By JBern
Reviews
david abbey1 posted a comment on Friday 15th December 2006 10:45am
to quote Mr. Burns, "excellent!" quality death scenes are hard to come by, this ones awesome!
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. A lot of the credit goes to the people I thanked in the acknowledgements for helping to make that scene everything it was.~Jim
DrT posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 10:23pm
Oh dear, Harry isn't in good shape, mentally or physically. An excellent chapter, and good use of Justin.
"T"
JBern replied:
Thanks for the compliment on using Justin. I wanted an outside perspective of the Wizarding world that didn't involve Hermione. Hope you enjoyed the battle.~Jim
Wolf550e posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 8:31pm
Very good! Harry snapping was believable, though Snape was a bit cliche.
JBern replied:
Don't really follow you on the Snape thing. He paused to torture Harry only when he thought Harry was unarmed and defenseless. Until then, Snape was fighting no holds barred to beat him.~Jim
CRose posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 4:38pm
I had problems getting into beginning of this chapter, but I certainly enjoyed the end. Snape finally meeds his much needed end. Harry's been wanting to do that for a long time now. Heh
JBern replied:
I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter despite the slow beginning. ~Jim
PhishBulb posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 3:26pm
That was quite the chapter. I'm sure I'll have second and third thoughts as I reread this (which is sure to happen at some point).
From some of your comments, it seems as if you were going for THE harry vs. snape scene. If that's the case, in all honestly, I'm not sure you quite reached it. Having not read the first few chapters in a while I might be off on this, but didn't Harry already prove himself against Snape, deatheaters, and Voldemort in the first couple of chapters? For Snape to have such an impressive showing now after all of the training Harry has been through and with the help of the portraits seemed wrong.
Admittedly, Harry had just been through a hell of a lot with Fleur. Not to mention having to fight the other deatheaters present. Still, Snape just seemed a bit too in control. Unless I read this wrong, the only reason Harry was able to kill him in the end is that Snape needed to gloat and cast and maintain the Cruciatus. While that might be perfectly in line with Snivellus’ personality, it just seemed wrong for Harry to win this on a fluke. If Snape had taken this seriously, I doubt Harry would have made it, and I don't think that is in line with the characterization of Harry that you've written so far.
That said, it really was a kick ass scene. While it may not be the most satisfying Snape beat-down I’ve ever read, it really doesn’t have to be to fit in with your story. It was a gritty, no holds barred brawl that seems more in line with the type of story you are trying to write. There was a hell of a lot written here that I’ve never seen before and regardless of my thoughts about Snape, this was another quality chapter to one of the very best stories being written right now.
As for the next chapter — I wouldn’t be surprised if Bill initially thinks that Harry is the cause of all of this. Several members of the order are dead, some in gruesome ways, Vance is incapacitated, Fleur is lying dead — naked- on the floor, and Harry is seemingly burning someone to death. With what Bill knows about what Harry was willing to do to Ginny — I couldn’t exactly blame Bill for placing the blame of all of this on Harry and acting accordingly. Could be interesting to see.
Anyway, quality chapter — great story. Thanks for writing.
JBern replied:
Well that's what I was shooting for, but if it fell short, I can smile knowing it was the best scene I was capable of writing at this stage of my brief fanfic career. In the first few chapters, Harry got lucky. Voldy was weakend by his fight with Amelia Bones and the fact he hadn't performed the ritual with Percy to fully regain his powers. Snape was physically manhandling Susan in that chapter and fell to a stunner from Harry.
Power doesn't always win a fight. Cunning can prevail. Harry's been training with Flitwick for a few weeks now. He's learned some tricks. It was as different as a boxing match from a back alley knife fight. Snape is/was a dangerous opponent. In chapter 2, he was on a raid. Take down some wards, kill some folks and kidnap a girl. This time he was there to kill someone he personally hated. Snape pulled out all the stops.
We'll see what happens in the next chapter.~Jim
ps Thanks for a massive review.
anonymous5 posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 12:55pm
"snapped" indeed... scary, that. Good show; one of the most vivid fight scenes I've ever read. Thanks for the update!
JBern replied:
Glad you could really visualize the fight scene. I wanted a brawl vice a fancy duel and I think that I did the best job I was capable of with that scene.~Jim
pip posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 12:38pm
superb! my heart's pounding like crazy!
I read the start of this fic a while back, but gave up for whatever reason. i just read it all through again, and really enjoyed, dark no-nonsense harry and realist susan. if it werent 1.30 in the morning id offer some merw critique and praise, but im so tired rite now [hence my degenerating command over the english language]
looking forward to the enxt part!
pip]x
xxx
JBern replied:
Thanks! I hope to hear more from you later when you are awake.~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 9:20am
Oh, I also meant to mention--The font on this and the last chapter doesn't seem to use the font size selector at the top of the page.
JBern replied:
I'll look into it. I have some problems with my chapters on this site for some reason.~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 9:16am
Quite the battle. It proves that, while powerful, Harry still has a ways to go yet. Without the 'Black Home Advantage' he would have been screwed--and it was a close run thing as it was. He was disadvantaged having already fought Fleur, of course, but war isn't about fighting fair.
Susan reading Harry's feelings was interesting. Confusing at first, but it makes sense after she figures it out.
Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
I wanted Snape to be a cunning and devious opponent. In too many Fics Snape just stands there and arrogantly tosses curses until Harry overcomes him. I would think that Snape didn't get where he was by being anything other than deadly in combat.
Glad you liked the part with Susan. The bond they share is weak and subject to wide interpetation.~Jim
Lufio posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 8:39am
Damn. That was a vivid portrayal of a magical death-match. Kudos. It was well-written.
JBern replied:
Thanks I can't take all the credit, but on the behalf of myself and those who help me - Thank you.~Jim
Renzo7 posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 8:35am
Awesome battle scene, I loved the end "Let me show you how to clear your mind, Snivellus" that's a grand finale. Great chapter overall, can't wait to see how Harry's healing will go, what Susan does, what happened in Hogsmeade and the general aftermath of the battle. Keep up the awesome work, and please update soon.
JBern replied:
There was a lot of discussion about ending the chapter on the firewhip scene. I made the last minute decision to add the shortened scene with Bill entering and finding Harry. The original scene was too long and drawn out. It took away from rather than complimented the energy that had been built during the chapter.~Jim
Haeton posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 8:33am
Wow, you never fail to entertain, but wow. I look forward to the aftermath of this battle. Harry is building up some serious incidents that could come back to haunt him latter. Let the Abott's see what he is cabable of and they may just run for their lives.
JBern replied:
Hopefully, Harry will get some nice quiet time next chapter. Then again, maybe not....
Glad you liked it~Jim
Rake posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 7:56am
I’m humbled…never before have I seen such a great fight scene (except maybe in your other story) it had it all blood, suffering and the death of Snape. Like I said on DLP I would have liked to see more of the dementor power in this chapter but I guess you’re the writer.
JBern replied:
I am glad you liked it. I left the option of using that dementor power out there for me if I needed it. Much like in the coming fight in Bungle where Harry has one of his single use runes in his pocket in the event I feel the need to use it. I have to credit all the people that help me with the story. I make it good. They polish it and help me make it great.~Jim
amulder posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 5:32am
this is seriously violent. Are you going to keep this up through the whole story? Seems to be never ending the past few chapters.
JBern replied:
Things are going to back down during the next few chapters. Both sides will be licking their wounds. This was Voldemort's last real shot to get Harry before Hogwarts. Battles are like that. They come in spurts of violence and death. I promised a gritty and realistic version of a war. I hope it is also compelling.
Think about it this way. You have all sorts of 'redo' fics out there. In most of them, they go on at length about how horrible the war was and how it left emotional scars on Harry. In this fic, you get to see the horrible war unfold right before your eyes.~Jim
Christopher Patton posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 4:50am
Great chapter and a fantastic combat scene with Harry and Severus. I can see Harry going a bit overboard from the stress and the release of all of his pent up emotions regarding Snape. It was a well thought out combat sequence and it was well written as well. I looking forward to more of this story as well as 'Bungle'. While the timing may not be ready yet, I think that Harry and Susan need to have some time to themselves soon so they can build on whatever relationship they have so far.
Thanks for the new chapter.
JBern replied:
I'd like to take sole credit for how well the fight scene turned out, but just about everyone I thanked in my acknowledgements played a roll making that outstanding scene. Given how many people/dementors Harry has killed in the last 24 hours, he's due for some Post-Tramuatic Stress. Thanks for enjoying the chapter and reviewing.
Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 4:28am
Great fight scene with Snape! Excellent use of the portraits. I liked how very close it was and how Harry appears to have lost his grip at the end.
Any chance that the mercs were caught? I would think that being in pay of the Dark Lord would merit death.
Looks like Peter is going to get a promotion with Snape gone.
Hope you bring Ginny back in some way.
JBern replied:
The Mercs are mentioned in the next chapter. Ginny returns soon. She still has a part to play...
Peter as a potions master? Nah. He already is in charge of DE HQ and Voldemort's reading lamp.
Glad you liked the battle. It took a lot of rework and a lot of input from others to get it into the final form.
Jim
PerfesserN posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 3:36am
Okay, Harry's lost it. Will all the king's horses and all the king's men be able to put poor Harry back together again? We can only hope. Good, clear (if somewhat disturbing) imagery. Is the story outline complete? Will Harry ever recover? I guess we'll have to wait for the update.
JBern replied:
I am happy that you were able to follow the imagery. As for the rest of the questions, you'll have to wait and see....
Jim
Jeff1 posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 3:06am
A most fitting end to the greasy git. Please keep up the great work. I can't wait for the next installment.
JBern replied:
You know, grease fires are some of the more difficult ones to put out ....
Thanks for the review.~Jim
MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:41am
I hope you don't have Harry lossing his mind. He is going to need some mental help here after all of this. But I still like the way he to Snape down though. Update soon.
MPF
JBern replied:
Well it's not lost, just a little misplaced at the moment. I wanted to play up the trauma a bit. He has after all done a good bit of killing in the last 24 hours.~Jim
Fishburne posted a comment on Friday 15th December 2006 5:42pm
JBern replied: