By JBern
Reviews
Manatheron posted a comment on Thursday 16th November 2006 3:22pm
Hmmm... I don't know if I like where this is going to end up... Every time I see a group of Less than three people I start getting jumpy and wondering whom your going to kill off next. I do have to admit that you tell a very compelling story though, and I am eagerly looking forward to the next chapter, as well as any future works.
Sincerly (The now Paranoid),
Manatheron
JBern replied:
War is brutal and merciless isn't it? If I start killing off large groups of people at a time, I'm going to run out of characters. Chapter 26 will be no exception. Several people are going to die. The first 2500 words are up on Darklordpotter in the work by author section at the bottom. Real life has been tying up my free time so the full chapter will be delayed, but on the plus side - I get to go wild with a chainsaw on one of my fallen trees! YEAH BABY CHAINSAW TIME!!! Okay, maybe I'm a little disturbed.:)
Jim
Renzo7 posted a comment on Thursday 16th November 2006 3:05pm
This story rocks! I'm ashamed to admit I'd started reading this story a long time ago, but stopped as soon as Harry did the saving Snape act at the Bones Mansion.
Since I liked your other story so much I figured I'd give this one another chance, I'm glad I did, since this is a most excellent story. Your character's personalities, reactions, interactions, the plots, everything works so well.
Keep up the great work, I hope you update soon.
JBern replied:
Alot of people didn't like Harry bailing Snape out of that jam in chapter 2. At the time, Harry didn't really have any other options. Now of course he is wishing he hadn't, but if he did that, we wouldn't have the Harry versus Snape showdown in this coming chapter. I have chapter 26 about 1/3 the way done. Real life is dragging on my free time. I hope it will be up this weekend. Glad you gave the story a second chance.
Jim
MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Thursday 16th November 2006 1:10pm
Great chapters, I await your next updates.
MPF
JBern replied:
I am working on chapter 26 right now. Real life is slowing me down. One of my trees fell and took out part of my neighbors fence during the windstorm through the midatlantic yesterday. It will probably slow progress even further as I spend all weekend chopping it up and hauling it to the curb.
On the updside - CHAINSAW TIME BABY!!!!!!!!
Jim
PerfesserN posted a comment on Thursday 16th November 2006 12:33pm
Jim, you are our hero. No one else here (that I've noticed) loads as many chapters at a time. And the writing is consistently excellent - keep writing, we'll keep readin' and reviewin'
His Dark Snakiness is being devious here, be afraid; be very afraid. . .
JBern replied:
Thanks. I wish I could say differently, but all those chapters were already written. I wanted to hustle and get them up here and I owe a large debt to Kokopelli for quickly reediting the chapters. I still have to post chapters 2-7 with the rework done to them.
I wish I could churn out three chapters that quickly. As it stands it has slowed progress on chapter 26. I posted the first 2500 words of chapter 26 in rough draft form on Darklordpotter under the work by author section.
Jim
PerfesserN posted a comment on Thursday 16th November 2006 8:59am
Oooooh, nice dig at the politicos there, the pieces are in motion is end game in sight?
JBern replied:
We'll see if the endgame is in sight. I am still trying to decide whether to end it here in the next couple of chapters and make a sequel or just keep it as one story.~Jim
Todd Rodgers posted a comment on Thursday 16th November 2006 3:06am
I hadn't seen your stories before just a week or two ago -- but this is absolutely fantastic. What I think I liked the best at this point is your conversation with Bill Weasley and Harry. I think Bill made the best argument I've ever heard for how Harry should approach combat. Very well done. I hope you keep writing this tale, I'm really enjoying it.
JBern replied:
Glad you are enjoying my efforts. I like to write conversations that seem real. Arguments always have 2 sides. Often neither is completely right nor wrong. Thank you for the kind words.~Jim
Tanydwr posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 11:52pm
Awesome as usual.
Poor Ginny - after having Tom rape her mind at age eleven - even if she can't remember it - she now has to go through a schoolmate doing it. They'll be lucky if she really doesn't snap. And Harry will feel so guilty about it.
The Auror scenes were good - and Harry's dealing with the Dementors and Skeeter were awesome!
One thing - you seem to use apostrophes for plurals when you shouldn't be. Might want to check that out - first paragraph of Rita's article - Curse breaker's should be (I think) Curse-breakers.
Keep up the exceptional work.
Lol, Tanydwr
JBern replied:
It was surprisingly easy to write as Rita Skeeter. I don't know what that says about me.
Ginny's had a rough road in this story. I don't see it getting any better.
Jim
Manatheron posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 7:42pm
I've just got to make a quick comment here about the Mental imagery you painted for me. When you talked about Neville coming out of the lake I could Literally seea tall young man walkings slowly out of the water, the sunrise painting the lake and half of his body a deep blood red... It was a real 'Armageddon Now' Picture, so I want you know that you Did an excellent job, and that I Completely agree with the thought that he would run.
There is a time to fight, and a time to hide, and when you are Outnumbered with no hope of re-inforcements, and nothing in particular to save, you RUN.
JBern replied:
Thanks! Did you actually mean Apocalypse Now? Glad you are enjoying the story. Neville will feature heavily later in the story.~Jim
MercuryBlue posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 4:43pm
Is it Fred who died or George? I'm not sure whether I'm remembering things wrong or whether you keep switching which one's on the obituary list, but I'm pretty sure only one of them died and I don't know which one it is.
JBern replied:
George died. Fred was captured and freed at the hostage swap.~Jim
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 9:45am
Nice chapter. I thought Neville acted just right. Being Gryffindor doesn't mean fighting 8 death eaters by yourself.
The Marietta and Terry scene was nice too. Death eaters are too easy to make psychopaths. Well done.
And the dinner party with Bella was good.
Nice story. Well done.
Tom A.
PS. I'm in the middle of NaNoWriMo, so there probably won't be an update to my stuff until after November is over.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. Good luck on your competition entry. Glad you enjoyed some of the bit characters taking the stage. Drop me an email if you need anything.~Jim
dboris posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 9:02am
Why do Susan Bones feel guilty using hot water? I mean, it's not like wizards are using gas or electricity to warm water, aren't they?
JBern replied:
The magic probably takes time to replenish the hot water. I am guessing there has to be some limits on household magic.~Jim
dboris posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 7:54am
Good fan fiction, I guess it is your first? There are still things that could be improved but the good thing is that it makes me want to read the next chapters :)
Dialogs are maybe not the best, but they usually get better the more you write.
The one thing out of place there was, I think, when Harry felt 'empty' for killing someone. This kind of thing don't happen right after you kill someone. It happens the night after, when you are alone and have nothing else to worry about. (I'm not speaking of personal experience :p)
When there are battles, people don't rely much on words but more on body language. 'Fight now, talk later' isn't something I would encounter were something similar to happen.
I'm not really good with English, however these things are universal ;)
And you can check and correct these things later. Or get a beta ;)
Anyway I can't tell much until I read further.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. I do have a beta as of the later chapters. I will be reposting the earlier ones soon.~Jim
applesollie posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 7:50am
I've realy enjoyed your story so far..it certainly is a twist on things...a question? Remus and Harry are cool now?
JBern replied:
They are mostly cool now. Things are much better than around chapter 8.~Jim
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 7:32am
Nice confrontation between Harry and Dumbledore. Good chapter.
Nice touch at the end having Harry send the note to Neville.
Good work. Thank you for sharing it.
Tom A.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 5:45am
Nice start. Right into the action! Only canon problem I see is that I think Susan's parents were killed in the first war against Voldemort. But it's not a big deal.
I completely agree with your characterist of the other houses view of Hufflepuffs. (But I think the Ravenclaws would view Gryffindor as the "put" house - you're not hard working to be Hufflepuff, and not obnoxious enough to be Slytherin, so the hat had to put you in Gryffindor :-)
The comment in HBP where Susan says she "now knows what it feels like to be Harry Potter" has made me want to write a H/Susan story for a while. I might still, but I have great expectations for this one, given how much I like your Bungle in the Jungle.
Thanks for writing!
Tom A.
JBern replied:
Wow! Now here I thought you had been reading this one all along on Ficwad. Interesting perspective on the Ravenclaw mindset. I've actually had this one going on longer than Bungle. It's a bit darker, but I think you'll be pleased. Of course I have to ask, when is your stuff going to be updated? ~Jim
Tanydwr posted a comment on Wednesday 15th November 2006 2:20am
Crikey! What an ending! Runes, Hagrid? Ones to help him tap into his connection with magical creature, perhaps?
Ginny - an oath? Well, if she does snap and become her generation's Bellatrix as Penny thought she might, at least she'll be doing so on the side of good. And poor Luna! Neville will be furious!
Harry gave Snape the prophecy? Or did he - he only said conversation... and he could have cut off the memory...
This is an amazing story - keep up the excellent work.
Lol, Tanydwr
JBern replied:
You should really enjoy the next chapter. If you can't wait for it visit ficwad or ff.net, but let me know what you think of chapters 21-25. The should answer most of your questions.~Jim
patrickokc posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 6:38pm
absolutly love this story...I had never thought to read a HP/SB story before but haveing run out of the other ships there were out there *minus the slash stories of corse...ugh* I started reading this one. I will now look up and start not only reading these but maybe some luna and hanna stories as well...your stories is one of the best plots for ind. Harry i have read in a long time. thanks for the time you put into it and I cannot wait to read the rest.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I am sure there are plenty of lesser used ships out there you might enjoy. Jeconais has a very nice Harry/Hannah one shot in his mix. Cubdom has a nice Harry/Susan story called Remanants of the Soul (which he needs to update). I also recommend The Jack of Diamond's Harry Potter and the Hero's Path. My other story is an interesting if slow developing Harry/Luna.~Jim
reimanr06 posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 4:41pm
I find it interesting that Harry is derisive of Dumbledore's attempts at waging a "political" war. It is particularly interesting because I had just finished a reading for my class on the American Civil War. This reading emphasized that the major failing of the generals of the Civil War was that they failed to recognize the importance of politics and public opinion in the waging of "modern" war. So in fact by playing the politics, Dumbledore is in fact showing qualities necessary for a leader in a time of war.
JBern replied:
You have an interesting point. Harry is learning more and more what it takes to really wage war.~Jim
anonymous5 posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 2:49pm
bravo, bravo! This is an excellently-executed ending. Hagrid covered in runes is a nice and wholly unique touch. I can't wait to see where you go from here!
JBern replied:
Thank you very much. The big battle next chapter should be really enjoyable. I'll get it up here as soon as I get it back from the rework beta genius that is Kokopelli. If you can't wait try find it on ficwad or ff.net~Jim
HermioneGreen posted a comment on Thursday 16th November 2006 4:29pm
JBern replied: