stuart posted a comment on Saturday 17th November 2007 12:41pm

so, how do you really feel about the french?
I really enjoyed your story, I have just finished it from the start, and I must say you did a much more remarkable job with Harry than Jk did!!

JBern replied:

I love the French and resent any implications to the otherwise.   :-)

Glad you enjoyed the story.   I hope my other stories continue to impress you.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 6:24pm

" her hair would on a life of its own" would Take on

"What clever little spells keeping our lands and homes hidden will protect us from their insipid technology?"
Insipid means bland, vapid, uninteresting, and perhaps weak. I think you meant insidious, which means stealthily treacherous, though that too is not a best choice of words. I'd suggest potent, overwhelming or ferocious, because that's what an h-bomb is next to a stunner.

"I asked what I could tell me about this prophecy" what He could tell me

Cheers,
David

JBern replied:

Thanks again.   If you're interested in doing rebeta work on this critter email me.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 5:24pm

"The Goyles are minor quislings to begin with" Not sure what you mean with the use here of Quisling, which means a traitor or betrayer.

"There’s not been a death on the train since the Pureblood riots of 1822."
The first railroad steam locomotive ("The Rocket") and train was built by George Stephenson in 1825, and ran 9 miles through Wales. Nothing so long distance as London to Scotland would exist for some time.

"It needs a bit of upkeep, but you could it’s yours, if you want to use it,"
Suspect you combined two ideas by accident: either "you could have it" or "it's yours".

Still an impressive story!

JBern replied:

Someone else pointed out the train issue.   I'd probably change it to a later date or consider some type of precursor to the Hogwart's express.

I think I meant underling when I was thinking quisling.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Friday 16th November 2007 2:34pm

"Hermione was out on the grounds, just off the path from the castle to the Owlery."
The owlery is part of the castle. Nowhere in canon does Harry leave the castle to get to the owlery; in fact, on the few occasions when he goes there at night, there's no report of him going downstairs and out the Entrance Hall; rather, he goes up.

"Bernie Bott’s bean" Bertie

JBern replied:

I used the movie in this case with the Owlery on the outside of the castle.

Argh.   More errors.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 5:12pm

"consequences be dammed!" damned
"A white Volvo station with the Grunnings logo" station wagon

JBern replied:

Ack!   Shows what happens when you rush.~Jim

David305 posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 4:26pm

Still very much enjoying; alas, your betas missed a fair amount.
Cerberus, not cerebus
Isaacs, not Issaccs
St. Mungo's (with apostrophe)
Madame Maxime, not Maxine

Still a gripping story, my compliments!

JBern replied:

As always, thanks.   When I get time to do housekeeping on the story I will look for your reviews as starting points of what needs "fixin".

Jim

joeBob posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 1:11am

It's good that you finished this story and thanks for it.

Fight scene was ok. Classic "B movie" "The end?" was nice touch.

This story started out great and had good ideas and a swell Voldemort.

The ending was not bad but might have handled the loose threads better. Or perhaps re-edit the whole story and correct the Checkhov's law violations.

The long span between updates really hurt too. Perhaps one story at a time might help with continuity?

Anyway, still a good story overall and concluded rather than abandoned. Thanks!

JBern replied:

Valid points.   I hope to get it down to where I am only working on one fanfic at any given time.   I don't know if I would ever go back and redit.   I'll certainly fix errors eventually, but I believe in moving forward not backward.~JIm

joeBob posted a comment on Thursday 15th November 2007 12:04am

Masterful Voldemort. He really has earned victory.

JBern replied:

Thanks for the review.   I hope my other works continue to impress you.~Jim

Musings of Apathy posted a comment on Wednesday 14th November 2007 4:55pm

Loving this story, Jim.

Do you ever watch MythBusters? On an episode of that, they tested making the impression of a hero's ring on a villain's face. Good episode.

Just thought I'd review at chapter ... what chapter is this again? Ah, yes, 15. Excellent job through here.

Going back to reading now. I have at least a couple of hours left before I turn into a pumpkin.

Thank you for writing. I'm glad this is a finished story.

Mike (MoA)

JBern replied:

I'd thought you'd read this thing before now?   Oh well, I'm glad you're enjoying this.   I have seen Mythbusters, but not that episode.

I bet I'm more glad than you that this is finally finished.~Jim

Edem posted a comment on Wednesday 14th November 2007 9:01am

Nice ending to a great story. I like that there's some plotting even after the death of Voldemort. Some places in the story I felt that it was a bit drawn out, but the end result is very good. Definatly worth a reading from start to finish a second time ^^

JBern replied:

War seldom answers everything definitively.   The survivors, both victors and defeated, are often left scrambling for their place in the New World and end up evaluating their previos partners.~Jim

ahsun92 posted a comment on Wednesday 14th November 2007 6:47am

Arghghghggh Ultimate cliffhanger. Very pleased with hearing 'The Lie I've Lived' and 'Turn Me Loose' coming off hiatus.
A superb masterpiece!
Well done and I await to see your other chapter!

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Didn't you review on ff dot net as well?   Anyway, glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

00_Knight posted a comment on Wednesday 14th November 2007 3:46am

An interesting ending to an interesting story.

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

Darak1 posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 7:03pm

Thank you for your explanation, I somehow must have missed the part where you explained about the first survival of Voldemort, it does indeed explain why nobody bothered to track his soul.

Concerning the survival of witches and wizards in flames yes there are records of them doing so but they did so by pre-casting the proper charms which isn't that easy to do when on fire (and I still believe wizards wouldn't survive shrapnel or gatling fire but then again it is your story to do with as you want to).

JBern replied:

All valid points, but once again the use of too much  technology fundamentally changes it into one of those technomancer style stories.   Those are pretty difficult to pull off.   Like I said, Harry used bombs a few chapters back and the iron shrapnel was highly resistant to magic (he used anvils to temporarily break the wards in  a looney tune tribute).

Anyway thanks for the comments.~Jim

lordblack posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 4:18pm

I loved it, thank you!

JBern replied:

Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim

CosmosGravitation posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 11:10am

I'm happy, as I'm sure you are, to see this fic finished. It faltered at parts, but finished strong. I liked Voldemorts memories living on. A clever Voldemort would always have a backup plan.

Many of my favorite writers say the key to being a successful author is at least a small amount of natural skill, a moderate amount of imagination, a lot of hard work and a little luck. Seems like you have the first traits, here's to wishing you the last as well.

My personal policy on purchasing books is that I only purchase books by authors I've read and enjoyed and plan to read again. I almost always get a book from the library and read it before I buy it. If it's good and I'll read the book again, then I will purchase it. You have a step up since I've enjoyed two of your stories enough to read them more then once (the Lie and Bungle).

Willing to give any hints about the plot for The Inner Eye of Harry Potter? How about your original work? Do you plan to write them in the traditional fantasy setting (as Tolkein, Martin, etc.) or as modern fantasy (ala Harry Potter, Dresdon Files).

Btw, speaking of Dresdon Files, I'd suggest taking the time to read those if you haven't. The author, Jim Butcher, writes very similarly to how I'd imagine you could write given a bit more finesse and time. Lots of action, strong emphasis on characterization, wit and humor mixed in.

Sorry for going off on a tangent there instead of concentrating on Darkness. Then again, I'm sure you've heard all the critiques and compliments before anyway. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter of The Lie I've Lived. As I'm sure I've mentioned, it's my favorite story of yours.

JBern replied:

There's a lot to make me proud in this story and there are plenty of things to make me cringe.   The Neville subplot dragged on and quite frankly I should have ended the story right after Harry versus Snape and used the rest as a sequel.   It would have made the slower buildup of the chapters seem less awkward.   After I catch up on reviews, I'll make a news article for the JBern mainpage on this site and talk about the original stuff.   It'll be easier to answer that way.

I haven't read Dresden Files.   I did see one or two of the episodes that aired on the sci-fi channel.

The Inner Eye of Harry Potter is a humor piece.   It features a Harry Potter who is partly raised by Sybil T.   He arrives at Hogwarts with a decided appreciation for the subtle art of Divination.   I'll probably post a tease in my section on the forum in late December or Early January.

Thanks for all the reviews.~Jim

dc1 posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 10:04am

this was a great read, well done! it was nice to see a final fight that was intelligently done. looking forward to your other stories and original works.

cheers
dc1

JBern replied:

Thanks.   Glad you liked it.   I hope my other efforts continue to impress you.~Jim

mathiasgranger posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 9:25am

Well given the construct of the Harry Potter universe, you did bring a fair measure of 'gritty realism' to this AU story.

I still think your Voldemort was fair too powerful, to be beyond the realm of 'realism'. If Voldemort was truly as powerful as you characterized him, then he would have taken Britain and all of Europe long before Harry Potter would have gotten his Hogwarts letter.

That being said, I did enjoy the story despite the overwhelming body count, and while this is my least favorite of your stories, I still enjoyed it a fair amount.

Thanks for writing,
Matt

JBern replied:

I believe I made him powerful, but with faults.   Hell, Molly Weasley of all people injured him at one point.   Dumbledore pushed him pretty hard in their earlier clash and a rampaging Hagrid nearly killed him.   He also had holes in his omnipotenence.   He had to go to the Carribean to solicit the Island Queen's assistance creating the revenants.   He also had checkboxes beyond kill Harry Potter.  

According to canon, he was winning before he ran afoul of Harry Potter.   Most of his Death Eaters were either able to buy their way out of prison or simply fade into the background.   Clearly they weren't losing before Halloween.   I figure he was on his way to a total victory at the time he was derailed.~Jim

mathiasgranger posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 9:01am

I'm still in disbelief by how superior you've made Riddle. Any mistakes he has made have simply been overcome by his seeming endless power.

If he had enough power to do the things he is doing this chapter he would have been king of the world ten years before this story even started. You need to mix in a dash of fallibility for him, or it ruins the effect.

Thanks for writing,
Matt

JBern replied:

I answered this above so I won't rehash it, but one of the things I missed in most epic stories is the absolute power of the bad guy.   We never get to see Sauron cut loose.   The scene with Luke, Vader versus Emperor Palapatine seemed so vanilla.

Hope that makes sense.~Jim

mathiasgranger posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 8:03am

I'm sorry, but your Voldemort is too good, to be the same person we saw in books 1-5.

Voldemort had too much ego to be this proactive, he expected things to be handed to him...in a way he was like Draco, although Voldemort had to earn his respect before he felt entitled to it.

Thanks for writing,
Matt

JBern replied:

That's the rub.   How could a poor half blooded orphan rise to the top without expending effort.   He had to "get dirty" as it were somewhere along the way.   He had to kiss a little ass and serve as a quisling to other wannabees at some point.

In this story, I offered my own explanations.   The brother wand effect sapped the magic of both the users.   Voldemort was very weak after his rebirth in GoF.   The phoenix cage damaged his newly reconstructed magical core which left him underpowered through book 5 and explained how easily Dumbledore drove him away at the DoM.  

He wasn't "fixed" until he "ate" Percy's magical core to fix himself.   After that, the kid gloves were off, but other powerful witches and wizards were able to give him a run for his money like Kingsley and Mad Eye working together.

Still, in this story he was supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the world with only a handful of others in his league.

Jim

morriganscrow posted a comment on Tuesday 13th November 2007 8:00am

You bet your (I like to think) shapely arse I'll be buying your original fiction!
That was a brilliant ending!
I don't think you could have found a better way to complete what was a hard edged, engrossing and realistic book.
Thank-you for such a satisfying read, for all your blood, sweat and tears.
You are The Shizz!!

JBern replied:

I don't really have an opinion on the shape of my hiney, so I won't burst your illusions by asking if "Flabby" is a shape.

Thanks for the compliements.   I'll know in a few days if one of my short stories will or will not be accepted to an anthology.   Wish me luck.~Jim