By JBern
Reviews
Mesterio posted a comment on Wednesday 18th July 2007 10:54pm
Genius. Loved the whole thing. Are you writing a continuation? Would love to read it.
Here's to Freedom, Cheers!
JBern replied:
Yes. Check back in early september for the sequel Turn Me Loose.
Hunter1 posted a comment on Saturday 7th July 2007 6:36am
Brilliant story, very original and well written. I can't wait for Turn Me Loose, hope it up soon.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Look for it at the end of August beginning of September.~Jim
Alorkin posted a comment on Friday 6th July 2007 5:23am
This is amazing! Literally this is one of the most interesting stories of it's type I have yet read. Although it starts out in a manner similiar to most 'Harry-is-betrayed-onec-again-by-everybody-so-
Dumbledore-can-have-his-weapon' fics, your beginning was interesting enough to make me want to read the entire thing. So here I am, a day and a half later, finally done. Amazing!
There are so many points of interest I cannot fully comment on them all without writing a book myself.
Harry's escape was nicely thought out. He actually used his brain for something other than keeping his ears apart.
That he runs across Bill is just a fortunate accident. (Of course it isn't, since you meant for it to happen, but you see what I mean.)
A sticking point her e for me is the betrayal of Hermione Granger. Since I am admittedly biased, being a firm H/Hr shipper, I have a hard time with Harry's staunchest supporter doing something like that. Her reasoning, on the other hand, is sound and logical.
Harry's nicknames for his former friends is petulant and childish. Understandable, yes, but there, nevertheless.
Bill taking Harry on the job is an unusual twist. He carefully explains that Harry is not going on holiday. Harry has to work hard and learn. A nice idea of summer camp. *Go into the jungle, be a cook and chief bottle-washer, fight dark creatures and rob a few tombs! What more could any red blooded boy want?*
Bill teaches Harry the same lesson my dad had me learn. If you drink, don't be stupid. Of course, My old man used a belt, so I suppose it's a little different.
Harry's interaction with Karina and Chico are unusual, and though they are minor characters, I believe they were two of the most important in Harry's development.
I grew up in New Mexico, so the legends Lone Thundercloud told Harry are familiar to me. There are many who claim the age of the Jaguar is at hand even now. One wonders.
I was involved in a cleansing ritual and spirit walk as a teenager. I can tell you this: Peyote is nasty! No, I am not an animagus, but my spirit-guide is a grey wolf.
The written interaction between Harry and Luna is touching,and begins to build on her reasons for her personality. The dichotomy between 'Loony' and 'Luna' is interesting, to say the very least. I believe Her antipathy toward Harry, especially in the later letters while exacerbated by her father's incarceration in St.Mungos, and the Ministry attack on the Quibbler, is more a reaction than anything else. (H/L is my second favorite ship) Her anger is easily understood. Additionally, I agree, she is trying to reenforce her isolation to ensure she suffers no more loss.
Your battle scenes were brilliant! Having been in combat many times, I know the old adage is true. "The best battle plans go to shit when the first round is fired."
Bill got a lesson in command. It was his decision to ignore the advice of the nearest thing they had to a bona fide expert on Voldemort, and follow his own lead. That's what got Maria killed. He had been in enough dicey situations to question and re-question, and to not take anything at first glance.
It's too bad Harry had to kill his friend. Collins was a good man to have at your back. I like the parallels you drew with Dumbledore in the atrium of the Ministry.
Your inclusion of De Soto was a nice touch,. Most American students know about DaGama, Cortez and Balboa, but few have ever heard of De Soto
The goblin's betrayal caught me out, as I suppose was your intent. surprisingly the only one who realized it was the poor bastard who'd been possessed. Oh well. My question here is: was it only the Goblins in South America, or all of them? I'm thinking, the South American ones, but I can easily understand why they would want to revolt against the wizards, given how they treat...pretty much everybody. Still, it bears thinking about. How easily could the Goblins bankrupt the wizarding world if they really got pissed? (Note to wizarding world: Never have your enemies guard your gold!)
Harry's method of destroying the Daemon is unique, to say the very least. I wonder though. How does one kill that which is immortal? Daemons are supposed to be from another plane of reality. In other words, unkillable. On the other hand a sixty foot long Jaguar chewing on your neck, will likely make your day turn cloudy in a heartbeat.
***
I think the thing that makes the difference is that you've done your homework. Many authors throw in elements without considering the complications, such as actually carrying the Desert Eagle. I would never want to pack a handgun that heavy. A solid .357 revolver is as effective at the same range and is lighter, less expensive and simpler to care for.
The BHP is a good choice, as it's used all over the world in one form or another, although I don't think Browning had expanding it to twelve times it's size in mind when they designed it. Aint's magic wunnerful?
I would have thought you'd opt for the Remington 870, -v- the Mossburg. While a serviceable weapon, the Mossy has only one action arm where the Remington has two and that action arm, being off center is prone to breakage in heavy use, where the Remington is not. Just a heads up.
The AK-47 series are also some of the best combat weapons made. I'm not fond of them personally, (having had them fired at me far too often) but they are inexpensive, durable and easily obtained.
The M-21 is a good choice. While normally they come chambered in 7.62X54mm, for extreme accuracy, (8" drop/1000yds) they can be found in 7.62X39, (AK-47 ser) as well, so you don't have to carry separate rounds for the each rifle.
All in all, a most excellent fic, dude! I eagerly await the sequel. Alorkin
JBern replied:
Thank you for a superior review. I am nowhere near a gun enthusiast, but I do know enough to ask some questions of people who do know. The Remington Probably would have been a better choice than the Mossberg, but I went with it anyway.
One I get further into Turn Me Loose, you should finally get your answer as to what was going through Hermione's head.
I really wanted to take Curse Breaking and Animagery into a whole different realm and make it harder for all those stories where Harry drinks a potion reads a few books and becomes a Phoenix.
I wouldn't have given most credit for knowing DaGama. I liked the idea that a Conquistador was a wizard. De Soto especially with his documented friendship with the Incan Emperor presented an intriguing challenge. His dying on the disastorous trip to the Mississippi led to the idea that he was actually leading a 'fools errand' to try and discourage further exploitation of the New World.
Harry didn't kill the Daemon, so much as he separated it from it's body and sent it back to it's realm.
The Goblins well, that is a story for the sequel. Thank you again for a quality review.~Jim
impliedauthor posted a comment on Tuesday 3rd July 2007 9:36am
Can't wait for the sequel, the story was awesome.
JBern replied:
Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.~Jim
noylj posted a comment on Sunday 1st July 2007 4:55pm
You realize that there really wasn't any Harry/Luna in this story. The sequel, I trust, will finally get them together.
However, you certainly got him "trained up" for her.
JBern replied:
There would have been if the story hadn't been so long. I decided to break it up into 2 stories, but the anticipation is rather enjoyable.
Look for the sequel to start in Late August or Early September.~Jim
stephendedalus posted a comment on Sunday 24th June 2007 4:42pm
You flippin rock yo.
Great story I kept coming back and thinking about it and all that. The only thing is I wish Hack kind of stayed heh. He's lovable in a certain way but Hagrid is already too much to deal with.
If you don't mind I was thinking of doing a correspondence thing between Luna and Harry in another story, but no real copying of your ideas, like the book or Luna/Looney. I might make her a little more sane when you get to know her, but not like a prank thing.
Anyways, excellent read and I'm looking forward to the next installment!
dedalus
JBern replied:
Thank you. By all means do a correspondence between Harry and Luna in your story. I certainly don't have a monopoly on that. Last I checked I don't own anything related to this story.
Look for the sequel around the end of August.~Jim
zwammy posted a comment on Saturday 23rd June 2007 10:30am
This is one of those rare fanfics - original plot, well plotted, well written, multi-dimensional, and completed. Not that there aren't nitpicks - but this is one excellent work, which I have read more than once. I like this one best of your works so far, and will be pleased to see the sequel when you start posting it. Thanks for a great story!
JBern replied:
Thank you very much for the compliments. Look for the sequel to start around the end of August. Until then, happy reading.~Jim
Infin1x posted a comment on Tuesday 29th May 2007 3:39am
Great story. Really like how much you did with cursebreaking, inventive and comprehensive. The only fault I can find with any of your work is that the language especially the cursing isn't very british. Which really is nothing more than a minor nitpick.
JBern replied:
Thank you. I do my best to cover for the fact that I am an American, but it happens. Glad you enjoyed the story. The sequel will probably show up towards the end of this summer.~Jim
atlantis-rob posted a comment on Tuesday 29th May 2007 3:30am
Damn fine ending to this chapter, I love the references to the song-title stuff and now I really can't wait to see Harry Turned Loose...:) Excellent job on the after affects of the battle on the troll,the politics and such. The setup on the meet with moody was good as was the merc run in. Cheers on the hookup between harry and Lauren and on luna's apology. The bra enchantment stuff was great! Cheers!
JBern replied:
Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the level of detail that I put into this fic. Hopefully, the sequel will continue to impress you.~Jim
Kadmos posted a comment on Tuesday 29th May 2007 2:35am
Excellent story! I actually finished this story the day after you finished this chapter, but after re-reading the story again, I knew I couldn't let this one go by without a review. I love the story line, the battle scene was undoubtedly(dunno if I spelt that right...)the best one I've ever read, and I love how completely original all of your ideas are. The POV is excellently written, and all-in-all, it is one of the best story I've ever read! You're quickly becoming one of my favorite authors to read, and I can't wait to read the sequel. All your stories are great, hope you keep writing and updating!
~K~
JBern replied:
Glad to see that the story stands up to the test of being read more than once. The sequel is coming in August as I must finish my other large story first.~Jim
Stonebrow posted a comment on Saturday 26th May 2007 5:19am
This is a copy of my review at fanfiction.net.
The number of fanfics that I have enjoyed half as much as this one can be counted with my fingers. Since finding this story (either ch. 17 or 18) I have been hanging on every word.
I have read many mainstream published works less impressive than this. I truly think you could be an author full time, and if it weren't for pesky copyright issues, I bet people would pay for this story.
That isn't to say it's perfect. As much as I enjoyed reading it (several times), there is room for improvement. The farther along the story goes, the less second, and more first person pov the story gets. It ends up in a strange, one and a half person point of view at some points; which, although I don't mind to much, might be disconcerting to some.
I do however, find Harry's actions at the beginning offputting. The whole first section untill he escapes to the jungle seems... forced. I can understand his being enraged and such, but he seems irrational and along with everyone else, •very• out of character. While I begrudgingly accept and have almost come to expect OOC to some degree or another in most fanfics, I think that you can do better. I say this because, although the actions leading up to Brazil are bizzare, once there, the charecters act very believably, and Harry has nice development.
What I guess I mean is, I can't see Harry and all behaving like that in the situation you have them in, in the beginning. In the rest of the story, they seem to act in a more logical, believable way.
Anyway, I enjoyed it immensely, and await the sequal.
JBern replied:
Glad you enjoyed it so much. One day, I do have aspirations of going pro. Until then, I'll practice with other people's toys and refine my skills.
The POV isn't for everyone. Second person present tense is difficult to pull off, but it adds a unique quirkiness to the story that would probably be missing if I tried 1st person.
You'll have to wait for the sequel for more explanation of everyone's actions. I actually don't find Harry's actions to be beyond belief. He has a suspicious mistrustful nature and from the Obliviations that are hinted at, he obviously blew his top once or twice and that didn't get him anywhere. Remember the pissy Harry at the beginning of OOTP lashing out against Ron and Hermione? I could see that same kind of anger, especially when he knows that he's had his mind messed with.~Jim
gaul2000 posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 1:23pm
loved the story, hopes for a sequel, , keep up the good work, byes
JBern replied:
Sequel in late August. I must finish Darkness first.~Jim
Karenelaine posted a comment on Thursday 24th May 2007 5:26am
I really liked this story. Looking forward to the sequel.
JBern replied:
Thank you for the compliment.~Jim
smartypants posted a comment on Tuesday 22nd May 2007 11:04am
awesome, amazing story! I must confess that I was initially turned off by the first person point of view. I never got past the first chapter the first two times I tried to read the story. But when you completed the story, I decided to give it a third try...and I'm glad I did. I think you've created the best and most interesting Luna that I've ever read. Now I'm anxious to see what's going to happen when Harry and Luna finally meet up face to face :D
Looking forward to the sequel!
JBern replied:
Glad you pushed through and enjoyed the story. The sequel will show up in late August.~Jim
Casey299 posted a comment on Sunday 20th May 2007 2:26pm
Good Story. Cant wait for turn me loose
JBern replied:
Look for it around late August. Until then enjoy all the fine and high quality stories on this site.~Jim
Casey299 posted a comment on Sunday 20th May 2007 12:19pm
Awesome fight scene
JBern replied:
Thank you.~Jim
Ramos posted a comment on Saturday 12th May 2007 11:23am
Woo HOOO! I have enjoyed this story immensely. I swear, I had a dream about this the other night - Harry and company had returned to Grimmauld Place, and done some 'redecorating.' Old Lady Black had had her portait painted over with black and gray painted bricks. Graffiti on the bricks said things like "Marauders Rule" - "Harry was Here" and a string of boxy characters that Kwan assured Harry said something immensely rude in Korean.
Brilliant Story - I wait patiently for the sequel!
JBern replied:
Thanks for the comments. The sequel will start around the end of this summer. Until then, enjoy my other stories as I push their plotlines towards completion.~Jim
mathiasgranger posted a comment on Saturday 12th May 2007 9:02am
Right...well I just think Harry's character progression into this...sex machine was a little abrupt.
As you mentioned in your review reply the story wasn't a Harry/Luna romance in the genre sense of the word...but it was categorized as a Harry/Luna pairing and Harry's suddenly cavalier attitude about sex after his balls up mess with Cho is...hard to swallow...not as a young man...but as Harry Potter...Yes I know you explained much of it away in your earlier chapters but...it never quite settled for me.
I look forward to seeing if any of Harry's betrayers has had a genuine change of heart. Hermione's betrayal seemed a stretch to me...but maybe you have further explanation on that.
I eagerly anticipate the sequel.
Thanks for writing,
Matt
JBern replied:
I don't think he abruptly turned into a sex machine. He was rather active with Karina and Amy before the hidden city. Coming out of it and through the trials he faced, I think he let the animal side get to him, but hey - he's young. Might come back to haunt him, or it might not...
Mating is a primal urge and since the release of his Animagus form he's been more suceptible to baser instincts.
The sequel will show up towards the end of this summer as I try to get more of my stories moving towards a conclusion. I look forward to reading more of your fine work as well.~Jim
Lee Steele posted a comment on Friday 11th May 2007 11:08pm
I loved your story and can hardly wait for the sequal. lee
JBern replied:
The sequel will be around towards the end of summer.~Jim
Matthew Blair posted a comment on Wednesday 25th July 2007 2:09pm
JBern replied: