DaZZa posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 2:30pm

Minor nitpick

"He was worried about the tow of them, but it wasn’t the only thing on his mind."

I think it should be "worried about the two of them".

I'm liking this story more and more as it goes on. Keep up the great work.

JBern replied:

Fixed.   Glad you are enjoying the story!~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 2:11pm

Now Susan can know she's not weak - she can't be dead.

Great Snape sacking.

JBern replied:

Snape getting sacked was a definite highlight of this chapter.   Hope you like the changing dynamic between Hary and Dumbledore.   They are working more or less as equals now.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 1:44pm

Voldie thinking about whoppee cushions at a Death Eater meeting was a snorter.

Poor Neville - heck, POOR Luna.

JBern replied:

Perhaps my crowning achievement, having Voldemort shopping in Fred and George's store!   I recall when I first published this chapter that I lost a chunk of readers due to the deaths of several characters in this chapter.   Some made it seem like the end of the world!   I didn't know that George, Lee and Katie were that essential to victory.   Hope you liked my more violent version of Hagrid?~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 12:21pm

Please make Snape's demised long and painful and at Harry's hand. Let Snivellus know Harry defeated him.

Interesting that your writing can stir such emotions.

Fine work.

JBern replied:

Snape is such an interesting study in character.   I dislike the 'sudden change of heart' version that many author's feed us.   If he is to be redeemed, I want to see a long drawn out and believeable version of it.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 11:52am

Excellent Hermione insult.

Why do Hagrid's wound bother me so?

Great reason to stop Penny.

JBern replied:

Glad you liked it.   Insulting Hermione is a hobby of mine, probably my sense of betrayal at JKR not going with Harry and Hermione as love interests.

Again your sense of foreboding amazes me.   We'll see about Hagrid soon...

Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 10:56am

This is an amazing tale. I don't like the Ginny you've created, but you've done a great job of creating this whole scenario with Dumbledore/Ginny/Hermione/Molly trying to bring Harry and Ginny together.

I even like the struggle you have Harry and Dumbledore going through to probably become reluctant allies.

Just very well done.

JBern replied:

Ginny gets   very poor treatment in both my stories.   She pays a high price for her redemption later.

One of the most interesting parts in this story to me is at the moment, everyone is afraid Harry will become the next Voldemort.   Harry is afraid he will become the next Dumbledore.   Interesting contrast, no?~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 8:43am

Once again, your originality is a delight to read.

The Scrimgeour conversation is very practcal and pragmatic - something Dumbledore is probably incapable of, even though I am writing him going in that directon.

Terrific!

JBern replied:

In far too many stories where Scrimgeour is used, he is a bully and a thug.   I wanted something different.   I have given a story where Harry clearly is not Dumbledore's man allowing him to be his own person.   I'm hard on Dumbles early on.   He gets better as the story progresses.   I look forward to your opinions~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 7:11am

You do create some of the most complex scenarios and delightfully different events.

Fascinating vampire explanations and building of a tentative alliance.

Great stuff!

JBern replied:

I thought the irony of Harry learning something from Delores was too rich to ignore.   I think you'll enjoy my version of the Wizengamot as well.~Jim

Tanydwr posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 7:10am

A nice opposition to many of the stories out there - even if I do like to write happier ones. I try and get a nice balance, but it varies - especially when I use a lot of past lives and ancient magic in my fic.

Excellent story. Harry has definitely grown older and stronger - is that part of his natural growth, or has the Family Ring been contributing to his maturity?

As something of an avid Harry/Ginny 'shipper, part of me dislikes your characterisation of Ginny. The rest of me admires it - as well as that of Mrs Weasley. The idea of her being coddled is interesting, and the scheming mind of Mrs Weasley is shocking. However Ginny's manipulation of Dean and Harry is also good. I do like how Ron isn't being stereotypically classed as an idiot, with Hermione as Harry's staunch supporter. The difference is excellent.

I'm guessing that Emmeline still has a tendre for Bill? The quote about 'the French teenager you're shagging' was quite abrupt. Also emphasised the difference in age - a reason for that?

I like your analysis of Scrimgeour. In HBP, he struck me as competent, but with too few competent staff-members, as well as keeping Umbitch on. Harry's support and straight talking work well here.

The use of suggestion on Tonks was extremely clever - as was Harry's idea for a cure. I found the scene of Voldemort's victory extremely disturbing - well done! Glad Bella's dead though - what a bitch! I do hope Remus makes Tonks feel better.

Penny as evil - certainly an original twist! Although personally I'm not sure I'd feel much loyalty to a man who raped my mother... The 'Mummy Weasley' line was hilarious, and the necklace and Harry's logic a wonderful idea. Mrs Weasley truly seems to only want the best for her family - that why she tried to get Harry and Ginny together? Belief that Harry's the best and 'only the best is suitable for my daughter'? Penny's manipulation of Ginny was incredibly evil - and worrying. The effects of Tom's psyche on Ginny seems far worse, when coupled with your 'smothering' Mrs Weasley.

Keep up the good work, I can't wait to read more.

Lol, Tanydwr

JBern replied:

Wow, kudos for the long review.   I enjoy writing the semi dark for mature audiences.   I don't write smut, what sex is in the stories is 'tastefully done' an usually has a bearing on the story.

I give Ginny a very rotten shake in both stories I have right now.   I actually enjoy reading a good H/G story.   I just don't want to write one.   I took a different approach to her, obviously.   I also do my darndest to keep Susan from turning into the Ginny/Hermione clone that many girlfriends turn into.   How am I doing?

For Penny, I had originally thought to do a one shot to show what led her down this path.   I may still do it, but suffice to say there is in my world certain disadvantages in being Muggleborn in a society that caters to the purebloods.   This version of Voldy fancies himself more of a Che Guevera than a Julius Ceasar if you follow my meaning.

Glad you have enjoyed it so far and I hope to continue to meet your expectations.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 6:43am

An exhaustive sacking of Azkaban. Thorough and inspired.

Amazing set up for the slowly progressing love life of Harry and Susan.

Interesting vampire introduction. Codeus HAS to be related to Neville.

Cheers!

JBern replied:

Coedus will be around.   I actually have him penned in as an instructor at Hogwarts for the coming year.   That reminds me I need to get back to him in chapter 26.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 6:09am

Motivating Patronus lesson - how fun.

Killer patronus - only Harry, better than the next best thing.

Gripping fight for the rock.

JBern replied:

In all too many fics, someone runs into #12 and says "Azkaban has been cleaned out!"

I thought wouldn't it be more fun to see it happen?   The 'patronus kiss' has been done in several stories, but I think it came off well.   There will be more on Harry's patronus later and it becomes important to the overall storyline.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 4:57am

Having Voldie's dementor sound be the same as Harry's was beyond brilliant! Then to make it his Patronus thought was bizarre as well as brill.

Unlikeable but totally unique Lily/James. If one is going to be dislikable it's usually him. Singular.

Fascinating talk with the Dursleys - gritty and gripping.

Excellent tale!

JBern replied:

I was surprised that more people didn't note the thing about Harry and Voldy's patronus being the same.   Of the two, I think James was more likeable in this one.   The thing most people miss in them is that they were in their early twenties.   I've known many people in that age group, I find few saints among them.   My goal with the story is gritty realism.   I wanted a reason for the unfathomable hatred the Dursleys had for Harry.   In doing so, I think I made both his parents and the Dursleys a bit more believable.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 4:04am

Your Sirius portrait might be the best I've ever read.

This will reading was definitely the best 'circus' I attended in a while.

I love your Narcissa. Spunky women are choice and few are rarely seen in the generation right above Harry except for Tonks, and she's really only a half a generation ahead of Harry.

On to the second circus act!

JBern replied:

For some one who made such a brief appearance in the story, Narcissa left a massive impact.   I have resisted calls to bring her back, though I might be forced into either doing a Charlie/Narcissa one shot or at least an update in one of the chapters where I am looking for interesting filler material.~Jim

anonymous5 posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 3:57am

"Tonks was standing in the room library wonder what was going on."

Come again? Also, the paragraph immediately preceding needs closing quotes.

"Either you are deliberately withholding information from me or you’re the old fool no longer trusts you."

yeah, that too. A bit confusing. It seems like occasionally you go back and rewrite certain phrases without fully clearing the original.

"Ron and Percy drifted away from the two of them — in Percy’s case the drifting was literal."

That's really cute. Nice play on words. :)

JBern replied:

The errors might have been generated during the latest beta work and missed by me prior to posting.   I'll check it out.   Glad you continue to enjoy.~Jim

PerfesserN posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 3:18am

Okay, okay its official, you have turned me into a zinger junkie. I now will be drawn to stories that have a particularly nice/nasty/surprising/horrifying twist at the end of each chapter.
I’m hooked, and it’s entirely your fault.
I hope you can live with yourself.

JBern replied:

I'll try to manage.   I actually owe a large debt to Nonjon for that.   He convinced me that most readers decide in the last 4 paragraphs whether or not they will review.   Since then, I have concentrated on making the ending of the chapters as interesting as possible.~Jim

anonymous5 posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 3:15am

The last screen of this chapter was the most vindictively beautiful page I've ever read. Beautiful. :D

JBern replied:

I like the team of Bill and Harry making the evil folks lives miserable.   I guess that shows.   Glad you liked it.~Jim

DrT posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 2:44am

"If it wasn’t for the unborn child, I’d just as soon kill her." Harry said shocking the already stunned room.

I really think this says alot about how Harry has changed, and the way he reacts later in the fic.

"T"

JBern replied:

Wow.   I pass the test of rereading!   I am glad a writer of your caliber continues to enjoy my stories.   I promise as soon as I get some free time to read and review your latest stuff.   I skimmed it briefly and it looks very interesting.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 1:56am

Clue: The Hogwarts Edition was brilliant!!!!! Murdering Snape as a constant - three cheers!

Interesting perspective on the Weasley women caring for/smothering Harry. Two sides to most coins.

Excellent Harry-consoling-Charlie at the end.

JBern replied:

It's too bad there are so many licensing issues, otherwise I would pitch it to Parker Brothers (I think they make the game. - I guess it's called Cluedo over in England as some reviewers on ff pointed out.)~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Tuesday 14th November 2006 1:05am

This is so very different from the mainstream of sixth year fics.

Congratulations!

You are fleshing out the third tier of Potter-positive students in and around Harry's year that have names but only that to distinguish them from 'third student on the left.'

Well done.

JBern replied:

I probably could have completely eliminated chapter 5 without disrupting the story at all, I liked the part with Terry and Marietta showing that non-wealthy purebloods are limited in choices.   Oddly enough the story was originally conceived as Harry with Marietta as the love interest.~Jim

Aaran St Vines posted a comment on Monday 13th November 2006 10:41pm

I highly prize clever and unique story lines, twists, and characterizations.

This tale delivers every few minutes.

Very impressive!

JBern replied:

As long as I don't just twist for the sake of twists.   If it starts to stray into that territory let me know.~Jim