By JBern
Reviews
Crys posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:33am
Forgot two things.
Nit: Three female DE's behind curse-breaker team. Hestia, Emmy, and ??? who doesn't ever seem to show up again. Or did I miss something?
Last, great idea to have Snape "trick" the wards out of Hermione. That's so very in character for both of them to do exactly what you described.
Oh, and "faux kedavra"? Tricky move.
JBern replied:
Actually, it was 3 additional DEs beyond Hestia and Emmy. Their fates are mentioned next chapter. The Curse Breakers left immediately as they are not contracted for combat on this mission.
Glad you appreciated Hermione being used like that. You would think there would be a spell out there that simulates the speed and color of the killing curse. The painting in the Parlor taught him that spell. Sirius taught him Levicorpus.
Jim
Crys posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:24am
Yeowza. Good fight scene.
Watching Susan put Harry back together again (again) should prove interesting.
BTW, are they aware of the emotional bond? If so, shouldn't Susan have been worried when she felt the flash of lust then the emotional backlash of the fight?
You didn't say, but did Tonks and Flitwick catch the ward-breaker team?
Wonder if they'll be able to recover the two Order members who were broken.
Again, gritty story but very good.
JBern replied:
Thanks. The bond is very weak and is still maturing. They are also still becoming acclimated to it. Feeling something is one thing understanding why you are feeling something is another. Especially with Susan on edge.
There was a much longer ending scene with Bill picking his way through the wreckage downstairs that covered all of what you asked. It was shelved until next chapter where you will see more of it.
The long and drawn out scene significantly diminished the energy that I had built in the climax to the Harry vs Snape battle. Vance will be recovered. There is a minor side story with her deprogramming. Jones (mistakenly thought to be a male DE by Harry) was the one killed by the Ice Spear spell. Recover her, yes, but only to bury her.~Jim
Jim
HermioneGreen posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:05am
What a most awesome scene. It was well worth the wait. I hope Susan arrives soon to help Harry out of the darkness he had to let himself embrace. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing
'Mione
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. Susan will most likely play a large part in next chapter.~Jim
LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 1:59am
"Telum Glacis!"
The Death Eater was straightening up from his hunched over position when the meter long shard of jagged ice struck in his chest. His opponent swayed and dropped to the ground. He needed time, so he cast a smokescreen and scrambled up the steps.
----
I read that part three times before I submitted the review, and now for a fourth time. That STILL reads like Snape got struck with the ice, but was not severely affected. Oh well. On to the next massacre. :)
JBern replied:
I'll slide the word masked in there. From Harry's POV, he didn't know whether the DE was a guy or a girl. He just sent a large ice chunk into an enemy. It was Jones who was hit with a fatal blow.~Jim
redquail posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 12:49am
the best snape kill scene that i have read though i wonder if susan must be there for harry to become sane again
JBern replied:
Thanks for the review and we'll see much more of Susan next chapter.~Jim
Wonderbee31 posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 11:12pm
Wow, talk about an intense part here, that was something else indeed. The aftermath shows promise of being extremely emotional and will not be looking forward to Bill's reaction after the adrenaline is over and out of him, as well as Harry's mental state, though was glad that Susan and Hannah got it out of their systems a bit now.
JBern replied:
You have to realize in the last 24 hours Harry has killed a misc DE, Lucius, Piotr Levski, Wormtail (well Harry thinks he did), Fluer, another misc DE (actually the brainwashed Hestia Jones) and Snape. Add that to the 100+ dementors and witnessing the deaths of Dobby and what was left of Diggle and Podmore and he's about reached his breaking point.
Thanks for the reveiw.~Jim
OnegaiSilver posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:59pm
Having Harry slightly lose it as he dismembers Snape.... classic! His taunting of Snape using Snape's first year speech was a perfect, and made this one of the best Snape death/torture scenes I've ever read. Bravo, and keep it coming as I eagerly await more of this and Bungle in the Jungle!
JBern replied:
As I stated in a previous reply, if Snape isn't one of the 'good guys', how his fate is handled is one of the most important things in the story. I do hope you compare this to the next 20 Harry versus Snape scenes you read. Off to Bungle in the Jungle.~Jim
LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:22pm
Wait wait wait, how come you -save- the tertiary characters? How come the secondary characters are kicking the bucket left and right, like Snape (and arguably Fleur and the Dobbster), but Vance is still alive at the end and Jones took a vacation in the middle of the fight?
I demand equality! I demand satisfaction, sir, and I will have it!
~bitchslaps author with armor gauntlet~
JBern replied:
Well I am sad to report that Jones didn't make it. A meter long ice spear through the chest tends to do that. I'd argue that Snape is a primary character and agree that Fleur and Dobby are secondary characters, but don't forget Sturgis and Diggle were also taken out in the same chapter as Fleur and Dobby. So the net result of the battle of #12 is one primary and one tertiary character survives while one primary, two secondary and three tertiary ones are pushing up daisies. It's a good ratio. I award myself bonus points on the basis that the two survivors aren't in their right minds now.~Jim
Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:16pm
Wonderful chapter but you just left it hanging at the end...
Its questionable whether Ms. Vance will recover... Also, she might even harm Flitwick or Tonks... or is that something that will happen later on?
JBern replied:
I had a very long and drawn out last scene with Bill creeping through the wreckage of #12, but I shelved it instead and just gave a brief summary to get him to the library for the important scene of Harry 'cracking'. All the extra details seemed to leech the emotional energy I was trying to use there. Her fate will be discussed later.~Jim
Asad posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 8:23pm
Why did you reduce the text size halfway through the chapter?
JBern replied:
There was some weird HTML error that repeated several paragraphs. See previous reviews and replies. When I fixed it, it must have altered the font size. I'll look into it more today.
Strange and mysterious thing this internet....
Jim
dahurstsr posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 7:04pm
One of the best Harry Snape fights I have read. I loved the spell used to end it.
JBern replied:
Thanks! I hope it is the standard that you compare the next 20 Harry versus Snape battles you read in fandom.~Jim
ttd posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 6:44pm
Brilliant! I hope you're going to explain the odd repetition during the fight, because my sleep-addled brain couldn't quite come up with a reason for it. If I am just nit-picking, then ignore me: the chapter was very good, especially as you gave Snape a messy end without the use of unforgivables. I hope you enjoyed writing it.
Thanks,
Tom
JBern replied:
If it was the odd repetition of certain paragraphs, then it was a HTML error. Otherwise it was the rapid switching back and forth between Harry and Snape's POV. It actually was a tough chapter to write. The need to get this one right was important. If Snape isn't a 'good guy', then the words that determine his fate are something that can make or break a fanfic.~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 6:18pm
I guess it was just me bad version, never mind the multiple veiws thing. Still a great chapter.
JBern replied:
No, like I said below. It was probably me adding to the confusion. Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 6:16pm
Well the duel was a little hard to follow until I realized you were showing it from multiple points all at once. Though to it may be the fact that I should be in bed, today is a school day after all. Maybe I'll try again after some shut-eye.
I don't know about all of Gardner's works but I now at least his book Grendel is chalked full of dark humor on, at times it seems every other page.
JBern replied:
There were some initial HTML problems with the chapter that repeated some things. It probably added to the confusion. I went back and fixed them, but it seems to have generated a font size problem. Strange and mysterious thing this internet...
Thanks again for the review.~Jim
Sean Dillon posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:57pm
Yes, it was a good Snape death scene.
There were a couple of spots where you repeated sentences -- maybe a second to last edit version got posted. The mage flare and the grabbing second wands areas need to be looked at again.
JBern replied:
Some quirky problems surfaced with the HTML. I edited out the duplicates in italics, but now that has altered the font size. Strange and wonderful thing this internet....
Thatnks for the review.~Jim
mjc posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:47pm
Other than some HTML formatting problems, a five star chapter...
JBern replied:
Thanks. I went back and fixed them, but it seems to have caused some other problems and altered the font size. I'll have to look at it more later.~Jim
Wolfric posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:45pm
"Snape" Burn baby burn! Love it! W
JBern replied:
I had thought that calling the chapter Snape Tartar would have been just a bit too leading. Thanks~Jim
Finbar posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 5:39pm
DAMM! Snape went out well, in battle, a great scene but a better death than he deserves. I feel sorry for the girls Voldie has brainwashed, but I suppose there is nothing that can be done about them. C'est la vie.
Great chapter, I really enjoy this story for the politics involved. It's rare to have realistic politics in a story, normally it's either in the background or childlike in it's simplicity.
Well done!
JBern replied:
Thanks. Emmy survived and will be 'deprogrammed'. It'll take a while and it is a minor subplot involving Bill. I try pretty hard to make the situations as believable as possible and throwing in little tidbits like the economics of the Wizarding world from Justin's pov help. ~Jim
M. R. Moore posted a comment on Wednesday 13th December 2006 9:34am
Damn... See this is why I always say that a smart man fears the women in his life, especially my last girlfriend who could have kick-boxed my butt up one side of the room and down the other.
JBern replied:
Well you know what they say, behind every great man is the fear of what his woman will do to him if he isn't great.~Jim
Gardengirl posted a comment on Thursday 14th December 2006 2:41am
JBern replied: