Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 5th March 2007 6:24am

Using Ron to help Harry with Susan and Hermione was very well done with a realistic Ron-like approach. The "two-Beaters-and-an-eclair" line was choice.

I like the Neville you're creating - one not seen anywhere before that I recall.

JBern replied:

I actually started to write Ron's analogy of 'Scholastic Achievement is like a chocolate cake', but then I stopped.   Again, so many authors turn Ron into 'super squad leader' Ron.   What is so wrong with bumbling best friend Ron who has occasional insights and his own unique humor.

I recall one story where Harry was taking an enchanting items class taught by Dumbledore.   Crabbe and Goyle were also in the class and the author wrote them in an almost Abbott and Costello manner.   It was a delight to read such characterization of third tier characters like that.

I draw a good deal of parallels between Neville and Peter in my stories.   I figured since I had done alot with Peter in this one, that Neville deserved some serious attention.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 5th March 2007 6:21am

Great scene with Bill and Aimee! The shattering of people and reconstructing them through the disasters of war is a reality few write in HP fanfiction. You are a champ at it. I try to do it a little, but yours is more realistic, gritty, raw, but I'm still writing for young kids and such.

Fine work.

JBern replied:

Bill is far and away my favorite Weasley.   He is much different in Bungle, but still an enjoyable character.   (As a side note Aimee Beaucourt will appear in The Lie I've Lived.   I haven't quite decided how I will use her yet.   If HJP has made enough headway with Fleur they may go to the Yule Ball together.   If not, HJP may very well walk right up to Aimee in front of Fleur allowing Fleur to start in with the 'Oh, I'm so flattered you came to me immediately, Arry, but I am how do you  say conzidering my options.'     Then HJP asks Aimee to the ball in a calculated move to really piss Fleur off.)

I agree that my work is definitely not suited for the youngsters out there, but I believe that the books should grow as the characters do (or don't in many cases).   It makes me wonder how 'vanilla' book 7's war will be.   I honestly don't have high hopes for it.

Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 5th March 2007 6:18am

One of the more satisfying Snape-Gets-His that I've ever read.

Very sad but realistic about Diggle, Podmore, Fleur, and Jones.

I'm liking your Bill more and more, but then you do Bill very well everywhere you go.

Cheers!

JBern replied:

I have to credit Kokopelli for making the Snape scene even better than I had originally planned it.   So many authors do some kind of elegant ass-whipping that might work well for other stories, but in this one nothing short of the wizarding equivalent of a back alley knife brawl would suffice.

I hope that you were able to picture the fight in your mind as it happened.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Sunday 4th March 2007 4:04pm

The death of Dobby saddnes me more than I could imagine.

Tense situation, but on to the fight with Snape.

JBern replied:

Well at least be happy that Dobby went out like he wanted to - helping Mr. Harry Potter.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Sunday 4th March 2007 1:17am

Writing a Rita that Harry can broker a relationship with is rarely done and even more rarely done well. This example was very believable.

The dementor destruction scenario is also very well constructed.

I like the way you are making a very strong Susan use her Hufflepuff qualities in a powerful and logical way to be Harry's helpmate. The problem with most existing Harry/Susan tales is the too typical "Harry needs a loyal girlfriend" scenario - too, too lame. You're very effectively using her Hufflepuff-ness as a strong trait as equally beneficial to all as Gryffindor bravery and Ravenclaw intelligence.

Great stuff!

JBern replied:

I love Rita.   In the current chapter at beta, I am again attempting to write another Rita 'news article' in which she gets to sit down with none other than Voldemort.   It looks pretty good so far.   Hopefully, the new chapter will be out by midweek.

I've worked really hard to prevent Susan from becoming yet another Hermione/Ginny clone.   She deserves her own characterization and not clichedom.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Saturday 3rd March 2007 11:54pm

If the goal of this chapter was to create tension in eveybody it touches and ease none of it, then you've succeeded.

I cannot imagine Harry telling Bill about his use of Ginny will be pretty, but it won't breech their friendship and it should be over soon. I hope.

Compelling writing!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Bill and Harry are a bit different from the Bill and Harry in my other story.   Of course in this one, they are smack dab in the middle of a war.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Saturday 3rd March 2007 7:13am

This chapter only went minutes but it was amazingly action packed. You could have left it Harry blown out of the window, but it was still a cliffhanger.

Simply wonderful writing!

JBern replied:

It was tempting to end the chapter with Harry being blown out of the window, but I didn't want to do another evil cliffhanger after the previous chapter's end.   Thanks again for the compliments.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Saturday 3rd March 2007 6:53am

Your marvelous complexities are stirring to read. The life debt/practice/Ginny/Wormtail thing is a work of genius.

Excellent funeral talk but Harry.

Fine chapter all around.

JBern replied:

I'm surprised that no one had ever done that one before.   I hope I don't burn up all my originality in my few stories and have some left for when I start my own original work.~Jim

distempered posted a comment on Friday 2nd March 2007 5:24pm

I have just spent all day reading this story, and while I am in no way coherent enough to provide a proper review, suffice it to say that you have most definitely hooked me. You've made me laugh, made me nervous, and more than made me anxious to see what happens next. Your characters are vivid and your description of the action is phenomenal. Here's hoping you continue very soon - I'm on the edge of my seat!

JBern replied:

Thank you for leaving a review.   I am glad that my keystrokes were capable of evoking a reaction from you.   The next chapter is with the beta and final revs to it should have the story up by midweek.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Friday 2nd March 2007 5:56am

If Hagrid has to die, you've given him an most rewarding "way to go."

The whole battle was remarkable, violent, gritty, realistic, if a battle of magic can be realistic.

Terrific fic!

JBern replied:

Far too often Hagrid's death is done in Harry's dream sequence with Voldemort torturing him and allowing Harry to watch.   I wanted something radically different.   I am quite pleased with the results.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Friday 2nd March 2007 5:32am

This is an amazingly complex and full-bodied story, rich with new ideas and delightful re-examinations of existing plot ideas.

Well done!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   I try my best.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Friday 2nd March 2007 4:32am

This is a favorite moment in Wizengamot activities in Harry Potter fanfiction - the ousting of Fudge and/or voting for his successor.

Great Fun!

JBern replied:

Far too many authors make politics so one dimensional in their stories.   I always like to make it more interesting with different factions and what not.~Jim

Alorkin posted a comment on Thursday 22nd February 2007 12:41pm

Two very well executed chapters. I think I would rather have had anyone but Dumblefutz or Scrimbo bonding me, but I guess since you're writing this, the decision has already been made. *Sigh*

Hermione is going to need therapy for this. Although I am a dedicated H/Hr shipper, her adulation of authrity figures, will be her downfall, and this is only the first, if she cannot learn to think for herself.

Scrim-monger has a valid point(*shudder*). Harry's presence on the train so soon after the devastating attacks on the wizarding world, is vital. If 'The-boy-who-lived' doesn't ride the train, he will be seen as hiding, a point of view Voldy's toady's will certainly exploit. Parents and the generall populade will see only the darkness, adn eventually surrender Voldy wins.

Neville go bye bye! i think he has finally cracked. I can completely understand. his family has fallen to Vldemrt's thugs one after the other, not to mention the attack on him personally. Add thhe influence of his great uncle 'Psychoticus', and you has a very dangerous, uncontrolled element, with only his rather questionable stability to hold him back from dingg sme real damage. On wonders how long it will be before some innocent discovers his plots and becomes an enemy in his eyes.

I see Cho is jeaoous, but I'm wondering how susceptable that would make her to the pureblood line.

Personally I agreee witth Voldemort on this one. Umbitch is far too 'Umbrige' to live. she's mean and nasty and not nice at all. So there!

Neville's 'project' along with his instructions to Bessie, make for a nice private place to mix up some mischief.

As always, I eagerly await the next page of 'To Fight'. Alorkin

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I'm glad you enjoy the chance to explore the minds of other characters rather than just Harry's POV.   I am about to start laying out chapter 31 hopefully today.

Thanks again~Jim

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 21st February 2007 5:24am

I had to add another comment, I really like this Neville. He's not forcing his will on another as much as just setting things up so that, if they behave in their usual manner, they end up doing themselves in (Goyle could have left him alone, he had the power of choice). This reminds me very much of the approach often used on the original television version of Mission: Impossible and I like it.

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say it'll take at least three occurances before someone starts to suspect anything ("Once is happenstance..." as quoted by Auric Goldfinger in the James Bond novel).

JBern replied:

Well the first one was a target of opportunity.   Chapter 31 will start with an 'accident'.~Jim

jzysman posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 2:04pm

Have I mentioned that I love Neville? Yes I understand he on the razor thin edge of madness... unless he has crossed over already, but that just makes him more interesting! Will you be letting him have Malfoy? I would think that is the next person on Neville's list... unless he, in his madness to avenge wrongs is going to start in on Luna's persecutors... Great stuff here. Thanks!

JBern replied:

Sometimes madness is ... genius!   Glad you enjoyed it.   More coming soon.~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 7:04am

Neville is just so cool. Sinister even, I really like how he gets the house elf on his side. Rather than by using fear an intimidation he is using the House Elves need to be "good" to his advantage.

Is it morbid and wrong that I like your Voldemort passages. You just so successfully make him a scary crazy killer that is still somehow believable and not pantomime.

Thanks for Writing!

Monkey

JBern replied:

Voldemort is my favorite part of the story.   Most don't bother to go beyond the psychotic throne humper.   Next chapter he's going to bring Rita in for an exclusive interview...~Jim

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 2:42am

Great section here, enjoying the way that Neville is going with his own plans, as well as the struggles that Harry and Susan are having, as she seems to be feeling it more now of the BWL syndrome, rather than him being just Harry it seems. That bit with Voldie and Umbridge, really liked that, it shows a Riddle who's more than a goateed bad guy(if he had one) and more like a classy villain. Going to be interesting to see what happens next this year at school.

JBern replied:

When it's just Harry and Susan alone, things are tough.   Now add the crowds and the expectations.   It's a bad recipe isn't it?~Jim

Crys posted a comment on Tuesday 20th February 2007 1:22am

I'm really, REALLY worried about what Neville is turning into.

*snicker* LV's thoughts in Umbridge's place . . . That's just priceless.

JBern replied:

Credit where credit due.   Kokopelli really did wonders with the scene.   I couldn't have done it without his assistance.~Jim

nezza posted a comment on Monday 19th February 2007 12:29pm

dude i dont know if you will respond to a review this late in the game for this chapter but i have to say b4 reading the next chapter i have come across in passing your peeve about saint lilly potter, and i do agree with it, however as time wears on ppl will tend to remember the good about a persons life and not the bad(well most of the time at least i hope unless your a snape like person in which case your f##ked for life).

JBern replied:

I make it a point to respond to every review.   Thank you for yours.   Now, I am rather proud of the picture I painted of Lily.   She was a determined witch willing to do ANYTHING to save her child.~Jim

Jason Phillips posted a comment on Monday 19th February 2007 7:05am

Once again Neville is showing his dark side. I had thought your Wormtail had been a great idea. But Neville is showing to be even better at becoming a cold blooded killer. If Harry plays his cards right, he could have his own private assasain.

JBern replied:

I draw a number of parallels between Neville and Peter.   Glad you are continuing to enjoy this after 30 chapters.   Hope I can continue to hold your attention.~Jim