By JBern
Reviews
Stygius posted a comment on Saturday 29th December 2007 1:43am
this was simiply brilliant... congrats and can't wait for more...
love the teen flirtation and also the unadulterated sex talk with cissa... delectable...
congrats again
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim
rune1806 posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 8:50pm
what! i look on the ground but see no bodies, how can this be this is a jbern story right? being nice to ron? only hurting molly a little? are you ok, oh it is christmas i see how nice of you. the daemon talking to harry in the pensieve was a great idea, as was harry pertending to be chilotha. keep it going with luna the way you write her it is a good ship. i bet on kwan dieing last chapter and my daughter went with ginny, this time i went with over 5 student deaths and she stuck with ginny again (i do not think she likes ginny). i did not get a email that the story was up i do not know if others had this problem or not.
JBern replied:
Kwan was a possibility in the last chapter. I went with McG for the impact that she'd have on the student body as a whole. Tell your daughter that I'm sorry I couldn't whack Ginny. Hopefully, she appreciated the way she was disposed of in To Fight the Coming Darkness. Next chapter by mid January, oops forgot to mention I'll look into the lack of dead bodies. Perhaps I need to correct that.~Jim
angelbrat posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 4:28pm
Is it odd that I somewhat glazed over the spicy Harry/Luna and drank up the hints of Harry/Fleur? Either I'm getting desperate for more of that pairing and am getting delusional, or you, Mr.Jbern, may be purposely being a tease.
JBern replied:
Yes, I'm a bit of a tease with Fleur. There's always my other story for that.~Jim
Manatheron posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 11:50am
Lies within deceptions really...
Going with the cannon pairing for Tonks eh? Can't say I blame you, it gives the whole story more of an 'Alternate Reality' Feeling rather than 'Re-write it NOW' feeling.
I must say the bit about being Chilotha was priceless, and the description of Narcissa's response was Both disturbing and refreshingly humorous. A bit of a dark chapter, but with just enough quirky humor to keep it from being depressing.
Yet another notch for your belt sir, Well done indeed!
JBern replied:
I'm doing my best to stick to the Indiana Jones feel of this story rather than the brutalness that TFtCD descended into.
Yeah, I want this to run parallel to HBP in what the characters other than Harry are up to.
Next chapter by mid January.~Jim
Renzo7 posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 9:00am
Incredibly awesome work! that "dark lord posing as Harry Potter" plot is terrific. I'm glad to see Harry's finally kissed Luna, gives me hope to see him in a serious relationship. Keep up the good work and PLEASE update soon.
JBern replied:
I take a bit of pride in still being able to pull a surprise out on you readers.~Jim
warpwizard posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 7:20am
Good stuff. The flirting was amusing. The final twist promises much future amusement. I liked hearing Ron's version of events, fills things in more. I liked the various confrontations. The Luna/Harry interaction isn't matching up to what I expected from all the emotions exchanged in their letters to each other though. It's kinda fallen flat. Good point about everyone making mistakes. Flawless villains are as silly a creation as flawless heroes. Thanks for the reading and I look forward to the next chapter.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it. As I stated in many replies during Bungle. You readers only had Harry's perspective on what was happening and Ron was noticeably absent during the story I rather liked the Luna and Harry interaction. What didn't you like about it?~Jim
Quizer posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 7:01am
I liked the chapter, especially the fact that it was so extensive. Very fitting for a christmas gift. :)
It's great to see Harry and Luna finally get romantically closer. I liked that they got to have some quality time together and it's really well written, too, but I felt pretty ambivalent about the whole bartering thing. Although entertaining, it didn't work to help build a romantic mood for me. Luna perking up at the prospect of a 'next time' was well-placed however, effectively recovering the mood after Harry having to stop for fear of overwhelming her.
I liked the part with Ron. It's kind of strange how in this story it is easier for Harry to reconnect with him than with Hermione, even though he hasn't matured much either (or at least that's the impression I get). It's not something seen often in HP fanfiction, so the novelty value makes it interesting.
Heh. Hagrid and Hack. Now there's a pair.
I didn't see the last bit with Harry pretending to be Chilotha coming. It's a stroke of genius. I'm looking forward to seeing the ripples of that little bombshell - on both Dumbledore's side and Voldemort's.
The part with Dobby is great, too. The image of Molly Weasley trying to pry him off her while he struggles with the clasp of the locked is priceless.
I'm looking forward to more of your highly entertaining writing.
Quizer
JBern replied:
Thanks. The chapter was basically a double length chapter. I'm sure if Ron had snogged him under false pretenses, Harry would be quite annoyed with him. Ron's just a bloke.
People have started bugging me for Hagrid and Hack one shot. I'll have to consider it.
In fairness, I have to credit IP82 for helping me develop the Dobby scene to it's full potential.
Next chapter by mid January~Jim
sith2886 posted a comment on Friday 28th December 2007 2:05am
why must you torment me with the possibility's of concubine's. why JBern? WHY? I mean I'm sure luna could have uses for them. lol great chapter man keep it up
JBern replied:
Concubines are what every would be Dark Lord deserves. Harry's scared he might have to do something to maintain that image.~Jim
Kyle_Dodge1 posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 10:11pm
Holy Shit. I laughed and got chills throughout this chapter. Your writing is astounding. I think I love you Jim. Back to DLP.
JBern replied:
Thanks for the compliments. Next chapter in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
skulLXeon posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 10:01pm
Awesome chapter as always. But somethings left me a wee bit curious. like who won the Felix Felis at the beginning of Slughorn's class, cause.... i'm wondering.... if it had been Hermione, wouldn't she have taken just a bit just to try and get back in Harry's good graces? The others, i'll just stick back into a shelf somewhere until your next chap, maybe then the mysteries will be unraveled? till then...
Adios for now... and see you when you update this or The Lie I've Lived...
AGX[TAIL]
JBern replied:
You're probably the first person to ask about the potion. Wish I could answer...
I'm working on chapter 9 of Lie this week.~Jim
00_Knight posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 6:57pm
THAT WAS BLOODY BRILLIANT!
Eniterly worth the lost sleep at 3 in the mornin' to finish a masterpiece of seduction, illuision, and ass kickin' I've ever read!
Until next update, I'll be goin stark raving mad!
JBern replied:
Sleep is very important. I highly recommend it.~Jim
Superninjamonkey posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 5:21pm
Love it!
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you liiked it.~Jim
Wolfric posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 5:21pm
Thanks for the chapter. Good on intrigue. Light on gore. I really liked the Daemon bit a lot. Thanks for writing. W.
JBern replied:
Can't have every chapter gore filled can I? Already did that in my other story. :-)
Jim
yerocfponk posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 4:48pm
Wow another great chapter, loved the ending where he fucked with Narcissa's head. Keep up the great writing and I'll keep reading it.
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. More twists and turns around the corner.~Jim
Jim_xinu posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 3:43pm
"A Kwan family reunion, now that must be an unimaginable level of torture." Cute. But that describes many family reunions. :-)
"The two of you go back to her quarters and attempt to rouse "sleeping beauty."" Makes sense in context, but I had to go back and look at the previous chapter to remember what that was about.
Oooh... Daemon-in-memory thing very freaky. Not being able to exit the memory, doubly so. If it weren't for that, I'd be tempted to write it off as the Daemon just playing the odds. But combined with the fact Harry's become a bit daemon himself, very scary. Well done. :-)
The scene with Luna and the breaker book was silly and sweet.
I like the "This is Troubling" scale. :-)
So Tonks is rather less than professional. Imagine that. And Kwan continues, as always, to be exceedingly awesome.
Oooh, very nice bluff with Narcy. And a nice irony with the daemon scene earlier.
Great chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.
JBern replied:
I'm quite scared to imagine your family reunions.
The Daemon thing, well, what can I say? Actually, not much at this point.
Glad you liked the harsh look at Tonks and the teenaged interaction between Harry and Luna.
I'm updating Lie next, but hope to have the next installment of this in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
irenechocalate posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 2:41pm
THe luna/harry flirtation was brilliant! You've outdone youself.
And whoops,I guess I'll need a new keyboard, cause this one's all sticky with mango juice.... but again, if there was a warning of no eating or drinking at the beggining, it would not be as fun!
And I'm confused at this point. So harry pretends to be possessed by a formor darklord in order to scare the present darklord because the former was the darklord's teacher. Is that right?
Wow, the Daemon part was spooky, I was shaking all the way! Can't believe it! I hope Bill copmes out of the next Daemon alive! He has become the favourite side-character in this story.
... No Ron bashing, But I thought you handled it quite well, it's reasonable and a different point of view. After all, Ron is not as responsible for his actions as a teenager than as an adult. I hope Harry realises that about Hermione as well.
This Harry seems to be starting to become full of himself! But I guess that was what Kwan was for, to beat sense into him later right?
All in all, another brilliant chapter. Take your time for the next time and write a amzing chapter! I firmly believe that Chapters updated in a rush because the readers keep on saying update soon are not going to be as nice!
JBern replied:
Sorry about the keyboard. Price you have to pay I guess. You summed it up pretty well, I don't see the confusion.
Glad the chapter provoked a strong response from you.~Jim
Dale Dietzman posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 1:34pm
Sorry to be a "quibbler" but:
The wandwork is a bit trickier, but it last twice as long as the ones they teach around here.
It should either be "....but it will last twice...." or "...but it lasts twice..."
JBern replied:
No problem. I'll add it to the list of things that need fixing.~Jim
uberwald posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 12:18pm
nice -- loved the bit about Hack at the 3 broomsticks
JBern replied:
People are already bugging me about Hack and Hagrid humor one shot.~Jim
dwilken posted a comment on Thursday 27th December 2007 12:10pm
Glad you're back, JBern. My thoughts by scene.
So Ron's innocent. Or Harry's thinking wishfully. Reasonably well-outlined and written either way.
Potions lab. You snuck in the "Half Blood Prince" angle, you sneaky little devil.
The dance lesson with Fleur ... sigh.
The daemon angle in Harry's memory. Didn't see this one coming, but it fits. Looks like yet another unexpected effect of daemon flesh and blood ingestion, eh?
Percy Weasley as a transfiguration instructor. Two years out of school? You might be pushing your plot a little bit with this one.
Rather innovative negotiations with Luna Lovegood. And what the hell, it's your pairing.
I like how Bill Weasley utilizes any methodology at his disposal to solve problems. I like that kid. He's damn cool. And what can be said for Dobby - delightfully deranged. And without Hermione's input, Harry has no reason to think of Kreacher as anything but a little scuzzball at this point.
Great scene in Dumbledore's office discussing horcruces. Now Harry is starting to underestimate the man. That ought to yield some interesting pain soon.
Good confrontation with Hermione in Harry's room. Planning to apply coitus interruptus to Harry/Luna for the next several chapters? Don't care either way, but think of your younger readers. You could have a great running gag over Hagrid/Hack escapades in the background.
Tonks - the reaming. Nasty, but she's seeing the world through Lupin's eyes and we're seeing this through Harry's eyes. Kwan's comments on 'stupid' tend to be on track and to the point. Who's you're real-world inspiration for the Kwan character?
Well played with the Embassy introductions. Harry's improvised escort for the evening gets the straight dope on a life she really doesn't want and the Ambassador gets useful information to send back to the home government.
Umbridge scene. Blech. This served a purpose of foreshadowing. That's it.
Narcissa as the messenger babe. Not bad. Good, sparkling, hostile reparte. Plus she's sexy. However, I'd have to agree with Kwan on the idea that Harry pretending to be possessed by Chilotha will backfire spectacularly. Hell, if Dumbledore alone hears about this the jaguar fur will fly. Voldemort is not going to be stupid enough to stage a direct assault on Harry if he thinks it's Chilotha.
Harry's character doesn't seem to grasp the fact that Voldemort stayed in the background for two years because drawing attention to himself prematurely would be strategically and tactically stupid.
You get into the mind of your young character well. He's a dangerous little shit and it almost looks like he's starting to get to the point where he's thinking he knows more than he does. Hopefully Kwan will trim him back as needed. Even though I don't particularly like the kid, you're doing a good job developing his character.
By the way, I didn't think you had it in you - nobody died! It was all dialogue and I enjoyed it. I would not have said that of you a year ago, so consider yourself complimented.
Doug
JBern replied:
Good lord that's a long review. I'll do my best to answer. I thought Ron's comment about the HBP teaching the class was grin worthy.
Percy did receive top honors on his Newts. Plus he's a ministry fanatic ... for now.
Glad you like Bill. Many fics, simply imply his coolness. I want you to experience it.
The Kwan character came a bit out of that mentor figure in the Remo Williams books/movie. I'm sort of glad that I have no "real world" Kwan in my life. (I could only imagine what a real life one would say about writing fanfiction.)
Harry can only go with what he knows about Riddle now. Thus far, Riddle in Harry's opinion doesn't react to the unknowns very well. He panics during the phoenix cage. He panics at the Department of Mysteries. He might not attack Hogwarts directly, but he could very well send people to Brazil. Death Eaters don't stand out in England. They have the same accents as everyone else. Wizards and Witches with English accents in Brazil asking questions will stand out like a sore thumb.
Technically, some people probably died at the Rookwood estate, if that makes you feel better.~Jim
Casey299 posted a comment on Saturday 29th December 2007 9:38am
JBern replied: