creaothceann posted a comment on Friday 13th April 2007 1:49pm

Argh, that one DE's choice of words is irritating. I don't think anyone from here would be so impolite to use foreign words like that - how about a good long "Mister Pettigrew"?

Voldie's tomb raiding seems to be too much effort for only aquiring some familiar inferi. It's effects on Harry and his relationship to DD might eventually turn for the worse, but somehow it rubs me the wrong way. I'm hoping for a less crude tactic.

Looks like Charlie has that same affinity for manly facial scars like his brother in canon & fanon. I suppose it's not Narcissa's pregnancy that made her furious like that, but actual affection? Let's hope for the best.
Nice note at the end, but Voldemort will only heed her wish as long as his resources are bound.
_

That was a nice way to spend the last few days. I miss some of canon's characteristics (e.g. not everyone strifes for pure realism), but it's certainly been enjoyable and gripping. I'm looking forward to the next chapters, including Bungle. :)

Some people are concerned about the lack of practical wizarding in HBP. Tom is unmatched here, and DD must have sensed that Harry with his heroism and lack of mental capabilities would stand no chance. His best bet would be removing the Horcruxes and trusting pure fate for a lucky shot. Tom had stopped his emotional development at an early age; this would be his vulnerability.

PS: Thanks also to ichtys for his recommendations some time ago over at the 'ward'.

JBern replied:

See you're making the error that he's going to turn them into run of the mill inferi.   That lacks grandeur and imagination...

Sorry you didn't like Herr Pettigrew, but it's not worth changing.   I kind of liked it.

Hopefully, Bungle 22 will be out this weekend and it will knock your socks off...

Ichtys is a great help to both my stories that he's working on.

Jim

 

creaothceann posted a comment on Friday 13th April 2007 10:16am

It's always the gardener, isn't it?

[regarding your last comment] It says that there is still hope for you. ;]

JBern replied:

Though sometimes it's the butler.   Glad you are enjoying the story apologies for the tardy response.   I've been working like mad to finish chapter 22 of Bungle before I head of for vacation.~Jim

Christopher Patton posted a comment on Friday 13th April 2007 3:21am

You know I think I like this Narcissa a lot. If you're ever trying to think or a new story, how about Harry being raised by this Narcissa Black and Sirius.

JBern replied:

Tempting bunny you have there, but I'll pass based on all the other bunnies swirling in my thoughts.   Thanks for the review.~Jim

creaothceann posted a comment on Thursday 12th April 2007 10:46am

I sensed that things might not go entrely smooth for Penny when Dobby led Harry upstairs. Percy though was certainly unexpected; kudos to you for that one.

*summons the popcorn*

JBern replied:

Percy the ghost was one of my most deviously unexpected ideas.   I'm glad I could keep you guessing.~Jim

Crys posted a comment on Thursday 12th April 2007 2:49am

That vampire's definitely turning into an interesting character.

I missed something. If the entire graveyard is a trap to kill DEs, then why leave James and Lily's bodies? At worst, when the first layer of traps is activated, portkey them out or something. What he plans to do with them will no doubt bring Harry nightmares, but AD's an idiot for allowing it to happen despite a good trap.

Okay, now THAT is a Rita I can respect.

That scene from inside Lockhart's head (at least until the fight) was amusing. Good for him to catch at least one of the bad guys. If nothing else, it was nice to see Luna go out well.

Narcissa's previous name is on the tapestry, but Susan's is not?

Charlie, you devil.

Wicked fight scene.

Looking forward to more.

JBern replied:

Well Dumbles did have a trap to vanish the bodies if someone violated the crypt.   Problem was Voldy defeated his clever trap.   Hermione isn't the only person capable of being 'too clever for their own good'.

I'm sure that Harry and Dumbles will be having a discussion about what just happened.

Thanks for your comment on Rita.   It's tempting to write a story about Hermione coming home after 4th year to find Aurors waiting for her to arrest her for Kidnapping, Blackmail and Coercion into a Magical Oath.

All those trumped up toss Harry in Azkaban stories, I could do a twist with them tossing Hermione in there and using that against Harry in his 5th year.

Damn another bunny....

Anyway, Naricssa divorced.   She's a Black again.   Susan's married.   It replaced her maiden name.   In Narcissa's case it struck through her name because she is still linked via Draco

Very glad you liked the fight scene.   I don't do romance that well, so I work hard on the action sequences and the plot twists.

Jim

jeffstrauser@yahoo.com posted a comment on Wednesday 11th April 2007 9:21am

AWESOME CHAPTER!!!! I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. You plan to end the story by chapter 40 you say, I say hogwash because everbody knows that wont happen. I hope that when you say end the story you end it with something about Harry and Susan and Narcissa and Charlie and their kids being born, at least that way you leave yourself open to the option of doing a sequel based around Narcissa and Charlie's kids and Harry and Susans kids. Thats just a thought. DO keep up the awesome work and update soon please:):):):)

JBern replied:

Well, I don't really plan on their being a sequel.   I do plan on it being open ended enough that readers may want a sequel, but I doubt I'll write one.~Jim

Yonexcannon posted a comment on Wednesday 11th April 2007 4:31am

The only promise that I can think of that LV made to Harry during Harry's first year at Hogwarts is that he would bring Harry's parents back to life. I will be very interested to see how this little scheme plays out.

I also find myself somewhat dubious that Albus would put the real bodies where they could be stolen by anyone. If he was suspicious and paranoid enough to ward the graveyard out the wazoo, then he had to have suspected someone would come after the bodies, and if he suspected someone would come after the bodies then why not plant fake bodies there and place the fake bodies somewhere much more secret. I am also somewhat intrigued by the "preservation spells" on the bodies. What would the point of preservation spells be? I know that I am probably wrong, but I could craft quite the argument that those a fake bodies (conjured perhaps?) and that what gives the appearance of "preservation spells" is actually just a fake body refusing a decompose.

Anyway, enough speculation. Great chapter. I look forward to reading more of any of your stories very soon.

JBern replied:

Albus suspected that someone would come after the sorceror's stone in book one.   He didn't protect it very well either.   In this case, he suspected someone might try and defile James and Lily's gravesite.   He trapped it fairly well, but didn't count on LV himself doing the grave robbing.   Had he not been there, most if not all of his folks would have died.

As to the preservation spells on the bodies, visit the discussion forum on this site and it might help.~Jim

 

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Wednesday 11th April 2007 4:27am

Soooo... Harry's big response was... a press release.

I know we've all been telling you how cool it is see bad guys with brains, and plans, and clues--and it is.

But in the last five chapters they're the only ones with those things--at least 'on screen'. The last, great hope is spending his time in Potions class (and doing badly), and getting setup (again).

Unless we're supposed to be cheering for LV now, this is getting almost depressing.

JBern replied:

I found I still had to reposition the pieces in the story to keep it headed in the direction I intended to it.

Harry's stuck in  a bit of a quandry right now.   The minister won't pluck him out of school for an uber cool secret raid.   He doesn't need that kind of press right now.   Remember this only covered the rest of the day from reading the Voldy article.   Not a lot of time to go launch a raid against a DE stronghold or what not especially when he had class and later detentions.

Harry intended to rip into Rita for what she was doing, but Rita was clearly prepared for what they had to offer.   Their little ambush didn't go according to plan, hence the chapter title.

Realistically, what else can Harry do at the moment?   All the students have been medically screened and none are wearing the Dark Mark.   Sure, there are supporters out there and many (including Neville) have a good idea who they are.

Jim

 

uthamm posted a comment on Wednesday 11th April 2007 1:37am

Wow. Necro James & Lilly, Kidnapped Frank & Alice and Codeus working for LV! Where do you come up with this stuff?!?

JBern replied:

I lead a very dull life and have an active imagination - go figure.   :)

Jim

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 11:31pm

Great section, and nice to see you brought up the idea of the blackmail, that was poorly thought out in the canon. I also liked the way you had Lochart face his final moments, in his own hazy way, he was a sort of hero, kind of like a more delusional idiot than some manga characters I could name. Interestig to see what happend at the hospital, as well as I assume was the death of Luna, if she fell 60 meters, unless she landed somwhere safe, I don't know how she'd survive. Going to be interesting to see how things go with the bodies of James and Lilly, and what this will do to Harry if Voldemort uses them for his nefarious schemes( that's just a cool word, Nefarious, isn't it?) LOL.

JBern replied:

Well Gildy was a junior member of the Dark Arts Defense League...   Hey, whatever happened to them????   I do recall one fan fic that actually used them.

Yeah I put Luna out of her misery, but the good news is she's about to make a return in Bungle...

Yes, there will be nefarious schemes, by many people in fact.~Jim

DrT posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 10:54pm

If there's one thing I don't mind seeing Hermione ripped on, it's her silly treatment of Rita. Glad you gave Gilderoy a grand exit, a different touch, to be sure.

One hopes Dumbledore didn't leave the actual bodies there. . . . but we'll see.

"T"

JBern replied:

Yeah, that's one of the things that have been bugging me about canon.   Hermione gets away with everything.   I was discussing a bunny with Kinsfire where Hermione returns home to find Rita and the aurors there.   She's arrested for kidnapping, wrongful imprisonment, blackmail and coercion of a magical oath.

"But Rita's an illegal animagus"

"Punishable by a 500 galleon fine and six months of probabtion.   On the other hand Ms. Granger, your crimes are punishable by potentially 10 years in Azkaban.   Come with us please."

There are so many of those trumped up Harry goes to Azkaban stories.   Why not a Hermione goes to Azkaban for sometheing she did?

Jim

Quizer posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 10:51pm

Hmpf. I'd much rather have Hermione get away with everything than Rita. She deserves to be crushed like the bug she is. I understand that her death will release all the dirt she has gathered on numerous people, but why should that make Harry or Hermione afraid of her? They don't have much to hide compared to other people.

I still prefer 'Bungle in the Jungle' and 'The Lie I've Lived' over this story. It's just not going somewhere that I think is worthwhile. Some people say 'it's the journey that is important, not the destination', but I think that in a good story, both should be satisfactory. You provide an entertaining journey, but I'm not sure the end result will be something pleasant.

Good luck, and I'm looking forward to your next updates!


Quizer

JBern replied:

It didn't make Harry afraid of her.   Hermione on the other hand, might not like the knowledge that she was trying to blackmail someone to become public.   All in all, it's not Harry or Hermione who would punish Rita, it would be Rufus.   Who knows what dirt she has on his supporters?

Glad you like the story still even if you prefer the other two.~Jim

dogbertcarroll posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 10:44pm

I love Cissy and Charlie running around.
Hopefully Charlie will start training himself
up to a higher level after the latest event.

Kidnapping a lot of parents isn't he? I wonder
what exactly he has planned for the four.

JBern replied:

Plans will be revealed soon.~Jim

The Resident posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 9:26pm

My review is the same as the one I posted on ffn for this chapter.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I'll respond to it there.~Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 2:53pm

How intriguing - I must say, Old Voldie stealing Harry's parents - Bad form.

I cannt see Harry abandoning his position withing the nice safe reaches of good ol hoggy soggy hogwarts to go traipsing off into the ever so cunningly devised trap of Tom.

Rita is devilishly clever, I think. Sly, tempermental, and intelligent. Good combination for a conniver. Poor Hermy, not quite up to the job of stopping someone that refuses to play by her rules! Good show there.

Triplets!!! OOF.

Good work with killing off the smiling buffoon.
Poor Luna - 20 meters up and still insane.

I still think Coedus is just plain cool. A better longbottom cannot be had for the money. Keep pushing Neville, my good author.

Cissy and Charlie! WOOT - Momma and Daddy, chaotic and sweet. Get that boy a nice excedrin spell, wouldya?

Fish.

Loving it and still fanboy. For at least a couple more chapters...

JBern replied:

Oh it's doubtful that Harry would go looking for his parents, but what if they come looking for him....

Glad you liked this take on Rita.   Hopefully, I can maintain your fanboyishness until the end.~Jim

Gardengirl posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 2:43pm

Nice note, Narcissa!

Great update, Jim!

Thanks :D

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you liked it.~Jim

nezza posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 1:01pm

My one problem with this chapter is the whole riddle stealing Harry’s parent's. I know you probably have a good scheme for it but I for one don't really care for it as a plot device.

I’m sorry but I just don’t agree with it.

Let me see the worlds most evil dark lord in a generation takes my parents bodies from their resting place to taunt me into coming out from the worlds most heavily warded and voldemort proof building. Let me think about this..... Err yeah I’ll walk straight into his trap. I don’t think so.

The Harry you've created here is no cannon pussy but at the same time he is sharper than your average Harry at least and follows his common sense when it comes to dangerous or possibly dangerous situations.

Other than you striking on possibly my one major fanfic peeve of all time it was a good chapter and the story has much potential sorry about the rant but I just hate that plot device.

JBern replied:

Wow!   When have you seen body snatching as a plot device?   I can't think of many times I have heard of that.   You'll have to wait and see what Voldy has in store for them and the Longbottoms for that matter...

Jim

Ken Warner posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 11:42am

an excellent chapter - Poor Susan - triplets on the 1st pregnancy may end her desire for 'pollination' for a good long time.

the lecture on conditioning the cauldrons and verifying the cleanliness of ingredients was eye-opening in and of itself, and that he is double-minded in his use of it to assert control in the classroom is devious in the extreme.

Very nice to see Dolohov dead - I do hope you let Charlie recover though.
warmest regards - your stories are always gripping.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you liked it.   I don't recall triplets being used in many stories before, so I figured what the hey!  

I thought the Potions lecture was something that could just as easily been Snape, but it works so well.~Jim

Black Dragon Knight posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 11:35am

Interesting chapter. I'm curious to see what Voldemort does with Harry's parents.

A little undecided about Susan having triplets, especially at this point in your story. But I'll wait and see what you do before going one or the other.

I'm looking forward to seeing how you wrap up this story.

JBern replied:

Well she's just barely pregnant, triplets won't be around for 8 months or so.   Glad you enjoyed the chapter.~Jim

Mark Weippert posted a comment on Tuesday 10th April 2007 10:22am

I really enjoyed the scene with Rita, it's nice to see her play by her own rules, not being cowed by anyone.

JBern replied:

I love writing Rita.   Shameful isn't it?   Glad you liked it.~Jim