By JBern
Reviews
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Thursday 5th July 2007 9:06am
Hmmm... I'm betting on everybody dying, at this point. :-)
Nice chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
Nah, someone at least survives to the epilogue. Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim
Alorkin posted a comment on Wednesday 4th July 2007 12:54pm
The 'accident' is still too pat. Despite the planted diary, and any other circumstantial evidence a good investigator would be able to see more there than Neville can afford. Nine deaths seemingly unrelated, in the first few weeks of school is carrying ko-inky-dink waaaay too far.
On the other hand, Neville handled Ginny like a pro. She already had her suspicions because of what Harry had asked her to do, and followed that to it's logical conclusion. Neville simply 'helped her along' a bit. He's developed a Slytherin side to beat even Harry, but he's getting greedy. I wonder how long his uncle will allow him his freedom, given his previous warning.
Molly is a prude. As much as I like the character, she is far too self-righteous. She believes what she reads, and uses that pseudo-knowledge to publicly humiliate her opponent. (canon: Year four, Hermione Granger) and unfortunately cannot believe that she might be wrong. (Same cite, later in the year.) Rather than accept her culpability and make amends, she tries to justify her actions instead.
So, now Voldemort knows (or can reasonably suspect) that Harry is an animagus. Likely Lilycorpse will tell him of the method Harry used to bolster his strength and Voldy will work the rest out. Will Harry be able to relate what Lilycorpse told him? Will anyone be able to correlate her words into the ongoing investigation? If so, they will be able to deduce the voodoo nature of his tormentors.
Neville is soooo Busted! And Ginny is so very hurt. Assuming she survives this, I'm assuming Pansy is gonna take a header from the astronomy tower sometime soon. Neville isn't the type to accept backtalk from his slave.
As always< I eagerly await the next chapter of this delicious tale. Alorkin
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoy it. Though it's still possible Neville could get away with it. These are the same people who hauled Hagrid off to Azkaban for no real good reason. 9 deaths are a bit of a problem aren't they (and we don't know about Ginny yet either!)
I think you'll like where this is headed.~Jim
tryptophan36 posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 12:23pm
Dear Lord! The body count just keeps going up! I have to say, your story is definitely original and I'm hooked. I'm not sure how much I really want to keep reading, but I need to keep reading anyway. There is so much betrayal going on in this fic, I'm almost afraid to keep reading. Will there be anyone left standing at the end?
JBern replied:
There's actually a thread in my forum on this site that keeps track of the body count if you're interested. My hope is that when this is concluded, I hope people compare it to the 'Saving Private Ryan' of HP fanfics.~Jim
jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 9:07am
Outstanding chapter!!!! I can't wait to read what happens in the next chapter. I want Hermione to live thanks because I want her to be Harry's mistress later on because why not!? Wow Ginny possibly dieing was something I wasn't expecting but something that doesn't really bother me because she's not nor ever will be one of my favorite characters. Any chance Ron might die?, go for the weasley coupe! Do keep up the outstanding work and update soon please:):):):)
JBern replied:
No body is safe. Ron, Hermione, Harry, Voldemort even Mrs. Figg! Originally, it was going to be Hermione discovering them, but Ginny worked much better.
Oh well, she'll just have to be satisfied with her happy ending in Book 7 which I assume she will be getting.~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 7:41am
Hmpf. I don't like how casually you kill of characters. I don't even see how plot elements and structures that require so many characters to die in cruel and unnecessary ways appeal to you. Or do you write it even though it doesn't appeal to you?
Personally, I think a story like this lacks re-read value. Why would I want to slog through all those hopeless and cruel bits again? I don't feel there is enough of the positive stuff going on to make it all worthwhile. I'm currently reading this story because despite everything, you are an excellent writer, and I do remain interested in what will happen.
I believe that an author has the responsibility to treat his/her characters fairly and should shy away from using them whichever way he/she pleases, based on whims. I guess I also don't like to see the karmic principle violated so blatantly; in stories, I still want to see the characters get what they deserve according to their actions.
One of the biggest problems I have with this story is that it's very difficult to find anyone to root for in this story, because there are very few characters that aren't in some way tainted by their actions. One of the few people I like without reservations are Narcissa and Charlie, but that makes a very small part of the story. I kind of like the novelty of Neville getting carried by the methods he uses, proving that not all means are appropriate to an end, but it essentially turns it into a bad guy. Likewise, being able to muster some sympathy for Pansy's situation still doesn't turn her into someone I want to support, want to 'win'. I can't even fully sympathize with Ginny since she jumps to the conclusion that Harry is condoning Neville fooling around with Pansy. If she hadn't died, this would likely have turned into a textbook-cliché version of a dramatic misunderstanding, something which I can't stand. The characters of that empathic girl and her friend have likewise been spoiled by their actions. Balanced characters are a good thing, I guess, but not everybody who isn't outright evil needs to have such a damning flaw.
I hope this didn't feel too much like a rant - I was more in a calm, melancholic mood when I wrote this. I do regret that I can't enjoy this story more, but I'm looking forward to when this dark, unpleasant tale is over and you turn your attention to stories that have a more hopeful/confident atmosphere.
Quizer
JBern replied:
You wouldn't be surprised to find out that I agree with you on most points. I think it will be a good read as a whole story, but it may lack rereadability. When I wrote Bungle or write Lie (here's a tease for you, I just finished the first full scene of Turn Me Loose) I try and capture the essence of a movie like the Indiana Jones films.
Spielberg also directed Saving Private Ryan. That's what I set out to do in this fanfic. So many stories have Harry traveling to the past and having those brief flashbacks to how awful the 'war' was. I wanted to give you a story that shows you how awful the war is - without the escape of Time Travel.
Do I like Bungle better? Yes. I'm kind of on the fence between Lie and this one, but I want to see this one concluded. I like it when people who say they normally like Dark fics say they cringe reading this or say that it is both interesting and disturbing. It means I'm doing something right.
I expect the final five chapters to be as difficult for me to write as they are for you folks to read. This one didn't even make 6500 words, but it took me 3 weeks to create.
Hope that answers your comments sufficiently. I appreciate all the time you take to give a superior review.~Jim
MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 5:29am
Oh my god! What a chapter, absolutley superb.
Really liked the dream sequence with Harry using his Raven form to get rid of James. I take it the logic behind the bond being stronger with his Mother is based on the fact she sacrificed her self for him? The blood magic and all that rot. Nice link as to how Voldemort finds out about Harry's animagus form though.
I was starting to get worried about how out of control Neville was getting. I like how the story is called "To Fight the Coming Darkness", and Harry is having to fight the darkness of Voldemort and the darkness within himself. A struggle that he is just seeming to win, or at least keep a balance with. Neville is also fighting a darkness within himself that has been corrupted by Coedus and he seems to have lost. Not surprised that Coedus had some ulterior motive but the ritual sounds interesting.
You are cruel to Ginny, most definitely, but its great way to end the chapter and unravel Neville's plans.
Thanks for writing.
Monkey
JBern replied:
Thanks Monkey! Glad you enjoyed it. The stronger link to Lily was hinted in previous chapters during the reanimation process. I just wanted to make certain I dashed the hopes of those people who read stories about Voldy bringing James and Lily back and through a series of idiotic events Harry ends up with his parents back.
Ginny will be fine. When the millions of copies of book 7 are sold, she gets her happily ever after.
Hope you continue to enjoy.~Jim
warpwizard posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 2:25am
Eventful chapter. Packed! :)
I'd normally cheer Ginny getting hurt, but I've recently read good fic by Ginny-fans and now I like her, so...boo! :)
Good characterization all round, Pansy interpreting her order etc. Nice job.
Ugh, 5 chapters...this is going to be a sprint/avalanche...spravalanche?
JBern replied:
Ginny will be fine. In the millions of copies of book 7, I'm sure she gets a happily ever after.
For the last five chapters I'm looking for more of a trainwreck. Hope that answers your question.~Jim
nezza posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 12:09am
Jim
great update i agree your a little harsh to youngest weasley but then i agin i have gone right off of her for some reason (probably 2 many fanfics with her being a cheating potion toting bint!!)
my only problem with this fic is that there's been very little action iwth it when compared to the earlier chapters. however i have the feeling your building up 2 a rather large climatic event
keep up the work i can't wait for the conlcusion to come.
nezza
ps do you plan on finishing it b4 book 7? or will you read it and perhaps rewrite?
JBern replied:
5 chapters in 20 days - I don't think so. No. Since this was already not compliant with book 6 there would be no reason to try and make it fit to book 7.
I don't know when I'll read book 7, but it probably won't be immediately.~Jim
Mark Blaine posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 11:39pm
Gotta love Evil Neville.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Next update in 2 weeks.~Jim
Erik Wiggins posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 5:09pm
Excellent, excellent excellent! Can't wait for more!
JBern replied:
Thank you. The next update will be out in 2 weeks.~Jim
brad posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 4:40pm
NOT MY HERMIONE!!!!!!!!!
Until I read your author's note I was feeling pity for Ginny and the Weasleys, but if it was either her or Hermione ... die, Ginny, DIE!!
:-)
Great conclusion, although startling to have Pansy able to kill Ginny-rather-than-Hermione so easily. I guess that's a reality of life/magic; unless you've got a protego running 24x7 someone can always get the drop on you.
And it *is* tragic for Ginny to be killed just when life was getting better for her. You're evil, you are.
I seem to be always worried in this story. I was worried for Charlie and Harry ... now I'm worried for Harry, and Neville, wondering what Coedus is up to ... it'll be a relief when this story is finished!
Okay, how much to ensure that Hermione makes it 'out of the woods' safely and in one piece? :-)
JBern replied:
Hermione escapes for now ...
I'm glad you found the attack on Ginny to be sudden, violent and brutal. That's what I intended.
You won't be the only one to be relieved when the story is finally finished.~Jim
tryptophan36 posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 1:36pm
I REALLY like your take on the Dursleys and the Potters. I've read a lot of fics that try to explain or justify their actions. The only other explanation I've read that made any sense was from a Manipulative!Dumbledore fic where he cursed them to hate Harry and become more dependent on him. I like your explanation better since it is wiythin the realm of canon possibilities.
I couldn't stop laughing at the self help Peter section.
Penny is wonderful. Everyone seems to forget that she was a Slytherin. Even if it doesn't make her automatically evil, she is probably definitely ambitious. I've always wondered what role she might have had in the Percy/Weasley split.
JBern replied:
Actually Penny was a Ravenclaw, but claws can be ambitious too! Glad you are enjoying the early chapters.~Jim
tryptophan36 posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 1:02pm
Oh wow...I love your Narcissa! I could just see Draco practicing in front of a mirror lol! Yea, I'm not a big fan of strong!Ginny either. so far I've agreed with all of your pet peeves. It's nice to see something different.
Also, poor Charlie!
JBern replied:
Narcissa and Charlie take a long vacation, but they do come back to the story eventually.~Jim
tryptophan36 posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 12:28pm
Oh wow, as soon as I saw the chapter title, I immediately thought Voldemort was going to eat Percy. I...have no idea why my brain made that connection. Blegh. I loved Clue the Hogwarts edition!
JBern replied:
Actually, Voldemort sort of did if you think about it.~Jim
gadriam posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 11:18am
You know, every time i think you really push the boat out, you outdo yourself in the next chapter. There are still trace elements of canon left, but they're sinking fast. I've never been cheering for an evil Pansy before, but since you've desensitized us all to the butchering of characters i must say she rocks.
Firing up the flamethrower for a second, it's beginning to feel like the first chapter in a Tom Clancy book. You know, before anything makes sense and there's no big picture whatsoever. The story is getting very complicated, and i'm considering waiting a few months before i check it again. That way i can get the continuity of several chapters at once because this story is confusing the hell out of me. I think i've said that before.
Not that confusion is really a bad thing.
I'm just curious how you're gonna off Harry in the next chapter.
g
JBern replied:
Harry's not likely to be offed next chapter. I don't really read Tom Clancy. Hopefully, the story will grow less confusing as plot lines are ... killed off. (or is it just the people in the plot lines - I get confused.)
Thanks for the review. Next chapter in 2 weeks.~Jim
dwilken posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 10:09am
From your A/N: "I'm rather harsh to the poor girl"?
Harsh? I'd hate to see your idea of "vicious and cruel"! Yeesh.
However, it's impressive that you seem to be drawing all of your subplots together in a successful fashion. Three more chapters or so?
Also looking forward to seeing Neville's future fall from grace. Is Parkinson going to play cannibal at an intimate moment or something? Wait that can't happen, Coedus wants an intact body. Scratch that idea .....
JBern replied:
I'm sure Ginny will be happy to settle for 'getting' Harry in the real books. I actually don't have anything against the character, it's just that like Hermione both characters have entire websites devoted to them being shipped with Harry.
I'd rather go a different route. Sadly, being at the center of a wizarding war can't be healthy for the people around Harry or Voldemort for that matter.~Jim
MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 8:34am
will ginny live it does not look good for her, and I think pansy has got her revenge on nevile. I hope he gets cought!
MPF
JBern replied:
Lower abdomen wounds are never a good thing.~Jim
Crys posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 6:15am
> From what he had read, they could use Frank Longbottom’s body for the ritual, but Neville was a much finer choice. Why settle for the body of a forty-ish man who hadn’t been active in fifteen years when he could have the body of a sixteen year old just coming into adulthood?
Well . . . That certainly answers many questions. None of them good for Nev. Not that he's even really sane anymore.
Ug, that conversation between the (probably) living but paralyzed Ginny and AD and/or Harry will be very, very ugly. Wonder if Coedus's plan will be implemented.
Pansy, though I hate you for what you are, that was precisely what I expected from you. Right down to taunting Neville about it. Not like he can really punish you more than he already is.
Only five chapters to go? Lots of threads still around, man.
JBern replied:
The threads will start dying off (or is it the people behind the threads that will be dying off?) shortly. Glad you are still around enjoying it especially the characterization of Pansy in this chapter.~Jim
uthamm posted a comment on Monday 2nd July 2007 3:11am
Well, I guess the hero 'got' the girl. Wow. Bumbling Neville starts to believe his own Hubris and will now pay the price. The train death was well done - efficient, discreet and believeable as an 'accident'. Things have gone downhill from there. Makes me wonder what Codeus' original intent was - did he make Neville flawed? Is Harry going to pay the price here? He did have the necklace last and he did save and integrate Codeus . . . VM finding out about the animagus form and VENGEFUL construct Lilly don't bode well . . . will Susan get to take out Lilly in a sweet ironic twist? The only woman who loves him kills the woman who he wanted to love him . .
Narcissa mirrors my own thoughts - 'I’m not entirely certain which side is winning'. I also like the portrayal of Tonks kicking them out - I mean, she is a cop for heavens sake! Basic crowd control and assertiveness should be old hat. I can't wrap my head around the bumbling, clumsy image so many authors portray.
Glad you didn't take out Hermione - I like her character and I still think the scene with Harry talking her down from drinking is one of the best in the fandom. I still laugh over 'two beaters and a chocolate eclair . . '
Nice work. Made my day.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review. I won't comment on your speculation. You'll just have to wait and see where this heads.
I'll have to write out the two beaters and a chocolate eclair analogy one day... ~Jim
Wolfric posted a comment on Saturday 7th July 2007 3:52pm
JBern replied: