david abbey1 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 9:59am

Brillient! i love this neville! more please!

JBern replied:

Neville will keep going for as long as he can get away with it....~Jim

MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 9:22am

Really liked that Ron happened to be the one with good advice. It was especially funny how he delivered it.

The dance at the handfasting with the canary creams was funny.

You almost had be annoyed at you for killing another Weasley! I was going to ask why you hate them so much, and then he wasn't dead. Brilliant that he was still with Narcissa!

You made Neville a cold calculating killer! Thats new, but clever and so believable the way you've done it.

Thanks for writing, write more please!

Monkey

JBern replied:

My version of Ron is the goofy best friend with an interesting outlook on life.

*Insert chicken dance music here* Evil song.

Nope!   Charlie lives for now.   He and Cissy met with a warm reception after their long abscence.   I'll have to keep them in the story....

Neville has  big plans for lots of little accidents to all the little Death Eaters.~Jim

Fishburne posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 9:06am

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

GO NEVILLE!!!!

JBern replied:

He intends to keep on going for as long as he can get away with it....~Jim

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:58am

I like Ron's analogies. Little things like that make him a much more real person than he is in most fics.

Geez, just as I was thinking you might actually get through a chapter without killing somebody, here's Charlie. And then you didn't kill him after. Tease. ;-)

Chicken dance! Is there no escaping the Evil?! I absolutely forbad them to play that at my wedding. Guess how well that worked.

Voldemort, Dark Necrocrafter. :-) Nice to see him doing something beyond the usual sit and crucio.

Crabbe & Goyle speaking! In complete sentences! And cracking wise even! Alert the media! :-)

Go Neville! My word, he grew a spine and a half! I knew you couldn't go a whole chapter without killing somebody. :-)

Good chapter. Thanks for sharing this with us.

JBern replied:

People think I have a beef with Ron and Hermione.   I don't.   I just want to develop their characters on my own terms.   I'm not enamored by SuperGeneralRon.   My version of Ron is a goofy and sometimes thoughtful best friend.

Charlie and Cissa will hang around in a side story arc.   They actually killed several bounty hunters

The Chicken Dance is evil...nuff said!   Sorry you didn't escape it at your wedding either.

You don't get to be a Dark Lord unless your willing to do the dirty work.   Too many fics forget that Voldy had to rise to power.   At some point he had to do all those 'great and terrible things.'

Crabbe and Goyle have to have some brains.   They haven't flunked out of Hogwarts yet!   Snape can only go easy on them in Potions.   They have to pass the rest on their own.

As stated earlier several bounty hunters died already.   If you visit the forum there is a thread in my part with the death toll from the story.   I have to update for this chapter, but I have gone entire chapters without killing someone...(a few)

Jim

 

Lufio posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:16am

Whoa, Neville. Vicious. I like. And the bit with Crabbe and Goyle laughing at Malfoy, that was funny. But the most humorous bit was the fact that Ron's analogies were always pertaining to food and Quidditch.

JBern replied:

I'll really have to finish writing the Academic Achievement is like a Chocolate Cake analogy that I created for Ron.   C'mon Crabbe and Goyle should have their own thoughts.   It's funnier that way.   One of the more interesting stories I ever saw had one of the two of them manipulating Malfoy.~Jim

Bert Jordan posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:16am

Wow neville is not more powerful just more vengeful I like it

JBern replied:

You can be vindictive with out being powerful.   It's just like Neville asked Ginny, "What do you want and what are you willing to do to get it?"~Jim

Haeton posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 8:00am

Wow, I was ready for Neville to come out fighting but cold blooded murder caught me a bit off guard. Good chapter but a dark and cold ending.

JBern replied:

Neville wants to get away with it.   He really wants to fight the real death eaters, but his uncle says that he isn't ready yet.   So, he wants to do something instead of just killing time.   Sorry, bad pun!~Jim

Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 7:52am

Ooohh... And here I thought that you had Charlie killed... Pretty evil.

JBern replied:

Charlie and Cissy seem to have been received very well.   I'll have to keep them in the storyline as a side story arc.~Jim

Christopher Patton posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 7:27am

Well Neville has definitely stepped up to the plate and grown a pair. I really like how he is playing to his strengths and his opponents perceptions of who Neville was.

The bonding was well written and fit nicely with the rest of this chapter. The whole Lady Malfoy bit is a riot, I can just see this being spread around Hogwarts. It be great if Pansy uses it publicly to justify insulting Draco when her family and her realize that he has no intention of continuing with the original betrothal contract.

Thanks and I'll be lookinf forward to more of this and Bungle.

JBern replied:

Neville wants to get away with a series of unfortunate accidents here.   How far he makes it will depend on his luck holding.

Glad you enjoyed the Draco 'lie'.   It will dog him for some time to come... unless Neville catches up with him first!   A preview of chapter 18 of Bungle is in my section of the fourms.~Jim

Keldore posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 6:49am

Whoa, dark Neville is quite rare, and I like it. Keep up the good work.

JBern replied:

Well hopefully you'll enjoy the next few chapters as Neville works to stage more 'accidents'.~Jim

Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 6:09am

I do like the way the characters are maturing, here. I especially like the way they're taking payback creatively, not bluntly. I especially like the new Neville and I think that he and this, now wiser, Ginny would make a good couple.

I loved the way Harry dealt with Hermione and Tonks; he's showing a very mature approach there. I suspect Tom is going to be rather surprised, again, at their next meeting.

JBern replied:

We'll have to see about Ginny and Neville....   Glad you liked Harry asserting himself with Tonks and his willingness to work with Hermione on her issues.~Jim

amulder posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 5:36am

The necromancy? Disturbing. Voldemort's cheery little letter to Harry? Creepy. Charlie surviving? A relief. Neville's actions? Sad what war does to people. The Canary Creme? Just what Fred needs. Hermione's drinking? Completely unexpected. Ron's wisdom? Well played.

Still a hard, dark, challenging story. Gripping, though.

best,
...art

JBern replied:

Thanks!   Well you can't make a good monster without the willingness to saw a few body parts...   Voldy's a busy man, things to do.   He couldn't even get out and get a suitable present for Harry and Susan.   He had to send Peter out for something at the last minute!   I'll probably write a few more of Ron's sayings and stuff them in my author's notes in the forum.   I speak more on Hermione's drinking problem there as well.  

Thanks for the comments.~Jim

loralee posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 5:13am

Great chpt, Neville's scary. Like the chewing gum. lol.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Neville LOVES his new outlook on life.   It's great!   More on that to come...~Jim

Crys posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 5:04am

Ron, despite your penchant for Quidditch metaphors, your observations of the female of the species makes a lot of sense.

I really don't like the direction Coedus is nudging Neville . . .

Hmm. Don't know which direction Draco is jumping yet. Interesting to watch that develop.

Oh, Charlie . . . [read further] Oh, you're evil.

> Chicken Dance, flanked by two giant canaries.
[hysterical laughter]

> The remains of his Necrodragon, several acromantulas, the three-headed dog, and the young Norwegian Ridgeback filled the warehouse.
*blink* Scumgouger, you unparalleled idiot! You do NOT leave carcasses of that magnitude just lying around after a fight! *fume*

Nev? Huh. Well, that was a clever attack at least. Though what, exactly, this is saying about your state of mind isn't all that comforting. Not to mention that a decent forensic investigation (if wizards do that kind of thing) will show Longbottom saliva all over the gum. And for your sake, don't make jokes about it in a few days.

Still mostly a dark story, though there was some serious fluff to be had in this chapter. Keep up the good work.

JBern replied:

I'll have to write a few more analogies of Ron's.   I have the one half written about Academic Achievement is like a Chocolate Cake.   I think you'd enjoy it.

Neville LOVES his new direction.   He's seen the light and it's the friggin sun!

With Neville's new training and attitude and Draco's "I'm on my own" I'm actually using two of the usual themes for Indy Harry fics for sub characters.   I'm also putting them on a collision course...

Still trying to decide if Charlie and Cissy were just a spur of the moment addition to the story or the start of something more...

You've obviously been to as many weddings as I have.   The chicken dance must be stopped.   (As must the Macarena, but that's a whole other story...)

As for the bodies Voldy accumulated, remember his forces controlled that battlefield.   They took what they were directed to and left the rest.

A serious investigation in the Wizarding World?   Hmmm let's see, there response to the Chamber of Secrets was 'Last time we threw Hagrid into Azkaban and that stopped the attacks.   Lets try that again...'   I don't know if CSI:Diagon Alley has Neville's saliva on file.   'Fingerprints?   So let me get this straight, we've got a kid who was trying to chat up two girls in his class.   They send him on his way rather rudely and he goes to the baggage cars to be alone.   The big porker stuffs five pieces of Droobles in his mouth and chokes.   Why would we want to look for fingerprints on the gum wrappers.   Looks pretty open and shut to me.'

Do you think we could cowrite CSI:Diagon Alley?   Speaking of which, I need to write down my next death of Lord Voldemort for your consideration.   It's somehting really special...

 

Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 4:47am

Whoa, that was an intense last bit there to say the least, and Neville is definitely not playing around, to say the least. Looking forward to the return, Harry and Susan's married life, Draco making the usual @$$ of himself it seems, Tonks finally pulling it together somewhat, and Narcissa and Charlie. She definitely seems to be on the lookout for the new man in her life, Chalie had just better sit back, and listen to her.

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed the show.   Hope you come back for more.   Neville will feature prominently in the next few chapters as will Draco.~Jim

Particle_Accelerator posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 4:28am

Whoa, Neville seems to be turning rather dark. Methinks uncle has been a very bad influence.

Overall, this was a very good chapter. Loved Cissy's & Charlie's interaction, as well as the Chicken Dance. Harry and Hermione mending fences was great too.

JBern replied:

I'm still trying to decide how much to use Cissy and Charlie.   Might have been just a one time thing or could be the start of something more.   Methinks that what youthinks is probably right.~Jim

atlantis-rob posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:36am

Wow! Hella insane chapter! great work with the various char discussions especially harry and ron's...the ron analogies are great! Great work with Voldiewart and his plans and stuff too! Keep up the awesome work, can't wait for the next Bungle!

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I am already hard at work on chapter 18 of Bungle.   I'll have to write up some more of Ron's analogies sometime.~Jim

Yonexcannon posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:30am

I am really enjoying the story so far. I am not sure where Harry's emotional rollercoaster is eventually going to leave him, but I have no doubt there will continue to be a series of ups and downs in both the near and distant future.

I also like seeing the new assertive Neville, but I am curious what Darius/Coedus's ultimate plan for Neville is.

I was initially concerned that the overall quality of the story would suffer from trying to follow so many people with so many deep psychological issues, but you have done a wonderful job with it.

Keep up the great work. I look forward to new chapters of both your stories with glee.

JBern replied:

The cool part is I'm not sure where Harry's roller coaster ends either...

The nice part for Coedus is that Neville has no sense of curiousity about what plans he has for Neville.

Thanks for the compliments ~Jim

HermioneGreen posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:28am

A most awesome chapter. I love the new direction Neville is taking . . . sort of a sadistic Forge outlook on life ^_^ Keep up the good work.

thanks for sharing

'Mione

JBern replied:

Well I hinted at it a few chapters ago with Neville in the greenhouse.   He'll feature prominently in the next few chapters as he attempts to weed his little garden called Hogwarts.~Jim

uthamm posted a comment on Wednesday 24th January 2007 3:20am

Wow. Love the summary of Ron advice - "Something about two beaters and a chocolate eclair . . " Comedy Gold. Cliche Ron - Food and Quiddich. Throw in a chess reference and you are there. I like the LV that you have in this story - definitely sinister. Sent chills down my spine when he is working on Fluffy. Hope you have a wingdinger in store for Harry. Hardworking LV isn't going down with what is in his arsenal right now. Kudos to the 'Darker' Neville. I don't think I have ever seen a characterization like this in FF. Interesting to see if the 'Abyss stares back' at him. Nice work. When do we see the animagus work again? Cool idea with the 'Demented' Raven.

JBern replied:

I actually had half written Ron's infamous 'Academic Achievement is like a Chocolate Cake' analogy, but the chapter was already running long to begin with.

Neville, Draco, Harry and many others are all on a collision course.   Animagus next chapter, I promise.~Jim