By JBern
Reviews
duke_bonez posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 9:52am
Oi, the link to the newest chapter isn't there. Hell I didn't even realize Black Widow Rush was here until I saw the chapter title and said, Huh? My usual eloquent brilliance at work.
JBern replied:
It might be beacuse I was doing some maintenance on the chapter through the admin console for my little part of the site. Check it now. ~Jim
LoggingInSucksAss posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 2:50pm
A goblin, a centaur and a dark lord walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at the centaur for a long moment, then turns to the others and says, "Is that a goat or are you just happy to see me?"
Good god, man, is there going to be anyone left alive bythe end of this story?
JBern replied:
Like I said to Ken in the previous review. The HP-Lexicon says I still have plenty of characters left....
Not a bad joke, I'll keep it in mind.~Jim
Ken Warner posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 2:05pm
nasty cliffy there Jbern - but hey the author definitely has the right - very enjoyable story - loved the conversation that Harry had with his goblin account manager; just exactly the right touch for a young teenager. Too bad to see Fleur die - ut you do seem to be killing off the canon characters at a frantic pace.
thanks and warm regards - eagerly looking forward to the next installment of either of your stories.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. According to the HP-lexicon I still have plenty of characters left. It's been what - 7 chapters since I last killed a Weasley. I am probably going to create a list starting with chapter 1 of who dies in each chapter. Both Fleur and Dobby's deaths have significant meaning in the story. Dobby was yet another person to sacrifice himself to save Harry. As for Fleur, Harry has shown that he is capable of killing his enemies even in cold blood. Fleur wasn't really his enemy. She wasn't even in control of herself and her death is his first real experience with unintentional homicide (outside of book 1 and Quirrell and even then he didn't really understand what was going on). This time he was well aware of how the fight could end and was trying to avoid it. He failed.~Jim
Evan Mayerle posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 1:48pm
Whoa, that's quite the cliffie of an ending. The extra wait was worth the excellent story. 'Sides, it makes a very nice birthday present to me. ;)
JBern replied:
Well Happy Birthday to you! Glad you didn't mind the wait. I should be pretty much back on track now. So look for the big battle in 2 weeks.~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 1:09pm
I thought the reconciliation between Susan and Harry worked pretty well. She got lucky and pressed just the right buttons at the right time. I'd like to see a bit more time spent on the two of them together.
I like the jaguar from Bungle better than the raven, but you wouldn't want to repeat.
Goblins having their own media was nice touch. Broke away from the different fanon stereotypes nicely. Goblins using trial by combat... Well, at least you didn't require Harry to get involved directly. :-)
I loved Lavender's reaction to LV trying to call in his own attack.
Too bad about Fleur, but if I were him, it would have been AKs after Dobby went down.
Hopefully, Harry's going to tear Snape a whole new digestive tract. Pity the two 'masked Death Eaters' (who I assume are Hestia and Emma) are likely to be colateral damage.
Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
It's a careful balance between the action/adventure and the romance. They will be getting more 'together' time in the next few chapters as the story moves to Hogwarts. Assuming of course, that Harry survives the cliffhanger...
I personally think the Goblins probably would have their own media. I wanted to do the trial by combat, but I thought it was tacky to involve Harry as anything more than a spectator.
I've got a soft spot for Lavender. Already a few responses have trickled in for the 'joke'. The animagus part is important to the story, but not integral to the story like it is in Bungle.
Harry was in a bad spot with Fleur. He knew she was drugged and dangerous. Yes Emma and Hestia are the two masked Death Eaters.
Thanks for the review.~Jim
MarkH posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 12:39pm
OK, so this story is excellently written and imaginative.
But, Jesus, is it depressing....... Too many good people being tortured......
Anyhow, I really like what your doing.
Thanks for writing it.
JBern replied:
Well I do profess to trying to write gritty realism. Wars are just that. I am glad you appreciate the effort. There will be less widespread killing in the next few chapters. Though some specific people will be departing...~Jim
Bedrup posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 10:45am
There is so much I like about this chapter. Wormtails punishment. Lavenders dismissal of Voldemort. Delicious. Just to mention two examples. There ´s also a lot of nice gore. I ´m not to happy about Dobby, but hey, if you kill of a bunch of people I very well can ´t expect all deaths to agree with me, can I? But what a horrid cliffhanger. For shame.
JBern replied:
I have to credit IP82 for the Peter powered nightlight. Voldemort had about a decade of hanging around in Albania waiting for his 'loyal' followers to find him. I am willing to bet he had customized punishments for all of them.
Again, war is hell. People die. I had wanted to write Harry versus Snape in this chapter, but continuing the scene took away from the power of Dobby's sacrifice and the unintentional slaying of Fleur.~Jim
Renzo7 posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 10:09am
That's evil, you know... leaving us hanging like that... And Fleur, too, though it's not like she'll know...
Nice work overall, I liked the goblin scene and the description of what's happened so far in the battle. I expected Harry to get angry when Fleur killed Dobby, his lack of reaction there is somewhat confusing, especially given Dobby's parting words. Still, great work, keep it up and PLEASE try to update soon.
JBern replied:
Well, the chapter was a bear to finish. Real life kept getting in the way. In a way I felt bad for Fleur, but I actually felt worse when the plot took an evil turn on Luna. Both those females play a strong role in Bungle in the Jungle. I try and make it up to them there.
The shock over Dobby hasn't set in yet. It will...
Jim
Crys posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 9:29am
Nice touches with Aberforth turning two deez to goats and Colin & Lavender.
*wince* Ouch. Sorry, Fleur.
I've said it before and I'm saying it again. Dark, gritty story, but fully believable for all that.
Oh, and welcome to FFA :)
JBern replied:
Thanks. Well Aberforth always did have a thing for goats...
People expect my characters to be the same from story to story are usually quite surprised. In Bungle, Fleur is a collected "together" kind of gal. In this one she was the vain and slightly prissy person we first met in GoF. She might already have been dying from the drug in her system. The beauty of this is Harry will never know for sure.
Thanks again for the compliments and the welcome. I'm glad to be here and hope to continue to prove that you folks made a good choice.
Jim
HermioneGreen posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 9:12am
A most awesome chapter. I'm glad harry was able to withstand her allure. I am still looking forward to the harry vs snape chapter. Keep up the good work
Thanks for sharing
'Mione
JBern replied:
Thank you. I really wanted to do the fight in this one, but as I wrote it. There seemed to be something powerful in the death of both Dobby and Fleur. With the chapter already a healthy read at slightly over 8000 words, I thought to go on would take away from the finish. I hope that makes sense.
Jim
Sean Dillon posted a comment on Sunday 26th November 2006 8:54am
Wormtail on a hamster wheel - interesting visual.
I guess Lavender's lifespan is now being measured in days instead of years. Hope Colin gets his pictures first.
Not a good night for the good guys.
JBern replied:
I have to credit IP82 for the rat powered nightlight. Voldy had 10 long years waiting for one of his followers to come 'find him'. I envisioned he would have custom tailored punishments for each. Too bad Bella died before we could find out what hers would have been.
Originally, there was more of a direct threat to Lavender left in Aberforth's blood, but Voldemort is a busy man. He's got other things on his mind than killing some Ministry busy body. Still Lav ought to watch her step...
Jim
Asad posted a comment on Saturday 25th November 2006 7:32am
Very nice. I enjoyed this confrontation more than any other in this fic.
How is the progress with the next chapter?
JBern replied:
Just waiting on it to come back from Kokopelli to hash out the final edit. The rough draft of the chapter is on darklordpotter under the work by author section. Check it out if you want.~Jim
MonkeyAxman1302 posted a comment on Monday 20th November 2006 11:45pm
A brilliant chapter. I liked the dementor aspect you placed in. A possible bond which explains, well sort of explains, how he has the power to kill them. Most just give the excuse that Harry has so much power he is just capable of a super patronus. Its also good and very much in the character you've created that he ruthlessly kills them all.
I really liked you Rita Skitter and I thought your version of one of her articles was superb.
I also really liked Bill's reaction to Harry's use of Ginny. Very much in character and a very good way of developing some thoughtful contemplation for Harry on what he is doing. You show us Harry's reasoning for what he did with Ginny which shows us a ruthless side to him that is developing and its kind of nice that your getting Bill to test that.
I'm going to say again its great that your on this site, and I'm really glad this site has cought up with ff.net
Monkey
JBern replied:
I've always wondered why the Dementors singled out Harry on the train? Some say it was his connection to Sirius, other say his deep emotional terrors. Um, I don't really buy it. I thought it would be interesting to make the Power the Dark Lord knows not something truly horrid. A connection to the Dementors and the possibility of turning into one. You probably have scene all these stories where superHarry! has his way with everyone and unleashes a Dementor aura causing everyone to tremble in fear (odd that most of the times this is used - it is on the OOTP or Ron, Hermione and Ginny). I want my version of Harry to be more than a little worried that he will turn into a monster.
I've received nothing but glowing reviews for my writing as Rita segment. The ability to write with no sense of shame seemed to come naturally. (Perhaps I to have an inner monster?)
Part of the realism I am trying to portray is that there are several degrees to right and wrong. You've probably had enough arguments in your life to know that it is rare that one person is totally in the right and the other is totally wrong. I'm doing my best to represent that in this story. In the end you readers will be the judge of that.
Thanks again,
Jim
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Monday 20th November 2006 2:08am
I finished reading this offline, and I have to say that this is one of the most intense and emotionally realistic views of how I think the battle between Voldemort and Harry would go that I have read. Excellent work! I can't say that enough.
Thank you for writing it.
Tom A.
JBern replied:
Thank you again for the compliments. I'm glad you approve of the gritty realism that I promised when I started this story. Chapter 26 is nearing completion, just one big nasty fight at #12 to be written.~Jim
millercommamatt posted a comment on Sunday 19th November 2006 4:50pm
Lies upon tricks all wrapped up in mystery, suspense, and multiple misdirections. You, my friend, have talent. Did you every find yourself getting confused over who was supposed to get the drop who while writing?
JBern replied:
Thank you and to answer your question - my wife and daughter always have the drop on me. Oh you meant during the story! No, I have a good handle on what is happening. If only real life were so accomodating. Chapter 26 is almost done. I have the big Harry versus Snape fight to write. See you then.~Jim
Hesuse posted a comment on Sunday 19th November 2006 2:52pm
FYI: In England, a ball-point pen is called a biro.
Hesuse
JBern replied:
Noted. I'll add it to my list for editing when I get a chance.~Jim
dboris posted a comment on Saturday 18th November 2006 12:06am
You are definitely on my all time favorite authors !
Continue like this!
boris
JBern replied:
Chapter 26 is nearing completion. Real life and it's demands have been demanding my attention. The first 3 scenes are posted in the work by author section of Darklordpotter(dot)net. Feel free to check them out. All that's left is to write the big fight scene.~Jim
dboris posted a comment on Friday 17th November 2006 10:03pm
Just wanted to ask why do authors believe keeping the prophecy secret would help?
It will, but only on short term. As soon as Voldemort begins attacking (like Azkaban, etc.) there is no need to keep this prophecy secret. If Dumbledore kept the prophecy secret from Potter, it's because Voldemort won't risk an attack and will keep low as he doesn't know the prophecy --> since he "died" once, he doesn't want to take any chance.
JBern replied:
It's a good question. FWIW, I believe Knowledge is power. If the prophecy were released on a grand scale, it may cause Voldy to go on a killing spree knowing that only Harry Potter could kill him. Similarly just because only Voldy could kill him doesn't necessarily mean that Draco couldn't go up and say blow Harry's wand arm off. It wouldn't kill him, but it would put him at a severe disadvantage for later. Something to think about.~Jim
dboris posted a comment on Friday 17th November 2006 4:39pm
Just to say your story's getting better and better =) I especially like how you describe Voldemort and his death eaters; they seem to be more "real".
Good job, keep writing like that and you may end up in my very restrictive all-time favorite authors list =)
JBern replied:
Thank you for the compliments. When I first started writing this story, I wanted to be realistic and believeable. I am proud of my depiction of Voldemort and his minions. Too many authors out there give us the psychotic throne humper. I wanted someone more along the lines of Magneto or Doctor Doom from Marvel Comics. Chapter 26 is almost done.~Jim
Gardengirl posted a comment on Monday 27th November 2006 2:17pm
JBern replied: