is redeemed through Harry becoming the head of the Black line, but you did it with style (and her letching on Charlie is just icing on the cake).
If you were here in person, I'd probably break one of your ribs from my hug of fangirl squee at this. Really.
dan26 posted a comment on Monday 27th July 2009 6:33pm