By JBern
Reviews
Rake posted a comment on Wednesday 6th December 2006 5:46pm
Gaah man, you are EVIL!Besides that this was a great chapter with a great many deal of plot twists and a cullmination for the Karina\Harry relationship that I never would have expected. I'm glad that you are finally making some headway on the animagus and plot front but I have to ask wether you are going to end the story on the same chapter you started it in? The end of this chapter was positively evil and I think I prefer the jokes simply because they don't make me want to pick up my keyboard and smash my desktop with it :P
JBern replied:
Some said that I should have used more foreshadowing of the events that ended the chapter. I actually wanted the reader to be just as blindsided as Harry was. He thought he had his act together. He had two cops with him. He had a tracking charm right to Chico. This wasn't going to be another Department of Mysteries messup. Looking back on it now, it looks like everything ran 'too smoothly'.
The story will end with Harry preparing to return to England. That is where the sequel will pick up. This has between 6-10 chapters left depending on how much extra stuff I end up putting in.
Hope that answers the questions and no I don't know what song I will use for the next story if you were thinking about it.
Louis IX posted a comment on Wednesday 6th December 2006 12:17pm
Congratz on another inspired chapter, dear talented author. *bows*
JBern replied:
Thank you very much. The next one will be 2-3 weeks in the making as I update my other story and with the holidays fast approaching.~Jim
duke_bonez posted a comment on Wednesday 6th December 2006 11:47am
Ooops, I keep thinking that our intrepid heroes would know what they would be facing in the City of the Damned, but the only one who's seen it since the Dark Lord decided to redecorate is a gibbering madman (i'm still kind of surprised that no one seems to have bothered to interogate him) and they wouldn't necessarilly know that its an inferi horde. Though they could probably make a pretty accurate guess, hmmm.
JBern replied:
Well they do have a good idea about the undead being there. The city is sometimes calle the City of the Damned, the City of the Dead and the Lost City. The one survivor of the earlier mission was actually 'interviewed' but Harry doesn't know that. It was by Thundercloud.
Thanks for the reveiw.~Jim
Nial posted a comment on Wednesday 6th December 2006 11:08am
Another brilliant chapter. So, Harry gets to renew his acquaintance with Avada Kedavra - this time from the other end... But we know he'll survive at least.
And his thing with Luna - he's alreasdy done the worst thing he could, namely leave her to fret for several days while he thinks. As if he's ever been able to think coherently about that sort of thing.
As for your type size/face problems - well, I like to read in Verdana since I really don't like TNR. No problem - if you're using MIE, just click Tools>Internet options>Accessibility and then tell it to ignore font styles or font sizes as you wish (useful for people like me whose eyes aren't that good, when people fix their text at some tiny size). I'm sure other browsers have the same facility - so please don't let this bother you, Jim, it's not a problem...
JBern replied:
Thank you for the tip. I'm still trying to settle on a font style. Maybe I'll give Verdana a try.
You are quite correct about how Harry has now aggravated the Luna situation. He is so concerned about his response that he is just letting her hang with no response. He'll pay the price for that next chapter.
Thanks for the reveiw.~Jim
PhoenixAnkaa posted a comment on Wednesday 6th December 2006 8:52am
Very nice so far. I wasn't sure about the story line at first, but I am very glad that I kept reading. Hopefully you won't keep us dangling on the edge to very long.
Good work!
PA
JBern replied:
I am glad you pressed on and kept reading. I get more and more reviews like this and it makes me feel special that you weren't really sure about the first couple chapters but now really enjoy the story. I am updating my other story this week, but will return to this one soon.~Jim
silverstorm posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 9:50pm
great story. very torturous cliffhanger.
JBern replied:
I figured this story needed a good cliffhanger. I usually use a good punchline, but this one cried out for a cliffhanger. Glad you are enjoying the story.~Jim
Paul Dueck posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 2:48pm
In all seriousness, awesome chapter.
- The setup for the ending debacle seemed a tad fast to me. A little more foreshadowing would be nice. For example Harry is worried about Katrina or has a weird feeling about Amanda. Nothing obvious but just enough that the reader feels stupid that they did not figure it out.
Great action as usual. The Goblin ghost could have used a little more development, it felt a little like the particle of the month from star trek. It could be used for a lot of meaty exposition, or Harry getting possessed or the camp getting haunted...
Which happens to be part of an awesome story...
Great job.
Paul Dueck
JBern replied:
With the chapter already over 10,500 words, I didn't want to explode into extra details. We'll see the goblin ghost again. I probably could have done more foreshadowing, but I wanted the reader to focus on Harry's confidence that he 'knew what he was doing' this time. He had two trained magical cops with him. What could go wrong? I wanted the reader to feel as blindsided as Harry was. There were subtle hints with Paulo.
Anyway thanks for the review. If this were an actual to be published work, I am sure my editor and I would be going over these same things about how much foreshadowing to use.~Jim
Dude posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 2:43pm
Me? Help? You're going to inflate my head like a balloon!
-mbond98, the rockin' one.
JBern replied:
Well you were nice enough to chime in on the tease. I think that warrants a polite thank you. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. Rock on!~Jim
Daimyo posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 1:30pm
I dont often take time out to write reviews, probably not as much as I should I'm sure. I gues I'm generaly worried I'll either trash it and come off as a jerk or liek it and have nothing better than some kind of an ebay review, "Great Story!!! Would read again A++!" And this one is deserving of more than that.
This is a really great and original bit of Fan-Fiction. Not to say your other story isn't good but i find this to be a much better read. It touches a bit on some of the year 6 cliches (manipulative Dumbeldore...) but makes them new and fun. The Ginny/Hermione Weasley family thing was odd to read but having preceeded it with "5 Minutes to live" there was no way I was going to stop.
You're take on Luna/Looney is very good IMO. I'm fairly certain that there is more to it than a prank, more like a "I saw my Mom blow-up, my dad is a bit off, Looney is my place to hide." but I'll wait that out to see more.
Bill is great, you've turned a cool older brother into a very interesting and real person. The interaction between the two is perfect.
All your original characteers are just that, it's quite refreshing. Even the ones that are plot devices give some flesh to the story and do more than just move Harry along.
Speaking of moving Harry along... His whole education and progression with his "power" is really being done well. I like th efact tha the is learnign and coming into his own but taking some rather big lumps along the way. Reading a Super powered Harry story where at 16 he can suddenly out duel everyone alive with ease, while manipulating and running the entire wizarding goverment all on his own can be fun (sometimes). However, for me it also leads to a lot of eye-rolling moments. Harry can become powerful and really good in a fight while still gettign his ass handed to him. We dont need SuperWizard to take out Voldemort or other "bad guys" it doesnt really matter much that way.
Anyway great job on this, I'm looking forward to seeing more.
JBern replied:
Thank you for taking time out to review. I appreciate a long and thought out review. You are correct in your thoughts on Luna. Both she and Harry have real problems. Harry's are a bit more tangible, as they are usually trying to kill him.
I agree that it is much better for the reader to follow along and watch Harry grow into his power. Super powered Harry gets old. I like my characters to struggle and fight through real life problems.
Thanks again. I hope to give you more reasons to step out of the shadows and review.
Jim
duke_bonez posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 6:34am
on the topic of goblins w/modified 9mm pistols....
i've thought too much about it - yeah i can't see a technological way of making it effective against inferi but if you take the time and effort a simple ward could do it (provided you could make it small enough - though if it fits on glasses i don't see why a bullet wouldn't be big enough). say just a single use ward that holds energy and isn't very stable - call it a capacitor rune. charge it up and watch it go boom in an explosion of purple light when the rune lines are deformed upon impact. just have to pick a particularly unstable rune. not very cost effective given how many of bullets you can go through but maybe you can draw a charging rune on the ammo box or something and then all you have to worry about is carving the tiny capacitor runes on bullets - what fun.
- hurry up and finish off the cliff hangers so i can stop thinking baout this random stuff. =].
~nick
JBern replied:
Well sadly Goblins are much good in a fight against Inferi. If they didn't need the small animal form to get to the bank, they probably could use goblins who worg into bears. The kick from more powerful weapons would knock them over without cushioning charms. One more chapter to go before we get back to chapter 1. Next chapter in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
MrRobertsIII posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 3:23am
Nice cliffhanger. Loved all the betrayal.
JBern replied:
Thanks. I pictured one of those mob families for this one. Harry is once again in over his head. Next installment in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
Meteoricshipyards posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 3:13am
Excellent chapter!
Loved how events came together at the end and that last "Avada Kedavra" Perfect ending.
I was afraid that Karina and Chico would be dead when he got back.
The Luna thing is good too. There's obviously more going on than Harry knows, but we the readers don't know, either. With the resolution of Karina, maybe he'll made some headway with Luna.
Good story. Lots of interesting little bits that give it a nice feel -- the animagus, Hack, the pranks, the goblin ghost -- well done.
Thanks for creating this.
Tom A.
JBern replied:
Thanks as always! For the moment Karina and Chico are still alive. After this battle resolves itself, the current Harry and Luna mess will take center stage.
I don't know about you, but I have always thought their was something magical about KFC Original Recipe.
MarinePotterfan posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 2:47am
Evil Cliffy, Great chapter I cant wait to see how this helps Harry in the end saving the Don's life by changing Paulo's script.
MPF
JBern replied:
Maybe Harry will end up with a powerful man owing him a life debt. Maybe he will end up with a room full of dead bodies and some splainin to do! Glad you liked it.~Jim
ShadeHawk posted a comment on Tuesday 5th December 2006 1:03am
First of all, do you prefer to have reviews and discussion about on Fanficauthors.net (here), or on Darklordpotter? Or perhaps via email?
[Comments to last chapter in reverse order.]
What's with Harry and using untried Unforgivable spells in life or death combat: first failed Cruciatus against Bellatrix in "The Order of the Phoenix", now Avada Kedavra against Paul - we don't know yet if succesfull or not (and why not Reductor?).
It would be better from tactical point of view not to kill the person which cast Imperio on Harry - this would add to the confusion.
Is Harry's Dodgespell glove charged? Otherwise it would rather make no sense to mention it. Hmmm... how it would fare against unblockable curses I wonder (Imperio, Cruciatus, Avada Kedavra). Why did he took the money for (5 hundred galleons)? I hope Harry would find a way to use his "Flaming Spears of Death" rune.
I wonder how the wards Harry (James) and Bill have cast fared. How many people were killed/injured, and how many course breakers hours they needed to bring them down.
It's nice that you don't cast Bill lily-white contrary to manipulative Dumbledore. It is hard (but also what makes a great story) to create full fledged characters; and make their mistakes natural and not "how stupid they had to be". I wonder what is Remus stance in all this situation...
I wonder how situation with Luna/Looney resolves. Perhaps Harry should write that he don't know why he racted the way he reacted? I also wonder if Fleur advice (if he will be able to get it) would be helpful or not.
I don't like Kwan method for teaching silent casting. It looks like Snape method of teaching Occlumency ("Clear your mind!", and Legilimens attack), or "sink or swim" method of teaching swimming. We know how the Snape method was successfull; the "sink or swim" method produces usually very ineffective paddle style, and can result in a fear of water prohibiting learning effective styles of swimming, all of which need full immersion of head in a water (:me: have learned swimming only in swimming lesons). I understand Kwan method of teaching Apparition, as Harry had a block prohibiting him to Apparate. Well, perhaps Kwan had provided instructions...
It is very nice how Kwan and Thundercloud compliments each other in teaching Harry. I do wonder what about other people in expedition (besides Bill of course)...
Kwan was lucky that his method of teaching didn't result in Harry using wandless 'anger' magic (like the one in 2nd chapter IIRC). Perhaps Thundercloud could teach him how to use wandless magic if he is to witness burst of wandless, uncontrolled magic from Harry.
(By the way, wandless magic would be very useful in the situation Harry was at the end of the chapter. Having second wand stashed somewhere (or having other focus: ring for example), and/or some small holdout pistol like Firestar would also help.)
Thought about runes, tatoos, chanting, spellchain kata, development of magic vs develpment of science to follow...
Keep up good work!
--
ShadeHawk
JBern replied:
I prefer anywhere you want. I answer every review I get. Even the flames. I'll probably make use of this post in the discussion threads for the forum on this site and DLP.
Anyway, he casts the spell because he is certain it will work. Just like in POA when he knows he can cast a corporeal patronus. He could have gone with various other spells for damage, but the aurors have protective vests on. Ideally he should have gone after someone other than Paulo, who would be wasting time trying to control him. Kwan and Collins will be quick to point this out when the find out about this. He chose Paulo, because he is the most deserving of death (in Harry's opinion) and from competing with both Amanda and Paulo in Dodgespell, he knows Paulo is the superior opponent. Take him out at first opportunity.
His dodgespell glove is not charged. He may use it later, he may not. Like the ward in his pocket. It is there to give me options as I right the battle that I may or may not use. It also piques the reader's curiousity wondering what Harry's options in this fight are.
Paulo was keyed to the wards. He came in imperioed Karina and had her discharge the wards, before kidnapping her and Chico. He then added the appearance of a battle destroying the inside and damaging the walls.
You'll have to wait for the sequel for your answer about Remus. Thanks for the compliments on Bill. By focusing on such a small group of characters, I am free to immerse the reader in them giving a rich experience.
Harry and Luna's relationship will be a big part of the next chapter after the fallout from this fight naturally. It's teetering on the brink of disaster at the moment, and Harry is a bit busy right now.
Kwan's methods produce results, but like Thundercloud said not always the best results. Your examples expound upon that.
Thanks for the reviews.~Jim
Lourens posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 7:54pm
Only two words: "Breathtakingly brilliant!"
JBern replied:
Thank you. I worked pretty hard making that last chapter something that would really stand out. Next chapter in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
Manatheron posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 6:25pm
WOW!
Excellent chapter! I figured you'd have to be getting close when you were talking about playing Paper Rock scissors with hack, I do wonder wether or not the Don is going to have to duel harry though... you'd think that as the head of the family he'd have trained to resist the Imperio...
JBern replied:
Glad you liked it. As for training to resist Imperio, part of what makes Harry so special is that he can resist it when others can't. As for how the duel goes, you'll have to wait and see.~Jim
Terry Swain posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 6:22pm
Great chapter. :)
JBern replied:
Thanks! The next chapter is in 2-3 weeks depending on how caught up I get into Xmas.~Jim
Euphemism posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 5:12pm
And Harry ups the ante with an unforgiveable... Not quite sure if it's appropriate or not - but given how much trouble he'd be in for attacking Paulo anyways, an unforgivable won't make much of a difference.
Still, would something like a reductor have worked, given the element of surprise? I'd assume that the reductor would be easier to cast, less draining, smaller chance of failure (given that Harry's never actualled AK'd anything before) and legal.
Omake! Harry fires the AK. Paulo gets a nosebleed. Paulo fires an AK. Harry croaks. Oops, he was right, someone is going to die.
A pity he never got to spike Kwan's stew with Mexihag's unmentionables.
JBern replied:
Much has been made of Harry choosing that spell and his choice of targets. In POA, he pointed his wand across the lake and knew he could cast the spell. He has a similar feeling of certainty right now. How will it play out, well we'll have to wait and see... ~Jim
M2J MandalorianJedi posted a comment on Monday 4th December 2006 5:04pm
Holy $H*T!!!!! Paulo just got AK'd! Wicked! I love to see how this fic is coming along. This definitely moved up a few spots on my top 20 list. I Sooooooo can't wait for the conclusion and the sequel to this fic. Definitely two things to look forward to!!!
JBern replied:
Well Harry cast the spell. What happens next, well we'll see... Glad you are enjoying it. Next chapter in 2-3 weeks.~Jim
Rake posted a comment on Wednesday 6th December 2006 5:48pm
JBern replied: